1986: Hope Springs Eternal Part 2

1986: Hope Springs Eternal Part 2(Mark Simpson) ...Continued from Part 1...

My stomachs growling reminded me of the initial intentions of this journey, food. I passed the Shrimp Shack, the place burned down 13 years earlier, well I guess 16 years from now would be more accurate. I wondered if it would be considered a 2014 footprint if I ran into the lobby screaming “On May 13th 1998 it’s going to burn, all of it, burn to the ground” then just casually walk out. I decided to keep driving. I passed Village Pizza, I had once worked there as a delivery driver, I quit after three weeks, but great pizza.

A half mile later, Sam’s Bar B Q, I had eaten there a 1000 times, it was my dad’s favorite restaurant and great Bar B Q but I kept driving. Two more miles and my patience was rewarded, a Steak and Ale. I hadn’t eaten in one since 1991 when this very one closed; in 2014 they’re totally extinct. I pulled in and had the best steak of my life.

It was 8:30 when I climbed back on Cherry Road for my second run. While stopped at a red light; a Mustang appeared to my right, two boys in the front, two girls in the back. They were all staring; this was quite the car in 1986. The Mustang’s driver tapped his dash, local sign language for a drag race challenge. As I waited for the light to turn my mind jumped from do it, my 1986 self, to don’t do it, my 2014 self. I glanced over again; they were all smiles, their whole futures in front of them. I wondered if any of their life’s journeys would end as mine almost had and still might, with a gun in their mouth. The light turned green, I floored it and won by a car length. It felt good; I miss that 1986 part of me that would take chances. I realized that part of me had died somewhere along my life’s journey, whether it was my parent’s death or just natural causes, I don’t know, but I now see that my 1986 self’s death had led to my current situation. In 2014 I look back and see only bad, in 1986 I looked forward and saw only good. Seeing the car loads and parking lots of teenagers, so full of hope and promise, reminded me that hope and promise had once existed for me as well, and I now know it still does, I’d just quit looking.

I decided to climb off Cherry road and cruise the rest of Rock Hill. I soon passed The Cinema multiplex, yeah in 1986 two theaters was considered a multiplex, it had closed in '96 but tonight she was alive and well. The marquee read:
Now Showing
Cinema 1 Ferris Buellers Day Off
11:15 1:45 3:45 7:15
Cinema 2 Top Gun
Tom Cruise
12:05 2:20 5:15 8:45
Tomorrow: World Premier
Back to School
Rodney Dangerfield

You’ve got to be kidding me, I‘d missed all 3 of them while they were playing in the theater. I decided then and there over the next two days I was going to remedy those mistakes. No better time than the present to get started, I pulled into the parking lot.

While standing in line for my popcorn I started looking at the coming soon posters: one in particular caught my eye and created another cascade of memories that flooded my brain like dopamine after your first line of cocaine: Labyrinth. Not only was it one of my favorite movies but I’d seen it in this very theater on opening night. I smiled: 14 days from now the 1986 me would be in this very line that I am now standing in. Or maybe my course will have been so altered by tomorrow’s meeting that I don’t even come to see Labyrinth, or, as I fear, I will be standing here continuing my unabated march to ruin. For the moment I could only pray it was the latter and not the former, tomorrow however I would do more than pray. The coming soon poster most prominently displayed: Howard the Duck.

There was a young couple standing behind me, their body language and conversation, screamed first date.
“I can’t wait to see Howard the Duck.” The guy said.
“Don’t waste your money.” I couldn’t help it, I truly wanted to keep this guy from wasting his $3.25.
“I heard it’s goin to be good.” He responded.
I couldn’t help myself. “Trust me, in the future it will appear on every 'Top 10 worst movies of all-time' list. Not to mention I’ve seen it and it sucks.”
“How could you have seen it? Are you some kind of Hollywood producer or something?” He sarcastically asked.
“No, I’m from the future.” His confused look was worth the risk.

