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- Story Listed as: True Life For Adults
- Theme: Love stories / Romance
- Subject: Love / Romance / Dating
- Published: 09/27/2014
Being only child I was pampered all the time. Dad was always the special person in my life, he is the reason why I’m a tom girl and he is the one behind my I don’t care attitude. Right from my school days that different attitude and guts I had, to do anything for what I want made me unique among st others. For me my dad was everything in life until I met him.I never believed when my friends used to lecture me about feelings and stuff. But the day I saw him. I knew there is something special with that personality. And from that minute un knowingly I turned to be his spy.His height was the first thing that caught my attention. He was dressed in a red shirt with puma tracks and shoe. Me Being a pumas person created an impression over him. Though I never believed in love at first sight , I strongly believe that crush happens only at the first sight and it happened to me when I saw him.Loving someone can either take you to dizzying heights or break the trust forever. Slowly I got to know about him through Doc (owner of the gym) and rachna (gym mate). Doc confirmed me that he is single. I used to observe him every day. He is very reserved and decent types. Even rachna told me the same thing that he is an introvert. It took me a month for finding a way to talk to him. And that conversation didn’t even last for a minute. I used to text him using parties as a sole cause. Never got a reply. And the day he replied, was fools day. Loving someone or not is beyond your control. It didn’t take too long for me to like him. His smile would enlighten my thoughts every morning. But the more I peep over him at gym, the more I seemed to be lost. That’s when I realized that feelings do not hold value and it was the actual execution of one’s feelings that mattered. I got break from gym coz I got injured. I didn’t see him for a month. That was the time I was trying to come over him. There enters doc with his text. “CJ is missing you y aren’t you coming to gym?”. What else can stop me from joining gym after seeing that text? I was all excited to see him after a month. I entered gym and soon after signing in I turned back and he was standing right behind me. I said hi for which I got a replica answer.
It’s never easy for a heart to find an easy path. It wanders every time. Next day doc tried to make us both talk to each other. That’s when we started talking. He asked me the reason behind me missing gym these days. Next day doc asked me about weekend end plans and that’s when we decided to go out on party all together. Yep he was ready to come with me and I was all excited about it coz it’s a couples party and he is gonna be my partner.
I had no much expectations that this Mr. Shy will talk to me in the party. But he was totally a new person over there. He grabbed a beer and sat next to me. We spoke about things happening in life. Though we didn’t pass any hints, we just made clear to each other that we are single and ready to mingle . I’m not sure whether he’s the one for me or not, but I do accept the fact that I got a big fat crush on this guy that evening. He didn’t tell me that I look sexy neither did he flirt with me like many other guys did. But he was so humble to accept that he doesn’t know to dance and he was so sweet to compliment my dance. I don’t need to tell how special that evening was for me.
Love can neither be defined nor expressed. After the party we had a really long conversation on whatsapp. We were texting till 4am. The night was such that neither of us cared about whether the world is up or whether there was a moon in the sky. We just wanted the night to be continued.
. Doc is trying hard to put a seed in CJ’s mind, which is not all that easy. But still doc is too smart. He once made me sit behind mr.shy on his bike for some stupid reason that he can’t bear the weight of a protein box alone. He just did his weights with 80kgs and he can’t lift 5kgs box huh?? But still I wanted to go with him. I was just wondering what all ideas doc gets man!!!
PS: Me and doc has become best of buddies these days.
If you love and care for a person, you have to let the other person know about it. I thought I should give him a chance to miss me. And it worked. He sent me a text asking “what happened no text from the last day”. Hiding my excitement I started replying him casually. We used to chat all the night and wake up late for office the next morning. And still do the same thing next day.
Life was going so happy with doc’s help and ideas. Doc planned a trekking trip. For a sake it was a fitness trip .But doc solely planned trip for me and “CJ”. We went on trip had lots of fun. But one thing pissed me of was the call he got from his dad. His dad was urging him to get married and on that reason he wanted chiru to go Hyderabad to see a girl. I was upset with the fact that he is going to see the girl and some where little happy that he is not interested in that girl.
There was some strange change in his behaviour after he returned from hyd. He didn’t reply for my texts, no long conversations, no much eye contact. I felt he is kind of avoiding me. I got to know the reason from doc. His dad is emotionally blackmailing him to get married. Is he confused about me? Suchi told me that he might be worried about the age difference and he cant drag his bachelor life for another two years. I felt she is true but I couldn’t digest that fact. Suchi and her hubby are soo happy in their life after love and marriage..how sweet is that.
