Congratulations !
You have been awarded points.
Thank you for !
- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Love stories / Romance
- Subject: Death / Heartbreak / Loss
- Published: 07/13/2014
He was not her type at all, quite the opposite in fact. He wasn't built like the guys she was used to.He lacked the European features she loved so much. His dressing was different, his style was different, he was just...different. She sat at the table and spoke here and there, more interested in her food as usual. She had never met anyone as exciting, as the excitement she felt when she ate food. Her whole life she was obese and food was her only excitement, and now that she was consciously trying to cut down her "drug of choice", she needed to replace that drug with something, or maybe someone? Looking back, she was not all that sure if it was all co-incidence or just pure fate. But she knew that she would still be obsessed with food, had it not been for him. He quickly became her new drug, her new obsession, her new and only reason for living...
At first, he seemed like an average guy. Nice enough personality, and a certain confidence he exuded. As the night went on she realised how extremely funny he was. Not just funny, but witty too. Her interest started to grow, as did her attraction to him. She found herself just wanting to speak to him the whole night. She quite literally couldn't get enough of him. The attraction seemed to be mutual, but she couldn't be sure. Everytime he would show even a little bit of interest, he would be sure to show someone else the same amount. He was very good at keeping cool. Or maybe it wasn't him acting cool. Maybe it was just that he was not as interested as she was. The night came to an end, and everyone was about to leave. "Give me your number" he said to her, "We should keep in contact". yes! he was definitely interested she thought, otherwise he definitely wouldn't be asking for her number. ''yes I would like that very much''. They parted ways, and she was suddenly filled with an unexplained happiness. It really wasn't that unexplained though, I mean after all, she did just meet a guy that she really liked, which in her case, didn't happen very often. In fact, this attraction she felt for Meelo had never ever happened in the 24 years she was alive.
The week went by and all she could think about was him. Every second from the time she woke up, until the time she went to sleep, he was the only thing on her mind. She was expecting to hear from him, but the week came and went, and nothing. He must definitely be playing hard to get she thought. Why else would he not be contacting her. It’s not as if she asked for his number, and he was under no obligation to ask for hers. So why then, was he not making a move? Was he shy, or just one of those guys who weren’t interested in real relationships. Maybe he was just looking for a fling.
That weekend, one of his friends called Tasneem’s sister up and made plans for the group to hang out again. She was so excited to hear this that she went out and bought a new outfit. If he wasn't interested last week, she was going to make sure as hell that he would be this time. As she walked into the restaurant her heart stopped. He was so beautiful, even more beautiful then she remembered. She laughed to herself knowing that just last week she thought to herself that she would never go for someone like him. And here she was trying her utmost best to get him to fall for her. She wondered if it would work.
"Hey" she said to him and hugged him. 'Hey' he said back. He looked nervous, and she could have sworn that she felt his body shiver when she put her arms around him. But his face didn't give anything away. He was as cool and collected as he was the previous week. She sat down next to him, hoping that this would give them a chance to get to know each other a little better. Before she said anything else to him she suddenly asked, "So do you have a girlfriend?’’ She immediately regretted asking him that question. "Well..no I dont'. "Why not?'’she asked him. More regret. She couldn’t stop herself. 'Well im still really young, im only 25''. Meelo’s brother took it upon himself to let Tasneem know that he had never had a girlfriend. ‘’Meelo actually has never had a girlfriend in his whole life’’. Meelo quickly jumped to his own defence. “By choice man, im young, I don’t want the responsibility that comes with been in a relationship, I like my freedom’’. Ah she thought to herself. He's a player. 25 wasn't that young, really, some people are married with kids by that age. She made a mental note to remind herself to forget about him as soon as she would get home that night. The last thing she needed was to be hurt AGAIN. Even though she had never had a boyfriend herself, many guys rejected her before she even made a move. It was almost as if the fat person could never be liked, no matter how nice her personality was. Guys were shallow, and she came to terms with that a long time ago. The fact that Meelo had never had a girlfriend, with no apparent reason, led her to believe that he was just the same as every other guy. The conversation went on and everyone at the table seemed to love him. He attracted everyone with his wit and charm. She became jealous of all the attention he was getting. Not only did it stop her from getting to know him on a personal level, but the more she built him up in her head, the more she was afraid that she was not going to be able to keep her promise to forget about him. She decided to keep her feelings in check by getting up and leaving. She knew if she stayed any longer, her attraction for him would grow out of control. She already had to keep reminding herself that she was not allowed to touch him, even in a casual way. She might give away her secret if she did. "Good night Meelo, it was nice seing you again'. He looked disappointed. But she didn’t believe that he was. He got up to kiss her cheek, and she found herself blushing. Luckily she turned around before he could see. She walked away feeling defeated. As she fell off to sleep that night, she soothed herself with thoughts of all the other guys who wanted her, and even though her good looks made sure that there were more than 20 at any given time, she still would have preferred it, if one of them had been Meelo.
'peep peep peep', she got the shock of her life. 'damn" she thought. she forgot to put her morning alarm off for the weekend. oh well I might as well go to gym since I am up already. she switched her alarm off and saw that she had received one message. It was probably her dad again, nagging about whatever he could think of to nag about. She opened the message and started jumping up and down and screaming.
‘aaaaahhhh”…it was Meelo! “hey Tasneem, I was wondering if you had any plans for tonight because a few friends of mine are taking me out for my birthday and was wondering if you wanted to join us’. Hell yes she wanted to join them! But she needed to play it cool, whatever that even meant. She had never had to play it cool before, mainly because she was never interested in anyone. She started to type her reply. “Hey Meelo, sure I would love to, ill give you a call later’. And that was it. Short and sweet. She thought that if he was going to make it impossible for her to read him, then she would do the same to him. She wasn’t really a fan of games, but she realised that this was the only way to get this stupid guys attention.
