The Meaning of Marriage

The Meaning of Marriage(Joseph Logsdon) The Meaning of Marriage
By Joseph Logsdon

Mary Baxter was a beautiful and loving housewife. She loved her husband with all her heart, but he did not love her. Throughout their marriage, John Baxter never wanted to make love to Mary. He was shy, delicate, and distant. John never wanted to touch her, not even when she begged him. Despite his lack of desire, John was a kind citizen. He supported friends, family, and co-workers. John Baxter was a good man, but he was not a good husband.

Mary wanted to have a child with John. When Mary was a young girl, she dreamed of being a mother. She wanted desperately to be loved by a child, but that day never came. As the years passed, Mary wondered if she would ever find the right man. John Baxter came into her life and everything seemed like it was going to be all right. John was rich, handsome, and smart. John never wanted Mary to discover his secret, for that secret would destroy their marriage.
Mary was cleaning the floor as she saw her husband enter the room. At first, he didn’t seem to notice her. He was pale, wet, and frightened. Eventually, Mary noticed her husband’s obvious pain and turned off the vacuum cleaner.
“What’s wrong, John?” Mary asked.
“I have something to tell you,” he replied.
“Why are you wet?” she asked.
“It has been raining for hours. Mary, it has also been raining in my heart.”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“I’ve been depressed for many years, Mary. Do you know why?”
“I haven’t the slightest idea.”
“Honey, I can’t live like this!” John shouted.
“What are you talking about?”
“I love you, but I don’t want you as my partner,” he declared.
“I don’t understand, John.”
“Are you going to make me say it?”
“Say what?”
“I love men, Mary.”
Mary was shocked to learn that her husband was a homosexual. Mary had always supported gay rights, but she never thought her husband would have been a gay man. In that moment, Mary’s heart skipped a beat. For the first time in her life, Mary Baxter felt betrayed. After a few seconds, anger filled her unforgiving eyes.
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“I didn’t know it before. I have been struggling with my sexuality for years, Mary. Believe me, I wanted to make love to you. You were a beautiful woman, a kind woman. Unlike most women, you understood me. I wish I could be straight, but I can’t deny who I am. It’s not you, it’s me.”
“What are you going to do?” she asked.
“Mary, I want a divorce.”
“Why?”
“There’s no sense in dragging this on any longer.”
“I disagree,” she said in an angry voice.
“What do you mean?”
“I still love you, John.”
“Mary, have you been listening to me?”
“I’ve been listening, but that doesn’t change things. You’re my husband, not a psychotic.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Homosexuality is a disease, John. I’ve always supported gay rights. However, that does not change the fact that homosexuality is a disease. We can get you help, John.”
“I don’t need help. Understand me, please! I was born this way, Mary. I don’t expect you understand, but I do expect you to respect my wishes. Despite my love for you, we must get a divorce!”
“And I say we shouldn’t.”
“It’s not up to you.”
“You would like to believe that, wouldn’t you? Well, I got news for you, John. As long as I live, you will never get a divorce.”
“There’s nothing you can do about this.”
“I’ll fight you in court.”
“I don’t care if you get most of my money in the divorce settlement! I want you to be happy, Mary. In the end, I just want out of this marriage,” he declared.
“You’re a sorry excuse for a husband, you know that?”
“Don’t do this, Mary. You have always been very kind to me, even when I was less than kind to you. I don’t blame you for being angry, I really don’t.”
“Stop apologizing,” she commanded.
“What?”
“You have never acted like a true man, John. You never stand up for yourself, not even when confronted with danger. I thought I married a man, but I got a woman Instead,” she hissed.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, I really am. Mary, you win. I won’t divorce you, but don’t expect me to ever speak to you again.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m done listening, Mary. I don’t want to hear you talk, laugh, or think.”
“That’s not an option, John.”
“I know, Mary.”

After several seconds, John Baxter walked out of the room. As time passed, the house became silent. Guilt, shame, and anxiety haunted Mary. Without further hesitation, Mary Baxter ran after her husband. However, she was too late to make a difference. After several haunting moments, Mary walked into the bedroom and found her dead husband. To Mary’s surprise, he had cut his own throat. The image was horrific, terrifying, and soul crushing. Despite his death, Mary did not cry. In that moment, she felt empty inside. She did not blame herself, but she did blame her husband. In Mary’s mind, his homosexuality had killed him. There were no tears, only regrets. From that day on, Mary Baxter was the emptiest woman in the world.