A Christmas Wish

A Christmas Wish(Misty Sue Haydt) A Christmas Wish

As each day goes by the drifting is like a major storm brewing in the distance. I sit and think back 20 years ago to what it was like to be held, to feel wanted, what it was like to lay under the same covers and giggle at each others silly jokes, and I have to giggle again because I can remember what that was like. But just like age, time goes fast and I hardly know what those moments feel like anymore. I yearn for that affection again! As the holidays fastly approach it is Christmas, that gives me that magical feeling all over where everything should be fine and happy, no sadness or tears, but sadly as I sit in one room and hear you making love to yourself and I wonder where I have failed as your wife, friend, lover?? I know I've put on a few extra pounds, but I AM the same person as I was back then. I crave your attention, your kindness, understanding, unconditional love, I crave to have you hold me for more than a second and tell me it's all ok. I know you work a lot to provide for our family but I really do NEED you!! I love you more than life itself. You're that foundation, that rock every woman wants in her man. You've never really been one to show emotions and I've gotten used to that, but as a woman I DO need to feel wanted at times: For you to let me lay in your arms to hear how much you love me and are proud of me from some of the obstacles I have managed to overcome. I need you to hold my hand as we walk, pull me into you, kiss my head, or give that extra squeeze on my shoulder. I don't need flowers or candy to know you love me, I just need that little stuff that costs absolute zero, because it is those little gestures that are a million unspoken words. I need to know I still make you smile even when I piss you off. I need you to less criticize the chaos in our lives, for those are the only words I hear you speak, mumble, or not say anything but retreat off to the bed with the covers up over your head. I NEED to know what makes you happy? What makes you smile? What excites you? For all I know and understand is what makes you angry! I can predict how our holiday will go. For the last 2 decades it's been the same, as I sit and watch everyone, including you, open gifts, the ones that everyone has put their heart and soul into searching for that perfect one, I will sit quietly with a pretend smile upon my face watching as one by one the gifts will be passed around, waiting that just maybe there will be one for me. As the last gift is opened and everyone engulfs themselves in the new items that they waited all year for, I will cry on the inside, as always, and dream to go back the week before in hopes that one special gift under the tree is from YOU, wanting me all over again, for that is all I need and want for Christmas to be complete for everyone, including me!!