zarooN

zarooN(Gaurav arora) 2011

"I know its my son's mistake.."
"Mistake? Its a crime Mr. Khan!!"
"I know! And we'll make him realise! He'll touch your daughter's feet and apologise!"
"And what will happen with that?"
...
....
I was hearing all this from the other side of the wall when she caught my attention. She, "suhaani", sat on the couch outside in the lobby.
I wish I could say something to her. But say? Say what?
My mind was totally blank.
She dropped a tear and her mother put her head on her shoulder to console her...











zarooN









2014


Early morning, I sat on the doorstep of my shop, waiting for her. She visits the temple, beside the shop, everyday. And I open the shop, fifteen minutes early, just to see her. And hope, everyday, she has a glance at me, which she never did.
At times, I wonder if she remembers me ? Me... or my anything ? Anything being... When did she first saw me!
I remember! I remember a lot actually..
I remember she stood on the first desk of the third out of five lanes, with a girl who I don't think worths a place in my memory, in room no.102. Its been long... Been eleven years actually. But I still remember her curly hair, red ribbons on them :D, grey skirt, white shirt, polished black shoes and grey socks.
It was my first day in that school. And I swear I liked that school just because of her!
I remember her beautiful smile.. The charming laughter.. Her dominance on me!.. Her care.. Her care for her family.
She used to fight a lot with her sister, "disha", who anyhow was my girlfriend at that time! She was a sex bomb! 36-26-32, brightly fair and blue eyes.
Suhaani knew about us but didn't have any problem. Does that mean she didn't like me ? I don't know! But I really want to!
What confuses me is the day when I was on the terris of their house with disha, kissing each other wildly, my hands in her top, her left hand behind my head pushing me more into her, tongues in each other's mouths and her right hand working down there on me. Suddenly, we heard suhaani coming upstairs. We seperated. Disha settled her white top and put her bra, which I'd removed, in her blue jeans, and went down crossing suhaani on the first stair.
Suhaani wore pink tank top, advertising a guitar band, with a mehroon frock. She ran towards me, held my shirt's colar and pushed me till the wall., "what did abhishek wrote in his letter to anjali?" She asked, speaking as quickly as she could. I just kept looking in her eyes for sometime. I don't what was happening. It doesn't mean that she had pushed me so hard that my spinal cord stopped responding! But still.. for sometime, I was not in this world. And this too doesn't mean that I had fallen in the ocean of her eyes! Her beautiful brown eyes...
"Hamm..?" I said as I recovered.
"I know you know it! So, speak up!"
"One four three!"
"Hamm?" She asked leaving me colar, "Is that some kinda code ?"
"No.. It means.."
"Means what?"
"I love you!"
"What?" She asked and pulled my left ear.
"Yeah he'd proposed her in his letter to anjali!" I said with my eyes shut.
She loosened the grip. I slowly opened my eyes and saw her going down. "One four three" she gestured with her fingers and ran down.
I smiled and ran to see her downstairs. She did that again!
That particular day made me believe that she too had the same feelings that i had for her. I have for her actually. And I'll always have!
Disha and I broke up after a relation of about six months.
I used to share all this with just one person, "Dr. Suman". A heart specialist, thirty plus but still, my friend.
She didn't come to the temple today. But I'm sure she'll come tomorrow. Its her birthday. Just few minutes to go and I'm gunna do what I have been doing from last two years- sending her birthday wishes, from my number which she doesn't know.

