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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Inspirational
- Subject: Philosophy/Religion/Spirituality
- Published: 07/03/2011
If You Just Want To
Born 1954, M, from Magalia, California, United StatesIf You Just Want To
Not for the first time, I woke to the thought, “How can such beauty exist in a world that breeds such constant misery?”
The great God worked his magnificent art with another unspeakably beautiful sunrise. The powerful majesty of the sun’s ever increasing light woke the birds of the heavens and the beasts of the fields and sent the nocturnal rodents and scavengers to seek their dark tunnels. As I lay in my own tomblike shelter and peered out at what I was permitted to see of the wonders of God’s creation, I slowly came to full wakefulness. Then, as was my practice, I closed my eyes again for a moment and sought to feel the warmth of the sun touch my face.
Yes. Oh yes, it was there. I could still feel the warmth of the sun along with the hint of the cool morning breeze on my cheeks. With sincere joy I shed tears as I prayed, “Oh, thank you my God. I thank you that I can still feel that. Thank you, God of my father. I have lost so much, but I have life and I can see beauty, and I can still feel the warmth of your sun on my face.”
That day had started as others had, for nearly seven long years. I was thirty years old and I had suffered severe loss almost every day of that entire time. I was twenty three years old when the dead milky colored spot appeared on my left ankle. I had known the joy of being a father for three weeks. The law that the True God gave to Moses required that I show the infection to the high priest, Caiaphas, which I faithfully obeyed. I was not prepared for the high priest’s judgment.
“Simon, son of Jonah, because of your sinfulness, the true God has struck you with leprosy. You are to be shunned until the unlikely event of your uncleanness passing. Henceforth you have no place in the midst of God’s people, but you must live outside the city. Your home and possessions will be destroyed by fire. If you are approached by any, you must cover your mustache as you speak and you must call out “Unclean! Unclean!” to warn the innocent away from your filth. If you fail to do this you will be executed by stoning! Leave now! Touch nothing!”
I understand that the high priest must remain faithful to the true God, he bearing Jehovah’s holy name on his brow. It is true that he pronounced the letter of the law. It is also true that I am no perfect man. Still, I was crushed to be pronounced deserving of divine ostracism when in my heart I am a lover of God.
As I left the temple, the priests pelted me with stones. The Law of God allowed for no such animosity, but who was I to talk back or, in any way, reprove the sons of Aaron. By the time I got outside the city gates of Jerusalem I was wounded in many places. Thus began my time of trial.
My God had mercy on me as Nathan, my father-in-law, searched me out. I could see the moisture from his tears as he softly spoke. “Simon, my son! There will always be love in my heart for you. Hadassah, your wife, and Enoch, your son, will await you in my home when the True God grants you health.”
We stood there and wept. Then that good man prayed for me! His prayer and his promise carried me for seven years, for I know that the True God heard that good man’s prayer.
So that I would not cause further hardship to my lovely Hadassah and family, I left the outskirts of Jerusalem and slowly made my way to Bethsaida, in the district of Galilee. There were others that shared my maladies living outside the city.
I wouldn’t have been able to travel much farther, as my foot became ulcerated and my leg began to twist. Very quickly I lost the feeling in my fingers and toes. If I injured myself without knowing it, infection soon set in and as a result I lost four toes and two fingers. My teeth became loosened and I feared that they would soon all come out. I also became blind in my left eye within the first two years of my exile.
But with one eye left to me I could still see the fiery red sunsets, the beautiful blue skies with their fluffy white clouds. I could see and hear the beauty of a stream. I could talk to God and tell him how much these things meant to me. So as I woke that morning and fumbled with numb fingers to pull my robe closed against the morning chill, my heart filled with the words of Moses; “For you have made me rejoice, O Jehovah, because of your activity; Because of the works of your hands I cry out joyfully. How great your works are, O Jehovah! Very deep your thoughts are. No unreasoning man himself can know them, and no one stupid can understand this.”
