The One Day Birthday

"What kind of flowers would you like?" Mrs. Cooley asks, eying an array of purple orchids. I fingered a batch of dusty roses. "I...don't think I'm ready, yet." She nods in understanding. Her aged gray eyes were filled with compassion. "It's alright, dear. This is a tough time for you." I nodded, trying to keep the tears from spilling down my face. "I suppose I'll see you tomorrow?" she said, scribbling on her schedule notebook. "Oh, I can't make it tomorrow," I said weakly," I have some business to attend to." She nods, engrossed in her schedule. "Certainly, dear," she mumbles, shuffling toward her beige Mercedes Benz. I make my way to my own BMW. "Come on, Irene," I said to myself, firmly," you have to get this planning done or else there won't be a...a," I choke on the word. I can't say it, yet. It's too soon.

I pull into my driveway. Sam's car wasn't there; he was probably talking to the pastor at Shepherd's Valley. I shuffled numbly toward the front door. An empty car seat lay in the living room. "She's not going to come," I told the unfortunate item," She never will. "The floorboards moaned in sorrow as I meandered down the hallway. It was a coincidence that I seemed to enter the nursery where she was supposed to spend a whole eighteen years. Of course, the bright yellow walls, cream cradle, and baby clothes wouldn't stay here. They probably would have been sorted in the attic; a trek Sam and I would never make. I caressed her unused clothes. A jean jumper with a poufy blouse, blue velvet boots, and a knit hat from Grandma were packed neatly in an oak drawer that was frosted vanilla. I had longed for the day when I could have dressed her with motherly expertise, but I was yet to become a professional. My throat went dry when I spotted the frayed stuffed bear with a half ear. I squeezed my fingers around its tiny torso. Her hands were to squeeze the hand-me-down like I had done so long ago. I threw the bear furiously across the room like this act of anger would bring her into my arms. Today was supposed to be my first day as a mom. Today was supposed to be the best day of my entire life. A whole nine months had been leading up to this day. A day that meant that she was healthy and...alive. Today was my little girl's one day birthday...in heaven.