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- Story Listed as: True Life For Adults
- Theme: Family & Friends
- Subject: Memory / Reminiscence
- Published: 01/09/2018
It’s been 10 years that I am living my 2nd life and dwelling upon the 1st, so thought of penning down the transition phase of my life, which was filled with ambivalence.
10 years is quite a long time to unfold the emotion of a bride, kept in a secluded corner of her heart. A girl who was finally getting married to the person she loves.
At the beginning I was excited about marriage like every normal girl, because marriage is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Clothes, jewelry, heavy make-up, gifts, photos, lights, decoration, foods, gathering... a day when you become the center of attention; and for me it was even more. I was marrying someone I chose, was relocating to a new city, a new house which I would embellish and beautify in the style I dreamt of, new job, new friends, loving and understanding husband.... I dreamt of a life where I would be liberated, work like a grown up and finally would get a chance to call it my life. So not only I was excited for the wedding ceremony, I was envisaging the life afterward.
But with the passing days I started cultivating another strong feeling which would surpass the previous one. It was the crashing realization that my old room will no longer be mine. I will never use my bed again, I will not wake up to open the door for Brownie my pet dog, I will not get to see my soft toys against the wall, where my father had made a show case to keep all our toys. I will never be able to share my feelings with the trees near my window. I have to leave everything, my books, posters, greeting cards, pencil box, idol of my God with whom I used to speak daily, my dresses, my shoes, my bags and what not; moreover I will not fight on useless topics with our very old maid Rani Mashi, who is with us since I was 2 years old. No longer I will hear the word "Chaaaaa" (means Tea) - the first word my father says early in the morning every day till date and then repeats the same word whenever he wants to have tea again. I also used to repeat it after him to have it together. No longer I will be able to hear his extraordinary funny sentences which he cracks out of the blue...I will miss the song "Otho otho Surjayi re jhiki miki diya..." (get up my dear Sun with your Sparkling Rays!), my grandmother's unique way of waking me up in the morning. I will miss my uncles, Pishis and Mashimoni ( Aunts), who gave me a wonderful childhood and the random visits to both my Brother in laws place, where they treated me like princess, will not get that homemade sweet curd which Mashima (sisters mother in law) used make for me every time I visited without fail, and the much awaited late night chatting with my sisters where we can go from screaming our heads off to laughing till we cry. There will be no more jibber-jabber in the restaurants with my friends and cousins, nor the 1st day 1st show.
It is difficult to say what will I miss about my mother. She was always around me guiding, advising, taking care of my belongings, making my favourite foods, setting my routine for the day. Without her everything will be so empty. It was not settling with me that no longer these will happen the same way.
My heart and mind was filled with memories of 25 wonderful years of my life which I spent at my home with my family. My life till that day in various roles was amazing and I tried sincerely to play my roles perfectly. I could do this because I had the love and unconditional support of my family. My heart was filled with gratitude for the love they bestowed and their guidance at every step that helped me to maintain balance between all roles. I was confused about the fact that again I have to start from scratch, new roles, new relatives, new job, new city, new friends, even new surname, and this time I have to work harder to prove myself, because there will be countless people judging me at every step and the only person whom I can cling on to in the new city is my husband - a bridge which connects both my lives.
Though I should feel ecstatic as my wedding day was getting nearer, I was actually sad. Very very sad, sad about leaving my comfort zone, my protective periphery - sad about the ending of this part of my life. I realized that the days spent with my family members would never be the same and this part of me is in the verge of crossing the expiry date.
On and after my wedding day, countless relatives from both the sides told me that you no longer belong to your father's house, or from now on this is your house... and every time my heart whispered, I am a daughter first, I will always love to remain the youngest girl of my home first.
I couldn't enjoy any of the Bengali traditional rituals - starting from "Ayiburobhat" (the last meal ceremony as a spinster), "Bridhi" (praying to the ancestors and seeking their blessings), "Gaye Holud" (Ritual of applying turmeric paste and bathing – for your knowledge there are many more rituals which start before the sunrise of the wedding day which I haven’t mentioned here) and most importantly "Biye" (the main Wedlock Ceremony) – as my eyes were filled with tears and mind was busy thinking about the passing hours that will change my life completely, about the fact that I have to leave everything behind to enter into a new house - a new life.
