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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Drama / Human Interest
- Subject: Comedy / Humor
- Published: 07/08/2011
Death Loses Credibility!
Born 1949, M, from Kashmir, IndiaMrs. Less suffered from acute forgetfulness. She would forget things even in the pass of a moment. Mrs. More, her mother-in-law, was too upset by her heightened lack of memory. Actually it was Mrs. More who most times had to bear the brunt of her amnesia.
It was that day when Mrs. More asked Mrs. Less to cook onions for the dinner and leave the cheese for the next day. Mrs. Less nodded and said “Okay”. But only a moment passed before she forgot what to cook and what to leave! So she asked Mrs. More, “Madam, what am I to cook for dinner?” Mrs. More repeated, “Onions for dinner and cheese for the next day. Okay?”
“I got it now!” She responded.
But only after a short while Mrs. Less’s mind again blacked out the instructions she had received from her mother-in-law. She murmured and fell into soliloquy, “What to cook for dinner?” When she couldn’t recall, she again enquired from her mother-in-law, “Madam, what am I to cook for dinner?”
“O’ you stupid! How many times have I said onions!”
“Now I understand. I’m to cook onions for the dinner. It’s okay”.
But then a thought bothered her again, 'but, what am I to do with this bloody cheese?' So she asked Mrs. More, “Madam, what do you want me to do with this cheese?”
Mrs. Less’s terrible silliness enraged Mrs. More and she shouted “O’ you dunce! Haven’t I repeated it more than once that you bloody less leave the cheese for tomorrow’s dinner?”
“That’s okay madam; I’ll preserve the cheese for tomorrow, but what do you want me to prepare for today’s dinner?” Mrs. More’s advice again went out of her head.
“Good gracious! O’ you, the hell with it, get lost from here! I’ll cook myself”, Mrs. More fumed.
So Mrs. Less moved out of the room adjacent to the kitchen.
In the mean time, their neighbor, Mrs. Door To Door, entered the room. She wished Mrs. More a good day and the sentiment was reciprocated. In the course of their chat, Mrs. Door To Door told Mrs. More about the death of her father-in-law, who had been living in the country side. When Mrs. More inquired as to the cause of death, Mrs. Door To Door intimated, “It all happened abruptly. He returned from a meeting and told his wife that he felt some giddiness and wanted to relax and take a short nap. But when he had not yet awakened as the sky became dusky, his wife became worried and went to awaken him, when she discovered him motionless. He had died.”
"To God we belong and unto Him is our return", Mrs. More responded purely in Islamic manner. And then she expressed her condolences.
Meanwhile, Mrs. Less came in the room again. When she saw a lady there, she greeted her and in reply Mrs. Door to Door too greeted her. But Mrs. Less could not recognize her and asked, “Excuse me, I can’t place you?”
Mrs. More blushed on the idiotic behavior of her daughter-in-law.
Then Mrs. Less turned to her mother-in-law and enquired, “Madam, she is your sister-in-law, I suppose!”
“My goodness, that’s horribly insensitive! You've been familiar with this lady since the day you came wedded to this house, yet you didn’t place her. Don’t you know she is our next door neighbor Mrs. Door To Door?”
“O’ I see. Now I can recall it”.
Mrs. Door To Door felt humiliated and took leave.
After a short while, Mr. Gentleman, husband of Mrs. More, came home and went straight away to the bed room. Mrs. More went after him and asked if he was alright. Mr. Gentleman told her that he felt some giddiness and wanted to relax and take a short nap. His words worried and alarmed Mrs. More. Mrs. Door To Door’s words flashed through her mind, “He returned from a meeting and told his wife that he felt some giddiness and wanted to relax and take a short nap. But when he hadn't yet awakened up till the sky became dusky, his wife became worried and went to awaken him, when she discovered him motionless. He had died……. He had died…. He had died!”
“I think it would be better if you don’t relax and nap!” She advised her husband.
“What nonsense!” Gentleman responded.
“You’ll not wake up then, I’m afraid!”
“You’re talking gibberish!”
“I have warned you at the right time, the rest lies on you!”
“For God’s sake leave me alone! You’ve turned crazy!” He got frustrated with the obscure phrases of his wife. Angry, he stretched the covering over his body and slept.
