Congratulations !
You have been awarded points.
Thank you for !
- Story Listed as: Fiction For Teens
- Theme: Drama / Human Interest
- Subject: Character Based
- Published: 05/17/2011
This Schizophrenic's World: A closer look
Born 1972, M, from Nanticoke, PA, United StatesThis Schizophrenic’s World – a Closer Look
June 5, 1994
Despite what experts and the books say, I have been psychotic since birth. To clarify, the books don’t actually say anything, it is, as you are probably aware, a figure of speech. I write this to explain my thoughts and to help people like myself to understand better. To people without schizophrenia, you may become confused when my clarity dissipates. I just wanted to warn you.
First, let me tell you what I see and experience everyday. OOOPPPPS! I heard that, and you are right. My name is Steve Evans and I am 29 years old, I think. At least that is what the voices tell me (my little joke). I grew up near the Vurmooth River in Silon, New York. Mostly, people would fish on the river but, there was a time when paddle boats and small tugs would travel towards Hudson Bay and eventually to the Atlantic.
All my life, I have heard noises, then music, and sometimes, words and voices in my head. In school, I was put in the class for retarded kids, though I am smart, because I was always talking to myself. I didn’t mind, because I was able to help the teacher and protect the other students. I started taking medicine when I was 7 years old. It was some type of drops that were absorbed under my tongue. I would hold the meds in my mouth and watch the seconds on the kitchen clock, slowly tick away. That stuff tasted sweet and bitter at the same time. I would take it at night, open the fridge ‘cause it had to be cold, and my dog would usually join me’ looking for some free hand out. I told him to get a job but he said he was too old. I said, “You are 2 years younger than me, Snoopy.” He retorted, “Multiply that by 7. I am 35, almost 42. Yes, I can still work, but I was never at any school.” He won that argument, I guess. But he was a good dog anyway and we walked all over town.
When I would walk, I would see an older girl, like me, walk her little basset hound. They did not move very fast because basset hounds are not build for speed, but for lounging around; they are good at that. Maybe Basset hounds have some cat blood. My cat now, that’s all she does, is lay around. But, she does do some tricks, like stand on her hind legs and longingly peer out the window. I always wonder what she is looking for. Is she on guard duty? I will have to ask her someday and let you know.
Oh right, the girl. She always had a headset and would listen to tapes or the local radio stations. She was not that chatty, always in a hurry to walk her dog and go home. I still see her walking, but without the dog. She may still have the headset.
The medicine dampens the voices. Some days, I do not hear them. Now, I take a shot once a month. I have always been good at remembering to take my meds; the shot allows me not to have to worry about remembering. I have a lot of clear days, like today. But as I can see already from what I have written, I am tangential; on some other path sometimes. I hope you don’t mind.
I am employed by a big chain video store and also work behind the counter at a Cineplex where 26 movies can be shown at the same time. Back when I was growing up, a lot of the smaller towns had a movie theater with only one screen. And like microbes in a Petri dish, buildings were divided or the theaters added on and there were 4 screens. Now, a lot of cities have theaters with 5 to 30 screens. I have never been to the really big malls (Mall of America) or metropolis like Dallas/Ft. Worth, which may have up to 50 screens. I am waiting for the day when I can call someplace and order any movie onto my TV. I like the movies, as you can see. But sometimes, I have to remember that what I see is not real.
I have vivid dreams, usually only at night. If a day or two goes by and I am unable to take my meds, or my back-up supply runs out, I get scared and then have trouble telling what is real from the fake stuff. When I am sick or stressed also, I see spots, people that are not there, my old dog, stairs, and cubes. The cubes are of different colors and sizes. The hallucinations, as the doc calls them, that I enjoy the most, are the ones where I smell things that others do not smell, and my weather visions. I see snowflakes or hear thunder on a clear day. I have never seen lightning when it wasn’t there but I am hoping to. The most popular smell I have, when they don’t exist, is the smell of spaghetti sauce.
June 14,1994
It has been a few days since I have written. Just my luck, the clinic was closed yesterday and I have to wait until the 19th to get my monthly shot. I may have enough meds to get me through. The voices are louder today and it is tuff to consentrate on the word processor; I think my spell checker is broke too. I know some people that hang out at the soup kitchen that said when off their meds, the voices tell them to hurt themselves or others. I do not want voices in my head that yell at me or tell me bad stuff like that. I am listening to a tune but am not near the radio, ”You’ve lost that loving feeling…” “It’s easy to love me, because I am so beautiful”; I changed the lyrics slightly.