This was a day that was filled with hope. All of Israel had been waiting for the Christ. The prophet, Daniel, foretold his arrival, starting from the day that the command would go out to rebuild God’s temple. That had happened in the days of Nehemiah, Ezra and Mordecai. Now people were talking of a Teacher of compassion and wisdom, who taught using illustrations that matched descriptions of Isaiah, the prophet. The prophet, John, who was baptizing in the Jordan, was publicly bearing witness that this one was “the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world.” It was established that Jesus, the son of Joseph, was a direct descendant of King David of the tribe of Judah through the lineage of both father and mother.
For Israel to be forgiven and have God’s chosen one sit upon Jehovah’s throne was a blessing prayed for daily by all of Abraham’s offspring. And whatever I had done to offend my God, I could want nothing more than to be reconciled. To have the stain of my humiliation removed from my family.
As I was a familiar sight to the people going in and out of the city of Bethsaida, very few people treated me badly when they saw me begging for gifts of mercy. On this day, however, I really wanted to see and hear the Teacher. Though the heat was stifling, I covered myself well in the attempt to avoid giving offense. I also avoided coming near anyone, so that I only had to call out the leper’s warning one time which cost me two bruises by hurled stones that could prove fatal from resulting infections. But I had to hear the teacher. I found him at the eastern gate, as if preparing to leave the city, but he was halted by the demands of a crowd.
I couldn’t see their intent at first. There was much excitement and shouting, but instead of the anger of a mob it seemed a joyous throng. I was unable to get close enough to see or hear what was happening, so I stayed out of the way and waited. My heart was pounding with fear. If I was seen and identified I would probably be killed, as I did not belong inside the gates of the city. The crowd around the Teacher seemed to pulse, growing larger and then smaller as people came apprehensively and left leaping and dancing.
“Please, God. Let me see and hear the Teacher.”
I didn’t even realize that I’d spoken out loud, but a man that I knew by sight had just come out of the crowd laughing and dancing. Milo. His name was Milo. He was a beggar that usually sat at the west gate of the city. His legs had been twisted from birth and he had terrible ulcers about his nose and mouth that he’d kept wrapped. But he was dancing! He was talking normally! He was healed! How?
I edged closer and tried to get behind a donkey’s cart so as to see better and yet remain apart. People milling about kept getting in the way of my vision. I couldn’t help it, but I was terrified of discovery. I had never disobeyed God’s law intentionally before. But as I watched, I saw a man with a weeping woman. She was weeping and laughing at the same time as the man was carrying a crutch and trying to keep hold of a whirling little girl. It was obvious that the crutch had been for the little one. The mother and father bursting with joyous ecstasy for the physical health of their little girl. I felt faint with the realization that the Teacher was healing all who came to him with maladies.
I sank to the ground and covered my head in my arms as I shook with fear. I had come to hear the Teacher with hope for my nation and for my family, but I had none for myself. Now, after seven years of isolation from even a single caring human being I entertained a brief impossible hope that I might regain health. But my malady was a punishment from God! My heart collapsed within me, as I was surely outside God’s mercy and I dared not offend him further. I wept there in the dirt, as was proper for one unclean such as I.
When I had reached the depths of my self loathing, a shadow fell across my prostrate form. My fear had reached its limit, as I would have welcomed execution by any means at that point. I looked up through the tears of my one eye, prepared to see hatred and anger. Instead I saw one of the Teacher’s attendants, the older one, called Cephas. In his face I saw a combination of fear and compassion.
“Here,” I thought, “is a good and brave man.” When he spoke, he did so quietly, so as not to bring attention to me.
“As the crowd clears, come see the master. Tell him your desire. His love for God is great as is his love for his fellow. His mercy reflects his Father’s.” Then he left me there behind the cart, sitting in the dirt to ponder the meaning of his words. Again, I prayed to my God, thanking him for the chance to see what this compassionate man was doing. I also prayed that God not view me as presumptuous for my desire for health. Then I watched and listened as one after another all sorts of disease and affliction vanished and the ones healed glorified God for his loving kindness.