NEXT DAY

Right at twelve, I sent her the birthday wishes. She wore a green suit with red linings on it, when she came to the temple. I was expecting the same thing again- just a glance. Dissappointed! I wish I could erase 2011 from my life or just that particular day from it.
I'm living a perfectly normal life. But she's still there.. in my heart. The hope- is still alive!
On the other side, I think, if she really love me then why did she refuse when I'd proposed her ?
14th feb 2008, The velantine's day. I didn't propose her actually. She didn't let me do that! I remember we were in the school's parking and before I could say anything, she said, "I know what you want to say Zaroon. But please! Not yet!" And went away. I couldn't even show her the roses, I was hiding in my back.
Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet! Not yet...! I still don't know what did she mean by that.
My birthday is coming up in next ten odd days. I've a girlfriend who keeps on pressurising me for marriage. But I don't know why, I really don't know why, I still hope that she'll call me someday to tell me that she loves me more than I love her, she misses me more than I miss her, she writes about me like I write about her and her sentences make sense! I still hope for listening her calling my name. Tons say it everyday. But I want to hear it from her!
And at times, I think if she remembers me, me... or my anything ? No I'm not repeating my lines. But this time anything means... The evening I travelled hundered kilometers just to get her roll no. to appear in AIEEE examination, which she had lost. I remember that! I remember the call I made to her after getting the roll no. in my hand.
"Got the roll no. suhaani!" I said straight away.
"Stop lying!!" She said and cut the call.
I remember she was doing the thing I hated most! I hate.
I remember her smile after seeing the roll no. She sat on her bed, with her mother. She dropped a tear. I don't know if I should have or not but expected a hug. Dissappointed. Her mother gave one anyway.
And anything can be any of those moments... I spent with her at her place, the fun during the tuition classes, the school, her practical files, the dairy milks, the late night texting, the hours long calls, her fingers getting tired of typing... And I still can't figure out how could her fingers get tired cuz we type with our thumbs! And that slap ? Who would like to be slapped by a girl in front of his friends? But that slap.. was sweeter than a kiss! Even Doc suman was surprised by that. And I don't know why I expected something really unexpected after she walked out of the office after slapping me- that she would return back and kiss me hard on my lips!
I bet almost every boy fantacise different things about their loves. I've mastrubated hundereds of times fantacising tons of girls but her! The respect for her has always been on the peak!
September 10, 2011. The black day in my life. I visited her place at about eleven in the morning. Disha told me that she was out somewhere with the parents and would come back in sometime. So, I thought of waiting there. Disha wore grey shorts with a loose tank top and was looking damn sexy! I was getting the hard on. She noticed. And touched it. "Do you miss those days?" She asked and pulled me on her. No undies I noticed. I hadn't even answer anything yet and her parents arrived. Her dad saw us. "Dad.." She said, "dad, he was harrasing me!!"
It kinda gave me a shock. I went silent and her dad gave me a tight slap. I didn't know what to say. Every criminal says that he is innocent! But I actually was! I noticed suhaani looking at me in surprise when her mother walked upto me, gave me a slap and asked her dad to call my parents.
Parents came. Slapped me. Shouted. But I didn't utter even a single word! Why? I don't know. I really don't know!!
Now let's not talk about it...

2014,My birthday, the worst birthday ever!
Tons of wishes... The worst birthday!
Sports bike as a gift... The worst birthday!
.
.
.
She texted!.... The worst birthday!
"Happy birthday!! God bless you!" She was the first one to text me. And I dialled her number in a nano second. She picked up on the last ring.
"Hello!"
"Hi zaroon.." She said after a couple of seconds. ....heaven....
"You knew its my number?"
"Hmm.." She said, doing what I hate most. I was doing the same anyway.
Silence filled a couple of seconds.
"Suhaani.."
"Hmm"
"I still.."
"I know." She said cutting me in between.
"I didn't do anything with disha..."
"I know." She said, "knew."
These few moments were the very best of my life. But still... The worst birthday!
She told me something I can't share here. I just... Can't.
But she also told me that



[A WEEK LATER, ZAROON WAS ATTACKED BY SOME CROOKS WHEN HE WAS TRAVELLING TO DR.SUMAN'S HOSPITAL. HE LOST HIS LIFE. THESE PAGES WERE TAKEN FROM HIS DIARY. NOBODY KNOWS WHY DID HE STOP WRITING THE DIARY IN MID WAY AND WHAT HE WAS GOING TO WRITE NEXT. "R.I.P"]






{Thanks to,
THE DISTRIBUTORS.}






I noticed him looking at me from the room when I sat on the couch in the lobby with my mom.
A tear rolled down from my eyes and my mother put my head on her shoulder to console me.
I knew he couldn't do it. He didn't! But I couldn't speak against my sister. My family. I just couldn't!
Its been three years since that incident. I visit the temple beside his shop everyday and wish to have a glance of his. But I don't know why my head doesn't turn to his side. Just doesn't....
At times, I wonder if he remembers me ? Me... or my anything ? Anything being... When did he first saw me ?
I remember! I remember a lot actually..
I remember he stood on the bus stand, waiting for the school bus. It was his first day in the school. The school dress- white shirt, grey pant, dusty black shoes and a funky hairstyle looked cool on him.
I believe in love at first sight. But he got into a relation with my sister! I didn't hate him for that! Instead, I used to pray for their breakup! Bad sister.. I know :-/
Did His being in a relation with my sister mean he didn't like me ? I don't know...
I saw him once with, my sister, on our terris, kissing and doing some wierd stuff. Killed me! So, I just went upstairs. Disha ccame down, seeing me. I got hold of his shirt's colar and pushed him till the wall. "what did abhishek wrote in his letter to anjali?" I asked him. That was about our seniors. I knew the answer but I wanted to listen those words from him. And I can't express what it felt when he said that. Even though he was just talking about abhishek and anjali. My fingers told him what my mouth couldn't say, "I love you". The shine in his eyes, seeing that, gave me my answer! But he was my sister's boyfriend. So, After sometime, I cleared him that I said that just as a friend. There was nothing like that.
They broke up after few months and I was on cloud nine.
A day before my birthday, I sat with my doctor, early in the morning. "He would have been waiting for me..." was the only thing in my mind. I couldn't go.