And with all memories, nostalgia, hopes and dreams, my "Shubho Drishti"(ritual where the connection of the bride and groom begins with the eyes) and "Malabodol" (exchanging of garlands) started. I will remain grateful to my "Mejopishe" (uncle) who did my "Shomprodaan" (the main bengali traditional ritual where the father/elder hands over the bride to the groom), though at that time every mantras and rituals which I ever wanted to understand and learn was flying from above my head, but I still remember the moment when I took the vows in the presence of the sacred fire, with Vedic Mantras that I will give my best come what may. I will try to make everyone happy. To be the ideal wife, confidante, daughter in law, and every other new role that life is offering me. I made another promise to myself also - to remain the daughter of my parents too and to never forget my root from where I actually belong. To never stop being the same girl everyone knew me to be.
Then comes the "Bidayi" Ceremony - the transition period that every girl faces and yell even though the make-up gets ruined. It's the time of stepping out from your old life and entering into a whole new world of expectations and responsibilities. I did it too; but I carried along my very own two old things as I entered - my memories and my Surname. I couldn't leave my identity and my root behind to embrace my new self, in spite of the finger pointing of countless relatives. It's injustice.. " Hum naye rishte jorne ke liye purane rishte torte nehi hai!!"
My new home was filled with festivities. They were so happily welcoming me with various rituals, games, songs and what not, but I was only waiting for the next day when I will be able to see my parents and family again.
During "Boubhaat", or the Reception ceremony, my new home was decorated with flowers and lights and I was given a royal throne to rest myself when tired of attending guests. But in spite of all the blessings, wishes, gifts, lights, decorations and camera, my eyes were only waiting for my parents, and for all my newly old connections. I was waiting to see how all my nieces and nephews have dressed up on my Reception. I was upset because they were late...
One thing I learned during the entire episode that liking and disliking are completely apparent and entirely depends on the place from where you are seeing the person. I was so excited to see one of my relatives on that day whom I used to dislike the most. It felt like out of a thousand unknown one of my own has come to meet me. I was in a non-stop conversation with another distant relative whom I have hardly spoken with in the last 25 years.
Tears were about to fall to see my parents entering, but how can I cry?? I was busy with the photo session, busy with accepting blessings and good wishes, trying to remember the names and relations of my new relatives with a smile on my face. I remember I was holding my father's hand tightly during the entire photo session with the family as if he will again teach his youngest daughter to walk - on the new path of her life.
It's a decade now, from the time of a girl being transitioned to a woman. Life is good on the other side also. Yes, like it happens in every family, a few turmoil and teething issues proved that we are human beings and not computers, though even computer's hang when overloaded with works.
I am happy...... and satisfied too. In this phase of life I stay in a city which is surrounded by sea, mountains and jungle, I have an understanding husband who is definitely not like the typical husband material but more of a friend and companion, a jovial and obedient daughter having a heart of gold, loving pets who never judge me but love me unconditionally, a home embellished by our emotions, caring in laws and relatives who shower their blessings whenever we meet, friends who have turned into family, and last but not the least a never ending job of a homemaker.
No! I have not changed apart from adding 30 kilos of overweight (for each year 3 kilos of experiences) and continuing to be the girl everyone knew me to be. I am still that ambitious girl who refuses to fail and loves to dream big, but with a different goal. I have not forgotten my identity and my root and till date remained and always will be the youngest daughter of my parents first.
But still expectation never ends.... if given a chance, and if my husband doesn't get a chest pain after reading this, I would love to get married once again, with the same person though! I want to go back in life not to change anything but to feel those 3 days twice. I would like to enjoy every bit of the moment of those three days being the center of attention, sitting on a Royal throne wearing traditional Saree with heavy work all over, I want a gorgeous bridal make up. I want to take out all my jewelries’ from the locker to wear it all together and feel like "Rani Jodha" the Hindu queen of "Samrat Akbar". I want to go for another round of photo session and this time with proper preparations, I want to enjoy the moment when my house is getting decorated with lights, pandals and flowers for me, I want to be part of the fun of the gatherings of all my old and new relatives, I want to dance and sing with my friends on wedding numbers, I don't want to miss even a single item mentioned on the menu card, unlike last time...... couldn't even eat properly. I want to understand the significance of every ritual we do and the meaning of every mantra we say. In short I want to live those 3 days once again and celebrate Me being transitioned to being ME.