Finally, the crowd cleared and went away and I shuffled out of my hiding place and fell before Jesus and begged him for health, not daring to look up into his face. I said, “Lord, if you just want to you could make me clean.”
Jesus then reached out his hand and put it on my shoulder, holding it firmly as he said, “I want to. Be made clean.”
To be honest I expected him to draw back in revulsion. It seemed to me altogether different to heal ones with physical weaknesses or crippled limbs. But to heal such an unclean one….
I realized what he had done. He had touched me! He had actually put his hand on my shoulder to comfort me! I began to tremble in earnest as I looked up into his face, but there I only saw the love that I had read about in the law of Moses. “You must have love for your fellow man.” And the prophetic psalm of King David that pointed to his messianic successor came to my mind, “For he will deliver the poor one crying for help, also the afflicted one and whoever has no helper. He will feel sorry for the lowly one and the poor one, and the souls of the poor ones he will save.”
“Thank you, my Lord,” I wept, speaking of the gift of that loving touch. I pulled away, intending to leave, as I did not want to cause the good Teacher trouble on account of my presence. It was wrong for me to be there, and it made him unclean to touch me according to the Law of Moses, yet he knowingly did so because he knew how badly I needed such a gesture of kindness. I then spied my hand as I gestured farewell.
A thumb and four fingers, all dark! Astounded, I examined both hands. They were sound and clean! My sight! “Oh great loving and mighty God in the heavens, Jehovah be praised! Thank you and bless this man through whom you’ve granted me mercy. Oh God, Thank you!” I prayed aloud, giving God the glory, then I spoke to the Teacher. “Rabbi, you have given me back my life. What may I do for you in return?”
“See that you tell nobody a thing, but go show yourself to the priest and offer in behalf of your cleansing the things Moses directed, for a witness to them.” Then he smiled and left with those who were ministering to him.
I wasted no time making my way to the local synagogue to show myself to a priest to get myself cleansed. I was met with great distaste. My clothing was taken away and burned, which was truly a fit ending for such foul garments. I gloried in a thorough cleansing, and after the priest had made a detailed inspection the priest declared me clean. I was questioned closely as to how I became clean, and I am sorry to say that I failed to carry out the Teacher’s instructions, for I did not let him remain anonymous. I learned later that my indiscretion caused him much discomfort.
I made my way back to Jerusalem in hopes of finding my family. Once more, my fear came. I know that my sweet Hadassah loved me, and I know my father-in-law promised to keep my family for me. But seven years is a long time to keep faith for a man with such a hideous death sentence working against him. I had left so that there could be no contact. My son would not know me. It would sadden me much if Hadassah had become another man’s wife, but I couldn’t be angry with her, or with Nathan.
When I first reached Jerusalem I went to the temple to show my letter from the priest in Capernaum, declaring me clean. Caiaphas insisted on another thorough inspection. I was accorded treatment that I would not have given an unbeliever, but It was not my place to criticize Jehovah’s high priest. I endured the inspection and was, again, declared clean. Then I was told that should I sin again I would be struck with leprosy again, or worse.
As I had been taking my living by a small ragged garden, that I shared with other lowly ones, and whatever gifts of mercy ones could find in their heart to give one such as I. I offered a poor man’s sacrifice in thanksgiving. Then I resumed my search for my family. Soon I found that, after our home was destroyed, they had moved to Bethany which was less than a day’s travel from Jerusalem.
As I had traveled south, through Nain, Sychar, Ephraim and Jericho I heard conflicting stories about the Teacher, Jesus from Nazareth. When you heard from those of humble birth the tales were of a wonderful man who taught, not only men, but women and children. He allowed all to keep their dignity, and yet when he spoke of God he spoke as a first born son would of his Father. He was not a lover of money, unlike the religious leaders, and was willing to inconvenience himself to teach and heal the lowly and the sick.
When you heard from the Scribes and Pharisees and Sadducees, those of the educated priestly class you heard suspicion. There were denunciations because of Jesus’ principled application of the law. He healed people on the Sabbath. They accused that he endangered Israel politically with Rome, teaching about God’s kingdom government that the prophet Daniel foretold. They claimed that, worst of all, he was a blasphemer because he said that he is God’s Son.