Mrs. More heaved a long sigh and left the room. But the words of Mrs. Door To Door lingered over her mind and echoed again, “He had died”.
Mrs. More came back to the kitchen in a gloomy mood. Mrs. Less, seeing her mother-in-law visibly depressed, too became worried, and asked, “Madam is everything alright? I see you are in a sad mood, I’m afraid!”
“Mr. Gentleman slept!” Mrs. More replied.
“How does it matter?”
“He felt giddiness and wanted to relax!”
“That’s good."
“He wanted to take a nap!”
“That’s okay.”
“O’ you silly, how can that be okay? He will not get up now!” Mrs. More sighed.
“That too is okay, madam”.
“What should we do now?”
“Madam, I may suggest that first we should sweep and dust the drawing room, and furnish it properly. As we know when the news of the sad demise of Mr. Gentleman breaks out, people in huge numbers will pour in, so we will have to accommodate them in our drawing room till some canopy is pitched in the backyard.”
“Yeah! Perhaps, this is the first time you've talked sense!”
Mrs. Less delighted and was jubilant on that compliment and said, “Madam, I assure you that I’ll manage things more accurately on this auspicious demise of yours!”
“Shut up your mouth now, you idiot.”
Mrs. Less pulled a long face.
Meanwhile, Mr. Rash, husband of Mrs. Less, came there and was surprised to watch his mother and wife speedily decorating the drawing room. He asked them, “What is that going on?”
“Papa left for his abode!” Mrs. Less responded with sad countenance. She would call Mr. Gentleman as ‘Papa’.
Mrs. More too, feeling like crying, told her son, “Your Papa is no more now!”
“People come and people go, nobody remains forever!"
"Sooner or later Papa had to go, so there is no wonder!”
Mr. Rash tried to console the ‘bereaved family’ while resorting to poetry.
“Let me have a cup of tea first, and then I’ll move to make other preparations for my great Papa’s burial”, Mr. Rash told his mother.
“Rash, you inform your elder brother about this sad news. Let him and his family come first; better to go for burial preparations after they arrive here."
“Okay Less! Give me a cup of tea, and then I’ll call Brother.”
He would call his elder brother with the name ‘Brother’. The name of his elder brother was Mr. Joke. He was a politician.
When Mr. Joke heard about the demise of his father, it didn’t bother him much, instead he began to think as to how the opportunity could be used for a speech. He hadn’t had any chance to give a speech for a long time, so was feeling stomach trouble, because his head was being overloaded by his ideas and thoughts and this transmitted to his stomach. He hurriedly prepared a speech and memorized it; and thanked God for blessing him with a chance to relieve his stomach. Then he, along with his wife and daughter, left for his paternal home.
The message had gone to other kiths and kin. They had begun to pour in. Neighbors had already come there to join the final rites for Gentleman. A canopy was installed and people were seated there. Mr. Joke started his speech. He, under the cover of a ‘life and death’ topic, spoke all the nonsense that was accumulated in his bag.
On the other hand, Gentleman woke up due to the babble of the crowd in the canopy. He was surprised at the gabble of voices that came from nearby. Alone in his bed room, he yawned and then stretched his limbs to their full. In the mean time, Mr. Rash entered his room and on viewing his father alive, he was shocked. His senses numbed. He became downcast. He faltered and asked his father, “Dad… Dad... Dad, are you alive in your elemental body or are you here merely as a spirit?”
“What are you bucking, Rash?” Gentleman was offended.
“We made all the arrangements for your burial! And it’ll be a total humiliation and disgrace if people find you alive!”
“O’ you rascal, what the hell are you talking about? Have you turned crazy?”
“By God, there is no other alternative but your death. If you’re discovered alive, it will be a serious dishonor to our whole dynasty! Dad, you’ve got to die! People in huge numbers are waiting for your last rites. We have received dozens of condolences, so how can we convince the crowd that it was a joke!?”
“I say, you get out, you bloody hell. You’re bent upon killing me, scoundrel!”
In the meantime, Joke gives entry and, unmindful of his father’s ‘reincarnation’, he asks his younger brother, “Rash, hurry up. I’ve to attend a political meeting.” But quickly becoming conscious of his father being still alive, he is shocked. “O’ God, what’s going on?”