For the rest of the day she was in the best mood. Nothing could get her down. Even the house cleaning was exciting. All she could think about was whether or not he would kiss her that night. And what she would do if he did. She had just as little physical experience as she did emotional. She didn’t even think she remembered what it felt like to be kissed. Suddenly her nervousness turned to anxiety. She really did not want to mess it up.
When she arrived at the club, he was already drunk out of his mind. Well it was his birthday after all, he was allowed to be that drunk. The only problem is that this was not going to be the ideal situation if they had to kiss, but as the night progressed, she saw that it was not going to be a cause for concern. He was different, acting the fool and just been a typical drunk guy. He was not his usual cool, calm and collected self. The upside would be that since he didn’t have control over himself, he might inadvertently show his true feelings for her. Just then, he came up to her and started holding her. She felt a surge of excitement run through her veins. The way he was holding her, it was like he never wanted to let her go. He didn’t even greet her. He just looked at her. “You’re so beautiful you know that’. He slurred. She blushed, but couldn’t help wondering if it was him or the alcohol speaking. “Thankyou, youre quite cute yourself’. She didn’t know what else to say. He made her so nervous. She wondered why she couldn’t be as suave around him, as she was around other guys. He just looked at her and didn’t say a word. It looked as if he was about to kiss her, his head moved closer to hers…and then suddenly, he fell to the ground and passed out. His friends all started laughing at him. They helped him up. ‘Don’t worry Tas, we’ll get him home safely’, and they all left the club together, Meelo falling in and out of consciousness.
When she got home she was rather irritated. If only he hadn’t got that drunk, maybe they would have kissed. She wondered if he would even remember their ‘moment’ the next day, or would it all just be a drunken blur to him. She guessed the only way she would find out is when he contacted her the next morning. IF he contacted her that is. She decided that if he didn’t, she definitely would. She was just going to come straight out and tell him how she felt about him. She wasn’t going to wait anymore. She felt almost as if time was been wasted. She hadn’t had a guy for 24 years, and she would be damned if she let another day go by, without at least TRYING to change that.
The next morning she woke up to a text from him “ im so sorry about the way I acted lastnight, I wish you didn’t see me in that state, how about we be friends?’’. Wow, she got rejected before she even made a move. Well this was obviously his way of telling her that the attempted kiss from the night before was just a mistake, and that he didn’t like her in that way. She couldn’t lie to herself, it hurt, but she managed to shrug it off and remind herself of all the thousands of other guys who wanted her. But that sharp pain in her chest just stayed. She really hoped it would be better by lunch.
Over the course of the next 3 months, her and Meelo became best friends. They saw each other every weekend and did everything together. They were attached at the hip and as a result she grew to really love him. But she wasnt sure whether it was friendship or romantic love. After all, love cant be real if its not reciprocated right? But she knew that it was possible to love someone without them loving you. How else could she explain what she felt for him. If it wasn’t love, it sure felt a lot like it. At least he kept her from eating. Truth be told, she didn’t need food to fill that void anymore. Whatever void it was. Whatever it was that was missing in her life, Meelo made her feel whole. Happy and content. Even though they were just friends, been around him made her forget all the pain she experienced her whole life. From having been abandoned by her mother, to been fat and never been able to give or accept love. He took that pain away, and she wasn’t about to mess it up by admitting her feelings to him. There was always that risk that if she had, he would end the friendship. She wouldn’t be able to live without him, he was her everything.
Maybe she wouldn’t have to tell him though. Everytime they were together, she hoped that maybe this would be the day he finally realised he loved her. But as the days went by, the more she realised that he just loved her as a friend. The way he treated her as her father did, so gentle and caring, yet very dispassionate way. She wondered what she would ever do if he got a girlfriend, but she knew that she wouldn’t have to worry about that for a while because as confident as he was, she found out that he was just as shy. Most of his charm was just a cover. A cover just like hers. But she knew where her issues stemmed from, his however were a mystery. She didn’t know exactly what it was, but she knew that he was hiding something. Not necessarily hiding something, just not showing it. Something that pained him. Something that kept him from having meaningful, romantic relationships, just like her. She wondered what it could be. She tried to get it out of him at every opportunity. But he was so good at changing the topic, or turning the conversation into something funny. Making light of the serious things. He was definitely hurt in the past. But by what. Or who. She wished she could take his pain away, she wouldn’t have minded feeling all his pain if it meant that he would just for once, open up to her. She wanted to be the one to make him happy, to show him what true love could be like, even though she herself had never experienced it. At the very least she knew she was capable of loving. Its better to have loved and lost…
She found it hard to control herself around him. At times she was fine, at other times, all she wanted to do was touch him. Not even in a sexual way. Just to put her hands on him and feel his skin. To hold him…to feel his body against hers. And the more she forced herself to keep her hands away from him, the more she wanted him. It got to a point where it started feeling like a drug addiction. Whenever she wasn’t with him, even if just for a minute, her body started to ache. She would become depressed and cry. She joked to herself that if he ever left her, she would need real drugs just to feel the same. She would definitely become a junkie.
It all happened very quickly. Suddenly he had plans with other people. Started cancelling on dates they had together. Sometimes even just standing her up. She was becoming seriously depressed. She couldn’t cope with not been around him, and he obviously did not feel the same way about her. She couldn’t deal with the pain of not been with him, and she knew that this feeling would be there anytime he wasn’t around. She decided that her previous jokes about drugs did not seem so funny anymore. Maybe she could just try it once. Just to feel good when he wasn’t around. She was desperate to take this feeling away. She was willing to do anything. It wouldn’t be that bad, it would only be for when he wasn’t around. Because when he was there, he was the only drug she needed.
