Wheel of Fortune

Wheel of Fortune(DC Buhrman) Wheel of Fortune
(Based on a true story)


Tinker Tot sat on top of John’s easy chair watching Wheel of Fortune. She loved words, learned most of her vocabulary from Wheel, Jeopardy, Dora the Explorer and Animal Planet. She ran her tongue along her black furry paws, smoothed down her whiskers and gazed at her son, Claws. He stretched, then moseyed over to the open sliding glass door.
Tinker turned back to the TV and concentrated on the unturned letters: _at g _ _ you_ t_ _ _ _ _ “Cat got your tongue," she meowed at the screen.
Claws hissed.
Tinker Tot’s ears twitched. Max, the German Sheppard John brought home three days before snarled.
Tinker Tot jumped off the recliner. She watched her boy arch his massive back. He turned sideways refusing to let the dog pass through the sliding glass door. “Let him in, Claws,” Tinker Tot meowed.
Claws spit.
Max growled.
John leaped from the recliner. He grabbed a newspaper from the magazine rack.
Tinker dashed under the dining room table and hopped onto a chair.
John whipped the Tribune against the back of the couch. “I’ve had enough of that, you two!”
“Not again,” Kelly shouted from the kitchen. “You never should have brought Max home.”
“It’s not Max. It’s Claws,” John shouted tossing the paper on the couch as he went back to his La-Z-Boy.
Oh no, Tinker Tot thought. She peered from under the table to see Claws saunter over to his blanket by the fireplace. Max, with his tail between his legs, his back hairs raised, stretched on the floor beside John.
Tinker Tot bound off the chair and meandered over to her master. She jumped on the back of his recliner and ran her tongue across John’s head.
“Okay Tink,” John said. “I won’t flip the channels. Not while Pat and Vanna are on.”
Funny, Tinker thought, how humans misunderstood cats. She gave him lovins to calm him. Of course, he wouldn’t flick the channel. She’d cry in front of the flat screen until he, Kelly or one of the kids turned it to her favorite TV show. And to think humans thought they domesticated cats. Why, it was cats who domesticated humans.
The Sheppard rolled sideways. Tinker Tot glared at him. He had the gall to lick his privates in public and the bad manners to act like he enjoyed it.
Five years ago John and Kelly adopted her and Claws from Warm Heart, a community safe haven for kittens and cats. As a park ranger, John trained dogs, and for some reason, brought Max home to live with them. Since that day, Tinker noticed her son’s kibble sat untouched. She discovered clumps of his fur and hairballs under the sofa.
Pat and Vanna waved goodnight. Tinker Tot observed Claws as he stretched and strolled over to the sliding glass door. She leaped off John’s chair and scampered up the stairs into Emily’s room.
“Hi TT,” Emily said looking up from her computer. “Wanna surf the net?”
Tinker Tot ignored her and jumped onto the windowsill.
She saw her brown and gray boy stroll across Buckingham Road. “Oh, my God!” Tinker cried. A car almost hit Claws!
“What’s the matter T.T.?”
Tinker Tot pressed her face against the window. “Whew,” she sighed. She watched him creep into the fields that led deep into the canyon. It bothered Tinker that for the last couple of nights, Claws didn’t come home. Tinker would bet her pate that Claws chose to hunt for his food like some field cat. She must find Claws a new home before he got killed crossing Buckingham Road.