What do I do to get noticed by you? Change my hair? Change my clothes? Change the way I walk or change the way I talk? Its been a while since we’ve been known to each other. Yet I’m invisible to you. Your one look makes me go weak. It takes me to a place I cant even describe. Is it wrong if I want more of you? Why is it taking so much time for us to come together? What do I do to make you know how much I’m dying for a DATE with you…….is it some kind of attitude u r showing to me? And y I’m I so much into u, ignoring all those guys who r madly behind me?
I thought it’s high time to decide our relationship. I had no hopes that he will take a step. And so I took him to coffee on a fine evening. And like a stupid I asked him about his X. what hurts worst? Saying something and wishing you hadn't? or not saying something and wishing you had? He got mood out after my question and the coffee plan turned out to be a big flop coz of my stupidity.
6 months passed like 6 days. It was wonder full time. Little bit of ignorance, ego but also a great feeling which was playing hide and seek between us. I used to wait for Saturday mornings to enjoy that lovely ride with him. I make sure that I won’t go fall over him when he attacks the break. But those 20 minutes I had a feeling of flying in air. Never knew what was running in his mind but one thing was very clear that even he used to wait for Saturday mornings. Coz no idiot will wake up in the early hours of Saturday just for badminton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
However, if we expect our partner to fulfil our expectations every time, then its our duty to let them know what we expect from them. I thought of revealing to him. We went to TAJ on my birthday. I loved the way he mingled with suraj and my brother. He was talking so good to pavan anna. He gifted me a shirt which I liked so much. He danced for me which was a big shock and he posed for photos with me. Though I didn’t get a chance to open up I loved that evening with all my loved ones.
When a relationship fails, it hurts. But when you fail a person, it hurts even more. These days he has become more silent. Just one word answers to my text. No much conversation at gym. It was like heights of avoiding. I thought of asking him his opinion about me on my birthday party. But didn’t get a chance. I texted him that night for which I didn’t get any reply. Ok I understand he is kind of introvert and so I respect his privacy. But why doesn’t he open up to me at least. I waited for a week no change. I tried explaining him through whatsapp DP which was of no use. I was tired. I used to burst out. Cry like a mad girl for some reason which was killing me inside. I never said yes to any of the guys who approached me. And when I liked someone he is testing my honesty and patience. So I decided to end this drama.
But wait!!! Am I not over assuming ??? We both never discussed things personally. It’s all me assuming the situations and moving on. And now finally with my own assumption I’m I deciding to end this relation without knowing his opinion??? When I’m clear that he had or he still have some feelings for me why the heck should I end it????
After few days I went to doc I sat with him and spoke to him . I told doc that it’s not so easy for me to end up this relation for no reason, we didn’t reveal our feelings but for sure we are special for each other. I don’t know whether I love him or not but I can surely say that I like him.
I still remember the first day we got introduced to each other. We were too shy to talk then, and look at us now ! We’ve become the best of friends. I like every single topic related to him. i keep talking about him, I like those things which he like, I stopped doing things which he doesn’t like, I’m behaving matured, I’m no more irritating, in short I’m a changed person now, and neither I know that I’m changed till my friends told me. I’ve changed without my notice and for sure this change is not on force instead it was such a lovely feeling to feel the way I’ve changed ….
Not just me, even he has changed a lot in past 6 months. He never used to talk with any girl in gym, but he started talking to me, he crack jokes over me, he learnt to laugh over my stupid jokes, he manages to chat with me overnights, he made efforts to dance which I never expected. Earlier he was so uncomfortable talking to me but now he himself comes and talk to me, he is changed. He has adopted a new style of living. And it’s clearly visible.
Now our works out plans are changed. I work out for 1 and half an hour and he works out for more than 2 hours nearly 3 hours on go. He took DRS and is getting ripped (hot). I’m putting efforts to maintain myself to fit him. He is concentrating very much on his body and thankfully not neglecting me.
These days he is helping me with my college work, he keeps an eye on me when I’m working out, he knows what time I go to gym, he asks me “Y” I’m late or early to gym. He makes fun of me when I do something stupid, he gives me ideas what to choose and what not to, when I’m confused. He has become very humorous and affectionate these days.