From my point of view, there was nothing to criticize. If Jesus was God’s Son and was to represent his Father on the heavenly throne as Daniel foretold, then we had best pay attention or suffer as God’s enemies. We had been taught as a people since childhood the Law and the Holy Scriptures. These were read in the Synagogues every Sabbath, and daily in the home of my father. In harmony with the command. I remember what Daniel’s writings foretold; “See there! with the clouds of the heavens someone like a son of man happened to be coming; and to the Ancient of Days he gained access, and they brought him up close even before that One. And to him there were given rulership and dignity and kingdom, that the peoples, national groups and languages should all serve even him. His rulership is an indefinitely lasting rulership that will not pass away, and his kingdom one that will not be brought to ruin.” The Teacher consistently pointed to himself as the son of man. There were too many other holy writings pointing in the direction of this man to not take him seriously.
As I made my way into Bethany I had made up my mind to seek out the Teacher, should he come to Bethany. I believed that he was, indeed, the Prophet of whom Moses, David, Isaiah, and so many other servants of the true God had been telling us. I did not want my family missing him, as the priests of God’s temple obviously had.
At the market place I made inquiry as to the residence of Nathan and his family. I was told to inquire of a man named Lazarus who cared for traveler’s beasts of burden, at the east end of the city, as he was one who came into contact with almost everyone who had business in Bethany. The closer I came to my goal the more the fear of what I may find grew. Finally, I came upon a corral with three donkeys huddled under the shade of a tree. A young boy was emptying a large jar into the watering trough. When he had emptied that jar he gently set it beside the open barn door and then went and got another from a wagon, still half full of water jars.
Before interrupting him I watched him closely, hoping to recognize something about him. Then I spoke to him. “Is this the business of Lazarus, young sir?”
He looked at me without curiosity, as if he answered the same question many times a day, as he said, “Yes sir. He is inside caring for some of the client’s animals. If you want to speak with him, just go to the door and look inside and you’ll see him. Please, sir. Do not call out, as some of the animal are high strung. Just go in and speak with him.” Then the boy returned to his business.
I met Lazarus as I entered the barn. “Sir, my name is Simon. I have come looking for the family of Nathan, that moved to Bethany about seven years ago. Do you know them.”
Lazarus looked at me closely and answered slowly, “Yes. Yes, I do. Nathan is a friend of mine, as well as a client. That is his grandson, out in the stable yard, watering the donkeys.”
I didn’t know what to say, or rather, how to say it. I stammered, barely whispering, “That is Enoch, my son?” Then I looked again into Lazarus’ face and asked, “What of his mother? Is she well?”
Not answering, Lazarus questioned me in return. “You are the husband of Hadassah? Enoch’s Father? How is this so? I was told Simon, Hadassah’s husband was sent away with leprosy.”
“That is true. But I have been declared clean by the high priest, Caiaphas,” I told him. “The Teacher, Jesus of Nazareth, made me clean again, by the strength of his Father. The true God be praised, this is the truth.” The fear that I had lost my beautiful family in my absence was terrible. “Please, what of Hadassah? Please.”
The look on the man’s face positively glowed as he smiled and said, “I know the Teacher. He also is my friend and often a guest. And your wife, Hadassah has been faithfully waiting for just this news in the house of her father. If you will permit me a moment to wash up, I will be happy to take you to them.”
I spent the time watching my son as he worked seriously watering the animals. I had missed the first seven years of his life. With all my heart I thanked the true God for the chance to see him to his manhood.
I bless the day I woke in Bethsaida and struggled to hear the Teacher. I thank the God and Father of the Lord Jesus Christ that I was reunited with my family and soon after taught to follow him in the Way. I will remember forever with gratitude the firm loving touch and the words, “I want to.”
Today each sunrise carries beauty and hope, each sunset glory and peace. I am able to share all God’s glorious creation with my family, along with the hope of everlasting life all because of those words. “I want to.”
