It Was Meant To Be!(Charles A. Mazzarella) It Was Meant to Be!


Alone on the road, and half awake, I drive home to get my children ready for school. The road follows the river and the view is one I look forward to. One of my favorite radio stations that plays music I know, from the ‘7Os and ‘80s, is playing a good song, ‘If ever you’re in my arms again, this time, I’ll love you much better. If ever you’re in my arms again, this time I’ll love you forever. This time will never end. We had a once-in-life time, but I just didn’t show it and I swear it’s all gone. A second once-in-a-lifetime may be too much to ask, but I swear, from now on.’ The song makes me think of how much I miss my husband and, how lonely I feel.

He’s in the Army and went with his unit to Iraq – again. We just found out they all have to stay a few more months longer than they were supposed to. It’s depressing and I’m mad about it too. The kids miss him so much. He’s missing all their activities, even the mundane ones like homework and suppertime. But, Steve always likes when we are all together to talk about our day. It’s more difficult to all eat together now that our oldest is driving. She works part time, is active in school, and spends a lot of time with her friends. I look forward to that time when we are will be sitting at the kitchen table again or can go on vacation. We all need a vacation!

He helps me to relax. As he says of himself, “I’m the master of relaxation” and he is too. I am usually on the go; always working it seems. After his job, especially on the weekends, he knows how to relax. I guess it’s worse now that I took a part time job too. But, I need to keep busy or, I’ll think too much. I’m just so tired all the time. At least the kids behave, compared to my brother’s two brats. But, I know it’s tough on Nico and Samantha. Nico is seven and likes to play but was sitting at home too much. Before Steve went back over there, we sat down with Nico, or Nicky, as he likes to be called, and asked him what he’d like to do for fun. He likes to go fishing with Steve and his grandfather and has been camping a few times. We thought – Tiger Cub Scouts. We enrolled Nicky a few months before Steve left and they were able to go on an overnight camping trip with the Cub Scout pack.

Steve was very active in the Boy Scouts of America program. Back then, they didn’t have Tiger Cubs. Nicky was just old enough to join the Cub Scouts however and seems to like all the new skills he is learning – how to build a fire, learning about different knots to tie, and classes in Nature where he can now tell me the names of at least a few of the tress we pass when we walk in the park.

It is good that the children are busy. But, it gets to them sometimes, especially on the holidays. Samantha is a big help though. Web cam is a way to stay connected, and we can call Steve anytime on his cell, but it’s just not the same, and not enough. I feel this empty spot within me, when I let myself think about it. That’s one reason why I work so much. The extra money is good too, and I have always liked to work. When I am at work, it is better. But, I need to remember Steve’s advice and take ‘me time’ – time to relax and be there for the kids and me. I try to balance it all, but some days I feel crushed.

I was born in November of 1972. Steve and I were both born then and he’s 17 days older than me. When we first started dating, he would call me ‘kid’ just because he knew he’d always be older than me. Funny, I always liked younger guys, until he came back into my life. That’s how it happened, we both came back into our own lives; he into mine and mine into his.

My name is Margaret Louise Jennings Evans. Steve and I grew up across the river from each other but only met when our “rival” schools would have some joint neighborhood function. I was from Daleville and went to Daleville Elementary, which goes up to the Eighth grade. Steve lived in Crystal Heights. We grew up in rural New York and our schools were smaller then. The Vurmooth River separates our towns but provides for picturesque views. Steve, at the time when we met, was attending Crystal Heights Middle school. That’s where we met for the first time; during a neighborhood music festival coordinated by the music teachers of both schools.

Kids from the local schools started individual music lessons in the third grade. Steve and I both chose clarinet and for almost the same reasons. My aunt/Godmother played clarinet in high school. Steve’s Polish Godfather, as he like to refer to him as, played in polka bands and was well known for playing all the different types of saxophones and clarinets. His uncle is still regarded as one of the best woodwind musicians in our area. He even made an album with one of our area’s polka bands. That inspired Steve and he thought that’s what he’d try.

So, that is how Steve and I met when we were teens; playing music in our respective schools. Throughout high school Steve, my brother Walt, and I met up at football games or marching band competitions. We’d spend time together, usually in the concession stand lines, and that was it. Neither of us thought to exchange phone numbers. Well, I thought about it, but was seeing someone else at the time. I guess we both were. Remember, this is before the age of the cell phone and text messaging; before IM and the Internet. We were just friendly. We joked around and went back to our lives.

Steve and I both graduated in 1990 – he from Dial Rock High and me from Daleville High School. We grew up, went to college, worked, and time went by. I was involved with someone and became pregnant with Samantha. Before I knew I was pregnant, I knew that the love had long ago left our turbulent relationship. Thank God for my parents. They helped me so much during those difficult months. It was tough to be a single mom. I unfortunately still feel that way sometimes.

