The Wizard Meets his Match

The Wizard Meets his Match(Martin Green) In Olden Times II: The Wizard Meets his Match


Synopsis of In Olden Times I: Abe, a poor farm boy, with the assistance of Marge the Witch and the family dragon Bob, rescues the Princess Britney from the evil wizard. As the Princess, although beautiful, is a nag, Abe gives her hand to the Lonesome Knight. He’s rewarded by being made mayor-for-life of his village. He appoints Bob his second-in-command and marries a nice, sensible girl, Rose. But in gaining the release of Princess Britney, Abe had given the evil wizard what he thought was a worthless ring.

Although the news that had reached his village was vague, it was clear that another catastrophe had befallen the kingdom and that it’s cause had been the evil wizard. Now Abe had been summoned to the royal castle, accompanied by his family dragon Bob and his new wife Rose, who’d insisted on coming along. On their arrival, they were immediately ushered into a large chamber where the king, Princess Britney and her new husband, the Lonesome Knight, awaited them.

The king wasted no time. “The evil wizard has done it again. Now he demands I give him all the wealth of the land”

“But he doesn’t have that much power,” said Abe.

“That’s what I told him,” said the king. “But then he single-handedly defeated my army.”

“He must have obtained weapons of mass destruction from somewhere.”

“The rumor is that he has a new magic ring, the ring you gave him when you persuaded him to release the Princess Britney.”

“Something told me I shouldn’t have given him that ring.”

“You couldn’t have known,” said Rose, coming to the defense of her husband.

“I led the army,” said the Lonesome Knight. “He turned all of our horses into mice and melted our swords and spears.”

“Wow, that is power. But what can I do?”

“You can try to negotiate with him as you did before,” said the king. “Maybe he’ll moderate his demands.”

“We can’t let him have everything,” said Princess Britney. “The Lonesome Knight promised to build me a new castle. And I need a new wardrobe.”

“Maybe we can do without,” another voice said, very softly.

Abe noticed for the first time the person who stood behind Britney. She was young, but where the princess was beautiful and wore bright clothes bedecked with jewels she was plain and wore a modest gown.

“Oh, this is my step-sister, Cindy,” said Britney. “Pay no attention to her. And must we have that great big dragon in here?”

Bob started at the mention of his name and knocked over a pitcher of cider that was on the table.

“Now look what he’s done,” said Britney. “Clumsy beast.”

“I’ll clean it up,” Cindy said and, getting down on her knees, she proceeded to do so.

“Er, maybe you should get started,” said the king.

“We’ll leave at once,” said Abe. “Let’s go, Bob.”

He wanted Rose to remain behind but she said, “This will be a dangerous mission. I’m going with you.” Abe knew it was no use arguing with her so, after getting suitably provisioned, the three of them left for the evil wizard’s castle.

The castle was not very far away. From their previous visit, Abe and Bob knew the route, through the Dark Woods and then over a bridge, once guarded by the Lonesome Knight. Rose remarked on how gloomy it was in the woods and said, “Some of these trees should be cleared out, then a road could be built through here.” At that, one of the trees reached out its branches and tried to grab her. Abe quickly snatched her away. “Don’t worry about the trees,” he said. “It’s the evil wizard who’s the problem.”

They were about to cross the bridge when a strange creature blocked their path. It was dressed in nothing more than rags and had protuberances all over its body. “Goodness, what is it?” asked Rose.

“It’s a troll,” said Abe.

“That’s right,” said the creature. “And this is now a troll bridge. Ha, ha, ha. It’ll cost you ten pieces of gold to get across.”

“Very funny,” said Abe, “but we don’t have that much money.”

“Stand aside,” said Bob, “or I’ll blast you with a flame.”

“Go ahead. I’m a flame-proof troll.”

“We’ll see about that. Get back everybody.”

But Rose stepped forward. “Let me handle this,” she said. “We’re on a mission from the king. Let us across and I’ll sew you a new suit of clothes and I have a lotion that will take care of those horrible bumps.”

“He’ll never go for that,” muttered Bob under his breath. “These guys only understand force.”

“Mmmm,” said the troll, appearing to consider. “Okay, lady, you got yourself a deal.”

The brush outside the wizard’s castle seemed thicker than before and the castle itself seemed in disrepair, with some of its walls almost falling down. “Boy, this place has gone to seed,” said Bob.

Inside the castle, the same owl-like clerk who’d been there before was at his desk, still scribbling on a piece of paper. “Do you have an appointment?” he asked, without looking up.

“It’s us,” said Abe. “I’m here on another mission from the king. It’s about the wizard wanting all the wealth in the kingdom. Bob’s here again and this is my wife Rose.”

“Oh, yes,” said the owl-person. “The wizard is expecting you. But I must warn you, he’s in a bad mood. He’s not happy that the king sent that army after him. We still have all those mice scampering around. On top of that, he has a nasty cold.”