Now my friends and even doc started asking me to get clarity to this strange relationship. It’s been pretty long, since we know each other. we are good friends, we laugh at each other, we share stupid jokes, we share feelings, we exchange thoughts but there is always something more than just friends between us. I’m waiting for him to open up and he might be waiting for my hints which I can never give might be bcoz I’m not so good at this concept. I might look tom girl types, fast, kidish , cool but when I’m in front of him I just go numb and I feel a proper girl.
“When I first interacted with you, you were sweet and genuine. It felt like a string connected me directly to your heart. There is something strong taking place between us and instead of letting it pass, we should act upon it.” these were the words I always wanted to tell you directly but couldn’t.
And so I decided to print out my feelings as words. After he reads this book at least I expect him to either ask me out on a date, else simply text me that he has no other feelings for me but friends. I’ll be happy if he offers a date, but wont get depressed if he doesn’t.
That was the time I thought of giving him this writing on his birthday and wait for his answer to decide an end…but things went wrong again…his birthday had already passed and he didn’t tell either me or Doc about it. So I didn’t get a chance to give him the book and so here I continue….
It’s been 5 days since we spoke to each other directly or indirectly and neither did we met at gym. But strangely he was chatting with Priya (new Telugaite @ gym) all these days. Tough I m not jealous I felt bad that he is giving more importance to a new person than me.
All relationships should come with a precautionary statement “Handle With Care”. Every thing was a mess and things were getting complicated with each passing day. I took an oath that I won’t text him anymore until unless he texts me. Coz, I did nothing wrong…After 5 days we met at gym and he came to abs room and just coz I was there, he spoke to me…and that night he finally texted me and that text was about the house brokerage charge…whatever, he texted me and so I can break my oath……
next day he came to gym at regular time and after gym I asked him to drop me till nilgiris which he did. He was quiet normal during the ride. But don’t know what made him do so, he suddenly left the groups…he started showing attitude at gym…and it was so shocking that I didn’t get irritated of his behaviour. I felt I’m showing all my maturity and patience in there.
Feelings always speak the truth. If you try to hide them , then they come out through other unspoken means .My patience was getting weak. Doc asked me to forget him…but I couldn’t do that…he was and he is my first love… Finally I asked him what’s wrong…..I got a very rude and tough answer for my question. I was blocked on his whatsapp…and he posted a quote on fp group which was actually for me telling not to disturb him, so I had to put an end….. I decided not to run behind him anymore........doc asked me to maintain some distance so that I can forgive him easily… I completely stopped texting him, I never went to gym on his timings, I tried avoiding him as much as possible.
After 2 weeks we all went on a party to amnesia. Me, doc, cj, Priya, Suchi and sujaan. I didn’t bother much about “cj” . But still I asked him once to join me to the dance floor. But he said no after which I dint ask him again. Suchi and sujaan are one such awesome couples I’ve seen . They were just like friends more than wife and husband. Me, doc, Suchi and sujaan stepped our feet for the music on floor while cj and Priya sat in the lounge. We four were enjoying the music moving our body while they both were sharing some conversation. Me doc started salsa and after a while doc stepped out and so I thought I’ll give some privacy to suchi and sujaan. So I too came out and had some water and got a beer for him.
What’s fate???? Not getting a person when u wanted or getting the same person when u least expect???? After I stepped out of the dance floor, cj came to me and stood in front of him with the support of wall behind me. He was right in front of me. That was the first time I saw him in that close. I could feel his breath. I started to sweat. I can clearly observe that some chemistry was working between us. I felt like he is trying to kiss me that minute. In fact even I wanted to. But I’m I such a bewitch??? I decided to ignore him…but now I feel like kissing him…but in that very minute I closed my eyes, Suchi came out and called me. I don’t know whether she disturbed us or saved me from falling for him again…..latter we both sat on a table and shared a long conversation. If I would have asked him that minute for a date he would have not said no for sure. But all in vain. I couldn’t reveal. So I sat numb just blaming myself, but didn’t feel like walking away for him. Coz I loved the warmth of his body. That evening 13-09-2014 will be an ever special one. We both had lots of fun after a long time. We forgot all the fights and stupidity between us and just jelled up live that minute like never ending.
