Darth Vader(Randy Johnson) I was a Sith Lord and my name was Darth Vader.
When I was young, I killed a lot of Tusken Raiders.
I sold my Pod for a lot of money when I was just a kid.
But I didn't have enough sense to spend it to buy Mom's freedom, that was really stupid.
After I cut off my son's hand at Cloud City, he decided to attempt suicide.
Later I saved him but because of the Emperor's force lightning, I got fried.
I used to choke people to death, I loved to use my evil powers.
But the pay sucked, being a Sith Lord only paid $2.00 an hour.
I asked my son to remove my mask because I wanted to use my own eyes to look at Luke.
But he quickly put a paper bag over my scarred head because seeing it made him puke.
First, my ghost was an old man but now I'm much younger, these changes that George Lucas constantly makes proves that he can't make up his mind.
I killed Jar Jar Binks with my lightsaber and everybody says that makes me a hero to all mankind.
When I became a Sith Lord, it caused the death of my bride.
But it was her constant nagging that drove me to the Dark Side.
You probably saw what happened to the Emperor's face right before I became a Sith.
Yes he ruled the galaxy but he was a man who no woman would sleep with.

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