Aftermath

Aftermath(Isaac Espino) She turns ever so slightly that the sunlight expresses on her face what my mouth cannot pronounce: perfection. My hands are sweaty, my heart’s racing, “Get a grip of yourself” I mumbled, more of a prayer than a reminder. Here she comes, what must be going through her head? Is she as nervous as I am? Is this as important to her as it is to me? All kinds of questions come rushing to my mind and the door closes. -Moment of truth-

Here she is standing in front of me, all the mantras, all the prayers, all the anticipation rushing into my heart; way too fast. Boy if butterflies and fireworks really did exist in moments as this then call me 4th of July – And here she is as beautiful as I had pictured her. Perfect. Perfect. Per…

Bell rings loudly.

It is another cold and rainy Thursday. Not this dream again, it’s been playing in my head all this week.

“I guess I must have left the TV on again.” The weather man is trying his best to predict the weather in our unpredictable town, but he tries. That means only one conclusion: rainy with a slight chance of gloominess.

“I guess it’s another boring day” I sighed.

These days I barely have any energy left to care, to make plans, to do something productive. The only escape I have is the labyrinths that lay within my head, the only place I can see you again…

It wasn’t always like this, there were times, where light did shine. Times where light would shine through my face and nothing, not even darkness herself, could swallow this much light. Little did I know that I was in for a heck of a ride.

In times like this, this cold lonely Thursday morning where all the sermons, all the principles, and all of logic seem to be on a death match with reality.

-Battle of the fittest, front row seat ladies and gentleman-

“False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil” Socrates couldn’t have said it better. Sometimes I frighten my own self with the twisted and sad thoughts that seem to want to possess me, part of me wants to acquiesce but another part of me wants to fight, to carry on, to wait for her and fight for her, to show her the light... to win her back; to overcome her fears for her and make her feel safe in my arms again.

I fear that as time passes on, the hope in my heart dies too. To this day I wonder what can make someone fall in love with another and then another day simply vanish like fog against the heat of day. They say that an idea is the most powerful weapon that man can ever possess. What about un-left questions? What about doubts? I ask myself this: Why am I not enough? “You said I was but you are still not with me; even though you said you wanted to.”

Some things are better left unsaid. I have to admit, it was harder this morning than other days. I guess logic, principals, and God won today’s battle against my insecurities; I hope it lasts until next year, maybe more.

As I wash my face and listen to the morning music, one thought comes over me, I don’t want to give in, but then I see your face.

I close my eyes, here you are, once again. Face close to mine, lips a breath away from mine. Happiness swells over me like high tide on California’s sunny beach. I can’t help it and I take your hand while you lead me off…

“Come on”…