Aunt Harriet's Suicide Letter(rachel) Everywhere I go, people look at me with disgust brimming in their eyes. I cannot shake this feeling of hate for me that they all burden. Everyone sees me as a sinner, and heretic. I no longer belong here. Therefore, no one would notice if I were to just disappear, and never return. I have asked myself many questions. “Why am I here? Why did God do this? Why can't I just close my eyes? Why did he curse my child? Why did he destroy the world? What can I possibly accomplish with nothing left? Why does it hurt so much?” It's okay though, I'm not scared to die anymore. It won't hurt anymore when I close my eyes. I will simply fade away from this cruel world. I regret nothing. I am not insane. I am only beaten. As for the child, I do not wish for it to suffer. I do not want this baby to grow up in this world of madness, or for her to hate her own kin. Nor do I wish for this small child of mine to be taken from me. So we will go together and cross the river between life and death, where the old people wait on the right hand side of God. It would be better if we both vanished without a trace, without a fuss. If we were simply to become the shadows.

I do not hate my town, however. After all, that is where I grew up. Many of my friends live there, and together we have been through good times and bad. I love my family very much, and wish them the best, and that they will turn from their cold-hearted ways. My husband, I love oh so much. If he had thrown me out for having three deviations, I still would have loved him. I will miss my friends, my family, and my home. But now it is time for me to go.

When my sister refused my request, it was like she had thrust a dagger into my heart, and I was filled with pain. What's more was when she looked at me with eyes of ice, cursing and spitting at me for having a deviant child. The blade she threw at me wasn't enough. She had to slowly rip it out, and then watch me bleed. When my own family denied my existence, and threw at my face, I knew there was no longer hope for this generation of hate filled people.

But that's enough. I know now. That's enough. I go now to meet God. Perhaps there, with him, I will understand what has transpired in this twisted and broken place.

---