For a few months, everything was fine. They were still friends and even though she couldn’t hold and kiss him as she so desperately wanted to, at least she got to spend time with him, though they weren’t as close as they used to be. But then one day it all changed. Everything seemed fine, unitl Meelo started acting a bit strange. “Tasneem I have something to tell you’’, suddenly a big grin appeared on his face. ‘’I met someone really nice and ive been seen her. I really want you to meet her.’’ Her stomach suddenly sunk. Her chest started to pain again. ‘’Oh… that’s nice I guess. Why didn’t you tell me about her before’’. ‘’Well I wasn’t sure if it was going anywhere, you know how it is, you don’t want to introduce her unless you’re sure shes staying around.’’ ‘’Yeah I guess that makes sense, well look anyway Meelo I have to go I have a meeting so ill catch up with you later alright’’. She got up and walked away as fast as she could. ‘’But wait Tasneem, I thought we were having lunch.’’ Tasneem just ignored him and started to run.
She went straight home and fell to the floor. She cried for a few hours, the pain seemed to be getting worse instead of better. She became exhausted. The pain wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. She decided that unless she got really high, more high than she had ever been before, she would not make it through the night. She called her dealer and asked for something stronger than her usual order. Her usual drug was not going to cut it this time. She needed to escape her life completely. She knew that she would kill herself by the morning if she did’nt. Within an hour, her dealer showed up with the strongest drug he sold. Immediately she emptied the drug onto a spoon and lit it from beneath. As soon as it started to smoke, she inhaled the fumes. Within seconds, she felt high. She was no longer depressed. All her feelings of sadness, replaced with artificial elation. Nothing mattered anymore. She didn’t care that Meelo had a girlfriend. She didn’t care that the one person she loved more than anyone else in the world, who she would die for, was at that very moment with somebody else. She didn’t care that he didn’t want her, that he didn’t love her. That the only reason she lived was for him and for nothing, and no one else. At that moment she was just so happy to forget and not feel. She was numb, and she loved it. She just kept getting higher. Her only concern was getting enough drugs so as to not let the high fade. But inevitably it did. And of course all she could do was get more and more drugs. Each time increasing the amount trying to attain the same high that she felt before. Eventually she crashed and exhausted from been awake for 36 hours straight, passed out.
She woke up two days later. She had never felt this bad in her life. She felt as if she had been thrown with a hundred bricks. She was starving. As she prepared something for herself to eat, she noticed her phone was dead. Immediately she put it on charge and as soon as it switched on she saw 17 messages from Meelo. She really didn’t give a shit about Meelo anymore. She couldn’t be bothered. The messages all read pretty much the same. Where are you, are you okay, im trying to phone you blah blah. She was pissed. Why the f*** did he care so much now. If he cared so much, he wouldn’t have found a girlfriend to begin with. After she ate, the pain started again. She decided she had had enough drugs and that she was quitting completely. She was going to get her life back on track and find somebody else to love. How hard could it really be. She switched her phone off again and tried to get some more sleep. As much sleep as she had had, she was still somehow exhausted. But sleep didn’t come as easily as it did two days before, and the pain was getting worse. She didn’t know what to do with herself. She was still feeling really crappy. She eventually gave in to herself. She couldn’t lie to herself anymore. Of course she cared about Meelo. He was the only thing she actually DID care about. Nothing and nobody else mattered to her. She couldn’t go on like this. Maybe I should just end it all. Really, what’s the point. Anythings got to be easier than this. Or I could always just get high again. She got excited at the thought. She remembered what it felt like to be high. It felt almost as good as it did when she was with Meelo. Her heart started to pound. She wouldn’t have to feel this way anymore. She wouldn’t have to suffer, to hurt. For at least as long as the high would last.
She called her dealer once again. This time she invited him in, and they started talking and smoking. Before they knew it, the night had passed and it was morning already. She thought Eddy was actually a quite a nice guy, albeit he was drug dealer. They seemed to hit it off, and he asked to see her the next day, if she wanted to that is. What the hell, its not as if there was any chance for her and Meelo. Meelo wold probably end up married to this girl in no time. She needed something, someone, to numb the pain. She agreed to meet him the next day at his house.
She tried to get some sleep that day but had a broken sleep, and woke up more depressed than she did the time before. Is it possible that the pain was just getting worse as the days went by. She thought about it, she hadn’t spoken to Meelo in days. She wondered if he missed her too. At least she was seen Eddy later, he would give her more drugs to take this pain away. Either way it didn’t matter if Meelo missed her or not. He had made it quite clear that he wouldn’t have a lot of time for her anymore. At that moment, her phone began to ring. “Hello?’’. “Hey Tasneem?”. Meelo didn’t even recognise her voice. ‘’Yeah whatsup’’. ‘Finally! Where the hell have you been Tasneem? Ive been trying to get hold of you for days now’. ‘Oh sorry… I got caught up, anyway whatsup, what do you want, I thought you were busy with Micaela lastnight’’. ‘’Yeah that’s actually what I wanted to speak to you about, I wanted to find out if your were busy tonight because I wanted you two to meet, you know the two most important girls in my life need to meet each other. So what do you say, are you free?’’. A million thoughts rushed through her head, and for a second she just wanted to burst out crying. He didn’t even seem to give a sh** that she had been MIA for a few days. He was in such a rush for her to meet his new love. Argh! ‘Look Meelo im sorry but im not f***ing interested in meeting your girlfriend okay, so just f*** off and leave me alone!’’. And then she hang up. She saw her phone ringing soon after. It was Meelo again. She switched her phone to silent and grabbed her car keys. She drove to Eddys house and apologised for been so early. He didn’t seem to mind. She wasn’t really interested in seen Eddy at all, she just wanted to get high. She didn’t want to hurt anymore, she didn’t want to feel this pain. They got high and started chatting. One thing led to another and Eddy started to kiss her. She wasn’t really in the mood for this, but she decided to go along with it anyway. It felt good to be wanted after all. Even if it wasn’t by the one she loved. Eddy would have to do for now, or for as long as she would need him.