I met this odd woman at work today who asked me for a movie that our store doesn’t have. She was carrying a little poodle with her that someone dyed pink; it was ugly. We told her that she could call, in the future, to save herself a trip or if the movie was in, we would hold it for 2 hrs until she arrived. However, she would have to leave the dog home or in the car the next time. As she explained to my manager how precious her dog is to her, I heard it talk to me in a squeaky voice. The dog complained that it was held too much, not allowed to run around as much as it would like, and said she smells of cheap perfume; I had to laugh and quickly turned to the TV monitor so as to appear to be laughing at the movie. Hold on, I hear the phone...
Those telemarketer calls are annoying. I mess with them even when I don’t hear voices. “Would you like to buy some additional insurance for your home?”, ”No,” I answer, “I usually do not live here, I do not own this place, and Lohrex, the Prince of Xehlor Island said it is a bad day to be investing”; that usually ends the call quickly. I am tired now, I’ll write some more soon…
June 17 20904
Saw snowflakes on my way to work this mourning. Had to put the heat on ‘cause I was cold; bank temp read 73 F. I still have a few pills left and am a little nervous; will be ‘til the 19th. Will right more after werk; can sea I am a smudge frazzled know.
7:23pm. Work waz grate, a lady and her yellow pony tipped me $5.00 for emptying her swimming pool and for finding a happy, shiny movie for her nacho-encrusted kitten. Yes, I’ll write about that, gimme a minute. I forgot to add, I am going to work more hours at the theater, making and serving the poppy corn and dusting snowflakes off the seats when prisoners want to watch a happy/sad/exciting movie. The DR. said I could come in early 2 morrow to get a shotz at the hospitale, Great!
Zeph 26!!!! I am on the planet Zulon 5 where it is my top-top secret mission to infiltrate a rival mining consortium. They will little suspect me because I speak their language. I, Agar-Vix, general in the service of King Lohrex, was trained as a boy in several native languages and several from other worlds. I have an aptitude for language.
Mere mortals, they think that they can outwit me; not very likely! Impenetrable to microwaves, I eat Kryptonite for breakfast; let them sling their mightiest, battle-hardened veteran my way; their attempt will be their dismay!!!
I will lead the light brigade on the morning of the 29th, as soon as the moons of Xehlor set, to start the season of Fall. The first rays of light on that glorious day will fall on my troops as we bravely face our foes. History will never forget the actions of the fierce battles that will ensue! Alas, I must be off, a golden chariot awaits to whisk me towards my battle vehicle. I am humbled by the sight of my loyal troops as they await my command. I am confident in the outcome of our battle and pray no soul is lost. Wish us unrivaled success, for we fight for the citizens of Xehlor! Hail, King Lohrex.
July 27, 4971.
Ah, how interesting it is to read about that last conflict; in preparations for another. This annoying communication device keeps on ringing; I ignore it as I study the plans for our next attack. My brave and loyal fighters attacked Zulon 5 and have to finish the job, today. What a view of the burning embers of that decimated planet. Following protocol, the citizens of the planet were evacuated before our arrival. This is a military thing; no citizens need to be hurt. With an entire planet as my battlefield, I feel like the king of the Galaxy. But I am so lightheaded now. I must renew my strength by the three means, the most important of these comes from an elixir…
Entry # 429 in the Royal Archives of the Vallorian Prince, Wohn-nan the 3rd.
Upon this Glorious and refreshing Spring day, it is my great privilege to bestow on the emissary of King Xehlor himself, Sir Agar-Vix, the Shield of Valloria. This is given in irreparable gratitude for helping defend the treasured people of this fine planet by fighting off the Zulonians, rampagers of that decrepit star system. The frisky fishes swim in honor of this great accomplishment. Let us adjourn to the exquisite feast that has been prepared. People of Valloria, celebrate with us in your own homes or come to the town square nearest you where refreshments may be had by all. ---Recorded by the royal scribe and court historian, Salana.
June 20,1994
I am feeling much better. The Dr. came to my home when I would not answer the phone. He said I was resting quietly in my recliner with a ray gun and sword bought at a toy store. He said I looked exhausted. I was dehydrated and malnourished. He took me, semi-conscious, to the clinic and then drove me home. I had plenty of groceries so, he made me a sandwich w/ a glass of juice, sat with me a while, then had to return to work; what a guy. Apparently, I took some other medication instead of my regular back-up pills and had a few drinks. The Doc said he would have my case manager work with me to better label my meds and separate those special ones from other meds. He said I will have to make signs too so I know where to go, or who to call when I become frazzled again.
The one thing I forgot to mention is that there are video cameras throughout my house. I put them there because I get paranoid sometimes. I will be able to listen to and watch what I was doing for the last three days. However, because I remember a few fragments, I do not think what I will see will be as exciting as what I lived in my mind while I was Agar-Vix, hero in the realm of King Lohrex, ruler of Xehlor and friend to the Vallarians.