After three weeks after amnesia…I organized doc’s birthday party @ Big Brew Sky. In these 3 weeks I spent every single day thinking about all possible ways to reveal . Last party made me go mad. I so much wanted to reveal to him and go on a date with him. So I made the arrangements so romantic. I dressed myself in a shirt which he gifted me. Right from the time we entered there he was stuck with his phone. We started playing truth or dare where I finally reveled that cj is my first love for which he didn’t show any expressions. But guess what all my efforts went waste. I was little surprised to see him stuck with phone but latter the surprise turned out to be a shock when he said that he got committed to a girl last week. I felt like someone shot me down . My first love is no more ………he is been snatched by someone else. lucky she…….but somehow I managed not to show off my grief that minute. …..but y did this happen? Y didn’t he like me? What wrong with me??? I didn’t get any of the answers, but I just reminded my favorite quote ” every thing happens for a good reason”.
Some people walk in to our lives by accident and stay with us in hearts forever. I don’t regret my feelings for him. coz he is such a wonderful human, but with a broken heart. One of the hardest decisions you’ll ever make in life is choosing whether to walk away or stay back and keep trying harder. I’m ending this not coz I don’t like him….I'm ending this coz I love him. He has already gone trough crazy breakup scenes earlier…this time he just cant recover if something fishy happens. There comes a time in life when we realize that we cannot force love, respect or friendship.
In spite of the fact that I rejected many guys in the past 10 months just for CJ, …I’m anyways not gonna marry “CJ” coz of family and age issues…moreover he is not ready to take a step and ask what I wanted…..now I know he is not the one I’m gonna share my life with..but still..I wanted him to take me on a date at least……..one date , one hug, and…one kiss would have made my first love a ever memorable one…. sounds weird and funny but I mean it.
To love somebody isn’t just a strong feeling; it’s a decision, a judgment and a promise. You came to me like a wave that goes away in fraction of seconds. You change your mood like the change of seasons. I always dreamt about us being together, not for life time though. But it seems like you had other plans for yourself. At least you could have asked me once what I needed or what my expectations were. I wouldn’t have asked for your hand in marriage for sure coz I understand it doesn’t work practically and I’m not the one who sit in a dark room crying for it. Sometimes all doors might be closed, but they aren’t always locked. If not love, y not a date?????????????????????????
P.S : one side love is fun…
i realized that it never ends(seethu)
Being only child I was pampered all the time. Dad was always the special person in my life, he is the reason why I’m a tom girl and he is the one behind my I don’t care attitude. Right from my school days that different attitude and guts I had, to do anything for what I want made me unique among st others. For me my dad was everything in life until I met him.I never believed when my friends used to lecture me about feelings and stuff. But the day I saw him. I knew there is something special with that personality. And from that minute un knowingly I turned to be his spy.His height was the first thing that caught my attention. He was dressed in a red shirt with puma tracks and shoe. Me Being a pumas person created an impression over him. Though I never believed in love at first sight , I strongly believe that crush happens only at the first sight and it happened to me when I saw him.Loving someone can either take you to dizzying heights or break the trust forever. Slowly I got to know about him through Doc (owner of the gym) and rachna (gym mate). Doc confirmed me that he is single. I used to observe him every day. He is very reserved and decent types. Even rachna told me the same thing that he is an introvert. It took me a month for finding a way to talk to him. And that conversation didn’t even last for a minute. I used to text him using parties as a sole cause. Never got a reply. And the day he replied, was fools day. Loving someone or not is beyond your control. It didn’t take too long for me to like him. His smile would enlighten my thoughts every morning. But the more I peep over him at gym, the more I seemed to be lost. That’s when I realized that feelings do not hold value and it was the actual execution of one’s feelings that mattered. I got break from gym coz I got injured. I didn’t see him for a month. That was the time I was trying to come over him. There enters doc with his text. “CJ is missing you y aren’t you coming to gym?”. What else can stop me from joining gym after seeing that text? I was all excited to see him after a month. I entered gym and soon after signing in I turned back and he was standing right behind me. I said hi for which I got a replica answer.
It’s never easy for a heart to find an easy path. It wanders every time. Next day doc tried to make us both talk to each other. That’s when we started talking. He asked me the reason behind me missing gym these days. Next day doc asked me about weekend end plans and that’s when we decided to go out on party all together. Yep he was ready to come with me and I was all excited about it coz it’s a couples party and he is gonna be my partner.