A few moments into the kissing, she started to become very light headed and felt as if she was going to pass out. She pulled away from Eddy, “Hold on, something’s wrong with me’. “Ah no babe it’s just the high setting in, don’t worry you’ll be fine’. He continued kissing her. She pulled away again ‘No seriously something is very wrong, I haven’t felt this way before’. ‘Oh I know what this is, sometimes when you have a dose, you get to this point where you feel really sick, but if you just have another hit, you’ll be fine. Trust me babe its happened to me a million times’’. She really didn’t want to get anymore high then she already was, but thoughts of Meelo started to consume her mind once again. Thoughts of him kissing and holding his new girlfriend, of them making love, getting married, having kids. The thought that he would never be her best friend ever again. She knew that she obviously couldn’t be that high if she was still thinking about Meelo. And the pain started again. The pain of been away from him, of not having him near her. She just wished that she would die right then and there. She was always told to be careful what she wished for, and immediately erased that thought from her mind. “Give me another hit, I just want to forget’’. ‘’Forget what?’’, Eddy asked . ‘’Stop asking so many f***ing questions, and just give me some’’. “Okay babe calm down geez’’. They both sat up and took another hit. She started to feel dizzy…the thoughts of Meelo were exiting her mind once again. Thank god finally I don’t have to think of him anymore. She fell into Eddy’s arms and for a moment, felt happier then she had ever felt before. For a moment she could see herself living a life without Meelo. Moving on and been with someone else.. Eddy maybe? At that moment her phone rang again. It was Meelo. The call brought her right back to the present. ‘’What do you f***ing want Meelo’’. As much as Tasneem hated him at that point, she felt she needed to answer. She wanted to cut him out of her life completely and felt that she should speak to him one last time. She didn’t know it then, but it WOULD be the last time they ever spoke. ‘’Tasneem thank God, I was so worried about you, what is going on? Why are you acting this way?’’. ‘’Nothing at all, I’m with my boyfriend, we’re just chilling, now what do you want’’. ‘’Your boyfriend what? Since when have you had a boyfriend?’’. She ignored the question and waited for him to speak again. ‘’Look Tasneem, I really need to speak to you, do you think we could meet now and just talk, please its really important’’. Yeah sure it was very important, it was probably about Micaela again, and how in love he was with her. ‘’About what Meelo? About how you just threw me aside for that b**ch’, or how you made me fall in love with you, only to tear my f***ing heart out’’. Meelo sounded so confused at that moment, and he genuinely was. All the while Eddy was too high to even care about their conversation. He was too busy taking yet another hit. ‘’Tasneem what are you saying, are you saying that you’re in love with me?’’. ‘’What the hell does it matter Meelo, really, just go be with your f***ing girlfriend and leave me the hell alone, I hope you’ll be happy without me’’. ‘’Tasneem wait listen to me, you don’t understand…’’. And at that moment she hung up. ‘’Give me another hit Eddy right now”, she started crying as she said this. ‘’Hurry up!!!’’. Meelo called back. She switched her phone off, and threw it onto the floor. As she lit the spoon and inhaled once more, she fell to the floor. She didn’t know what was going on, she had never been this high before. Her heart started pounding and her head started spinning. Suddenly, she couldn’t breathe. Her eyes closed and her mouth started salivating. Eddy didn’t know what to do. He held her body. ‘’Tasneem wake up, wake the f*** up’’. But there was no response. He tried shaking her. Her body lay there motionless. Eddy jumped up and reached for her phone to try and call for help. As he switched it on a message came through. Inadvertently he opened the message, but he quickly threw it down when he saw the battery was about to die. He ran to his phone and started dialling 911. ‘’Hello? Yes I need an ambulance please…’’. Tasneem opened her eyes half way, she was slipping in and out of consciousness. She could actually feel herself slip away. ‘’She’s unconscious, she overdosed on drugs’’. Tasneem could just think about Meelo, and how much she loved him, and how much it hurt that he loved somebody else. She didn’t care if she died right then and there. Death would have been much easier at that point. ‘’We’re at 56 Xavier Street Cadence Central, please hurry up!’’. Tasneem looked at the floor where her phone lie, and the message from Meelo was open. She summed up all her energy and tried to read what it said. Tasneem im so sorry I lied, I don’t have any girlfriend. I just wanted to make you jealous so that you would realise you love me. The truth is that im in love with you and always have been, and I was planning on telling you that tonight…Its you Tasneem, it always has been. The message cut, she couldn’t move her arms. She wanted to get to her phone to read the rest of the message. She struggled to keep her eyes open. She just prayed that the ambulance would get there in time. She didn’t want to die anymore. She wanted to be with Meelo. She wanted to hold him and tell him how much she loved him. He obviously had no idea just how much she did. A few seconds later the ambulance arrived and rushed over to her. ‘’One, two, three’’, they tried to revive her. Again...’’One, two, three’’. Tasneem prayed that Meelo would forgive her for what she had done. She prayed he would forgive himself for what HE had done, and wouldn’t spend the rest of his life filled with regret. The doctor turned towards Eddy. ‘’I’m sorry, shes gone’’…
Love and other drugs(tasneem)
He was not her type at all, quite the opposite in fact. He wasn't built like the guys she was used to.He lacked the European features she loved so much. His dressing was different, his style was different, he was just...different. She sat at the table and spoke here and there, more interested in her food as usual. She had never met anyone as exciting, as the excitement she felt when she ate food. Her whole life she was obese and food was her only excitement, and now that she was consciously trying to cut down her "drug of choice", she needed to replace that drug with something, or maybe someone? Looking back, she was not all that sure if it was all co-incidence or just pure fate. But she knew that she would still be obsessed with food, had it not been for him. He quickly became her new drug, her new obsession, her new and only reason for living...