“Brother, Dad doesn’t agree to his burial. I’ve been convincing him how his coming to life can cause serious dishonor to us, but it seems in vain”, Rash briefs Joke.
“Joke, you see how this rascal Rash forces me to die!?’ Gentleman, brimmed with tears, and whined. “For goodness sake leave me alone”, he added.
“Dad, it’s too late now. It does not suit you now to back out. Things have gotten out of our hands. I also gave a speech on life and death. It was very fantastic Dad! I told the audience how courageous my father was! There were lots of cheers for it. We received bundles of condolences also. I promise, I’d have no objection on your living for some more days, but it’ll be tantamount to serious dishonor and we would not be able to show our dirty faces to people. They would blame us for giving incredibility to death. If virtually the next day you should die, no one would believe it. Now, as a good father, and you're known as thoroughly a gentleman, it is obligatory on your part to favor us, and save us from any awkward position that could come to us, in case you’re adamant to living rather than agreeing to burial, so please agree now for burial. Also, we have kept boiling water ready for your laving. It is my humble request to you as your elder son to hurry up now as we’ve other work also to attend to. So the sooner your burial is accomplished, the sooner we can go to our duties”, Joke gave a long lecture suitable to his profession.
Gentleman, smelling that they were both bent upon bundling him to his grave, became drenched in sweat that dripped from his face. His eyes moistened and he asked for a final glass of water before burial. Joke flew to fetch a glass of water for him. But, Gentleman requested Rash to call his mother for having a final glimpse of her. So Rash went out of the room to fulfill the last wish of his father.
While Joke came back with a glass of water and Rash with mother, they discovered the room minus father.
Gentleman had run away!
Death Loses Credibility!(Nazir Jahangir)
Mrs. Less suffered from acute forgetfulness. She would forget things even in the pass of a moment. Mrs. More, her mother-in-law, was too upset by her heightened lack of memory. Actually it was Mrs. More who most times had to bear the brunt of her amnesia.
It was that day when Mrs. More asked Mrs. Less to cook onions for the dinner and leave the cheese for the next day. Mrs. Less nodded and said “Okay”. But only a moment passed before she forgot what to cook and what to leave! So she asked Mrs. More, “Madam, what am I to cook for dinner?” Mrs. More repeated, “Onions for dinner and cheese for the next day. Okay?”
“I got it now!” She responded.
But only after a short while Mrs. Less’s mind again blacked out the instructions she had received from her mother-in-law. She murmured and fell into soliloquy, “What to cook for dinner?” When she couldn’t recall, she again enquired from her mother-in-law, “Madam, what am I to cook for dinner?”
“O’ you stupid! How many times have I said onions!”
“Now I understand. I’m to cook onions for the dinner. It’s okay”.
But then a thought bothered her again, 'but, what am I to do with this bloody cheese?' So she asked Mrs. More, “Madam, what do you want me to do with this cheese?”
Mrs. Less’s terrible silliness enraged Mrs. More and she shouted “O’ you dunce! Haven’t I repeated it more than once that you bloody less leave the cheese for tomorrow’s dinner?”
“That’s okay madam; I’ll preserve the cheese for tomorrow, but what do you want me to prepare for today’s dinner?” Mrs. More’s advice again went out of her head.
“Good gracious! O’ you, the hell with it, get lost from here! I’ll cook myself”, Mrs. More fumed.
So Mrs. Less moved out of the room adjacent to the kitchen.
In the mean time, their neighbor, Mrs. Door To Door, entered the room. She wished Mrs. More a good day and the sentiment was reciprocated. In the course of their chat, Mrs. Door To Door told Mrs. More about the death of her father-in-law, who had been living in the country side. When Mrs. More inquired as to the cause of death, Mrs. Door To Door intimated, “It all happened abruptly. He returned from a meeting and told his wife that he felt some giddiness and wanted to relax and take a short nap. But when he had not yet awakened as the sky became dusky, his wife became worried and went to awaken him, when she discovered him motionless. He had died.”
"To God we belong and unto Him is our return", Mrs. More responded purely in Islamic manner. And then she expressed her condolences.