I had no much expectations that this Mr. Shy will talk to me in the party. But he was totally a new person over there. He grabbed a beer and sat next to me. We spoke about things happening in life. Though we didn’t pass any hints, we just made clear to each other that we are single and ready to mingle . I’m not sure whether he’s the one for me or not, but I do accept the fact that I got a big fat crush on this guy that evening. He didn’t tell me that I look sexy neither did he flirt with me like many other guys did. But he was so humble to accept that he doesn’t know to dance and he was so sweet to compliment my dance. I don’t need to tell how special that evening was for me.
Love can neither be defined nor expressed. After the party we had a really long conversation on whatsapp. We were texting till 4am. The night was such that neither of us cared about whether the world is up or whether there was a moon in the sky. We just wanted the night to be continued.
. Doc is trying hard to put a seed in CJ’s mind, which is not all that easy. But still doc is too smart. He once made me sit behind mr.shy on his bike for some stupid reason that he can’t bear the weight of a protein box alone. He just did his weights with 80kgs and he can’t lift 5kgs box huh?? But still I wanted to go with him. I was just wondering what all ideas doc gets man!!!
PS: Me and doc has become best of buddies these days.
If you love and care for a person, you have to let the other person know about it. I thought I should give him a chance to miss me. And it worked. He sent me a text asking “what happened no text from the last day”. Hiding my excitement I started replying him casually. We used to chat all the night and wake up late for office the next morning. And still do the same thing next day.
Life was going so happy with doc’s help and ideas. Doc planned a trekking trip. For a sake it was a fitness trip .But doc solely planned trip for me and “CJ”. We went on trip had lots of fun. But one thing pissed me of was the call he got from his dad. His dad was urging him to get married and on that reason he wanted chiru to go Hyderabad to see a girl. I was upset with the fact that he is going to see the girl and some where little happy that he is not interested in that girl.
There was some strange change in his behaviour after he returned from hyd. He didn’t reply for my texts, no long conversations, no much eye contact. I felt he is kind of avoiding me. I got to know the reason from doc. His dad is emotionally blackmailing him to get married. Is he confused about me? Suchi told me that he might be worried about the age difference and he cant drag his bachelor life for another two years. I felt she is true but I couldn’t digest that fact. Suchi and her hubby are soo happy in their life after love and marriage..how sweet is that.
What do I do to get noticed by you? Change my hair? Change my clothes? Change the way I walk or change the way I talk? Its been a while since we’ve been known to each other. Yet I’m invisible to you. Your one look makes me go weak. It takes me to a place I cant even describe. Is it wrong if I want more of you? Why is it taking so much time for us to come together? What do I do to make you know how much I’m dying for a DATE with you…….is it some kind of attitude u r showing to me? And y I’m I so much into u, ignoring all those guys who r madly behind me?
I thought it’s high time to decide our relationship. I had no hopes that he will take a step. And so I took him to coffee on a fine evening. And like a stupid I asked him about his X. what hurts worst? Saying something and wishing you hadn't? or not saying something and wishing you had? He got mood out after my question and the coffee plan turned out to be a big flop coz of my stupidity.
6 months passed like 6 days. It was wonder full time. Little bit of ignorance, ego but also a great feeling which was playing hide and seek between us. I used to wait for Saturday mornings to enjoy that lovely ride with him. I make sure that I won’t go fall over him when he attacks the break. But those 20 minutes I had a feeling of flying in air. Never knew what was running in his mind but one thing was very clear that even he used to wait for Saturday mornings. Coz no idiot will wake up in the early hours of Saturday just for badminton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
However, if we expect our partner to fulfil our expectations every time, then its our duty to let them know what we expect from them. I thought of revealing to him. We went to TAJ on my birthday. I loved the way he mingled with suraj and my brother. He was talking so good to pavan anna. He gifted me a shirt which I liked so much. He danced for me which was a big shock and he posed for photos with me. Though I didn’t get a chance to open up I loved that evening with all my loved ones.
When a relationship fails, it hurts. But when you fail a person, it hurts even more. These days he has become more silent. Just one word answers to my text. No much conversation at gym. It was like heights of avoiding. I thought of asking him his opinion about me on my birthday party. But didn’t get a chance. I texted him that night for which I didn’t get any reply. Ok I understand he is kind of introvert and so I respect his privacy. But why doesn’t he open up to me at least. I waited for a week no change. I tried explaining him through whatsapp DP which was of no use. I was tired. I used to burst out. Cry like a mad girl for some reason which was killing me inside. I never said yes to any of the guys who approached me. And when I liked someone he is testing my honesty and patience. So I decided to end this drama.