At first, he seemed like an average guy. Nice enough personality, and a certain confidence he exuded. As the night went on she realised how extremely funny he was. Not just funny, but witty too. Her interest started to grow, as did her attraction to him. She found herself just wanting to speak to him the whole night. She quite literally couldn't get enough of him. The attraction seemed to be mutual, but she couldn't be sure. Everytime he would show even a little bit of interest, he would be sure to show someone else the same amount. He was very good at keeping cool. Or maybe it wasn't him acting cool. Maybe it was just that he was not as interested as she was. The night came to an end, and everyone was about to leave. "Give me your number" he said to her, "We should keep in contact". yes! he was definitely interested she thought, otherwise he definitely wouldn't be asking for her number. ''yes I would like that very much''. They parted ways, and she was suddenly filled with an unexplained happiness. It really wasn't that unexplained though, I mean after all, she did just meet a guy that she really liked, which in her case, didn't happen very often. In fact, this attraction she felt for Meelo had never ever happened in the 24 years she was alive.
The week went by and all she could think about was him. Every second from the time she woke up, until the time she went to sleep, he was the only thing on her mind. She was expecting to hear from him, but the week came and went, and nothing. He must definitely be playing hard to get she thought. Why else would he not be contacting her. It’s not as if she asked for his number, and he was under no obligation to ask for hers. So why then, was he not making a move? Was he shy, or just one of those guys who weren’t interested in real relationships. Maybe he was just looking for a fling.
That weekend, one of his friends called Tasneem’s sister up and made plans for the group to hang out again. She was so excited to hear this that she went out and bought a new outfit. If he wasn't interested last week, she was going to make sure as hell that he would be this time. As she walked into the restaurant her heart stopped. He was so beautiful, even more beautiful then she remembered. She laughed to herself knowing that just last week she thought to herself that she would never go for someone like him. And here she was trying her utmost best to get him to fall for her. She wondered if it would work.
"Hey" she said to him and hugged him. 'Hey' he said back. He looked nervous, and she could have sworn that she felt his body shiver when she put her arms around him. But his face didn't give anything away. He was as cool and collected as he was the previous week. She sat down next to him, hoping that this would give them a chance to get to know each other a little better. Before she said anything else to him she suddenly asked, "So do you have a girlfriend?’’ She immediately regretted asking him that question. "Well..no I dont'. "Why not?'’she asked him. More regret. She couldn’t stop herself. 'Well im still really young, im only 25''. Meelo’s brother took it upon himself to let Tasneem know that he had never had a girlfriend. ‘’Meelo actually has never had a girlfriend in his whole life’’. Meelo quickly jumped to his own defence. “By choice man, im young, I don’t want the responsibility that comes with been in a relationship, I like my freedom’’. Ah she thought to herself. He's a player. 25 wasn't that young, really, some people are married with kids by that age. She made a mental note to remind herself to forget about him as soon as she would get home that night. The last thing she needed was to be hurt AGAIN. Even though she had never had a boyfriend herself, many guys rejected her before she even made a move. It was almost as if the fat person could never be liked, no matter how nice her personality was. Guys were shallow, and she came to terms with that a long time ago. The fact that Meelo had never had a girlfriend, with no apparent reason, led her to believe that he was just the same as every other guy. The conversation went on and everyone at the table seemed to love him. He attracted everyone with his wit and charm. She became jealous of all the attention he was getting. Not only did it stop her from getting to know him on a personal level, but the more she built him up in her head, the more she was afraid that she was not going to be able to keep her promise to forget about him. She decided to keep her feelings in check by getting up and leaving. She knew if she stayed any longer, her attraction for him would grow out of control. She already had to keep reminding herself that she was not allowed to touch him, even in a casual way. She might give away her secret if she did. "Good night Meelo, it was nice seing you again'. He looked disappointed. But she didn’t believe that he was. He got up to kiss her cheek, and she found herself blushing. Luckily she turned around before he could see. She walked away feeling defeated. As she fell off to sleep that night, she soothed herself with thoughts of all the other guys who wanted her, and even though her good looks made sure that there were more than 20 at any given time, she still would have preferred it, if one of them had been Meelo.
'peep peep peep', she got the shock of her life. 'damn" she thought. she forgot to put her morning alarm off for the weekend. oh well I might as well go to gym since I am up already. she switched her alarm off and saw that she had received one message. It was probably her dad again, nagging about whatever he could think of to nag about. She opened the message and started jumping up and down and screaming.
‘aaaaahhhh”…it was Meelo! “hey Tasneem, I was wondering if you had any plans for tonight because a few friends of mine are taking me out for my birthday and was wondering if you wanted to join us’. Hell yes she wanted to join them! But she needed to play it cool, whatever that even meant. She had never had to play it cool before, mainly because she was never interested in anyone. She started to type her reply. “Hey Meelo, sure I would love to, ill give you a call later’. And that was it. Short and sweet. She thought that if he was going to make it impossible for her to read him, then she would do the same to him. She wasn’t really a fan of games, but she realised that this was the only way to get this stupid guys attention.