The wizard received them in his chamber. Spider webs hung from every wall and all the furnishings were dusty. The wizard was seated on a large throne, also dusty, holding a large, viscious-looking three-headed dog by a chain. As they entered, all three of the dog’s heads snarled. “Down, Fido,” said the wizard. “It’s only Abe and his dragon Bob. And who is the lady?”

“I’m Bob’s wife, Rose. When did you last have this place cleaned?”

“Not since Britney left. I’ve been too busy with my new magic powers.”

“How’d you get that ring to work?” asked Abe. “I tried to use it but nothing happened.”

“Ah, that’s because it was actually half of a ring. I thought I recognized it and when I secured the other half my magic increased a hundredfold. How I got that other half-ring is of course another story and it will be in my memoirs. That’s what my clerk is writing down now.”

“That’s nice,” said Abe. “I’ll be sure to get a copy when it comes out. But you can’t be serious about wanting all the wealth in the kingdom.”

“Why not? With my new magic powers I’m invincible.” Here the wizard began coughing and sneezing.

“I don’t like the sound of that cough,” said Rose. “How long have you had a cold?”

”It seems forever. With all of my magic, I can’t seem to get rid of it.”

“Well, I’m not surprised. Your castle is drafty, the walls are falling down, and look at all those spider webs.”

“I know, but I can’t get to everything. Being an evil wizard is a full-time job.”

“But you can at least take care of yourself.”

“Rose, can’t this wait,” said Abe. “We have to negotiate with the wizard.”

“All right, but while you’re negotiating I’m going to look around this place and do some cleaning up.”

After Rose left, Abe said, “Why do you need all that wealth anyway?”

“You’ve seen the shape my land is in. I want to clear away all that brush and have nice green lawns. Then I want to completely renovate my castle. And it’s not as if I want all that money for myself. I want to have a college for wizards, with a graduate school for advanced wizardry.”

“I can clear away the brush with my fiery breath,” said Bob.

“And I can send a team of men from my village to fix up your castle,” offered Abe.

So the negotiations continued, punctuated every now and then by a coughing and sneezing fit by the wizard. And with every fit, the wizard’s temper grew more vile and he became more demanding. He wanted the king to provide him with a chariot and driver, a gourmet cook and a wine cellar and mentioned something about stock options but then said, “Oh, forget that last one, it’s in the future.” Abe was on the point of suggesting they take a time-out when Rose suddenly appeared, followed by Cindy. “Where’ve you been?” asked Abe. “And what’s Cindy doing here?”

“I made a quick trip back to the king’s castle. I looked in the wizard’s kitchen and, as I expected, found nothing except a few cans of ale and a loaf of moldy bread. No wonder the wizard can’t get rid of that cold. Cindy has brought a bowl of her special chicken soup.”

The wizard’s three-headed dog growled at Cindy as she stepped forward but Cindy patted all three heads and, after licking her with his three tongues, he lay back down contentedly. Cindy placed the steaming bowl in the wizard’s hands. “Eat this,” she said. “I’m sure it’ll make you feel much better.”

The wizard looked at the bowl of soup. “Hmmm, it smells good.” He took a spoonful. “It tastes good, too.” In a trice, he finished the bowl. “I do feel better,” he said.

“Of course you do,” said Rose. “I knew right away what was wrong here. You don’t need all the wealth in the kingdom. What you need is a good wife to take care of you. And you can’t do better than Cindy.”

“Wait a minute,” said the wizard. “Who is this girl anyway?”

“She’s Cindy, Princess Britney’s stepsister.”

“Princess Britney! I don’t want any of her relations around here.”

“Stepsister, I said. And she’s nothing like Princess Britney. She can cook and sew. She’s a great housekeeper. She’ll have this musty old castle spruced up in no time.”

“But I’m the evil wizard. I can’t take a wife.”

“I don’t think you’re so evil,” said Rose. “You just had to do evil things because you were so miserable.”

“I think he’s cute,” said Cindy. “Here, let me comb out that beard for you.”

The wizard protested but it was no use. “Okay, okay. I’ll think this over. But I still want something from the king.”

“Of course,” said Abe. “I’m sure he’ll endow your college of wizardry.”

“I’ll want Bob to be a guest lecturer. He’ll be invaluable.”

“That can certainly be arranged.”

“Huh,” said Bob.

“You’ll get a bonus,” Abe whispered to him.

While the negotiations continued, the two women were holding their own conversation. “After getting rid of all those cobwebs, the walls have to be cleaned.”

“And all the windows.”

“You can put up some bright tapestries.”

“I’ll make him a brand new wardrobe. He’d be quite handsome with his beard trimmed and properly dressed.”

“Don’t forget about your own wedding dress.”

So it went all through the night. The next morning, Abe, Bob and Rose said goodbye to the wizard and Cindy, who was staying to give the castle a thorough cleaning in preparation for the wedding. The wedding was the kingdom’s big social event of the year and even Princess Britney said she had a good time. The wizard established his school, the kingdom flourished, Abe and Rose started their family, Bob’s lectures were so successful he was invited to Oxford and Cambridge and everyone was happy, until, you guessed it readers, something unexpected came up, because, after all, there has to be a sequel to this sequel.