“What can I get you sir?” We were gratefully interrupted by the concession stand attendant. I turned and my heart sank. It was Kevin Johnson, we had gone to the same school from sixth grade until graduation, and though not best friends we weren’t strangers either. I remembered reading he’d been killed while employed by the local power company. That had happened on June 13 of 2013, I remembered the day because it’s also my mom’s birthday, well, was her birthday, I guess currently it still is, damn this is all so confusing. He was working on an elementary school’s backup generator in Charlotte one night, while there were no kids around. He was overcome by carbon monoxide fumes and died.
“Large popcorn, large coke and a snicker doodle bar.” I barely managed. I recalled reading he had three kids, two sons and a three-month-old daughter when he passed. Last I heard his wife wasn’t handling the loss well.
“That’ll be $4.50.” Kevin said. I smiled again. “Is there something wrong Sir?”
“No.” I replied, “It’s just these prices.”
“Yeah it’s expensive” he whispered as if trying to keep his manager from hearing.
“No I mean where I come from the drink alone would be six dollars.”
“Where are you from, New York City?”
“Something like that.” I answered. The thought crossed my mind to write a note and slip it to him, tell him not to open it until May of 2013, but like Augustine said, who would believe me? So even though I knew the exact day of his death I just walked away saying nothing. It never occurred to me the power you possess when you know the future. I had always imagined myself betting on every major sporting event until I was a rich man, I now realize that bad comes with it too. This was the fourth person, in less than 6 hours, I had come across that was going to die prematurely and there was nothing I could do about it. It was knowledge I didn’t like possessing, like a poison I needed to spit out.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off took my mind off such serious topics, it was great. I left that theater and snuck into the one showing Top Gun. When I climbed in my car, the clock read 12:45 AM, T minus 19 and a half hours. It was still warm enough to leave the T- tops out. The weather report had called for tomorrow to be a carbon copy of today, unseasonably cool and dry. I smiled, turned right onto Oakland and headed for one last cruise on Cherry. I wasn’t sure if it would be my last chance so I was going to grasp the few remaining hours with both hands. I ended up making two more passes, at this time of night only the hard core cruisers were left. I also decided to ride back by my house one last time. I know what you’re thinking, one time was enough, but it wasn’t. My parents are alive and well here, in less than 24 hours I will return to a world devoid of them and remain in that world until I die, whether that’s tomorrow or as I pray, 40 years from now. I think only those who have lost their parents can understand. I thought again about warning them but this day has taught me not to worry about tomorrow, just embrace today because that is all we ever really have. I would just knock on the door, tell them how much I love them, hug them both, then walk away without warning them about the future, theirs or mine. I wondered if that would still be considered a 2014 footprint? I didn’t take any chances, I settled for stopping at the top of the driveway, took it all in one last time and drove off.

“And now from the request lines...” Wow it’s been a long time since I heard that. Now its Facebook post and tweets not the request line. I thought.
“…Berlin’s brand-new song from the blockbuster Top Gun, Take My Breath Away.” The DJ said. My heart felt a twinge of regret. It reminded me of my high school girlfriend, Leslie Anderson, it was our song. She was one of two girls I ever loved. She’d move to Florida in August of 86 and though we swore to continue our relationship, youth and distance proved a fatal combination to young love. We lasted all of four months, well I lasted would be more accurate. But I had often thought about her and wondered if my life would’ve been different if we had stayed together. I tried a Google and Facebook search for her but nothing. Her house wasn’t far so what the hell, why not add another stop on the “Reminiscing Tour of 1986”?

I had trouble finding her neighborhood. I know it was my first time back in 28 years. But to have gone from something I could have once done blindfolded to barely finding it. As I turned down the street to her neighborhood I was reminded of the “Guard Shack”. It was a small building that you had to stop at, sign in and tell the guard who you were there to see. The guard would then call said person confirming it was okay for you to enter. And since in all likelihood Leslie wouldn’t allow the 2014 Zack in, I was just going to tell the guard I’d made a wrong turn and leave.

