Snow Cloud

Snow Cloud(Annie Frame) Snow Cloud, by Annie Frame.

Vanessa stood looking out of the hospital window while her mother straightened the sheets on the bed. Heavy tears filled the woman’s eyes for the child she’d soon lose. Life hadn’t been a bowl of cherries, especially when her husband finally left for a younger, fitter model. He’d left her and Vanessa to fend for themselves, even though he knew about the gremlin growing inside the little girl’s tummy. Still, his leaving had turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because mother and daughter had grown closer due to the void he’d left.

Sherry bit her lip then blinked by the salty tears that threatened to fall. She couldn’t let go now, not near the end. She’d had five years of love from her beloved daughter and wanted more than time was prepared to give, yet no amount of pleading could alter the road ahead. “Mummy can you see the snow cloud?” chirped the child happily. Glad to leave her morbid thoughts behind, Sherry went over to the window to look out.

The sky was dark and heavy, which wasn’t a surprise as the year drew to a close. Words formed, but never left as she observed the joyful expression on the child’s face. How could she say there was no snow cloud? She couldn’t. Nor could she voice what she did see. Silence settled as the two looked up at the sky. Vanessa slipped her small hand into her mother’s and told her, “I can’t wait to visit the snow cloud.” Sherry yearned to put the youngster right and tell her that there was no such thing, but couldn’t and simply nodded her head.

Peering into the menacing sky only made things worse, so she cajoled,
“Come along Vanessa lets play Snakes and Ladders.” Disappointment came thick and fast as the child with curly golden hair and bright blue eyes shook her head and replied, “Oh no mummy I can’t.” Trying not to lose patience Sherry fought the urge to chastise and gulped down useless words. Using another tactic she asked, “so what do you see in the cloud?” A frown immediately covered the youngster’s angelic features as she stated curtly, “Snow Cloud mummy!” Sherry wasted no time in correcting herself and wondered what the big deal was, after all, there wasn’t any cloud, just a bleak view.

And so the pair continued to look at the scene, both with very different views. After a while Vanessa let go of Sherry’s hand and waved to the sky, “See you soon!” she sang merrily. Worried at the latest development Sherry had to ask, “Who do you think you will see?” Exited eyes met hers as she was told, “Lots of other little girls and boys, just like me.” Over my dead body thought the weary woman, is my child going up to that murky sky. “How about a nice drink of juice?” coaxed Sherry, hoping to leave the subject alone. No answer came as the young soul stayed put.

“God give me strength.” pleaded Sherry to anyone that might take time to hear her plea. It wasn’t a surprise to remain empty handed so she soldiered on in spite of the dread lurking inside her gut. After what felt like an age the night time covered day and Vanessa decided to rest her tiny body on to the bed. Thankful, Sherry immediately tried to close the sky out of their lives, but without success, “Mummy leave the curtains wide open because I need to see the snow cloud.”

With gritted teeth and heavy heart she obliged, then sat beside her daughter until she nodded off to sleep. Time draped itself heavily on her shoulder blades. How much longer could she hold onto the emotions owned? She didn’t know, but hoped she could at least until the last breath came. It did, and much sooner than expected, despite the specialist’s claims that the nasty gremlin was in remission. The curtains framed the window as the darkness caressed whatever hung above. Sherry’s eyes remained open through sheer grit and determination. In some strange way she hoped against all odds that her being alert might prevent the inevitable.

She was wrong and little Vanessa breathed her last in the dead of night without her mother’s knowledge. Sherry’s eyes had closed even though she’d tried in vain for them not to, and when they had, her child had slipped away. Cold morning air alerted the woman to the passing as sorrow settled in place. Every trace of suffering gone, replaced with eternal peace, yet not one ounce lay in Sherry. The loss was huge, the grief already unbearable. She forced herself up out of the seat, walked over to her dead child, kissed her tenderly and left.

In a daze she wandered down the hospital corridor until she reached the exit. Once outside a bitter chill hit her hard awakening dormant senses. Pulling her chunky cardigan round her for extra warmth she forged ahead. Suddenly a voice invaded every ounce of her being. It was a voice she remembered only too well and belonged to her daughter. Spinning round with hope rising she scoured the scene, fully expecting Vanessa to be running towards her. There was nothing except folk hobbling here and there in the hospital grounds.

Tears stinging she tried to compose her self and walk on, but the voice had other ideas. “Look up mummy!” it told her. So she did. The sky she’d looked at earlier didn’t look the same. It now had a huge white fluffy cloud floating where the murky haze had been. Sherry continued to stare up in disbelief. She’d never seen a cloud like it and doubted she ever would again. The longer she stared the more profound the scene, so much so, faces began to emerge. Children’s faces full of joy and peace. Logical thinking no longer an option made way for a clearer view. The cloud pulsated with life way beyond earthly senses until it burst. Soft snow flakes fell gently down as Sherry gasped out loud, “The snow cloud.” One flake nestled tenderly on her left cheek and entered her soul. It brought someone very special back to earth. Vanessa settled in another for a moment or two, her spirit caressed her mother and told her, “I’m the snow cloud mummy!”

Annie Frame. Copyright December 2010