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- Story Listed as: True Life For Adults
- Theme: Survival / Success
- Subject: Biography / Autobiography
- Published: 05/07/2014
Do Not Be Afraid, For I Will Protect You
Born 1993, F, from Mississippi, United States"Do Not Be Afraid, For I Will Protect You"
"Do not be afraid, for I will protect you. I call you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I am with you; when you pass through the streams, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not harm you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your deliverer." (Isaiah 43:1-3)
We didn't always have bad days — Jenny and me...
We had just finished singing her favorite song, Rudolph the Red-Nosed-Reindeer — which we did all day and every day — when the giggling finally started to subside. For quite some time, Jenny lay in bed, slightly curled up, not saying a word.
With her brows furrowed and speech showing great care, she finally spoke again:
"Mama...”
“Yes?”
“Can I ask you something?"
"Of course, baby," I replied to her, as it was our usual way.
"Why… why do people die?"
"That's just a part of life, I'm afraid."
"But, why?"
"Well, at first, everyone starts off as a baby — I did, you did — and each year we all get a little older… Like when you have your birthday! But then one day, after we've lived our lives and we've used up all of our birthdays, each of us will have to die, but dying isn't a bad thing."
"Will I die, too?"
“One day you will… But not for a long time.” I replied, taken aback by the seriousness of her question. “You're going to be a very old woman before you die."
She contemplated my response for a moment. "Will I die and go to Heaven?" she then asked.
"When it’s your time, I promise, you will go to Heaven. You just continue to be as kind as you know how to be, okay? Just try really hard to always be a sweet girl and never, ever worry about the rest. The bad people are the ones who aren't allowed into Heaven and you, most certainly, are not a bad person."
"But I'm scared…"
I got up from my chair, just a few feet away, and knelt down next to her bed.
"I know you are, and it's okay to be scared, because it scares me too sometimes. I think most people are at least a little afraid. But you don't have to be," I reassured her. "When you die, you will go to Heaven and you will be so happy! Do you know why?"
"Why?" she asked, as her eyes, a beautiful green, full of complexity, bore into mine. With those eyes — I still wonder — what all had they witnessed during her life?
I only hoped she wouldn’t sense the depth of my own fear and confusion as I searched desperately, within myself, to find the right words. I began brushing the loose strands of hair away from her face, tucking each one behind her ears.
“Because Heaven is a perfect place,” I said to her. "You see... that's what makes it so special. You will never feel sad there because once you're in Heaven, no one will be able to hurt you ever again.
Did you know that?” I asked.
She shook her head no.
"It's true because once you're there, God will protect you. He's going to make it to where the bad stuff won't be able to find you anymore. And, guess what else..."
"What?" she asked, her eyes lighting up a little.
"In Heaven, every day will feel like your birthday, but even better! And, I bet God never runs out of chocolate cake, either!" I said, tapping her nose with my finger, pushing her back into her fit of giggles. "It does sound pretty cool, huh?"
For Jenny, it was as if her heavy thoughts evaporated just as quickly as they came, while I was left, still trapped, under all of the weight — a weight that returns each time I think of how her voice sounded that day. The hint of sadness it held hit me in a way that I had never before experienced. I wanted to make her see that this life was not all she had to look forward to. I wanted her to know that one day, her wounds would heal and she would gain control over her past. I wanted her to believe that one day, she would be able to feel as if she were enough.
For the first time in years, I forced myself to speak aloud about God. I forced myself because she needed me to. The one thing that could bring her comfort, was the one thing I feared most — a fear I have tried my hardest to hide. It took all I had to fight back my desire to break down in tears, lower myself to her bedroom floor and crawl within my own uncertainties. I often wonder about the connection made between the two of us on that day — who was it truly meant for — Jenny or myself?
Do Not Be Afraid, For I Will Protect You(Amber McMorris)
"Do Not Be Afraid, For I Will Protect You"
"Do not be afraid, for I will protect you. I call you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I am with you; when you pass through the streams, they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not harm you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your deliverer." (Isaiah 43:1-3)
We didn't always have bad days — Jenny and me...
We had just finished singing her favorite song, Rudolph the Red-Nosed-Reindeer — which we did all day and every day — when the giggling finally started to subside. For quite some time, Jenny lay in bed, slightly curled up, not saying a word.
With her brows furrowed and speech showing great care, she finally spoke again:
"Mama...”
“Yes?”
“Can I ask you something?"
"Of course, baby," I replied to her, as it was our usual way.
"Why… why do people die?"
"That's just a part of life, I'm afraid."
"But, why?"
"Well, at first, everyone starts off as a baby — I did, you did — and each year we all get a little older… Like when you have your birthday! But then one day, after we've lived our lives and we've used up all of our birthdays, each of us will have to die, but dying isn't a bad thing."
"Will I die, too?"
“One day you will… But not for a long time.” I replied, taken aback by the seriousness of her question. “You're going to be a very old woman before you die."
She contemplated my response for a moment. "Will I die and go to Heaven?" she then asked.
"When it’s your time, I promise, you will go to Heaven. You just continue to be as kind as you know how to be, okay? Just try really hard to always be a sweet girl and never, ever worry about the rest. The bad people are the ones who aren't allowed into Heaven and you, most certainly, are not a bad person."
"But I'm scared…"
I got up from my chair, just a few feet away, and knelt down next to her bed.
"I know you are, and it's okay to be scared, because it scares me too sometimes. I think most people are at least a little afraid. But you don't have to be," I reassured her. "When you die, you will go to Heaven and you will be so happy! Do you know why?"
"Why?" she asked, as her eyes, a beautiful green, full of complexity, bore into mine. With those eyes — I still wonder — what all had they witnessed during her life?
I only hoped she wouldn’t sense the depth of my own fear and confusion as I searched desperately, within myself, to find the right words. I began brushing the loose strands of hair away from her face, tucking each one behind her ears.
“Because Heaven is a perfect place,” I said to her. "You see... that's what makes it so special. You will never feel sad there because once you're in Heaven, no one will be able to hurt you ever again.
Did you know that?” I asked.
She shook her head no.
"It's true because once you're there, God will protect you. He's going to make it to where the bad stuff won't be able to find you anymore. And, guess what else..."
"What?" she asked, her eyes lighting up a little.
"In Heaven, every day will feel like your birthday, but even better! And, I bet God never runs out of chocolate cake, either!" I said, tapping her nose with my finger, pushing her back into her fit of giggles. "It does sound pretty cool, huh?"
For Jenny, it was as if her heavy thoughts evaporated just as quickly as they came, while I was left, still trapped, under all of the weight — a weight that returns each time I think of how her voice sounded that day. The hint of sadness it held hit me in a way that I had never before experienced. I wanted to make her see that this life was not all she had to look forward to. I wanted her to know that one day, her wounds would heal and she would gain control over her past. I wanted her to believe that one day, she would be able to feel as if she were enough.
For the first time in years, I forced myself to speak aloud about God. I forced myself because she needed me to. The one thing that could bring her comfort, was the one thing I feared most — a fear I have tried my hardest to hide. It took all I had to fight back my desire to break down in tears, lower myself to her bedroom floor and crawl within my own uncertainties. I often wonder about the connection made between the two of us on that day — who was it truly meant for — Jenny or myself?
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