“Zack?” His question caught me by surprise, how the hell does he know my name? “Is that you… what happened?” His face seemed almost familiar. I glanced at his name tag, Al, another flood of memories, at this pace I was going to have to build an ark. I had not only lost track of Leslie, I had completely lost the memory of Al. I’d been here 100 times in the past six months visiting Leslie, well the 1986 me, but here sits the 2014 me in the same car, and there weren’t many of these in all of South Carolina. Al and I had always gotten along, in 1986 I mean, even after he’d gotten to know me well enough to just wave me through, I’d always stop to ask how he was, and now I was being given a chance after 28 years to ask again, I couldn’t resist.
“Al how have you been?” When I get back to 2014 short of killing myself, I was going to try find him.
“Fine… I think, sorry sir you just look a lot like… like someone I know.”
“I just made a wrong turn.” I said.
“But…” he tried to interrupt.
“So I’ll get back on my way, goodbye and good luck.” Hope I see you in 2014 I thought of adding but didn’t.
“You even sound like him.” He was still wearing a confused look when he disappeared from my rearview mirror. I headed towards my hotel room.

“Phil Collins will take us into the night…” the DJ announced, “…with In the Air Tonight” I cranked it up and put it on the floorboard, the way the turbo kicked in 3 gear, yet another lost memory gratefully returned by 1986. Even if I did get a speeding ticket short of court being tomorrow I’d be a failure to appear. “I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life; I can feel it in the air tonight.” Phil sang to the night. He was right, I had been waiting my whole life for a chance to change things. It was true for any and all of us that had for some known or unknown reason fallen “short” in life and what we wouldn’t give for a second chance.

I fell asleep easier than I would have thought possible considering my very life was hanging in the balance. It had after all been the strangest day of my life, hands down, but I knew tomorrow would be even stranger. Damn I could have watched Carson if I would have been here a little earlier, oh well.

I awoke rolled over and looked at the clock, 10:50, it took me a moment to gather my bearings, not where I was but when? I turned on the TV and went to wash my face and brush my teeth.
“And remember as always champagne wishes and caviar dreams.” I stuck my head out of the bathroom, it was Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous with Robin Leach, I used to watch this show all the time. “So join us as we follow the travels of the rich and powerful as they spend their summer playing in Europe.” Where’s a joint when you need one?

I was starving but there was no way I was ordering room service. Not with The Ebenezer Dog Grill less than five miles away. I know it’s a strange name but it serves the best hot dog I have ever eaten, so good it was one of the last things I was thinking about before almost killing myself. The original owner sold it in 94 and though still there in 2014 it had never found that original magic even after changing hands several times. I ordered The Gut Bomb, I’d always loved the names as much as the hot dogs: slaw, chili, onions, mustard, cheese, and ketchup. It was my “drug” of choice. I’ve since had a 1000 hot dogs in 100 different places, I’m a hot dog connoisseur, if that’s even possible, but none have been even close to as good as Ebenezer’s. I got ready to take a bite, stopped and wondered if there was any way it could be as good as I remembered? Or was it a memory pruned of everything bad, leaving only the good and since life is both good and bad the memory can never meet expectations. I took a bite. Was it as good? No, better.

I left the grill and headed to The Cinema, today was after all the world premiere of Back to School with Rodney Dangerfield. He was my favorite comedian; in 2014 he had been dead 10 years. I laughed until I cried. It was 1:55 when I climbed in the car and headed back to my room. I’d rented it for a second day as a base of operation, because who knew, after I meet me tonight Augustine may appear and offer me yet another day in 1986 or I may instantly be back in 2014, either way I was covered. It was time to go over what I was going to say one last time. Around 6:00 I felt a twinge of hunger, and considering this in all likelihood was my “Last Supper” of 1986, I headed out. If asked to name my favorite restaurant of 1986 it was an easy choice, the Knothole. My mom not only hated to cook she wasn’t very good at it when she did try, which gratefully hadn’t been often, therefore we ate out, a lot. In 05 the Knothole was flattened to make way for condos. But here it was in all of its 1986 glory. I couldn’t even finish my favorite sandwich, the nitty-gritty grinder.
“Can I get a to go box for you?” The red head waitress asked.
“Do you think it will still be good in 28 years?”
“Huh?”
“Nothing” I said “And no I’m done.”
I stiffed the waitress on the tip; I imagined her telling the others, “I’ll remember that face and the next time he comes in…” Yeah good luck with that one.