This Schizophrenic's World: A closer look(Charles A. Mazzarella)
This Schizophrenic’s World – a Closer Look
June 5, 1994
Despite what experts and the books say, I have been psychotic since birth. To clarify, the books don’t actually say anything, it is, as you are probably aware, a figure of speech. I write this to explain my thoughts and to help people like myself to understand better. To people without schizophrenia, you may become confused when my clarity dissipates. I just wanted to warn you.
First, let me tell you what I see and experience everyday. OOOPPPPS! I heard that, and you are right. My name is Steve Evans and I am 29 years old, I think. At least that is what the voices tell me (my little joke). I grew up near the Vurmooth River in Silon, New York. Mostly, people would fish on the river but, there was a time when paddle boats and small tugs would travel towards Hudson Bay and eventually to the Atlantic.
All my life, I have heard noises, then music, and sometimes, words and voices in my head. In school, I was put in the class for retarded kids, though I am smart, because I was always talking to myself. I didn’t mind, because I was able to help the teacher and protect the other students. I started taking medicine when I was 7 years old. It was some type of drops that were absorbed under my tongue. I would hold the meds in my mouth and watch the seconds on the kitchen clock, slowly tick away. That stuff tasted sweet and bitter at the same time. I would take it at night, open the fridge ‘cause it had to be cold, and my dog would usually join me’ looking for some free hand out. I told him to get a job but he said he was too old. I said, “You are 2 years younger than me, Snoopy.” He retorted, “Multiply that by 7. I am 35, almost 42. Yes, I can still work, but I was never at any school.” He won that argument, I guess. But he was a good dog anyway and we walked all over town.
When I would walk, I would see an older girl, like me, walk her little basset hound. They did not move very fast because basset hounds are not build for speed, but for lounging around; they are good at that. Maybe Basset hounds have some cat blood. My cat now, that’s all she does, is lay around. But, she does do some tricks, like stand on her hind legs and longingly peer out the window. I always wonder what she is looking for. Is she on guard duty? I will have to ask her someday and let you know.
Oh right, the girl. She always had a headset and would listen to tapes or the local radio stations. She was not that chatty, always in a hurry to walk her dog and go home. I still see her walking, but without the dog. She may still have the headset.
The medicine dampens the voices. Some days, I do not hear them. Now, I take a shot once a month. I have always been good at remembering to take my meds; the shot allows me not to have to worry about remembering. I have a lot of clear days, like today. But as I can see already from what I have written, I am tangential; on some other path sometimes. I hope you don’t mind.
I am employed by a big chain video store and also work behind the counter at a Cineplex where 26 movies can be shown at the same time. Back when I was growing up, a lot of the smaller towns had a movie theater with only one screen. And like microbes in a Petri dish, buildings were divided or the theaters added on and there were 4 screens. Now, a lot of cities have theaters with 5 to 30 screens. I have never been to the really big malls (Mall of America) or metropolis like Dallas/Ft. Worth, which may have up to 50 screens. I am waiting for the day when I can call someplace and order any movie onto my TV. I like the movies, as you can see. But sometimes, I have to remember that what I see is not real.
I have vivid dreams, usually only at night. If a day or two goes by and I am unable to take my meds, or my back-up supply runs out, I get scared and then have trouble telling what is real from the fake stuff. When I am sick or stressed also, I see spots, people that are not there, my old dog, stairs, and cubes. The cubes are of different colors and sizes. The hallucinations, as the doc calls them, that I enjoy the most, are the ones where I smell things that others do not smell, and my weather visions. I see snowflakes or hear thunder on a clear day. I have never seen lightning when it wasn’t there but I am hoping to. The most popular smell I have, when they don’t exist, is the smell of spaghetti sauce.
June 14,1994
It has been a few days since I have written. Just my luck, the clinic was closed yesterday and I have to wait until the 19th to get my monthly shot. I may have enough meds to get me through. The voices are louder today and it is tuff to consentrate on the word processor; I think my spell checker is broke too. I know some people that hang out at the soup kitchen that said when off their meds, the voices tell them to hurt themselves or others. I do not want voices in my head that yell at me or tell me bad stuff like that. I am listening to a tune but am not near the radio, ”You’ve lost that loving feeling…” “It’s easy to love me, because I am so beautiful”; I changed the lyrics slightly.