If You Just Want To(Ric Wooldridge)
If You Just Want To
Not for the first time, I woke to the thought, “How can such beauty exist in a world that breeds such constant misery?”
The great God worked his magnificent art with another unspeakably beautiful sunrise. The powerful majesty of the sun’s ever increasing light woke the birds of the heavens and the beasts of the fields and sent the nocturnal rodents and scavengers to seek their dark tunnels. As I lay in my own tomblike shelter and peered out at what I was permitted to see of the wonders of God’s creation, I slowly came to full wakefulness. Then, as was my practice, I closed my eyes again for a moment and sought to feel the warmth of the sun touch my face.
Yes. Oh yes, it was there. I could still feel the warmth of the sun along with the hint of the cool morning breeze on my cheeks. With sincere joy I shed tears as I prayed, “Oh, thank you my God. I thank you that I can still feel that. Thank you, God of my father. I have lost so much, but I have life and I can see beauty, and I can still feel the warmth of your sun on my face.”
That day had started as others had, for nearly seven long years. I was thirty years old and I had suffered severe loss almost every day of that entire time. I was twenty three years old when the dead milky colored spot appeared on my left ankle. I had known the joy of being a father for three weeks. The law that the True God gave to Moses required that I show the infection to the high priest, Caiaphas, which I faithfully obeyed. I was not prepared for the high priest’s judgment.
“Simon, son of Jonah, because of your sinfulness, the true God has struck you with leprosy. You are to be shunned until the unlikely event of your uncleanness passing. Henceforth you have no place in the midst of God’s people, but you must live outside the city. Your home and possessions will be destroyed by fire. If you are approached by any, you must cover your mustache as you speak and you must call out “Unclean! Unclean!” to warn the innocent away from your filth. If you fail to do this you will be executed by stoning! Leave now! Touch nothing!”
I understand that the high priest must remain faithful to the true God, he bearing Jehovah’s holy name on his brow. It is true that he pronounced the letter of the law. It is also true that I am no perfect man. Still, I was crushed to be pronounced deserving of divine ostracism when in my heart I am a lover of God.
As I left the temple, the priests pelted me with stones. The Law of God allowed for no such animosity, but who was I to talk back or, in any way, reprove the sons of Aaron. By the time I got outside the city gates of Jerusalem I was wounded in many places. Thus began my time of trial.
My God had mercy on me as Nathan, my father-in-law, searched me out. I could see the moisture from his tears as he softly spoke. “Simon, my son! There will always be love in my heart for you. Hadassah, your wife, and Enoch, your son, will await you in my home when the True God grants you health.”
We stood there and wept. Then that good man prayed for me! His prayer and his promise carried me for seven years, for I know that the True God heard that good man’s prayer.
So that I would not cause further hardship to my lovely Hadassah and family, I left the outskirts of Jerusalem and slowly made my way to Bethsaida, in the district of Galilee. There were others that shared my maladies living outside the city.
I wouldn’t have been able to travel much farther, as my foot became ulcerated and my leg began to twist. Very quickly I lost the feeling in my fingers and toes. If I injured myself without knowing it, infection soon set in and as a result I lost four toes and two fingers. My teeth became loosened and I feared that they would soon all come out. I also became blind in my left eye within the first two years of my exile.
But with one eye left to me I could still see the fiery red sunsets, the beautiful blue skies with their fluffy white clouds. I could see and hear the beauty of a stream. I could talk to God and tell him how much these things meant to me. So as I woke that morning and fumbled with numb fingers to pull my robe closed against the morning chill, my heart filled with the words of Moses; “For you have made me rejoice, O Jehovah, because of your activity; Because of the works of your hands I cry out joyfully. How great your works are, O Jehovah! Very deep your thoughts are. No unreasoning man himself can know them, and no one stupid can understand this.”