For the rest of the day she was in the best mood. Nothing could get her down. Even the house cleaning was exciting. All she could think about was whether or not he would kiss her that night. And what she would do if he did. She had just as little physical experience as she did emotional. She didn’t even think she remembered what it felt like to be kissed. Suddenly her nervousness turned to anxiety. She really did not want to mess it up.
When she arrived at the club, he was already drunk out of his mind. Well it was his birthday after all, he was allowed to be that drunk. The only problem is that this was not going to be the ideal situation if they had to kiss, but as the night progressed, she saw that it was not going to be a cause for concern. He was different, acting the fool and just been a typical drunk guy. He was not his usual cool, calm and collected self. The upside would be that since he didn’t have control over himself, he might inadvertently show his true feelings for her. Just then, he came up to her and started holding her. She felt a surge of excitement run through her veins. The way he was holding her, it was like he never wanted to let her go. He didn’t even greet her. He just looked at her. “You’re so beautiful you know that’. He slurred. She blushed, but couldn’t help wondering if it was him or the alcohol speaking. “Thankyou, youre quite cute yourself’. She didn’t know what else to say. He made her so nervous. She wondered why she couldn’t be as suave around him, as she was around other guys. He just looked at her and didn’t say a word. It looked as if he was about to kiss her, his head moved closer to hers…and then suddenly, he fell to the ground and passed out. His friends all started laughing at him. They helped him up. ‘Don’t worry Tas, we’ll get him home safely’, and they all left the club together, Meelo falling in and out of consciousness.
When she got home she was rather irritated. If only he hadn’t got that drunk, maybe they would have kissed. She wondered if he would even remember their ‘moment’ the next day, or would it all just be a drunken blur to him. She guessed the only way she would find out is when he contacted her the next morning. IF he contacted her that is. She decided that if he didn’t, she definitely would. She was just going to come straight out and tell him how she felt about him. She wasn’t going to wait anymore. She felt almost as if time was been wasted. She hadn’t had a guy for 24 years, and she would be damned if she let another day go by, without at least TRYING to change that.
The next morning she woke up to a text from him “ im so sorry about the way I acted lastnight, I wish you didn’t see me in that state, how about we be friends?’’. Wow, she got rejected before she even made a move. Well this was obviously his way of telling her that the attempted kiss from the night before was just a mistake, and that he didn’t like her in that way. She couldn’t lie to herself, it hurt, but she managed to shrug it off and remind herself of all the thousands of other guys who wanted her. But that sharp pain in her chest just stayed. She really hoped it would be better by lunch.
Over the course of the next 3 months, her and Meelo became best friends. They saw each other every weekend and did everything together. They were attached at the hip and as a result she grew to really love him. But she wasnt sure whether it was friendship or romantic love. After all, love cant be real if its not reciprocated right? But she knew that it was possible to love someone without them loving you. How else could she explain what she felt for him. If it wasn’t love, it sure felt a lot like it. At least he kept her from eating. Truth be told, she didn’t need food to fill that void anymore. Whatever void it was. Whatever it was that was missing in her life, Meelo made her feel whole. Happy and content. Even though they were just friends, been around him made her forget all the pain she experienced her whole life. From having been abandoned by her mother, to been fat and never been able to give or accept love. He took that pain away, and she wasn’t about to mess it up by admitting her feelings to him. There was always that risk that if she had, he would end the friendship. She wouldn’t be able to live without him, he was her everything.
Maybe she wouldn’t have to tell him though. Everytime they were together, she hoped that maybe this would be the day he finally realised he loved her. But as the days went by, the more she realised that he just loved her as a friend. The way he treated her as her father did, so gentle and caring, yet very dispassionate way. She wondered what she would ever do if he got a girlfriend, but she knew that she wouldn’t have to worry about that for a while because as confident as he was, she found out that he was just as shy. Most of his charm was just a cover. A cover just like hers. But she knew where her issues stemmed from, his however were a mystery. She didn’t know exactly what it was, but she knew that he was hiding something. Not necessarily hiding something, just not showing it. Something that pained him. Something that kept him from having meaningful, romantic relationships, just like her. She wondered what it could be. She tried to get it out of him at every opportunity. But he was so good at changing the topic, or turning the conversation into something funny. Making light of the serious things. He was definitely hurt in the past. But by what. Or who. She wished she could take his pain away, she wouldn’t have minded feeling all his pain if it meant that he would just for once, open up to her. She wanted to be the one to make him happy, to show him what true love could be like, even though she herself had never experienced it. At the very least she knew she was capable of loving. Its better to have loved and lost…
She found it hard to control herself around him. At times she was fine, at other times, all she wanted to do was touch him. Not even in a sexual way. Just to put her hands on him and feel his skin. To hold him…to feel his body against hers. And the more she forced herself to keep her hands away from him, the more she wanted him. It got to a point where it started feeling like a drug addiction. Whenever she wasn’t with him, even if just for a minute, her body started to ache. She would become depressed and cry. She joked to herself that if he ever left her, she would need real drugs just to feel the same. She would definitely become a junkie.
It all happened very quickly. Suddenly he had plans with other people. Started cancelling on dates they had together. Sometimes even just standing her up. She was becoming seriously depressed. She couldn’t cope with not been around him, and he obviously did not feel the same way about her. She couldn’t deal with the pain of not been with him, and she knew that this feeling would be there anytime he wasn’t around. She decided that her previous jokes about drugs did not seem so funny anymore. Maybe she could just try it once. Just to feel good when he wasn’t around. She was desperate to take this feeling away. She was willing to do anything. It wouldn’t be that bad, it would only be for when he wasn’t around. Because when he was there, he was the only drug she needed.