DWELL UPON(Malabika Guha Mukherjee)
It’s been 10 years that I am living my 2nd life and dwelling upon the 1st, so thought of penning down the transition phase of my life, which was filled with ambivalence.
10 years is quite a long time to unfold the emotion of a bride, kept in a secluded corner of her heart. A girl who was finally getting married to the person she loves.
At the beginning I was excited about marriage like every normal girl, because marriage is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Clothes, jewelry, heavy make-up, gifts, photos, lights, decoration, foods, gathering... a day when you become the center of attention; and for me it was even more. I was marrying someone I chose, was relocating to a new city, a new house which I would embellish and beautify in the style I dreamt of, new job, new friends, loving and understanding husband.... I dreamt of a life where I would be liberated, work like a grown up and finally would get a chance to call it my life. So not only I was excited for the wedding ceremony, I was envisaging the life afterward.
But with the passing days I started cultivating another strong feeling which would surpass the previous one. It was the crashing realization that my old room will no longer be mine. I will never use my bed again, I will not wake up to open the door for Brownie my pet dog, I will not get to see my soft toys against the wall, where my father had made a show case to keep all our toys. I will never be able to share my feelings with the trees near my window. I have to leave everything, my books, posters, greeting cards, pencil box, idol of my God with whom I used to speak daily, my dresses, my shoes, my bags and what not; moreover I will not fight on useless topics with our very old maid Rani Mashi, who is with us since I was 2 years old. No longer I will hear the word "Chaaaaa" (means Tea) - the first word my father says early in the morning every day till date and then repeats the same word whenever he wants to have tea again. I also used to repeat it after him to have it together. No longer I will be able to hear his extraordinary funny sentences which he cracks out of the blue...I will miss the song "Otho otho Surjayi re jhiki miki diya..." (get up my dear Sun with your Sparkling Rays!), my grandmother's unique way of waking me up in the morning. I will miss my uncles, Pishis and Mashimoni ( Aunts), who gave me a wonderful childhood and the random visits to both my Brother in laws place, where they treated me like princess, will not get that homemade sweet curd which Mashima (sisters mother in law) used make for me every time I visited without fail, and the much awaited late night chatting with my sisters where we can go from screaming our heads off to laughing till we cry. There will be no more jibber-jabber in the restaurants with my friends and cousins, nor the 1st day 1st show.
It is difficult to say what will I miss about my mother. She was always around me guiding, advising, taking care of my belongings, making my favourite foods, setting my routine for the day. Without her everything will be so empty. It was not settling with me that no longer these will happen the same way.
My heart and mind was filled with memories of 25 wonderful years of my life which I spent at my home with my family. My life till that day in various roles was amazing and I tried sincerely to play my roles perfectly. I could do this because I had the love and unconditional support of my family. My heart was filled with gratitude for the love they bestowed and their guidance at every step that helped me to maintain balance between all roles. I was confused about the fact that again I have to start from scratch, new roles, new relatives, new job, new city, new friends, even new surname, and this time I have to work harder to prove myself, because there will be countless people judging me at every step and the only person whom I can cling on to in the new city is my husband - a bridge which connects both my lives.
Though I should feel ecstatic as my wedding day was getting nearer, I was actually sad. Very very sad, sad about leaving my comfort zone, my protective periphery - sad about the ending of this part of my life. I realized that the days spent with my family members would never be the same and this part of me is in the verge of crossing the expiry date.
On and after my wedding day, countless relatives from both the sides told me that you no longer belong to your father's house, or from now on this is your house... and every time my heart whispered, I am a daughter first, I will always love to remain the youngest girl of my home first.
I couldn't enjoy any of the Bengali traditional rituals - starting from "Ayiburobhat" (the last meal ceremony as a spinster), "Bridhi" (praying to the ancestors and seeking their blessings), "Gaye Holud" (Ritual of applying turmeric paste and bathing – for your knowledge there are many more rituals which start before the sunrise of the wedding day which I haven’t mentioned here) and most importantly "Biye" (the main Wedlock Ceremony) – as my eyes were filled with tears and mind was busy thinking about the passing hours that will change my life completely, about the fact that I have to leave everything behind to enter into a new house - a new life.