Meanwhile, Mrs. Less came in the room again. When she saw a lady there, she greeted her and in reply Mrs. Door to Door too greeted her. But Mrs. Less could not recognize her and asked, “Excuse me, I can’t place you?”
Mrs. More blushed on the idiotic behavior of her daughter-in-law.
Then Mrs. Less turned to her mother-in-law and enquired, “Madam, she is your sister-in-law, I suppose!”
“My goodness, that’s horribly insensitive! You've been familiar with this lady since the day you came wedded to this house, yet you didn’t place her. Don’t you know she is our next door neighbor Mrs. Door To Door?”
“O’ I see. Now I can recall it”.
Mrs. Door To Door felt humiliated and took leave.
After a short while, Mr. Gentleman, husband of Mrs. More, came home and went straight away to the bed room. Mrs. More went after him and asked if he was alright. Mr. Gentleman told her that he felt some giddiness and wanted to relax and take a short nap. His words worried and alarmed Mrs. More. Mrs. Door To Door’s words flashed through her mind, “He returned from a meeting and told his wife that he felt some giddiness and wanted to relax and take a short nap. But when he hadn't yet awakened up till the sky became dusky, his wife became worried and went to awaken him, when she discovered him motionless. He had died……. He had died…. He had died!”
“I think it would be better if you don’t relax and nap!” She advised her husband.
“What nonsense!” Gentleman responded.
“You’ll not wake up then, I’m afraid!”
“You’re talking gibberish!”
“I have warned you at the right time, the rest lies on you!”
“For God’s sake leave me alone! You’ve turned crazy!” He got frustrated with the obscure phrases of his wife. Angry, he stretched the covering over his body and slept.
Mrs. More heaved a long sigh and left the room. But the words of Mrs. Door To Door lingered over her mind and echoed again, “He had died”.
Mrs. More came back to the kitchen in a gloomy mood. Mrs. Less, seeing her mother-in-law visibly depressed, too became worried, and asked, “Madam is everything alright? I see you are in a sad mood, I’m afraid!”
“Mr. Gentleman slept!” Mrs. More replied.
“How does it matter?”
“He felt giddiness and wanted to relax!”
“That’s good."
“He wanted to take a nap!”
“That’s okay.”
“O’ you silly, how can that be okay? He will not get up now!” Mrs. More sighed.
“That too is okay, madam”.
“What should we do now?”
“Madam, I may suggest that first we should sweep and dust the drawing room, and furnish it properly. As we know when the news of the sad demise of Mr. Gentleman breaks out, people in huge numbers will pour in, so we will have to accommodate them in our drawing room till some canopy is pitched in the backyard.”
“Yeah! Perhaps, this is the first time you've talked sense!”
Mrs. Less delighted and was jubilant on that compliment and said, “Madam, I assure you that I’ll manage things more accurately on this auspicious demise of yours!”
“Shut up your mouth now, you idiot.”
Mrs. Less pulled a long face.
Meanwhile, Mr. Rash, husband of Mrs. Less, came there and was surprised to watch his mother and wife speedily decorating the drawing room. He asked them, “What is that going on?”
“Papa left for his abode!” Mrs. Less responded with sad countenance. She would call Mr. Gentleman as ‘Papa’.
Mrs. More too, feeling like crying, told her son, “Your Papa is no more now!”
“People come and people go, nobody remains forever!"
"Sooner or later Papa had to go, so there is no wonder!”
Mr. Rash tried to console the ‘bereaved family’ while resorting to poetry.
“Let me have a cup of tea first, and then I’ll move to make other preparations for my great Papa’s burial”, Mr. Rash told his mother.
“Rash, you inform your elder brother about this sad news. Let him and his family come first; better to go for burial preparations after they arrive here."
“Okay Less! Give me a cup of tea, and then I’ll call Brother.”
He would call his elder brother with the name ‘Brother’. The name of his elder brother was Mr. Joke. He was a politician.
When Mr. Joke heard about the demise of his father, it didn’t bother him much, instead he began to think as to how the opportunity could be used for a speech. He hadn’t had any chance to give a speech for a long time, so was feeling stomach trouble, because his head was being overloaded by his ideas and thoughts and this transmitted to his stomach. He hurriedly prepared a speech and memorized it; and thanked God for blessing him with a chance to relieve his stomach. Then he, along with his wife and daughter, left for his paternal home.
