My Motivation, My Love, My Life

My Motivation, My Love, My Life(Charlie Paul) (Note that the author was 16 years old when he wrote this story.)

Since I was in high school and even before that I’ve always believed the greatest thing in the world was to love and be loved. I’m not talking about cutesy high school love, or that puppy love stuff. I’m talking about true love. You know the love where if you spend one day without that person and it’s almost like your depressed you want to see them so bad, and when you see them you don’t want to be without them. Well this love I’m talking about, I found. I was fortunate I found it at an early age. Maybe it was cutesy puppy love, but I truly believe it’s grown into something more. I also believed that if all of mankind is going to die, why not die the way you want to? Don’t think of it as suicide, think of it as resting in peace, the way you want to. I always thought to myself that if something happened where I was forced to live without my baby (what I always wanted and dreamed of having) then I would rest myself to peace. I knew that this would never happen, but I just thought about it from time to time. Anyway, this princess and I started dating in high school and even though we were in high school, when I first felt like I loved her, it still wasn’t cutesy high school love. She is amazing, she is a little shorter than I. She had short brown hair and the most gorgeous smile. Her teeth were perfect and she had full luscious lips that you always wanted to kiss. She was the most remarkable kisser, every kiss felt better and better and it warmed my entire body and sent chills down my spin. Her eyes were her best facial feature though. They were an miraculous blue, and they had a glitter in them every time you looked at them. Looking into her eyes was like looking at the midnight sky, with the shimmer of every star in her eyes. It was one of the most beautiful sites you’ll ever see and you got to see it every time you looked at her. I often thought to myself, that she was more beautiful than an angel. No one has truly seen an angel, but from the pictures you see of them, they are gorgeous. I thought my baby was the princess of all angels. We were off and on for most of high school, but during the winter of our junior year we got together for good this time. We got into our little arguments and sometimes it felt like it wasn’t worth it, but that’s a bunch of crap. If you love someone, it’s always worth it. So we always stayed together and worked it out. The arguments were mostly just little things, we were always so good to each other that when an occasional bad thing came we argued. We grew past that stage though as time went on. Every time I saw her we got closer and closer, and it wasn’t like all we did was neck at my house. We went out with friends and we went out by ourselves sometimes. This was the greatest thing to ever happen for the both of us, we were so in love it was almost pathetic, almost! But great things always come to an end, don’t they?

Junior year was over and the summer came and it was gone fast, but when it was here it was amazing. I got my license and a job which she already had so I kind of felt obligated. We both kind of worked a lot but all the free time we had we spent with each other. We would always go to the beach and swim then we would watch the sunrise and look at the stars and then go for ice cream. We would go on walks in the different parks around the area. We like going out in public like shopping, movies, friends, but we like being alone together sometimes too so we did both. My parents went out of town to visit my sister in college in California. My princess spent the night at my house a couple of times during this period, which was astonishing because it was like we were married and had our own house with no one to bother us or interrupt or anything. Again we had our arguments but nothing to big to make us stop talking for a long period of time. The truth was we both knew there was no one else for either of us, we were as close to perfect as you can get. Senior year came fast but it was enjoyable since me and her took our classes at the college. We even took a dance class together, which she asked me to do when we were sophomores so that was pretty special. My princess and I had some weird connections, like for instance the last four digits of her cell phone number were my old address. We both came from an Italian decent so our kids would have been beautiful. We both had birthmarks on the exact some place on our face, and we both had scars in the same places on our bodies, we both had lost our virginity to someone else but wished it was with each other. Our birthdays were exactly 25 hours apart, her being older. There is a lot of other things too, but truly I can’t remember them right now. Anyway, senior year went by fast as hell and I’m sorry that it did. We spent as much time as possible with each other because we both knew she was going to go to college out of state, somewhere near Charlotte, North Carolina. I was going to stay in Avon for another year and then I was going to go to North Carolina to be with my baby. I loved her and I wasn’t going to let college tear us apart.

After I spent that year in Avon I moved down to North Carolina, I went to school only a couple miles away from where my baby went, so we were with each other all the time again. It’s funny, you honestly don’t understand how much you need someone till they are gone. We both finished off school. She became a massage therapist and I became a marine biologist, with small passion/hobby for writing. We stayed in North Carolina for a while so I pursued my career near the ocean. We were more in love with each other now than we ever were, every second of the waking day we were all over each other. Partly because we were in love, and partly because we have talked about doing this together since high school, and we didn’t really believe it was happening. The months past and they turned into a couple of years just me and her being together. We finally decided we wanted to get married and start a small family. Something we also talked about since we were sophomores in high school. This was a childhood dream that was coming true, what else more could I ask for? I had everything I ever wanted and needed right in front of me. I didn’t ask for anything else. I knew ever since we were younger that this was going to happen, and so did she.