***

The next morning, while The Today Show hummed in the background, Tinker Tot slipped out of her collar. She shoved it under John’s easy chair. The sliding door was closed, so Tinker waited until Kelly left to do her morning errands and crept out behind her.
Tinker peeked around a bush as Kelly drove away in the truck. She slinked through the yard of overgrown shrubs, Sam’s bicycle, a picnic bench, and autumn leaves piled for the green trash. She preferred the safety of the indoors, the smells from the kitchen as Kelly cooked dinner, the crackling wood in the fireplace, curling up in the nook of Emily’s neck at bedtime, and most of all, the big-screen TV.
She’d seen road kill, watched as cars, trucks and vans zoomed down the street. She didn’t want to be a speed bump for some anxious two-footer who wished to get home a few seconds early. But, motherhood conquered all fears when it came to her Claws. She hugged Danner Street and headed toward Buckingham Road in search of a loving home for her son.
Tinker took in the room without walls. She saw mountains in the distance, with Monterey Pines in the foreground, pampas grass, California poppies, vines crawling over tree stumps, and houses.
Fog off the ocean dampened her black fur. She sniffed the air. Floating on currents, she caught whiffs of chimney smoke.
At the corner of Danner and Buckingham, Tinker Tot looked left then right. She sprinted across the road into the field where John said he’d seen a bobcat. She kept low to the ground, her ears back, her tail down. She didn’t want to be some bigger animal’s wet food.
She glanced about hoping to see Claws.
Tinker crossed the driveway of a large home. She strolled up to the gate when an earsplitting bark scared the bejesus out of her. She tore off until she found herself at the next house.
The funky looking place had surfboards, motorcycle helmets, a sofa with a car tire on the front porch and that odor from a cigarette Emily smoked with her friends that made them giggly. They’d say things too deep for Tinker to understand. If John smelled it, he would storm into the room and make Emily’s friends leave. No, this house wasn’t wholesome enough for her Claws. Tinker Tot moved on.
The next place had the garage door open. A radio blared with a man’s agitated voice spouting hatred of the President, chastising single mothers and making fun of gay people. No way.
Tinker Tot sneaked through the tall grass. “Oh my, what’s that?” Down the road, beyond the stretch of tree stumps, poison oak, pine cones and wild flowers, she saw a blonde lady scattering seeds on the ground. A dark-haired woman carried a bucket down the hill and poured water into a birdbath. But what Tinker saw in the window made her heart boomerang. Sitting in a cat-condo staring out was a huge gray striped cat with at least three chins and a black one with white markings on her face.
Tinker crept forward. She heard scraping and hammering. She looked up. A man adjusted a dish to the roof. Wow, satellite TV, not cable, Tinker thought. Unopened boxes sat on the driveway. She heard a car door slam, saw a phone company truck drive away.
“Good signal,” the man on the roof yelled. He came down a ladder. Tinker hid behind a shrub with lavender blossoms. She watched as he walked across the driveway, descended the small bank into the field next to the house and gave the blonde lady a sheet of paper. He left.
The women went inside their home. So far, no sign of dogs, but Tinker Tot would give the residence the smell test. She inched nearer to the house. Birds eating fresh seed flew away when they saw her. Squirrels darted up trees. Tinker Tot swished her tail high. She liked being scary. She never chased a bird or nabbed a squirrel. It was beneath her to hunt when Kelly made sure her bowl brimmed with chicken and salmon.
Tinker Tot army-crawled like she saw soldiers do on the History Channel around the periphery of the house. She kept her nose to the ground, no dog poop anywhere. When she circled the house she smelled under the garage door. Only cats. She inspected the fence and gate. No Beware of Dog sign.