This was a day that was filled with hope. All of Israel had been waiting for the Christ. The prophet, Daniel, foretold his arrival, starting from the day that the command would go out to rebuild God’s temple. That had happened in the days of Nehemiah, Ezra and Mordecai. Now people were talking of a Teacher of compassion and wisdom, who taught using illustrations that matched descriptions of Isaiah, the prophet. The prophet, John, who was baptizing in the Jordan, was publicly bearing witness that this one was “the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world.” It was established that Jesus, the son of Joseph, was a direct descendant of King David of the tribe of Judah through the lineage of both father and mother.
For Israel to be forgiven and have God’s chosen one sit upon Jehovah’s throne was a blessing prayed for daily by all of Abraham’s offspring. And whatever I had done to offend my God, I could want nothing more than to be reconciled. To have the stain of my humiliation removed from my family.
As I was a familiar sight to the people going in and out of the city of Bethsaida, very few people treated me badly when they saw me begging for gifts of mercy. On this day, however, I really wanted to see and hear the Teacher. Though the heat was stifling, I covered myself well in the attempt to avoid giving offense. I also avoided coming near anyone, so that I only had to call out the leper’s warning one time which cost me two bruises by hurled stones that could prove fatal from resulting infections. But I had to hear the teacher. I found him at the eastern gate, as if preparing to leave the city, but he was halted by the demands of a crowd.
I couldn’t see their intent at first. There was much excitement and shouting, but instead of the anger of a mob it seemed a joyous throng. I was unable to get close enough to see or hear what was happening, so I stayed out of the way and waited. My heart was pounding with fear. If I was seen and identified I would probably be killed, as I did not belong inside the gates of the city. The crowd around the Teacher seemed to pulse, growing larger and then smaller as people came apprehensively and left leaping and dancing.
“Please, God. Let me see and hear the Teacher.”
I didn’t even realize that I’d spoken out loud, but a man that I knew by sight had just come out of the crowd laughing and dancing. Milo. His name was Milo. He was a beggar that usually sat at the west gate of the city. His legs had been twisted from birth and he had terrible ulcers about his nose and mouth that he’d kept wrapped. But he was dancing! He was talking normally! He was healed! How?
I edged closer and tried to get behind a donkey’s cart so as to see better and yet remain apart. People milling about kept getting in the way of my vision. I couldn’t help it, but I was terrified of discovery. I had never disobeyed God’s law intentionally before. But as I watched, I saw a man with a weeping woman. She was weeping and laughing at the same time as the man was carrying a crutch and trying to keep hold of a whirling little girl. It was obvious that the crutch had been for the little one. The mother and father bursting with joyous ecstasy for the physical health of their little girl. I felt faint with the realization that the Teacher was healing all who came to him with maladies.
I sank to the ground and covered my head in my arms as I shook with fear. I had come to hear the Teacher with hope for my nation and for my family, but I had none for myself. Now, after seven years of isolation from even a single caring human being I entertained a brief impossible hope that I might regain health. But my malady was a punishment from God! My heart collapsed within me, as I was surely outside God’s mercy and I dared not offend him further. I wept there in the dirt, as was proper for one unclean such as I.
When I had reached the depths of my self loathing, a shadow fell across my prostrate form. My fear had reached its limit, as I would have welcomed execution by any means at that point. I looked up through the tears of my one eye, prepared to see hatred and anger. Instead I saw one of the Teacher’s attendants, the older one, called Cephas. In his face I saw a combination of fear and compassion.
“Here,” I thought, “is a good and brave man.” When he spoke, he did so quietly, so as not to bring attention to me.
“As the crowd clears, come see the master. Tell him your desire. His love for God is great as is his love for his fellow. His mercy reflects his Father’s.” Then he left me there behind the cart, sitting in the dirt to ponder the meaning of his words. Again, I prayed to my God, thanking him for the chance to see what this compassionate man was doing. I also prayed that God not view me as presumptuous for my desire for health. Then I watched and listened as one after another all sorts of disease and affliction vanished and the ones healed glorified God for his loving kindness.
Finally, the crowd cleared and went away and I shuffled out of my hiding place and fell before Jesus and begged him for health, not daring to look up into his face. I said, “Lord, if you just want to you could make me clean.”
