MOSES(Bobby R. Woodall) Edit MOSES!!! by Bobby R. Woodall on Thursday, February 4, 2010 at 2:54pm

Someone told me that being an embalmer was creepy, let me tell you a funny.



Picture this; it was a dark, rainy, dreary & cold night in October. Shafts of lightning raced across the sky followed by the booming of thunder like cannons were sounding in the distance.



I was in the embalming room at the back of the funeral home just finishing dressing a body. The deceased looked fine in a double-breasted navy pin-stripe suit. I placed a folded handkerchief in the left breast pocket of the suit & finished it off with a red rose in the lapel. Hair was neatly combed with a soft wave at the front, parted on the left & the dearly departed favorite horn rim spectacles adorned his face. Almost an angelic glow seemed to emote from him.



I had as a helper a scrawny old black man named Moses. You know, sweep things up, straighten the chairs & get caskets for me.



"Moses," I said, while undoing the apron & going to the foot of the embalming table to gaze at my accomplishment. "Go upstairs and bring me the light blue Belmont at the back of the casket room."



We had an old type of rope pulley elevator, the owner's being too tight to acquire a new electric one. I watched as Moses got in the elevator, closed the door behind him & started to wearily pull on the rope.



This is where it gets interesting. I quickly ran up the stairs, hurried across the casket room & crawled in the casket I'd told Moses to bring down. I gently closed the lid of the casket, thinking quickly, I wedged my pocket knife in the opening to prevent it from closing all the way.



Wasn't too long before I heard Moses shuffling in the room toward the casket where I was hiding. He was mumbling to himself and softly humming, because as everyone knew, ghosts & monsters don't bother you if you got your music with you.



I was tempted to scare him right away, but something stopped me. I asked myself, "Wouldn't it be better to wait a little longer?"



I could feel the casket move as Moses began to push it toward the elevator. He was grunting & groaning. Finally I heard the elevator door slowly shut.



Moses started to pull on the rope which was making a creaky sound as the old rope slid over the rusted pulleys. The elevator was cold, dimly lit and seemed to rock from side to side. My anticipated time was almost here!



We were over half-way down when I slowly reached out of the casket, grasped Moses by the strap on his apron, quickly saying,
"AAAAARRRRRGGGGG!"



Ole Moses didn't say a word. Just stood there vibrating with his mouth opening and closing like a fish gasping for air. He was too scared to scream. But when the elevator doors opened, he skedaddled out of the funeral home, hands flaying the air and screaming! Watch out for him! He's still screaming after 41 years and he's headed your way!

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