Tinker Tot scaled the pickets into the women’s yard. A rock tiered water fountain, a terra-cotta pot filled with purple pansies and a hanging basket of flowers decorated the front porch. Open boxes sat on a small bench near the door. For Tinker, the place had the feel of people who lived clean, moral lives, so far, a perfect home for her baby.
She sat facing their front door with down curled cat lips, raised her white whiskered eyebrows and hoped her expression was pitiful. She sat in the same position for what seemed like hours. Her eyes grew heavy. Didn’t they have errands to do, like Kelly? She blinked herself awake. She became drowsy. Her plump body leaned to the left, lost balance, and rolled over. What the heck, she thought, and took a nap.
Her ears twitched. She heard a noise inside the house. She sat up, brushed a backhanded paw along both sides of her face.
The front door opened.
“Well, hello. Where’d you come from?” the dark-haired lady asked, as she picked up a box from the bench.
The first thing Tinker saw was her bare feet.
“Are you hungry, sweet thing?”
Tinker could nod but it might freak her out so she let loose a boisterous meow. She bent her head back and gazed up at the slender woman. Her hair pulled into a ponytail. She wore jeans, and a baggy sweater. She reminded Tinker of a woman she saw on Dancing with the Stars.
“Hey, Kim! You should see what we have on our front porch.”
“What, Natalie?”
Tinker saw the blonde lady rush down the hall in sweat pants and a Bob Dylan t-shirt. “Oh wow, she’s beautiful.” She took the box from Natalie and set it inside the house. “Does she have a collar?”
Natalie reached for Tinker, but she backed away. She’d play hard to get until she had the ladies trained.
“It’s okay,” Natalie said. “I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to. I don’t think she has one. It’s kinda hard to tell. She’s so furry.”
“She looks well fed,” Kim said.
Tinker Tot sucked in her stomach.
“You want some kibble,” Natalie asked.
Tinker Tot batted her eyes.
“Oh, she’s so cute. I’ll get some,” Natalie said.
Kim poked through a box on the bench. “You live around here?” Kim asked. “You look brushed.”
The blonde wasn’t a softie like the brunette. She'd have to charm her into compliance.
Natalie came back with a bowl of kibble. “I’m going to the market. I’ll pick up more dry food.” She kissed Kim good-bye stepped into a pair of flip-flops and went out the gate.
“She must belong to someone,” Kim said.
Natalie opened the car door. “Then what’s she doing here?”
Tinker Tot watched Natalie back out of the driveway.
The fat gray striped cat Tinker saw in the condo stuck its nose out the door. She curled her top lip at Tinker. Tinker merely peered over the bowl while eating the other cat’s kibble.
The striped cat hissed.
“Don’t worry, Waffles. I think she’s just visiting.”
Waffles, Tinker mused. How about Pancakes? The door closed. Tinker Tot ate all the food. She climbed the fence not wanting to miss the lady judge on TV who yells at stupid people. She headed home along Buckingham Road wondering what her son was up to.
On her way through the field, she spotted Claws chasing a butterfly. When he tired of that, he batted a small pinecone. A wistful feeling welled up inside her as she watched him stick his nose into a gopher hole. “Claws,” Tinker Tot meowed.
He turned his head with its lush mane. “What are you doing here, Mom?”
“I’ll let you know when it’s time. Till then, stay out of the street. Watch out for cars.”
“I have nine lives.”
“Don’t be smart-alecky.”
Claws strolled over to his mother. He brought his nose to hers, and they touched.
Tinker heard the wind through the pines and felt it ruffle her fur. “You like it out here, don’t you?”
“Beats hangin’ with a dog. Yeah Mom, I’m a Tomcat. I’m a man.”
Tinker could remind him that he’s neutered but why spoil his self-image.