And with all memories, nostalgia, hopes and dreams, my "Shubho Drishti"(ritual where the connection of the bride and groom begins with the eyes) and "Malabodol" (exchanging of garlands) started. I will remain grateful to my "Mejopishe" (uncle) who did my "Shomprodaan" (the main bengali traditional ritual where the father/elder hands over the bride to the groom), though at that time every mantras and rituals which I ever wanted to understand and learn was flying from above my head, but I still remember the moment when I took the vows in the presence of the sacred fire, with Vedic Mantras that I will give my best come what may. I will try to make everyone happy. To be the ideal wife, confidante, daughter in law, and every other new role that life is offering me. I made another promise to myself also - to remain the daughter of my parents too and to never forget my root from where I actually belong. To never stop being the same girl everyone knew me to be.
Then comes the "Bidayi" Ceremony - the transition period that every girl faces and yell even though the make-up gets ruined. It's the time of stepping out from your old life and entering into a whole new world of expectations and responsibilities. I did it too; but I carried along my very own two old things as I entered - my memories and my Surname. I couldn't leave my identity and my root behind to embrace my new self, in spite of the finger pointing of countless relatives. It's injustice.. " Hum naye rishte jorne ke liye purane rishte torte nehi hai!!"
My new home was filled with festivities. They were so happily welcoming me with various rituals, games, songs and what not, but I was only waiting for the next day when I will be able to see my parents and family again.
During "Boubhaat", or the Reception ceremony, my new home was decorated with flowers and lights and I was given a royal throne to rest myself when tired of attending guests. But in spite of all the blessings, wishes, gifts, lights, decorations and camera, my eyes were only waiting for my parents, and for all my newly old connections. I was waiting to see how all my nieces and nephews have dressed up on my Reception. I was upset because they were late...
One thing I learned during the entire episode that liking and disliking are completely apparent and entirely depends on the place from where you are seeing the person. I was so excited to see one of my relatives on that day whom I used to dislike the most. It felt like out of a thousand unknown one of my own has come to meet me. I was in a non-stop conversation with another distant relative whom I have hardly spoken with in the last 25 years.
Tears were about to fall to see my parents entering, but how can I cry?? I was busy with the photo session, busy with accepting blessings and good wishes, trying to remember the names and relations of my new relatives with a smile on my face. I remember I was holding my father's hand tightly during the entire photo session with the family as if he will again teach his youngest daughter to walk - on the new path of her life.
It's a decade now, from the time of a girl being transitioned to a woman. Life is good on the other side also. Yes, like it happens in every family, a few turmoil and teething issues proved that we are human beings and not computers, though even computer's hang when overloaded with works.
I am happy...... and satisfied too. In this phase of life I stay in a city which is surrounded by sea, mountains and jungle, I have an understanding husband who is definitely not like the typical husband material but more of a friend and companion, a jovial and obedient daughter having a heart of gold, loving pets who never judge me but love me unconditionally, a home embellished by our emotions, caring in laws and relatives who shower their blessings whenever we meet, friends who have turned into family, and last but not the least a never ending job of a homemaker.
No! I have not changed apart from adding 30 kilos of overweight (for each year 3 kilos of experiences) and continuing to be the girl everyone knew me to be. I am still that ambitious girl who refuses to fail and loves to dream big, but with a different goal. I have not forgotten my identity and my root and till date remained and always will be the youngest daughter of my parents first.
But still expectation never ends.... if given a chance, and if my husband doesn't get a chest pain after reading this, I would love to get married once again, with the same person though! I want to go back in life not to change anything but to feel those 3 days twice. I would like to enjoy every bit of the moment of those three days being the center of attention, sitting on a Royal throne wearing traditional Saree with heavy work all over, I want a gorgeous bridal make up. I want to take out all my jewelries’ from the locker to wear it all together and feel like "Rani Jodha" the Hindu queen of "Samrat Akbar". I want to go for another round of photo session and this time with proper preparations, I want to enjoy the moment when my house is getting decorated with lights, pandals and flowers for me, I want to be part of the fun of the gatherings of all my old and new relatives, I want to dance and sing with my friends on wedding numbers, I don't want to miss even a single item mentioned on the menu card, unlike last time...... couldn't even eat properly. I want to understand the significance of every ritual we do and the meaning of every mantra we say. In short I want to live those 3 days once again and celebrate Me being transitioned to being ME.
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