The message had gone to other kiths and kin. They had begun to pour in. Neighbors had already come there to join the final rites for Gentleman. A canopy was installed and people were seated there. Mr. Joke started his speech. He, under the cover of a ‘life and death’ topic, spoke all the nonsense that was accumulated in his bag.
On the other hand, Gentleman woke up due to the babble of the crowd in the canopy. He was surprised at the gabble of voices that came from nearby. Alone in his bed room, he yawned and then stretched his limbs to their full. In the mean time, Mr. Rash entered his room and on viewing his father alive, he was shocked. His senses numbed. He became downcast. He faltered and asked his father, “Dad… Dad... Dad, are you alive in your elemental body or are you here merely as a spirit?”
“What are you bucking, Rash?” Gentleman was offended.
“We made all the arrangements for your burial! And it’ll be a total humiliation and disgrace if people find you alive!”
“O’ you rascal, what the hell are you talking about? Have you turned crazy?”
“By God, there is no other alternative but your death. If you’re discovered alive, it will be a serious dishonor to our whole dynasty! Dad, you’ve got to die! People in huge numbers are waiting for your last rites. We have received dozens of condolences, so how can we convince the crowd that it was a joke!?”
“I say, you get out, you bloody hell. You’re bent upon killing me, scoundrel!”
In the meantime, Joke gives entry and, unmindful of his father’s ‘reincarnation’, he asks his younger brother, “Rash, hurry up. I’ve to attend a political meeting.” But quickly becoming conscious of his father being still alive, he is shocked. “O’ God, what’s going on?”
“Brother, Dad doesn’t agree to his burial. I’ve been convincing him how his coming to life can cause serious dishonor to us, but it seems in vain”, Rash briefs Joke.
“Joke, you see how this rascal Rash forces me to die!?’ Gentleman, brimmed with tears, and whined. “For goodness sake leave me alone”, he added.
“Dad, it’s too late now. It does not suit you now to back out. Things have gotten out of our hands. I also gave a speech on life and death. It was very fantastic Dad! I told the audience how courageous my father was! There were lots of cheers for it. We received bundles of condolences also. I promise, I’d have no objection on your living for some more days, but it’ll be tantamount to serious dishonor and we would not be able to show our dirty faces to people. They would blame us for giving incredibility to death. If virtually the next day you should die, no one would believe it. Now, as a good father, and you're known as thoroughly a gentleman, it is obligatory on your part to favor us, and save us from any awkward position that could come to us, in case you’re adamant to living rather than agreeing to burial, so please agree now for burial. Also, we have kept boiling water ready for your laving. It is my humble request to you as your elder son to hurry up now as we’ve other work also to attend to. So the sooner your burial is accomplished, the sooner we can go to our duties”, Joke gave a long lecture suitable to his profession.
Gentleman, smelling that they were both bent upon bundling him to his grave, became drenched in sweat that dripped from his face. His eyes moistened and he asked for a final glass of water before burial. Joke flew to fetch a glass of water for him. But, Gentleman requested Rash to call his mother for having a final glimpse of her. So Rash went out of the room to fulfill the last wish of his father.
While Joke came back with a glass of water and Rash with mother, they discovered the room minus father.
Gentleman had run away!
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JD
12/06/2018He definitely made the right decision to run away! Totally quirky, intriguing, and original story. Thanks for sharing it on Storystar, Zirsha! : )
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
JD
12/30/2018Thank you for your sweet, kind and generous comment, Zirsha. Your stories are always very interesting and thought provoking, and I have enjoyed them all. :-)
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Nazir Jahangir
12/29/2018Thanks for your beautiful comment.
There was left no alternative for him other than to escape.
They wanted him to die for themselves and he wished to live for himself. How tragic!!!? Credibility or ego or false honour? Isn't self-loving makes the life a bitter end?
Anyway, I appreciate your comment.
Also, my love and regards to my best teacher I ever had in my life called Julie Larson who helped me in shaping my writings, and life too! :)
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