NEXT DAY

Like always, he was the first one to wish me, from a number which he thinks I don't know!
I wore a green suit with red linings on it when I visited temple that day. And my head.. Didn't turn. I wish I could tell him why I just can't...
Its not about what happened in 2011.
I wish I could say yes to him when he proposed me.
February 14, 2008. He didn't propose actually. I didn't let him do that. We were in the school's parking and before he could say anything I told him that it was not possible. I wish I could tell him what I meant by "not yet". He would have thought about it a lot.
His birthday is coming up in ten some days. I know he can't wait for long. And I also want to tell him... Tell him that I love him more than he loves me, miss him more than he misses me, write about him like he does.. although I'm not a good writer. I want to hear my name from his mouth. Number of people say it but I want it from him!
At times, I think if he remembers me ? Me... Or my anything ? No I'm not repeating my lines. This time anything means... When I fought with my best friend just to sit with him in the school class room. I remember that!
And I also remember when he travelled miles for a roll no. I'd lost. I wish I could give him a hug. But I'm a coward! My mother was beside and I was afraid.
I remember those moments with him.. At my place, tuition classes, school, the practical files, dairy milks, texting. I used to tell him that my fingers get tired with typing just because I wanted him to call instead of texting. His voice... Always raised my heartbeat.
And that slap. We were having an arguement on something at Dr. Suman's when I slapped him and came out of the office. I've never slapped anyone in my life but him! I felt like killing myself after that. I wish I'd gone back to the office and kissed him hard to tell him how much I love him!
I respect him a lot. But that day, ruined everything. Disha had his colar in her hands and he was on her when We'd entered the house. I knew it was disha! I wish I could say then.
Anyways... Lets not talk about it.
It was his birthday... That I ruined.
A day... Not just a day... That I ruined.
"Happy birthday!! God bless you!" I sent. And recieved a call back immidietely.
My hand was just not ready to attend the call. I did, on the last ring, anyway.
"Hello!" He said on the go.
"Hi zaroon.." I said after sometime.
"You knew its my number?"
"Hmm" I said and dropped a tear.
"Suhaani.." He said. My name... From his mouth... ...Heaven...
"Hmm"
"I still.." I knew he was gunna say that he still loves me. So, I intrupted him and said that I know.
And I also knew that he didn't molest disha.
"Suhaani.." He said again..
"Hmm"
"Do you..." He said, "love me ?"
He didn't need to ask! I loved him like hell! I love.
"No." I said after a while.
"Liar.." He said.
Tears... Just didn't stop.
"Zaroon.."
"Hmm"
"I've heart cancer." I told him. Ruined his birthday. I shouldn't have. But I just couldn't take it anymore. I hardly had three four months. The only way out was the transplant surgery.
He went silent. It happens... And I cut the call.
He tried calling me tons of times in a week but I didn't turn up any of them. And then.. Suddenly, one day, Dr. Suman called and told my mother that there was a deadbody and we could use the heart.
I immidietely called zaroon to give him the good news.
"Hello!" He said as he picked up. Thank God that the deadbody was not his!
"Got a heart zaroon!"
"Really?" He said. I could imagine a huge smile on his face.
"Yeah.."
"Thats great man...!" He said, "finally I can live my life with you!"
I smiled, "hmm"
I went though the surgery the very next day. It went well. I was fine but had to stay in the hospital for some days. It had been two days but he didn't turn up to see me. May be because of my parents.
Dr. Suman sat with me, in the ward. Mom had gone to eat something in the canteen.
"Thinking about zaroon ?" She asked.
"Hmm" I smiled.
"Come with me" she said.
She walked into a room where deadbodies are kept. I've forgotten what you call it. But I was praying just one thing- whatever I was thinking was not true.
He stopped in front of a body and removed the white sheet from the face.
I almost fainted. She held me. I lost my senses. Didn't have any clue what was happening. Heartbeat was faster than nascar. And I made two loud screams as I sat down on the floor. She put her arms around me. It was not true! It was not true..!! May be I've been dreaming ever since then. But I can't lose him!
"He gave you the heart." Doc said.
I didn't reply.
Cried more instead.
"I didn't want to do this." She said, "but I had to!"
I got up to see him.
"He convinced me."
His face was still as prettier as it was.
"We had to kill him before taking his heart, to make it legal."
I pulled him up in my arms, to give him a hug that I should have given when he'd brought my roll no. for AIEEE. A tear fell on his cheek. I leaned on him and touched his lips with mine... I wish I'd kissed him instead of slapping. I rested my head on his chest and stayed there for sometime...
Dr. Suman confessed in front of police that he killed zaroon for taking his heart. She took all the blame on herself and now is in jail.
Some people would blame me for still living after the death of zaroon. I don't know I'm right or wrong but I can't waste his sacrifice.
I'm married now. Living a perfectly normal life. But he's still there.. Somewhere...
I lived in his heart. And now his heart is living in me...




Written by,
GAURAV ARORA
www.fb.com/ediotgaurav