***

Every morning, Tinker Tot snuck out of the house and headed for Kim and Natalie’s. Kim was easy to manipulate. All Tinker had to do was show up every day unbrushed, with leaves in her fur. The couple greeted her with high voices the way humans do and gave her kibble. She put on so much weight her collar no longer fit. So under John’s chair it stayed. No one mentioned the missing choker or that she couldn’t make the jump from the floor to the top of John’s chair. If she didn’t cut down soon she’d look like Waffles.
With the family oohing and ahhing over Max, no one noticed her gone in the mornings. But they did notice Claws’ absence.
One morning on her way to Kim and Natalie’s, she found Claws dozing in the hollow of a fallen tree.
“Wakeup Claws. You need to come home at least once a day.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want John to find you out here. He might take you back to Warm Heart. Just show up. But be careful crossing the street. I think I’ve found you a new home.”
“The canyon and fields are my home.”
“They can’t take you to the vet, make sure you’re fed, give you water and cream, or scratch your back.” If only John hadn’t brought home that dog. But, Tinker knew that cats never settled for seconds the way that humans do.

***

Two weeks had passed since Tinker Tot met Kim and Natalie. The first stage of her plan had succeeded. Time now for the finale.
She made her trek through the field and found Claws napping between the roots of an oak tree. “C’mon son, get up and clean your face and whiskers.”
Claws yawned and rolled on his back. “What for?”
“It’s time to meet Kim and Natalie.”
Tinker Tot led Claws through the meadow, across the women’s driveway and over their fence.
She sat in her usual spot. “Sit here by me.”
Claws lined himself up beside his mother.
Tinker Tot felt a swelling in her chest; pride mixed with sadness as she gazed upon her son. “I love you, dear boy. Now you give these nice ladies a reason to adopt you. Wait until you’re in charge before you gift them with gopher and mice heads. And if you forget and leave their bodies on the porch, make sure they're dead. Stay out of the poison oak. Don’t want them to get it by touching you. Their indoor gray fat cat is jealous. My bet is you’ll be their outdoor cat.”
“I could do this alone, mom.”
“No Claws, they know me. Humans can be wary.” Tinker turned back to the door.
“How long do we have to sit here?” Claws asked.
“Until someone comes out.”
“I’m hungry.”
“So am I. Be patient. Their kibble is better than John and Kelly’s.”
Tinker Tot heard Waffles meowing under the front door. Another cat meowed, higher pitched. Tinker thought it must be the black-and-white cat. Then she heard human voices.
The door opened. Kim stood before them with a bowl of kibble in her hand. “Oh wow. Natalie!” she yelled. “You’re not going to believe this. There’s another one. You should see the size of this cat.”
“Another cat?” Natalie shouted coming up the stairs.
“He’s bigger than Waffles. And looks like a lion.”
Tinker’s eyes sparkled. As soon as Kim put the bowl down Tinker ate.
Natalie opened the door wide. “I wonder where he came from.” Tinker looked up to see the two women and two cats staring out at Claws. “Don’t you guys go outside,” Natalie said. “Oh, he’s gorgeous!”
This will be easy, Tinker Tot thought. She went back to eating.
“Let me get another bowl,” Natalie said.
“Wait.”
Tinker looked up.
“What if he’s not fixed?” Kim asked.
“He is,” Tinker meowed.
“Look at him,” Kim added. “Do we really want to feed him? He must be at least thirty-five pounds.”
Uh-oh, Tinker thought. This might take some finessing.
“He is big,” Natalie said. “But look how sweet he is, waiting for Kaboose to finish eating.”
Kaboose? Tinker Tot gaped at the ponytailed woman. They called her, Kaboose! Where’d they get these names, off catmania.com? She looked at Claws. “Charm them.”
He gazed up at the women and meowed.
“We have to feed him,” Natalie pleaded.
“You’re so easily manipulated." But Kim left and came back with another bowl of dry food.
As soon as the plate touched the cement, Claws stuck his face in the kibble.
He glanced at his mother. “Their kibble is better.”
While Claws scarfed down the food Tinker Tot saw Waffles stick her head between Natalie’s legs.
Natalie picked her up. “Look Waffles, a tom, he’s bigger than you are.”
Waffles spit at the cats. “Don’t worry. You and Belly Boo won’t have to share your house.”
Belly Boo. If Tinker could roll her eyes, she would have. She glanced at Claws. If all goes as planned, he’d be their outdoor cat.

***

Every morning mother and son appeared at Kim and Natalie’s. The door would open. One of them put down two bowls of kibble. They left a dish of water on the porch and sometimes gave them cream.
A week later, one sunny October day, Tinker Tot went to the hollow where Claws slept and nudged him awake. “You’re on your own. They’ll take care of you and probably give you a weird name, but you’ll have a loving home. And no dogs.” If Tinker Tot could cry, her tears would fall like Kelly’s when she watched Terms of Endearment.
Claws stretched and rubbed his nose to his mother's. “Will I ever see you again, Mom?”
“No. I’ve seen too many animals killed along Buckingham Road. My home is indoors with the Rossetti’s.”
“I could visit.”
“No. Don’t ever cross that street.” Tinker nuzzled her face into his thick mane. “Your home is with Kim and Natalie.” Tinker turned to leave.
“I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too, Claws.”
Tinker Tot headed home along Buckingham Road. She hoped something good was on TV, because she felt like she was dragging her heart.