I met this odd woman at work today who asked me for a movie that our store doesn’t have. She was carrying a little poodle with her that someone dyed pink; it was ugly. We told her that she could call, in the future, to save herself a trip or if the movie was in, we would hold it for 2 hrs until she arrived. However, she would have to leave the dog home or in the car the next time. As she explained to my manager how precious her dog is to her, I heard it talk to me in a squeaky voice. The dog complained that it was held too much, not allowed to run around as much as it would like, and said she smells of cheap perfume; I had to laugh and quickly turned to the TV monitor so as to appear to be laughing at the movie. Hold on, I hear the phone...
Those telemarketer calls are annoying. I mess with them even when I don’t hear voices. “Would you like to buy some additional insurance for your home?”, ”No,” I answer, “I usually do not live here, I do not own this place, and Lohrex, the Prince of Xehlor Island said it is a bad day to be investing”; that usually ends the call quickly. I am tired now, I’ll write some more soon…
June 17 20904
Saw snowflakes on my way to work this mourning. Had to put the heat on ‘cause I was cold; bank temp read 73 F. I still have a few pills left and am a little nervous; will be ‘til the 19th. Will right more after werk; can sea I am a smudge frazzled know.
7:23pm. Work waz grate, a lady and her yellow pony tipped me $5.00 for emptying her swimming pool and for finding a happy, shiny movie for her nacho-encrusted kitten. Yes, I’ll write about that, gimme a minute. I forgot to add, I am going to work more hours at the theater, making and serving the poppy corn and dusting snowflakes off the seats when prisoners want to watch a happy/sad/exciting movie. The DR. said I could come in early 2 morrow to get a shotz at the hospitale, Great!
Zeph 26!!!! I am on the planet Zulon 5 where it is my top-top secret mission to infiltrate a rival mining consortium. They will little suspect me because I speak their language. I, Agar-Vix, general in the service of King Lohrex, was trained as a boy in several native languages and several from other worlds. I have an aptitude for language.
Mere mortals, they think that they can outwit me; not very likely! Impenetrable to microwaves, I eat Kryptonite for breakfast; let them sling their mightiest, battle-hardened veteran my way; their attempt will be their dismay!!!
I will lead the light brigade on the morning of the 29th, as soon as the moons of Xehlor set, to start the season of Fall. The first rays of light on that glorious day will fall on my troops as we bravely face our foes. History will never forget the actions of the fierce battles that will ensue! Alas, I must be off, a golden chariot awaits to whisk me towards my battle vehicle. I am humbled by the sight of my loyal troops as they await my command. I am confident in the outcome of our battle and pray no soul is lost. Wish us unrivaled success, for we fight for the citizens of Xehlor! Hail, King Lohrex.
July 27, 4971.
Ah, how interesting it is to read about that last conflict; in preparations for another. This annoying communication device keeps on ringing; I ignore it as I study the plans for our next attack. My brave and loyal fighters attacked Zulon 5 and have to finish the job, today. What a view of the burning embers of that decimated planet. Following protocol, the citizens of the planet were evacuated before our arrival. This is a military thing; no citizens need to be hurt. With an entire planet as my battlefield, I feel like the king of the Galaxy. But I am so lightheaded now. I must renew my strength by the three means, the most important of these comes from an elixir…
Entry # 429 in the Royal Archives of the Vallorian Prince, Wohn-nan the 3rd.
Upon this Glorious and refreshing Spring day, it is my great privilege to bestow on the emissary of King Xehlor himself, Sir Agar-Vix, the Shield of Valloria. This is given in irreparable gratitude for helping defend the treasured people of this fine planet by fighting off the Zulonians, rampagers of that decrepit star system. The frisky fishes swim in honor of this great accomplishment. Let us adjourn to the exquisite feast that has been prepared. People of Valloria, celebrate with us in your own homes or come to the town square nearest you where refreshments may be had by all. ---Recorded by the royal scribe and court historian, Salana.
June 20,1994
I am feeling much better. The Dr. came to my home when I would not answer the phone. He said I was resting quietly in my recliner with a ray gun and sword bought at a toy store. He said I looked exhausted. I was dehydrated and malnourished. He took me, semi-conscious, to the clinic and then drove me home. I had plenty of groceries so, he made me a sandwich w/ a glass of juice, sat with me a while, then had to return to work; what a guy. Apparently, I took some other medication instead of my regular back-up pills and had a few drinks. The Doc said he would have my case manager work with me to better label my meds and separate those special ones from other meds. He said I will have to make signs too so I know where to go, or who to call when I become frazzled again.
The one thing I forgot to mention is that there are video cameras throughout my house. I put them there because I get paranoid sometimes. I will be able to listen to and watch what I was doing for the last three days. However, because I remember a few fragments, I do not think what I will see will be as exciting as what I lived in my mind while I was Agar-Vix, hero in the realm of King Lohrex, ruler of Xehlor and friend to the Vallarians.
- Share this story on
- 13
COMMENTS (0)