Eight years elapsed and Steve and I met up again – by chance. He and I both believe in Fate. I was working as head bartender and waitress at a local restaurant; closer to the city. It was a day like any other except, it was February 13th, the day before Valentine’s Day.

It wasn’t too busy at the Honeysuckle Café that evening. A tall, older man, a blonde woman, and a guy with a mustache walked in for supper after 6:30pm. I had seen the older couple before but without this other guy. I took their orders and brought the drinks. Then, the guy with the mustache came up to the bar. He ordered a White Zinfandel or Rose to drink with his Italian pasta dinner; ten minutes later he came back to the bar again. He asked, “Are you Peggy Jennings from Daleville?” I was surprised. “Yes”, I answered. “I’m Steve Evans from Crystal Heights. I thought you looked familiar. Do you remember me?” I had to think for a minute but then said, “Yes, yes. I remember you”; it was the mustache that threw me off. We didn’t have much time to talk or reminisce. We did exchange phone numbers, this time, and met for coffee a few days later.

From there, we became reacquainted. We both had someone to talk to, having admitted we’ve both been quite busy to meet someone; not admitting we were both quite lonely. We caught up and learned a little about each other; passion would come later. Towards the end of June of that year, he asked me out and said he found me attractive. Sometimes I don’t feel so attractive, especially now with him away and me always feeling so tired.

We both learned the meaning of a new term – Long Distance Relationship aka, the LDR. Over the years, we have become masters of the LDR, though we have been tested a couple of times. Only two months after we started dating, Steve left for New England to finish his degree. This was all planned out before we met months back; such is Life! We went to the shore with Samantha and were able, at least for that short time, to relax and be together. She went on walks with him as I worked on my tan and they built sand castles together. I wonder if she remembers this. On the boardwalk, we ate the crazy food and watched as Samantha had fun being a girl at the amusement pier; we went on the Ferris wheel and the Carousel together. The music was great and the view from that giant wheel is of the whole town and the ocean; you can barely pick out the waves.

Here’s another oldie, as I turn down the street to our home, “Last night a DJ saved my life from a broken heart”. Sometimes these songs get to me. This morning, I am tired and only want to go to bed.

I now co-own a restaurant and still work the occasional shift as a visiting nurse. Steve and I have that in common too, sort of. He has worked in the Human Service field for the last 13 years and loves going to nice restaurants. We also have fun cooking when we’re all home together. He’s gotten better over the years. Nicky makes French toast, grilled cheese and scrambled eggs. Samantha didn’t like to cook as much and won’t admit it, but she does make a good pineapple and peach upside-down cake.

It never mattered much to Steve that he became an instant dad when we were married. Because they saw each other so infrequently, it was tough for Sam and Steve to bond at first. But, she remembers the places we would all go – there’s video to prove it. Because she’s older, she is used to being independent. She did say the other day that she wondered how Steve was and she was there to talk to him when he called. It’s tougher on Nicky though and he tries not to cry after he hangs up with his dad. I try not to cry in front of the children, but it’s hard. We talk about how their dad is in Iraq and I ask them to pray for him and his unit to return “AS1; alive, safe, and in one piece” as Steve calls it.

Even now, he’s over there helping people. As a Mental Health counselor, he gets to talk to “any soldier that walks through my door”, as he says. He is disappointed too that we won’t see each other until after the holidays, unless plans change high up. Our stubborn President is inclined to let the military help that messed up country, where there is probably a lot of work that can be done here at home. Maybe Infantry soldiers could train and work with local and state police. Don’t get me started!

At least it is Friday and the three of us will be home longer because of the forecasted snow. When Sam’s not working, she drives in front of us to visit my parents; Nicky and I usually see them every weekend. Steve’s parents are farther away in Crystal Heights and we visit them at least once a month. But, sometimes the grandparents visit us and we all sit down together for supper and maybe watch the Giants or the Mets. This year, there was more snow than usual and we all did get snowed in for a few days. At least Steve didn’t have to dig out the car again.

It’s quiet now. The kids are in school and I, as the boss, have the day off; Thank God! I rest here, after breakfast and coffee, trying to gather my strength and thoughts. The house doesn’t look too bad today. I can take a bubble bath and go to bed. Samantha will pick Nicky up and, after homework is done, we’ll decide where to get our pizza from. Go out or stay in? I bring the phone with me to the tub, just in case. The water is warm and the radio is playing some good songs. I wish Steve were here. The dog barks as the phone rings. I reach for the phone; another weird number. Maybe it is him? It is. We have that knack, calling “just when I needed you most” or when “you are always on my mind”. I feel so much better and relaxed in this tub as I talk to the one that I love and ask how his day is going.

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