I pulled into the Money’s parking lot at 7:32 PM, chasing a cigarette with a Mountain Dew. It was a habit I’d given up 17 years earlier, smoking that is, but considering the enormity of the moment, not to mention in 1986 I was a smoker, so not smoking might be considered a 2014 footprint right? I figured the best way to meet me was to go inside The Money, wait until 8:43 then head to the parking lot, meet me on my way in, talk, continue to my car, climb in, leave, neat, easy, clean. There was even two large windows that looked directly into the parking lot, seeing me pull in would be easy enough, it was perfect. And while I waited, I could have a quick drink on a Friday night at The Money, something I hadn’t done in 20 plus years.

I took a deep breath and walked in, the rush of memories caused me to sway, as if I’d already had a few drinks. The Galaga machine, the pool tables, the dance floor, each radiated a sea of memories: the night I won a $100 from an arch enemy in a game of pool, countless drunken nights on the dance floor doing the white boy shuffle.
“What can I get you?” The bartender asked. I looked over, it was Derek. He’d been the bartender damn near every night I could remember. He was looking at me strangely. The cold hand of nerves clenched me, did he recognize me?
“Jack and Coke.” I answered and quickly turned away hoping the absence of my face would cause his curiosity to wane.
“Three dollars.” He was waiting, not with the look of a man trying to access a memory barely out of reach, but simply a bartender waiting for his money.
I gave him a five, “Keep the change.”
“Thanks.”

I turned and surveyed the small crowd gathered. I quickly realized the origin of his puzzled look had nothing to do with recognizing me, no it was much simpler: I was old. I glanced around the room, of the other 20 or so people; I was easily the oldest probably by double. I glanced at my watch, 7:50 PM, I hoped I got to keep the watch; it was a 1985 Casio digital C-110 and it’s worth a fortune in my time. Dereck’s look started me wondering, what if someone else recognizes me? Usually when we see a familiar face from the past, we recognize that person by comparing the past to the present; these people would be comparing the future to the present. I thought I was safe, I was wrong.

“Zack?” I turned to find an attractive blonde staring at me with the same puzzled look Al had worn the night before. It was Christy, we had “dated” briefly, which in college speak meant we had hooked up for more than three nights in a row; it had been closer to two weeks. “Is that you Zack? It’s me Christy, Ashley’s roommate.”
“Do I know you?” I had to play dumb, what was the alternative? “Come a little closer Christy. Yeah it’s me. Zack I mean, but not the 1986 Zack you know, no I’m Zack from 2014 sent here to…”, yeah that would go over real well. I was trying to be short, hoping she would drop it.
“Do you have a younger brother named Zack?” She asked. Damn she’s good. I quickly finished my drink.
“Well, Christy, right? It was very nice meeting you. I wish you the best.” I extended my hand.
“You know my name but I don’t…”
“Sam” I interrupted, I hated being rude but time was ticking and this was one meeting I couldn’t be late to. Her gaze finally returned to her friends, I headed for the door to await my arrival, when the Galaga machine caught my attention again. I had been the undisputed champ, and had defended many a title in this very spot. I glanced down; the high score screen was flashing;
1- 132,125 ZRS
2- 121090 ZRS
3- 118720 ZRS
4- 116360 ZRS
5- 88920 DLK
Four out of five of the top scores were mine, it brought a smile and yet another cascade of memories of how much I had loved this game and the hours spent in front of it. The only other initials to appear; DLJ, David Lee Keller, my arch nemesis. He was also the one on the losing end of the $100 game of pool I had mentioned earlier. How could I have so easily and totally forgotten him just as I had Quark, this place, cruising on a summer night in my car, Johnny, the list goes on and on. Had life stolen them or had I just lost them? It didn’t matter, I was grateful to 1986 and Augustine for helping me capture them again. And this time I swore I wasn’t going to lose them. I reached into my pocket, found a quarter and got ready to play. I glanced at my watch, 8:07, T minus 8 minutes and counting, probably not enough time for a whole game, but what the hell, I had a few memories to relive. it took less than 3 minutes, I wasn’t nearly as good as I used to be, was, am, whatever. After watching the death of my final ship, I glanced at my watch, it was now in countdown mode: 4:29, 4:28, 4:27, another nice Augustine touch. Meeting me inside was now definitely out of the question, especially in the presence of Christie, I could imagine her face when she saw the two of us talking. So there I stood looking out the window, waiting to walk out and meet me. : 59…:58…:57. The sight of my 50th anniversary 300ZX passing by sent my heart racing and me out the front door. I had spent my entire life without a defining moment but that was about to change in spades. 45…:44…:43. I lit a smoke and stepped out the door, heading to a rendezvous with myself and hopefully a second chance. I thought I would be nervous, instead, for the first time in my life, I felt as though I was exactly where I should be. :03…:02…:01…:00. A new countdown started: 15:00…14:59…14:58.

