Mistaken Identity(Iain Cambridge) Slide, Clump.
Slide, Clump.
Slide Clump.
Thud.
Alicia looked down at the arm that had fallen off yet again.
She sighed a resolute sigh. She really needed to get that fixed properly, maybe some super glue or something would help. She bent down and picked up the fallen limb with her free, still attached other hand and screwed it back into the empty socket as best she could before continuing on her way.
Slide, Clump.
Slide, Clump.
Slide Clump - until she arrived at the main door. She turned and looked back along the pathway that led to the entrance of the huge house that had taken Alicia fifteen minutes to get to. It was a long driveway and was not an easy trip for Zombies to make, as they were not known for their speed. But she had got there none the less - eventually. She gave a thumbs up to her friends who were waiting at the gate trying to look inconspicuous, and failing badly. She smiled and turned her attention to the door noticing that her thumb had also fallen off. She raised her hand and pressed the doorbell pausing only to pick her arm up once more before the owner of the house answered.
She reattached it for the tenth time that day.
She really must get it fixed.
It was quite embarrassing sometimes.

The Werewolf was hiding behind a fence and making a bad job of it, as he was way too big to hide behind anything smaller than a bus.
‘What happening?’ he said.
The Vampire descended from the overhanging tree that he had flown into earlier in order to get a better look.
‘Dunno’ he replied ‘I saw her ring the bell and then someone answered. I lost sight of her after that’
‘Did her arm fall off again?’ this was the voice of the Ghost. He had faded to a wisp as he found being outside quite unnerving and a little embarrassing, so had become nothing, leaving only suggestive noises – some of which were of a slightly suspicious nature. He claimed that the strange smell that accompanied the noses was ectoplasm. The others had suggested that he should stop eating so much ‘ecto' and then there wouldn’t be as much ‘plasm’ to deal with. The Vampire just felt that talking to him was like having a conversation with an answering machine.
‘Yes’ he said ‘but I think she got it back on before the person opening the door saw anything’
‘Well that’s a small mercy’ replied the Werewolf and slunk down further behind the fence.
‘You do know we can still see you don’t you?’ said the Vampire.
‘No you can’t. I blend in with the scenery –it’s a gift all us werewolves have’
‘I’d take that gift back then if I were you – it’s broken’
The werewolf stuck his tongue out between his enormously large teeth.
‘I think she is coming back – is she coming back? I can’t see’
the Ghost moved a little closer and found to his horror that he had drifted through the tree he was hiding behind and ducked back quickly.
‘You know’ said the Vampire ‘you, out of all of us could go to the door un-noticed and check to see if she is okay’
‘Me? What would happen if I bumped into someone I once knew, or who knew me? I would just die’
The vampire looked at the werewolf, who looked back and just shrugged.
‘She’s coming back’ he said in a resolute tone.

Fifteen minutes later Alicia re-joined her three friends, minus one arm. The Vampire vanished and then re-appeared seconds later with the missing appendage.
‘Thanks’ said Alicia screwing the limb back on.
‘Well, what did they say?
‘Nothing’
‘Nothing?
‘Nope – Zilch’
‘Did you tell them what the problem was?’
Alicia stared at the Vampire who looked away in embarrassment.
‘Of course I did’
‘And they said nothing? – Bastards’
‘They did give me these though’
Alicia held out her hand and showed four wrapped sweets. They all looked at them for a while before the Ghost said.
‘Where’s your thumb?’
‘In the bushes somewhere. It fell off’
‘You really must get that seen to’ said the werewolf.
‘Why did they give you those’ asked the Vampire
‘I have no idea – all they said was that I made a great Zombie and to have a happy Halloween’
‘What does that mean’ asked the Werewolf
‘It means that no one takes us seriously any more’ said the Vampire sadly. The Ghost faded once more and started to drift away.
‘Where are you going?’ said Alicia
The Ghost turned and looked mournful, something he was very good at.
‘I am going to try the phone again’
‘Who you gonna call?’ said the Werewolf
‘I was going to see – Oh! Very funny’ he said as the rest of his friends burst into laughter.
‘Come on’ said Alicia after the laughter had died down ‘let's get something to eat’.
‘Or someone?’ said the Vampire. He looked at the Werewolf who nodded eagerly at his suggestion.
‘If you must’ she said ‘are you coming?’
The Ghost looked back at his friends who all stood there smiling at him. The four of them were a mismatched group of people. Some dead, some undead but all of them bonded by a common tragedy. He sighed and rejoined them as they all walked, floated and shuffled their way into the distance and in search of food. A melancholy calm fell over them while they walked as they contemplated their unusual fate until the Vampire broke the silence.
‘Oh go on’ he said ‘please’
Alicia smiled as the Ghost sighed once more
‘If you insist' he said with a faint smile of his own.
‘GHOSTBUSTERS’ they all shouted together and fell about laughing again, stopping only to go back in order to pick up Alicia’s arm.

And so we watch four friends that were once so powerful in the world of horror and the macabre, walking towards a never-ending sunset. All reduced to watered down versions of themselves by ‘Tween’ movies for tweeny minds. Movies that contain cuddly werewolves, with soulful and sexy vampires. Ghosts had become something to be mocked and ‘Busted’ whilst the world saw Zombies only as a dance troop for singers that did not understand what a true thriller really is.

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