Dear Carolyn(Elaine Faber) May 30, 2002


Dear Carolyn:

Yesterday, we brought my grandson, Darrell, to you for therapy. Perhaps you can help him.

It’s been three months since a drunk driver killed my son and his wife. Darrell survived with two broken legs, a cracked rib and head trauma. The drunk driver walked away, or should I say, staggered away. I wonder if he thinks about the people he killed, that he orphaned a three-year-old?

Drunk drivers -- you could fill a book. Hell, not just a book, a whole library. Drunk drivers cripple bodies, maim children, destroy lives, disintegrate marriages, fill hospitals, jails and cemeteries.

It was tough seeing Darrell lying in a hospital bed, clutching his teddy bear. We’re grieving our own children, but we had to try to brighten the child’s day. He would perk up the minute we came through the door. He’d look behind us, thinking his mother must be there. His face would crumple when he realized she wasn’t coming, and he’d melt into the bed. The poor little tyke is only three years old. He tries so hard to be brave. How do you explain to a three-year-old that he’ll never see his mama again and his daddy will never push his swing?

Mother quit her part time job and we brought Darrell home from the hospital two weeks ago. He goes to pre-school three mornings a week. Now he lives 100 miles away from his home with Grandpa and Grandma. We love him so much, but we’re nearly 50 years old. Are we up to this? Can we start over with a toddler? We’ll be 65 years old when he graduates from high school!

His fractures are healed and his doctor says in time he’ll be as strong as other children. He’s gained a couple of pounds and he eats well. Sleeping… that’s another story.

Mother reads him a story before we tuck him in bed. He goes to sleep OK, but about 2:00 AM, he wakes up screaming, clutching his teddy bear. It takes nearly half an hour to calm him down. He cries and says, “red, red, all red.” We ask, “what is red?” but he has no answer. His parent’s were killed and I think he’s remembering the blood. After several weeks of this, his doctor referred us to you, to see if you could help the boy. Lord knows, mother and I can’t do this alone.

That’s about all I can tell you now. We’ll see you next week. We do love him so, and thinking of the joy that he will bring us, I know the effort will be worth it.

Sincerely,
George Baker, Darrell’s grandpa



June 3, 2003

Dear Carolyn:

It’s been a year since Darrell came to live with us. His birthday party was last week and we hired a clown. Darrell screamed and hid behind the sofa when the clown started making balloon animals. Eventually, Mother took him upstairs. Nothing we could say would bring him back to the party. We had to send the children home early. Needless to say, the entire episode was most disturbing. There continue to be days where he seems to be a normal happy kid and then something inexplicable like this happens. Perhaps one day we will understand his reaction. Until then, we just have to try to make him feel as loved as possible.

Regards,
George Baker



September 4, 2004

Dear Carolyn;

It’s been two years since you started treating Darrell. Last week, you asked for another report. Some days it seems like we haven’t gotten very far with Darrell’s therapy, but I’m sure your counseling helps more than we realize. Darrell is 5 years old and just started kindergarten. The first day of school, the teacher asked the kids to draw pictures of their families. Darrell cried and hid in the corner.

I thought he was pretty happy with mother and me, but apparently he understands that he doesn’t have a mom and dad like the other children. The nightmares are back again, worse than ever. He wakes up, screaming, inconsolable, clutching his teddy bear. Mother thinks he’s too old to sleep with it, but I say, what’s the harm? I suppose starting kindergarten was traumatic and the art project made him realize his parents were really gone.

Darrell started piano lessons. He’s so proud of himself when he plays a little tune with three chubby fingers. Mother thinks he will be a concert pianist, but I’m holding out for a world league baseball pitcher. I bought him a little bat and a plastic ball on a stick. He actually hits the thing about every 3-4 times he gives it a whack.

We enrolled Darrell in Sunday School last month. He asked me the other day if his mom and dad were in Heaven and I didn’t know what to say. After stammering and stuttering a while, I said, “Yes, Darrell, your mom and dad are in Heaven and they’re watching over you every minute.” Bless his heart. The faith of a child is a remarkable thing. We’ll see you next week and we can talk more about the recurrent nightmares.

Mr. G. Baker



May 30, 2006

Dear Carolyn;

Thanks for your phone call last night. I’m still not sure how these letters aid in your treatment plan, but I’m willing to do whatever you think will help the boy.

We told you that Darrell has been breaking things. He has no explanation for why he does this. I tell him that his parents wouldn’t want him to break things, but it’s hard to reason with a 7-year-old. I expect he’s acting out his anger. Understanding the loss of your parents must be very hard for a child, even when you love your grandparents. I hope you will discuss this at your next session.

Sincerely,
Grandpa George


February 2, 2008

Dear Carolyn:

You didn’t ask for a letter, but I must share an experience Darrell and I had last week. Darrell continues to have infrequent nightmares about the accident. We do the best we can to keep his parent’s memory alive but he doesn’t remember much of his life before he came to us.

After one of his terrible nightmares last week, he seemed most upset about the fact that he couldn’t picture his dad’s face.

I thought it might help if we brought some of his parent’s things down from the attic. Darrell found his dad’s Leica camera. Imagine our excitement when we discovered there was still a roll of undeveloped film in it! I told Darrell it was likely pictures from one of his dad’s work sites. Our curiosity got the better of us, so we took it down and had the film developed.

The photos included 24 pictures from Darrell’s third birthday party, just two weeks before the automobile accident. There was a picture of a clown making balloon animals at his party.

Several pictures showed Darrell opening his mother’s birthday present, a brown teddy bear. Darrell’s face lit up when he saw a picture of his mother tucking him in bed, kissing him goodnight. I think it was divine guidance that prompted his father to take that picture.

We enlarged and framed 12 of the pictures and hung them over Darrell’s bed. Carolyn, I know it’s hard to believe, but Darrell hasn’t had a nightmare since we hung the pictures. The last thing he sees at night is his mother kissing him goodnight. Now we understand the attachment to the teddy bear, his last physical link to his mother. He must have connected the memory of the accident to the clown at his birthday party.

Finding the camera was a miracle. The pictures helped Darrell remember his yesterdays. I’m sure with your help, we can give him the love and guidance to help him face his tomorrows.

I couldn’t wait until our next appointment to tell you. I really thought you would want to know.

Grandpa

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