We made eye contact for the first time. The 1986 me wore the same look I had seen many others wearing in the last 36 hours. But with less than 15 minutes there would be no time for small talk, I had to get right to the point. “Yeah, I’m you, from the future. Don’t ask me how this happened…the how doesn’t matter; only that it is. But convincing you I’m really you from the future, that’s the trick. I thought about telling you who wins the next 10 Super Bowl and World Series, but that’s against the rules, no 2014 footprints in 1986.” The 86 me was listening, and understandably appeared confused. “I can’t mention the future, but nothing was said about the past.” I glanced at my watch 13:30, 13:29, 13:28……,”Remember when Gram died?” I’d always called her Gram, I hoped the name lent credibility. “We didn’t, well couldn’t, cry at her funeral. But when we got home we went on the back patio, lit a smoke and cried like a baby.” I could tell by his expression he too was remembering. ”The time we got arrested for shoplifting, we told the security guard that dad had run off and our mom had kicked us out. How we were just stealing to eat and he believed us. Remember what he gave us right before he let us go?” The old me was nodding.
“Twenty dollars” we said in perfect unison. It was something I had never told anyone, so I was sure he hadn’t either.
“I don’t have but a few minutes Zack so please just listen. I know this is all very strange to you, it’s been even stranger for me. You are going to cross paths with Tommy Davis next Friday at 2:39 PM.”
”I haven’t seen Tommy in years.” I interrupted; I wasn’t a good listener back then.
“Tommy is going to have a roommate named Hassan who will become your best friend. Over the next six months we are about to embark on drug sex and rock ‘n roll binge that will…” a smile crossed my lips, “… that, as you can see, makes me smile until this very day.” My smile quickly disappeared. “But I, I mean we don’t smile much anymore, hell I can’t remember the last time we did.” The fun of the last 28 hours had almost made me forget about the sadness of 2014, but now it was all rushing back and it was crushing.
“In 2014, I… I mean we, are 47 single, underemployed and miserable.” The 86 me gratefully hadn’t yet run away screaming “Watch out, crazy man in the parking lot.” My face must have been doing a better job of conveying our pain than my frail words.
“I also need to mention…” I lowered my head in embarrassment “…that when we were offered the chance to travel back we’re sitting in a chair with a .357 Magnum in our mouth, ready and willing to pull the trigger. I hope we got this chance for a reason, that if you change our path, then maybe we can do something great, because in 2014 we are on the precipice of leaving this world without even having left a shadow of a footprint on it.” I threw in that line because I remembered as a young man leaving this world without notice was one of my, if not my greatest, fears and still is.
“I don’t think a single person would even be at our funeral. And I don’t know if moving in with Tommy and Hassan is what got us off track but something did and for whatever reason we never got back on track and though I’m sure this wasn’t the only cause, it was the start.”
“What do you want from me?” The 1986 me asked. “Am I supposed to turn right instead of left? Do we get married? Should we not? How do I know what I’m doing is taking us down a new path or leading us to our suicide?” I looked scared and overwhelmed.
“I don’t have all the answers, but one thing I do know, it’s not a single event that moves our destiny in one direction or the other like the wind blowing, it’s a series of decisions. And I hope seeing me and knowing where our current path ends will entice you to change our path.”
“Looking back, what would we most like to change?” Great question I thought.
“Finishing college and having a family.” It was my two greatest regrets, though the list was much longer, I would need an entire day to cover them all.
“And I know mom and dad aren’t helping.” As an only child they believed I did no wrong when in reality it was all I was doing.
“Are mom and dad doing okay? In 2014 I mean.” My heart sank, for nobody was more acutely aware of the road of pain the old me was about to walk in 5170 days. It took me back to the phone call from the police that my parents were dead. I glanced at my watch 2:15…2:14…2:13. Time was short I needed to get us back on track.
“I can’t tell you anything about the future, the whole no 2014 footprint thing. Let me ask you something. How many times in the last six months have you thought about killing yourself?”
“Never man, life is beautiful.” It made me smile to hear and see the exuberance of my youth it was something else I had forgotten about and this experience had taught me that if we forget something, we have forever lost that something.
“And now we have a gun in our mouth’ think how much bad happens to go from loving life to hating it.” :60…:59…:58.
“I don’t know if you are going to listen or not, this is all so crazy, I can’t blame you if you don’t, I hardly believe it myself. But I will blame you for not changing it. How many people in the history of the world have had this chance?” I sighed heavily. ”But I’m afraid that I’m going to climb in our car, drive off, and wake up in our chair with a gun still in our mouth. Please save us.” I had tried to use we and us instead of you and me, I wanted me to realize that our fates are intertwined. The sun was setting, casting a fiery shadow across the horizon.
“That’s a lot to lay on someone and then just walk away.” The 1986 me said.
“One last thing, if you do run into Tommy next Friday, look at your watch, if it’s 2:40 you will know I’m telling the truth.”
“What if I don’t see him, then what?”
“I guess it won’t matter, our destiny will have been changed.” The alarm on my watch sounded, letting me know my time here was done.
“Can you at least tell me who’s going to win the Super Bowl this year?”
I just shrugged. I wasn’t going to break the Golden Rule this close to the end. I had always believed you don’t quit a marathon at mile 25, if you’re going to quit do it at mile 3. That’s why I decided to kill myself at 47 instead of 67.

