Where has my Life Gone

Where has my Life Gone(Holly Wenzell) I look back at the past year of my life and I have no idea why I did any of it. Yes it was fun and I grew up and experienced things I never thought I would ever. At the same time I feel like that time was just wasted by things I could have learned in a more sensible way. I realize the people I was with were not my friend’s just acquaintances and they did not want my true friendship, but just another girl with them so they felt more popular. I was used and when I look back now I realize it was all just a blip in my life that I will forget soon enough.

When you think about a true friend what comes to mind? I think of someone who is always a phone call or drive away in an urgent situation and would never judge what happened to you. I think of someone who would rather stay home and watch an old movie with you then go meet 10 hot guys. I think a true friend thinks more about how to make you happy than themselves.

I seem to go through this pattern of finding a best friend and then they move away suddenly and I am left feeling lost again. First, they moved out of the state, then I moved many hours away, then one by one they started to move out of the country. I am left now with just one true friend, but that being said she is a few years older and has a new boyfriend which if anyone knows what that’s like its pretty difficult. I talk more on the phone to long distance friends than I do in person. Its that lost feeling you get in your gut when you know something needs to change because if it does not shit will hit the fan.

What to do next with your life is probably one of the most asked questions these days. I ask that question to myself on the daily and I never really find the answer. Should I continue what I am doing now and forever be lost or should I go out and do something with my skills. All I see is one of those road signs in my head that has U-turn on it telling me to re look at my options. But what does that mean and if I did turn around where would that leave me.

That makes you think is the voice in your head supposed to be helping you or hindering, is it your conscious or is it something trying to knock you down, who is actually on your side and who is not.

Why have I made all the choices I have these past months. Where would I be if noticed the people around me really were not my friends and just using me. Would I be happier if I just stopped listening to the people around me or the voices in my head.

Where am I and what am I doing.