For a few months, everything was fine. They were still friends and even though she couldn’t hold and kiss him as she so desperately wanted to, at least she got to spend time with him, though they weren’t as close as they used to be. But then one day it all changed. Everything seemed fine, unitl Meelo started acting a bit strange. “Tasneem I have something to tell you’’, suddenly a big grin appeared on his face. ‘’I met someone really nice and ive been seen her. I really want you to meet her.’’ Her stomach suddenly sunk. Her chest started to pain again. ‘’Oh… that’s nice I guess. Why didn’t you tell me about her before’’. ‘’Well I wasn’t sure if it was going anywhere, you know how it is, you don’t want to introduce her unless you’re sure shes staying around.’’ ‘’Yeah I guess that makes sense, well look anyway Meelo I have to go I have a meeting so ill catch up with you later alright’’. She got up and walked away as fast as she could. ‘’But wait Tasneem, I thought we were having lunch.’’ Tasneem just ignored him and started to run.
She went straight home and fell to the floor. She cried for a few hours, the pain seemed to be getting worse instead of better. She became exhausted. The pain wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. She decided that unless she got really high, more high than she had ever been before, she would not make it through the night. She called her dealer and asked for something stronger than her usual order. Her usual drug was not going to cut it this time. She needed to escape her life completely. She knew that she would kill herself by the morning if she did’nt. Within an hour, her dealer showed up with the strongest drug he sold. Immediately she emptied the drug onto a spoon and lit it from beneath. As soon as it started to smoke, she inhaled the fumes. Within seconds, she felt high. She was no longer depressed. All her feelings of sadness, replaced with artificial elation. Nothing mattered anymore. She didn’t care that Meelo had a girlfriend. She didn’t care that the one person she loved more than anyone else in the world, who she would die for, was at that very moment with somebody else. She didn’t care that he didn’t want her, that he didn’t love her. That the only reason she lived was for him and for nothing, and no one else. At that moment she was just so happy to forget and not feel. She was numb, and she loved it. She just kept getting higher. Her only concern was getting enough drugs so as to not let the high fade. But inevitably it did. And of course all she could do was get more and more drugs. Each time increasing the amount trying to attain the same high that she felt before. Eventually she crashed and exhausted from been awake for 36 hours straight, passed out.
She woke up two days later. She had never felt this bad in her life. She felt as if she had been thrown with a hundred bricks. She was starving. As she prepared something for herself to eat, she noticed her phone was dead. Immediately she put it on charge and as soon as it switched on she saw 17 messages from Meelo. She really didn’t give a shit about Meelo anymore. She couldn’t be bothered. The messages all read pretty much the same. Where are you, are you okay, im trying to phone you blah blah. She was pissed. Why the f*** did he care so much now. If he cared so much, he wouldn’t have found a girlfriend to begin with. After she ate, the pain started again. She decided she had had enough drugs and that she was quitting completely. She was going to get her life back on track and find somebody else to love. How hard could it really be. She switched her phone off again and tried to get some more sleep. As much sleep as she had had, she was still somehow exhausted. But sleep didn’t come as easily as it did two days before, and the pain was getting worse. She didn’t know what to do with herself. She was still feeling really crappy. She eventually gave in to herself. She couldn’t lie to herself anymore. Of course she cared about Meelo. He was the only thing she actually DID care about. Nothing and nobody else mattered to her. She couldn’t go on like this. Maybe I should just end it all. Really, what’s the point. Anythings got to be easier than this. Or I could always just get high again. She got excited at the thought. She remembered what it felt like to be high. It felt almost as good as it did when she was with Meelo. Her heart started to pound. She wouldn’t have to feel this way anymore. She wouldn’t have to suffer, to hurt. For at least as long as the high would last.
She called her dealer once again. This time she invited him in, and they started talking and smoking. Before they knew it, the night had passed and it was morning already. She thought Eddy was actually a quite a nice guy, albeit he was drug dealer. They seemed to hit it off, and he asked to see her the next day, if she wanted to that is. What the hell, its not as if there was any chance for her and Meelo. Meelo wold probably end up married to this girl in no time. She needed something, someone, to numb the pain. She agreed to meet him the next day at his house.
She tried to get some sleep that day but had a broken sleep, and woke up more depressed than she did the time before. Is it possible that the pain was just getting worse as the days went by. She thought about it, she hadn’t spoken to Meelo in days. She wondered if he missed her too. At least she was seen Eddy later, he would give her more drugs to take this pain away. Either way it didn’t matter if Meelo missed her or not. He had made it quite clear that he wouldn’t have a lot of time for her anymore. At that moment, her phone began to ring. “Hello?’’. “Hey Tasneem?”. Meelo didn’t even recognise her voice. ‘’Yeah whatsup’’. ‘Finally! Where the hell have you been Tasneem? Ive been trying to get hold of you for days now’. ‘Oh sorry… I got caught up, anyway whatsup, what do you want, I thought you were busy with Micaela lastnight’’. ‘’Yeah that’s actually what I wanted to speak to you about, I wanted to find out if your were busy tonight because I wanted you two to meet, you know the two most important girls in my life need to meet each other. So what do you say, are you free?’’. A million thoughts rushed through her head, and for a second she just wanted to burst out crying. He didn’t even seem to give a sh** that she had been MIA for a few days. He was in such a rush for her to meet his new love. Argh! ‘Look Meelo im sorry but im not f***ing interested in meeting your girlfriend okay, so just f*** off and leave me alone!’’. And then she hang up. She saw her phone ringing soon after. It was Meelo again. She switched her phone to silent and grabbed her car keys. She drove to Eddys house and apologised for been so early. He didn’t seem to mind. She wasn’t really interested in seen Eddy at all, she just wanted to get high. She didn’t want to hurt anymore, she didn’t want to feel this pain. They got high and started chatting. One thing led to another and Eddy started to kiss her. She wasn’t really in the mood for this, but she decided to go along with it anyway. It felt good to be wanted after all. Even if it wasn’t by the one she loved. Eddy would have to do for now, or for as long as she would need him.