I got in my car, knowing the die had been cast, nothing more I could do now but wait and hope it doesn’t come up snake eyes. “I’ve got to go. Now it’s up to you. Good luck, we need it.” I drove off watching myself and 1986 fade in my rearview mirror. I headed down Cherry Road toward interstate 77. I have always been more of a warm weather person so I headed south.

“And now from the request line, Motley Crue’s, Home Sweet Home.” Vince Neil was singing “I’m on my way, just set me free, home sweet home” I hope so, oh God how I hope so. Tears were streaming down my face, it was the second time I’d cried in the last two days, I hadn’t cried once in the last 13 years. This was hard to leave, especially my parents, not to mention I feared what awaited me on the other side. I closed my eyes and did something I had never done before, pray, “Oh God please let things be different.” I started to become sleepy, the events of the last two days wearing me down. It was getting harder and harder to keep my eyes open. “Tonight, tonight I’m on my way, just set me free, home sweet home.”
The End

My eyes opened…

I quickly glanced down. I was sitting in my chair, in my underwear, just like I was right before Augustine walked in. My heart sank. I could taste the steel of the gun barrel. “No, no nooooo!” I’d failed even with a second chance at a once in a lifetime opportunity, I’d failed like always. Right as I was about to pull the trigger a flood of good memories from 1986 made me pause, yeah there was a lot of bad, things that didn’t go as planned, but there had been a lot of good as well and that gave me something I had not had in a long time, hope. I put the gun down, I could change my own path. I didn’t need 1986 me to change it, I have that power. Maybe that was what Augustine had been after all along. I wish I could see him one more time. So I could thank him, but how do you thank a person who gave you everything you have, I thought. “Thank you Augustine, wherever you are.” I said, looking skyward.