It started out, “Dearly beloved we are gathered here today…” This was it, this was one of the moments I’ve dreamed about since I was younger. As I looked at my beautiful wife, my eyes swelled with tears and I couldn’t fight them back. We both said our, “I do’s!” and in my vow I told her that now we are together forever, I won’t spend one day not being by her side. Then I kissed her and we were off walking done the isle to our limo outside. The reception was very scenic, there were flowers everywhere, wrapped around everything. It was more elegant than any movie I’ve ever seen. Both our families were there and just about everyone, except me and the bride, got rip roaring wasted. After the reception we went back to the house and had the greatest intimate times we’ve ever had together, we went all night. She woke up to flowers all around the bed and flower pedals leading to the kitchen. I made her favorite blueberry waffles. After breakfast, I told her to get back to the room and as she did that I printed out pictures of where we were going for our honeymoon. I posted them all throughout the house, on every wall and door. We went back to bed for a little while longer, and after we got up I asked her if she was ready. She just smiled at me and the glare in her eyes knocked me out of this world. I went over to the bed and picked her up and said, “I knew we would be together forever, I love you baby!” then I kissed her on the forehead. I walked her through the house so she could see all the pictures. She was amazed and gave me a big passionate kiss and then she held me for a while. We packed our bags and got ready to leave the house and we drove to the airport. The plane took off and we were heading to a place almost as magnificent as her.


We got back from the honeymoon and didn’t know it right away, but we found out that the first child was on the way. She got pregnant during the honeymoon. When we found out we both held each other and kissed each other and said that our lives couldn’t be any better together. We were excited about the baby coming so we spent the next couple of months working and buying things for it’s room. I couldn’t believe how much we bonded during this time. We argued a little bit but with every fight there was incredible make up. I loved my baby since high school and with every growing day I felt like I loved her more and more. We decided if it was a boy we were going to name him Dakota, she really liked that name and she was the one carrying it and had to go through the pain of the delivery so I didn’t complain. I liked that name too, it was different. I am a big believer about being different, who wants to be ordinary when you can be extraordinary. Her and I were untouchable, no one could mess up this amazing relationship, or could they?

She was coming home from work, it was just another day, like any other. Better than yesterday, worse than tomorrow. She was going down the high way driving perfectly safe. Some asshole driver going to fast trying to get to wherever he was going was behind a semi truck and went to change lanes, when all of a sudden he clipped the back of my baby’s car and sent her out of control and her front end went right into the semi. The semi crushed her like a toothpick. I was out diving doing some experiments on the behavior of sharks. The captain of the boat pulled me out of the water because my cell phone was ringing off the hook. I answered the phone to a North Carolina police officer, he said that there was an accident that my wife had been in, and they needed me there as soon as possible. I had the captain ride the boat in, I ran to the car and drove to the hospitable. I had to wait a while before I could talk to the doctor. He told me that the crash was pretty bad and she was on life support. He told me that the chances of her living through the night were slim. I didn’t get to see my princess till late that night. She was a wreck, just about her whole body was wrapped up and she had many cuts and bruises all over her face and arms. She wasn’t conscious but I stayed there all night. The doctor ended up being wrong, she lasted through the night. I got to talk to her but she didn’t respond. I knew that she knew it was me and that she knew I was going to be there until she got out. I decorated the room with numerous plants and flowers. The doctors had to give her her medication and do minor operations on her, so I sat in the waiting room for a while just thinking about everything me and her went through. The doctors prediction was wrong she went that whole week, even though she couldn’t see me, and probably not hear me she knew I was there. I prayed next to her that night and thanked God for what he gave me and to please not let him take it away from me. This angel was all I ever wanted. As I was praying she looked over at me and she muttered, “Baby? Is that you?” I answered her as the tears started coming. I asked her how she was and she didn’t answer. I didn’t bother asking her again. Instead I said, “Listen princess, you got into a bad accident, but the doctors are going to make you better, everything will be ok.” She looked at me and smiled, opened her eyes and told me she loved me. The tears didn’t stop coming, they were flowing stronger than a river in the rain. I glanced into her eyes, and felt my whole world come down. A piercing sound went through my ears as I heard her flat line. The doctors rushed in, but there was nothing in there power they could do to bring her back. My princess was gone.

My child, my dreams, my motivation, my love, my life was crushed. I had a nurse that was off the job take me home that night because I knew I couldn’t drive. I got out, thanked her and walked inside my house. It was emptier with me in it than it was when we were both gone. The first thing I remembered was seeing a picture of me and her on our honeymoon, we were wrapped in each others arms, with two enormous smiles as we kissed each other. I started crying and I went crazy after I saw that, knowing that I was never going to see her again. I threw anything I could pick up, I punched four holes in the wall and knocked out three windows. My hands were broken, but I couldn’t feel a thing, the rage was relentless. I turned on the car in the garage and as the garage was filling up with carbon monoxide I wrote a love/death note to whom it may concern. In the note it said, “My motivation, My love, My everything, I loved her with all that I could give her and then some. She was the perfect little lady. I will never forget a single kiss, smile, or glance that she gave me. But all good things must come to an end, who would’ve thought the end is near? There is no point in living if you can’t live and dream for what you want. She was all I ever wanted in my life since I was a young man in high school. I’m sorry to all of my friends and family, but I’m not going to live one day without her being here, I promised her I wouldn’t. I would rather die and be with her than live and be with anyone else.” Then I set the note on the kitchen table, and heading for the garage while the tears ran down my cheeks. I sat in the garage crying till I saw my baby wake and pick me up, she held me closer to her than she ever did before and said, “I knew we would be together forever, I love you baby!” and then kissed me on the forehead.