A few moments into the kissing, she started to become very light headed and felt as if she was going to pass out. She pulled away from Eddy, “Hold on, something’s wrong with me’. “Ah no babe it’s just the high setting in, don’t worry you’ll be fine’. He continued kissing her. She pulled away again ‘No seriously something is very wrong, I haven’t felt this way before’. ‘Oh I know what this is, sometimes when you have a dose, you get to this point where you feel really sick, but if you just have another hit, you’ll be fine. Trust me babe its happened to me a million times’’. She really didn’t want to get anymore high then she already was, but thoughts of Meelo started to consume her mind once again. Thoughts of him kissing and holding his new girlfriend, of them making love, getting married, having kids. The thought that he would never be her best friend ever again. She knew that she obviously couldn’t be that high if she was still thinking about Meelo. And the pain started again. The pain of been away from him, of not having him near her. She just wished that she would die right then and there. She was always told to be careful what she wished for, and immediately erased that thought from her mind. “Give me another hit, I just want to forget’’. ‘’Forget what?’’, Eddy asked . ‘’Stop asking so many f***ing questions, and just give me some’’. “Okay babe calm down geez’’. They both sat up and took another hit. She started to feel dizzy…the thoughts of Meelo were exiting her mind once again. Thank god finally I don’t have to think of him anymore. She fell into Eddy’s arms and for a moment, felt happier then she had ever felt before. For a moment she could see herself living a life without Meelo. Moving on and been with someone else.. Eddy maybe? At that moment her phone rang again. It was Meelo. The call brought her right back to the present. ‘’What do you f***ing want Meelo’’. As much as Tasneem hated him at that point, she felt she needed to answer. She wanted to cut him out of her life completely and felt that she should speak to him one last time. She didn’t know it then, but it WOULD be the last time they ever spoke. ‘’Tasneem thank God, I was so worried about you, what is going on? Why are you acting this way?’’. ‘’Nothing at all, I’m with my boyfriend, we’re just chilling, now what do you want’’. ‘’Your boyfriend what? Since when have you had a boyfriend?’’. She ignored the question and waited for him to speak again. ‘’Look Tasneem, I really need to speak to you, do you think we could meet now and just talk, please its really important’’. Yeah sure it was very important, it was probably about Micaela again, and how in love he was with her. ‘’About what Meelo? About how you just threw me aside for that b**ch’, or how you made me fall in love with you, only to tear my f***ing heart out’’. Meelo sounded so confused at that moment, and he genuinely was. All the while Eddy was too high to even care about their conversation. He was too busy taking yet another hit. ‘’Tasneem what are you saying, are you saying that you’re in love with me?’’. ‘’What the hell does it matter Meelo, really, just go be with your f***ing girlfriend and leave me the hell alone, I hope you’ll be happy without me’’. ‘’Tasneem wait listen to me, you don’t understand…’’. And at that moment she hung up. ‘’Give me another hit Eddy right now”, she started crying as she said this. ‘’Hurry up!!!’’. Meelo called back. She switched her phone off, and threw it onto the floor. As she lit the spoon and inhaled once more, she fell to the floor. She didn’t know what was going on, she had never been this high before. Her heart started pounding and her head started spinning. Suddenly, she couldn’t breathe. Her eyes closed and her mouth started salivating. Eddy didn’t know what to do. He held her body. ‘’Tasneem wake up, wake the f*** up’’. But there was no response. He tried shaking her. Her body lay there motionless. Eddy jumped up and reached for her phone to try and call for help. As he switched it on a message came through. Inadvertently he opened the message, but he quickly threw it down when he saw the battery was about to die. He ran to his phone and started dialling 911. ‘’Hello? Yes I need an ambulance please…’’. Tasneem opened her eyes half way, she was slipping in and out of consciousness. She could actually feel herself slip away. ‘’She’s unconscious, she overdosed on drugs’’. Tasneem could just think about Meelo, and how much she loved him, and how much it hurt that he loved somebody else. She didn’t care if she died right then and there. Death would have been much easier at that point. ‘’We’re at 56 Xavier Street Cadence Central, please hurry up!’’. Tasneem looked at the floor where her phone lie, and the message from Meelo was open. She summed up all her energy and tried to read what it said. Tasneem im so sorry I lied, I don’t have any girlfriend. I just wanted to make you jealous so that you would realise you love me. The truth is that im in love with you and always have been, and I was planning on telling you that tonight…Its you Tasneem, it always has been. The message cut, she couldn’t move her arms. She wanted to get to her phone to read the rest of the message. She struggled to keep her eyes open. She just prayed that the ambulance would get there in time. She didn’t want to die anymore. She wanted to be with Meelo. She wanted to hold him and tell him how much she loved him. He obviously had no idea just how much she did. A few seconds later the ambulance arrived and rushed over to her. ‘’One, two, three’’, they tried to revive her. Again...’’One, two, three’’. Tasneem prayed that Meelo would forgive her for what she had done. She prayed he would forgive himself for what HE had done, and wouldn’t spend the rest of his life filled with regret. The doctor turned towards Eddy. ‘’I’m sorry, shes gone’’…
- Share this story on
- 5
COMMENTS (0)