***

Tinker Tot heard the truck door slam. Kelly shouted words that never appeared on Wheel of Fortune.
“John!” Kelly yelled. “The new neighbors stole Claws!”
Tinker Tot jumped off the sofa.
“How can you steal a cat?” John said from his easy chair.
Kelly held a bag of groceries. She grabbed the screen door and swung it open. “He’s on their porch eating,” she said stomping into the kitchen. “I bet that’s where he’s been all this time. What makes them think they can steal our cat?”
“We’ll just tell them to stop feeding him.”
“He’s probably used to them now,” Kelly shouted.
“Well, let’s go over there,” John said rising out of his chair.
Uh-oh, Tinker thought.
John and Kelly hurried out the front door almost slicing Tinker’s tail off as she slipped through behind them.
She followed several feet away. She looked east then west before crossing the street, crept across the field and watched from the driveway as John pushed open the gate. Claws sunbathed next to a daisy bush on a large flat rock inside the women’s yard.
“Claws!” John said.
Kelly pounded on the door.
Claws lifted his head and lay back down.
Tinker Tot peeked through the pickets. She saw Kim open the door with Natalie beside her.
“You stole our cat,” Kelly cried glancing over at Claws.
“We didn’t steal anything,” Natalie said.
“That’s our cat,” Kelly shouted.
“Then why is he here?” Kim asked.
“We’d been feeding a black cat for a couple of weeks,” Natalie said. “And then Paul Bunyan showed up. She left, and he stayed.”
“His name is Claws,” Kelly said.
Claws saw his mother and wandered over to Tinker Tot.
“That’s her,” Natalie said. “That’s Kaboose, the cat we fed first.”
“Tink!” John said. “What are you doing here?”
“Her name is Tinker Tot,” Kelly said to Natalie. “How long ago did you say?”
“About a month ago. We fed Tinker Tot for two weeks then he showed up with her.”
“John, all this started when you brought Max home.” Kelly looked at the two women. “Everything was fine until my husband brought home a German Sheppard. Claws hated him. Tinker tolerates him. She’s Claws’ mother.”
The four humans looked at Tinker Tot.
Tinker Tot looked wide-eyed as if none of this was her doing.
“So she made sure we were right for her son,” Natalie said. “What a brilliant cat.”
Tinker Tot agreed and puffed out her chest.
“Well,” Natalie sighed. “He’s yours. We just fed him because he showed up.”
“Sorry I got so angry,” Kelly said.
Natalie smiled. “We understand.”
Tinker watched the four humans introduce themselves.
“Well,” Kelly said. “I guess Claws likes it better here, thanks to Tinker. Can we help pay for his kibble?”
“That’s not necessary,” Kim said.
“Can our children visit him?” Kelly asked. “We live right down the street.”
“Anytime.”
John reached down to stroke Claws.
“Don’t do that,” Kim said. “Here.” She took a backscratcher that hung on a post and gave it to John. “Natalie got poison oak from petting him so we use this.”
Tinker Tot narrowed her eyes at Claws. She told him to stay away from the shiny plant.
John used the scratcher on Claws. He meowed and arched his back.
“We better get home.” John chuckled. “Tinker Tot never misses Dora the Explorer.”
“Waffles, one of our cats watches TV,” Natalie said. “She never misses Wheel of Fortune.”
“Neither does Tink.”
Tinker Tot thought if that colossal cat watched anything, it would be the food channel.
“Well,” Kelly said. “We’ll have to have you over sometime.”
“We’d like that.” Natalie looked at Claws’ mother. “Then we’ll get to see more of you Tinker Tot.”
Tinker Tot meowed. With a flourish, she waved her fluffy tail and strolled across the driveway toward the field. Not only did she find her son a home, but John and Kelly met the new neighbors.