Jesus then reached out his hand and put it on my shoulder, holding it firmly as he said, “I want to. Be made clean.”
To be honest I expected him to draw back in revulsion. It seemed to me altogether different to heal ones with physical weaknesses or crippled limbs. But to heal such an unclean one….
I realized what he had done. He had touched me! He had actually put his hand on my shoulder to comfort me! I began to tremble in earnest as I looked up into his face, but there I only saw the love that I had read about in the law of Moses. “You must have love for your fellow man.” And the prophetic psalm of King David that pointed to his messianic successor came to my mind, “For he will deliver the poor one crying for help, also the afflicted one and whoever has no helper. He will feel sorry for the lowly one and the poor one, and the souls of the poor ones he will save.”
“Thank you, my Lord,” I wept, speaking of the gift of that loving touch. I pulled away, intending to leave, as I did not want to cause the good Teacher trouble on account of my presence. It was wrong for me to be there, and it made him unclean to touch me according to the Law of Moses, yet he knowingly did so because he knew how badly I needed such a gesture of kindness. I then spied my hand as I gestured farewell.
A thumb and four fingers, all dark! Astounded, I examined both hands. They were sound and clean! My sight! “Oh great loving and mighty God in the heavens, Jehovah be praised! Thank you and bless this man through whom you’ve granted me mercy. Oh God, Thank you!” I prayed aloud, giving God the glory, then I spoke to the Teacher. “Rabbi, you have given me back my life. What may I do for you in return?”
“See that you tell nobody a thing, but go show yourself to the priest and offer in behalf of your cleansing the things Moses directed, for a witness to them.” Then he smiled and left with those who were ministering to him.
I wasted no time making my way to the local synagogue to show myself to a priest to get myself cleansed. I was met with great distaste. My clothing was taken away and burned, which was truly a fit ending for such foul garments. I gloried in a thorough cleansing, and after the priest had made a detailed inspection the priest declared me clean. I was questioned closely as to how I became clean, and I am sorry to say that I failed to carry out the Teacher’s instructions, for I did not let him remain anonymous. I learned later that my indiscretion caused him much discomfort.
I made my way back to Jerusalem in hopes of finding my family. Once more, my fear came. I know that my sweet Hadassah loved me, and I know my father-in-law promised to keep my family for me. But seven years is a long time to keep faith for a man with such a hideous death sentence working against him. I had left so that there could be no contact. My son would not know me. It would sadden me much if Hadassah had become another man’s wife, but I couldn’t be angry with her, or with Nathan.
When I first reached Jerusalem I went to the temple to show my letter from the priest in Capernaum, declaring me clean. Caiaphas insisted on another thorough inspection. I was accorded treatment that I would not have given an unbeliever, but It was not my place to criticize Jehovah’s high priest. I endured the inspection and was, again, declared clean. Then I was told that should I sin again I would be struck with leprosy again, or worse.
As I had been taking my living by a small ragged garden, that I shared with other lowly ones, and whatever gifts of mercy ones could find in their heart to give one such as I. I offered a poor man’s sacrifice in thanksgiving. Then I resumed my search for my family. Soon I found that, after our home was destroyed, they had moved to Bethany which was less than a day’s travel from Jerusalem.
As I had traveled south, through Nain, Sychar, Ephraim and Jericho I heard conflicting stories about the Teacher, Jesus from Nazareth. When you heard from those of humble birth the tales were of a wonderful man who taught, not only men, but women and children. He allowed all to keep their dignity, and yet when he spoke of God he spoke as a first born son would of his Father. He was not a lover of money, unlike the religious leaders, and was willing to inconvenience himself to teach and heal the lowly and the sick.
When you heard from the Scribes and Pharisees and Sadducees, those of the educated priestly class you heard suspicion. There were denunciations because of Jesus’ principled application of the law. He healed people on the Sabbath. They accused that he endangered Israel politically with Rome, teaching about God’s kingdom government that the prophet Daniel foretold. They claimed that, worst of all, he was a blasphemer because he said that he is God’s Son.