But wait!!! Am I not over assuming ??? We both never discussed things personally. It’s all me assuming the situations and moving on. And now finally with my own assumption I’m I deciding to end this relation without knowing his opinion??? When I’m clear that he had or he still have some feelings for me why the heck should I end it????
After few days I went to doc I sat with him and spoke to him . I told doc that it’s not so easy for me to end up this relation for no reason, we didn’t reveal our feelings but for sure we are special for each other. I don’t know whether I love him or not but I can surely say that I like him.
I still remember the first day we got introduced to each other. We were too shy to talk then, and look at us now ! We’ve become the best of friends. I like every single topic related to him. i keep talking about him, I like those things which he like, I stopped doing things which he doesn’t like, I’m behaving matured, I’m no more irritating, in short I’m a changed person now, and neither I know that I’m changed till my friends told me. I’ve changed without my notice and for sure this change is not on force instead it was such a lovely feeling to feel the way I’ve changed ….
Not just me, even he has changed a lot in past 6 months. He never used to talk with any girl in gym, but he started talking to me, he crack jokes over me, he learnt to laugh over my stupid jokes, he manages to chat with me overnights, he made efforts to dance which I never expected. Earlier he was so uncomfortable talking to me but now he himself comes and talk to me, he is changed. He has adopted a new style of living. And it’s clearly visible.
Now our works out plans are changed. I work out for 1 and half an hour and he works out for more than 2 hours nearly 3 hours on go. He took DRS and is getting ripped (hot). I’m putting efforts to maintain myself to fit him. He is concentrating very much on his body and thankfully not neglecting me.
These days he is helping me with my college work, he keeps an eye on me when I’m working out, he knows what time I go to gym, he asks me “Y” I’m late or early to gym. He makes fun of me when I do something stupid, he gives me ideas what to choose and what not to, when I’m confused. He has become very humorous and affectionate these days.
Now my friends and even doc started asking me to get clarity to this strange relationship. It’s been pretty long, since we know each other. we are good friends, we laugh at each other, we share stupid jokes, we share feelings, we exchange thoughts but there is always something more than just friends between us. I’m waiting for him to open up and he might be waiting for my hints which I can never give might be bcoz I’m not so good at this concept. I might look tom girl types, fast, kidish , cool but when I’m in front of him I just go numb and I feel a proper girl.
“When I first interacted with you, you were sweet and genuine. It felt like a string connected me directly to your heart. There is something strong taking place between us and instead of letting it pass, we should act upon it.” these were the words I always wanted to tell you directly but couldn’t.
And so I decided to print out my feelings as words. After he reads this book at least I expect him to either ask me out on a date, else simply text me that he has no other feelings for me but friends. I’ll be happy if he offers a date, but wont get depressed if he doesn’t.
That was the time I thought of giving him this writing on his birthday and wait for his answer to decide an end…but things went wrong again…his birthday had already passed and he didn’t tell either me or Doc about it. So I didn’t get a chance to give him the book and so here I continue….
It’s been 5 days since we spoke to each other directly or indirectly and neither did we met at gym. But strangely he was chatting with Priya (new Telugaite @ gym) all these days. Tough I m not jealous I felt bad that he is giving more importance to a new person than me.
All relationships should come with a precautionary statement “Handle With Care”. Every thing was a mess and things were getting complicated with each passing day. I took an oath that I won’t text him anymore until unless he texts me. Coz, I did nothing wrong…After 5 days we met at gym and he came to abs room and just coz I was there, he spoke to me…and that night he finally texted me and that text was about the house brokerage charge…whatever, he texted me and so I can break my oath……
next day he came to gym at regular time and after gym I asked him to drop me till nilgiris which he did. He was quiet normal during the ride. But don’t know what made him do so, he suddenly left the groups…he started showing attitude at gym…and it was so shocking that I didn’t get irritated of his behaviour. I felt I’m showing all my maturity and patience in there.
