Confusion

Confusion(Shalini Guleria) Confusion

I opened my eyes in a shock, everything looked so blurry. I couldn’t move my legs or arms; it felt like someone had tied them up with ropes. For a while I just lied on my soft, comfortable bed thinking about what happened last night. I couldn’t remember anything that well and I wasn’t even sure if it actually happened or if it was a dream.

I could see a drop of sweat from the corner of my eye ready to slide down my white pale skin and giving me that ticklish feeling as it reached the end of my cheek bone and dropped down on the bed. My life also felt like the drop of sweat as it was finishing as it started. That room seemed very unfamiliar to me, the walls weren’t the same colour as my room, it smelled very unusual and every five minutes I could a hear a beeping sound. I couldn’t think properly, everything seemed to change and nothing felt real.

I tried to push the blanket off my feet but my legs felt like rocks, I couldn’t move them. I kept on trying but it didn’t seem to work, nothing happened. My brain was telling my legs to move but it seemed like my legs had a disagreement with my brain and they didn’t wanted to listen anymore. After a while of trying I gave up. I knew something was wrong and I knew something bad was going to happen, or had already happened, but my brain was too weak to figure out this mystery.

I closed my eyes and tried to retrace my memory of what happened last night but no image came in my mind. I shut my eyes even harder so that I could concentrate but nothing came in my mind. I felt so defeated and crushed; all these feelings were taking over my mind and restricting it from thinking properly.

I had to do something; I had to remember what happened last night so that I could solve this mystery. I took a deep breath and started to think. All I could see was darkness, nothing else, not even a single light. I concentrated harder and I could feel my breathing slowing down.

I could hear some people laughing and some loud music playing. The images started to appear now; I sat with some friends in a club talking and laughing, the music was really loud but no one seemed to care, everyone was enjoying. I was also having a good time talking to my best friends and meeting new people. There were so many different coloured lights; orange, yellow, blue and red flashing on to me. It felt good to be surrounded by the people who loved you and cared about you. I was holding a wine glass in my hand and I could feel the refreshing and cooling sensation of the wine as it went down my throat. Everyone looked beautiful in their glittering dresses and the whole club was filled with people from different places and towns. Everyone looked happy and were enjoying themselves.

I remembered looking at my watch and seeing that it was past midnight. I quickly got up, grabbing my car keys off the table, and said goodbye to my friends. They didn’t want me to go but I had to, I could hear their voices in my ear, “Tasha don’t drive, you had too much wine”. But I didn’t listen and just left the club.

I remembered opening the door of my car and sitting down. I was driving on a straight road and there was no traffic, all the roads were empty. My eyes felt heavy and my hands started to lose control of the steering wheel. Suddenly I heard a loud horn sound which opened my eyes and the only thing I saw was a bright yellow light.

I quickly opened my eyes and found myself drowned in sweat. I wanted to get off the bed and run away but I couldn’t move my body, it felt so heavy and everything in front of my eyes was blurry again. My mind was so confused I didn’t know what was happening to me.

Tears started to dwell in my eyes and I started to cry. I wanted my life back and I didn’t know what had happened to me. I felt really lonely in this unfamiliar room and all I could see was the ceiling above me. I wanted to get off this bed and go back to work where I actually belonged but I couldn’t move and I didn’t even know why. I was scared to close my eyes again; as the fear of that dream was eating me inside and out.

I kept on asking myself the same question “was this real?” but my mind didn’t know the answer. I started to feel suffocated and my breathing went faster, I was sweating now and I could feel my clothes getting wet. I heard some people talking outside, I couldn’t take this anymore, I wanted someone to help me so that I could get out of this bed and find out what happened to me. I started to yell loudly “help me, somebody please help” but no one listened.

All that yelling made my throat sore and now I wasn’t even able to talk properly. It felt like someone was stabbing my head with a knife, my whole head was throbbing with pain but all I wanted was to get out of here. That desperation for getting off this bed was killing me, I tried to rock my body side to side but nothing happened, as much as I tried the more defeated and lost my body felt.

I closed my eyes and started to take long deep breaths, that beeping sound wasn’t there anymore, it was gone. I heard the door knob rotate as the door opened making a creaky sound. I kept my eyes closed and just listened to what was happening. I heard some footsteps coming towards me and a very unusual sound like some tires rolling on the vinyl.

I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder which caused me to open my eyes. I saw my best friend standing next to me with some flowers in her hand and a wheel chair next to her and giving me sympathetic smile.