From my point of view, there was nothing to criticize. If Jesus was God’s Son and was to represent his Father on the heavenly throne as Daniel foretold, then we had best pay attention or suffer as God’s enemies. We had been taught as a people since childhood the Law and the Holy Scriptures. These were read in the Synagogues every Sabbath, and daily in the home of my father. In harmony with the command. I remember what Daniel’s writings foretold; “See there! with the clouds of the heavens someone like a son of man happened to be coming; and to the Ancient of Days he gained access, and they brought him up close even before that One. And to him there were given rulership and dignity and kingdom, that the peoples, national groups and languages should all serve even him. His rulership is an indefinitely lasting rulership that will not pass away, and his kingdom one that will not be brought to ruin.” The Teacher consistently pointed to himself as the son of man. There were too many other holy writings pointing in the direction of this man to not take him seriously.
As I made my way into Bethany I had made up my mind to seek out the Teacher, should he come to Bethany. I believed that he was, indeed, the Prophet of whom Moses, David, Isaiah, and so many other servants of the true God had been telling us. I did not want my family missing him, as the priests of God’s temple obviously had.
At the market place I made inquiry as to the residence of Nathan and his family. I was told to inquire of a man named Lazarus who cared for traveler’s beasts of burden, at the east end of the city, as he was one who came into contact with almost everyone who had business in Bethany. The closer I came to my goal the more the fear of what I may find grew. Finally, I came upon a corral with three donkeys huddled under the shade of a tree. A young boy was emptying a large jar into the watering trough. When he had emptied that jar he gently set it beside the open barn door and then went and got another from a wagon, still half full of water jars.
Before interrupting him I watched him closely, hoping to recognize something about him. Then I spoke to him. “Is this the business of Lazarus, young sir?”
He looked at me without curiosity, as if he answered the same question many times a day, as he said, “Yes sir. He is inside caring for some of the client’s animals. If you want to speak with him, just go to the door and look inside and you’ll see him. Please, sir. Do not call out, as some of the animal are high strung. Just go in and speak with him.” Then the boy returned to his business.
I met Lazarus as I entered the barn. “Sir, my name is Simon. I have come looking for the family of Nathan, that moved to Bethany about seven years ago. Do you know them.”
Lazarus looked at me closely and answered slowly, “Yes. Yes, I do. Nathan is a friend of mine, as well as a client. That is his grandson, out in the stable yard, watering the donkeys.”
I didn’t know what to say, or rather, how to say it. I stammered, barely whispering, “That is Enoch, my son?” Then I looked again into Lazarus’ face and asked, “What of his mother? Is she well?”
Not answering, Lazarus questioned me in return. “You are the husband of Hadassah? Enoch’s Father? How is this so? I was told Simon, Hadassah’s husband was sent away with leprosy.”
“That is true. But I have been declared clean by the high priest, Caiaphas,” I told him. “The Teacher, Jesus of Nazareth, made me clean again, by the strength of his Father. The true God be praised, this is the truth.” The fear that I had lost my beautiful family in my absence was terrible. “Please, what of Hadassah? Please.”
The look on the man’s face positively glowed as he smiled and said, “I know the Teacher. He also is my friend and often a guest. And your wife, Hadassah has been faithfully waiting for just this news in the house of her father. If you will permit me a moment to wash up, I will be happy to take you to them.”
I spent the time watching my son as he worked seriously watering the animals. I had missed the first seven years of his life. With all my heart I thanked the true God for the chance to see him to his manhood.
I bless the day I woke in Bethsaida and struggled to hear the Teacher. I thank the God and Father of the Lord Jesus Christ that I was reunited with my family and soon after taught to follow him in the Way. I will remember forever with gratitude the firm loving touch and the words, “I want to.”
Today each sunrise carries beauty and hope, each sunset glory and peace. I am able to share all God’s glorious creation with my family, along with the hope of everlasting life all because of those words. “I want to.”
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