Feelings always speak the truth. If you try to hide them , then they come out through other unspoken means .My patience was getting weak. Doc asked me to forget him…but I couldn’t do that…he was and he is my first love… Finally I asked him what’s wrong…..I got a very rude and tough answer for my question. I was blocked on his whatsapp…and he posted a quote on fp group which was actually for me telling not to disturb him, so I had to put an end….. I decided not to run behind him anymore........doc asked me to maintain some distance so that I can forgive him easily… I completely stopped texting him, I never went to gym on his timings, I tried avoiding him as much as possible.
After 2 weeks we all went on a party to amnesia. Me, doc, cj, Priya, Suchi and sujaan. I didn’t bother much about “cj” . But still I asked him once to join me to the dance floor. But he said no after which I dint ask him again. Suchi and sujaan are one such awesome couples I’ve seen . They were just like friends more than wife and husband. Me, doc, Suchi and sujaan stepped our feet for the music on floor while cj and Priya sat in the lounge. We four were enjoying the music moving our body while they both were sharing some conversation. Me doc started salsa and after a while doc stepped out and so I thought I’ll give some privacy to suchi and sujaan. So I too came out and had some water and got a beer for him.
What’s fate???? Not getting a person when u wanted or getting the same person when u least expect???? After I stepped out of the dance floor, cj came to me and stood in front of him with the support of wall behind me. He was right in front of me. That was the first time I saw him in that close. I could feel his breath. I started to sweat. I can clearly observe that some chemistry was working between us. I felt like he is trying to kiss me that minute. In fact even I wanted to. But I’m I such a bewitch??? I decided to ignore him…but now I feel like kissing him…but in that very minute I closed my eyes, Suchi came out and called me. I don’t know whether she disturbed us or saved me from falling for him again…..latter we both sat on a table and shared a long conversation. If I would have asked him that minute for a date he would have not said no for sure. But all in vain. I couldn’t reveal. So I sat numb just blaming myself, but didn’t feel like walking away for him. Coz I loved the warmth of his body. That evening 13-09-2014 will be an ever special one. We both had lots of fun after a long time. We forgot all the fights and stupidity between us and just jelled up live that minute like never ending.
After three weeks after amnesia…I organized doc’s birthday party @ Big Brew Sky. In these 3 weeks I spent every single day thinking about all possible ways to reveal . Last party made me go mad. I so much wanted to reveal to him and go on a date with him. So I made the arrangements so romantic. I dressed myself in a shirt which he gifted me. Right from the time we entered there he was stuck with his phone. We started playing truth or dare where I finally reveled that cj is my first love for which he didn’t show any expressions. But guess what all my efforts went waste. I was little surprised to see him stuck with phone but latter the surprise turned out to be a shock when he said that he got committed to a girl last week. I felt like someone shot me down . My first love is no more ………he is been snatched by someone else. lucky she…….but somehow I managed not to show off my grief that minute. …..but y did this happen? Y didn’t he like me? What wrong with me??? I didn’t get any of the answers, but I just reminded my favorite quote ” every thing happens for a good reason”.
Some people walk in to our lives by accident and stay with us in hearts forever. I don’t regret my feelings for him. coz he is such a wonderful human, but with a broken heart. One of the hardest decisions you’ll ever make in life is choosing whether to walk away or stay back and keep trying harder. I’m ending this not coz I don’t like him….I'm ending this coz I love him. He has already gone trough crazy breakup scenes earlier…this time he just cant recover if something fishy happens. There comes a time in life when we realize that we cannot force love, respect or friendship.
In spite of the fact that I rejected many guys in the past 10 months just for CJ, …I’m anyways not gonna marry “CJ” coz of family and age issues…moreover he is not ready to take a step and ask what I wanted…..now I know he is not the one I’m gonna share my life with..but still..I wanted him to take me on a date at least……..one date , one hug, and…one kiss would have made my first love a ever memorable one…. sounds weird and funny but I mean it.
To love somebody isn’t just a strong feeling; it’s a decision, a judgment and a promise. You came to me like a wave that goes away in fraction of seconds. You change your mood like the change of seasons. I always dreamt about us being together, not for life time though. But it seems like you had other plans for yourself. At least you could have asked me once what I needed or what my expectations were. I wouldn’t have asked for your hand in marriage for sure coz I understand it doesn’t work practically and I’m not the one who sit in a dark room crying for it. Sometimes all doors might be closed, but they aren’t always locked. If not love, y not a date?????????????????????????
P.S : one side love is fun…
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