Realistic love

Realistic love(A) chapter 1.
The greatest regret.

MY LIFE WAS SLOWLY ENDING.
The thought of her. Her smile. Her gaze. Everything.
Each day I'm killing myself with the thoughts of what I did wrong and what I didn't.
Her rejection was my greatest low in my life. The rock bottom.
I've never experienced love until I met her.
Her name is Melissa. My greatest regret.

It was the first school day and she was sitting there on a bench with gray sweatshirt that covered most of her body. She also wore black yoga pants that made her ass look like a creation of god. Everything about her was suddenly perfect. The sun was shining behind her giving her a great aura of warmth. It made her raven black hair light up and shine like silk.
And the greatest about her of all, was how she smiled and looked at my way.
Just by thinking of it makes me smile. And it should. Because at that moment time stood still and all that mattered was me and her. Nothing else. Time stopped and the world melted for me. I could see the future with her and the only thing that I wanted was her.

I then gathered all the balls I had to go over and talk with her. We laughed, smiled at each other and we exchanged numbers half way through the conversation.
What happened then is still kind of blurry because we didn't talk that much to each other.
Why? No one knows.
But the problems didn't start there. I wished they had.
The problems started when we didn't talk to each other.
Because then slowly I found myself falling for her. And not just because of her looks.
I fell for her because of who she was.



Chapter 2
The start of all this book is about.

It was a Thursday afternoon when I suddenly heard my phone ring.
A text message from Melissa.
"Why the hell were you laughing with your homeboys at me" it said.
It was kinda weird seeing this. She hadn't talked to me over a year and this is how she brings out the conversation. What was she planning.
"You do know that it's impolite to just judge a person without saying at least a hi" I replied.
"If I just said hi to someone like you chances are you wouldn't reply back."
Whilst I read that an unthinkable amount of joy passed through my body. I was happy to read it while at the same time thinking "I'm too cool to be happy about this."
I can't remember how it happend but it did happen. We talked with each other through text messages for more than six hours. We had this romantic cafe date setting that we created through the texts. We found out everything that we could find out about each other.
And one thing led to another. the next thing we did was look at each other during the breaks.
We would hold our gaze to each other and then smile for a few seconds and repeat that.
Everything was perfect. She was perfect. And I, well, I was perfect from the start.
But things got out of hand when I insulted her.
A big fight it became.
And we didn't talk to each other.
For again a year.


Chapter 3
High on love.

I SMOKED 2 JOINTS WHICH MADE ME SO HIGH THAT I COULD TOUCH THE SKY.
It was 3 am, I was at the harbor at a friends house. We had the best three man party we could ever have. And everyone ended up sleeping on the floor. And before I could sleep I thought of Melissa. We hadn't talked to each other since the fight.
Being high on weed I proceeded to text her.
She replied in a way that made me wonder if she hated my guts or just loved the shit out of me without coming over like that.
It could have been the weed that was talking but suddenly I was telling her how sorry i was for everything I did to her. And ended up telling her how beautiful she is.
And she was. Everything about her was beautiful. Even her angry words scolding the shit out of me were.
And then I passed out. Waking up in anxiety thinking how angry she now is.
After reading the conversation, remembering nothing about it, I though of myself that I sounded like a lil bitch. But the words that got my attention were "sleep well xxx." That was the sign that she forgave me. She forgave this idiot manchild.

On the way back home. I couldn't shake my dream off.
I was sitting in a pool where all my exes gathered up and lectured me about Melissa.
"You don't deserve her....you'll break her heart just like you did with us.....you love women too much to stay and love one woman...you'll never be able to make her happy." hearing that made me wonder if I did something wrong with all my past girlfriends.
I've never intended to break their hearts. I just wanted to make them feel special and realize the beautiful things about them. And then submit to them. I never wanted to conquer a girl.
I just submitted to the love they showered me with. And after a while I realized that I wasn't that available as I thought I was.
My choice right now was simple.
Either choose the one you love and let her slowly torture you and end up killing you.
Or go for the devil may cry life. Without any worries and commitment.
The good life that men want and admire. Or the good life that one man seeks to admire the one he loves.



Chapter 4
The break up and the moving on.

IVE CONFESSED MY LOVE AND SHE FLAT OUT REJECTS ME.
I've told her that she was the most special girl who ever existed.
That she set the bar high on both looks and personality.
She saw that as a confession of my love and she flat out rejects me.
I've tried text messaging her every now and then but she clearly hates my guts.
What I didn't do and what I did do were then the two biggest questions I had.
All the signs that she loved me. All the things she did for me.
It was like hell on earth. Because now I must move on. I must find that one girl who sets the bar even higher. The girl that makes my heart tremble just as she made mine.
It's hard. Because even though she rejected me and treated me like shit.
I still feel the same for her.
And I want it to last.
With her.