GypsyCamp

GypsyCamp(Ric Wooldridge) THE AMAZING, COLOSSAL, UNBELIEVABLE, UNEXPLAINABLE,
AND TOTALLY IMPROBABLE ADVENTURES OF THE WORLD
FAMOUS GYPSY CAMP EXPLORERS AND THEIR DOG
- BART -

Introductions

"AAH! GEEZ! I told you not to do that."
"Sorry Bud," Boris replied in his perpetually subdued voice.
"I've TOLD you a thousand times. DON'T sneak up on me! Cone-headed moron! You nearly scared the LIFE out of me! NEVER do that again! Don't EVER lean over my shoulder like that when I don't know you're there.!" So went Bud's ravings, building up to a rhythmic cadence. "I spend ALL MY LIFE around nothing but fuzz-brained, thumb-fingered, flea catching amnesiacs," Gypsy Camp's engineer rolled to a low boiling, grouchy, mumble.
Boris Carlson was a tall Swede with all the traditional features. Blonde hair, with blue eyes that missed very little, and a long powerful build. These physical attributes, along with his quiet manners, made people like him almost immediately. Boris was always popping up quietly, which gave him a reputation for being kind of spooky. He was also the only person who could deal with working with Bud all the time.
Although Bud was an absolute genius at inventing, fixing, or building anything from a wooden whistle to an atomic powered star sled, he definitely didn't interact well with people. He was a big man, with massive amounts of muscle, huge hands, and thick brown hair. He looked like a blacksmith instead of the highly educated technician that he was. Although he would never think of harming anyone, he continuously grumped and groused about everything, whether there was anyone around to listen or not.
"Sorry," Boris repeated. "Ace is going out again. Stuffy's been making promises to C.W. again and got us cornered into another hop, this time to Silar II. Some kind of snake hunt. He says it packs a two thousand volt kick and gives off a phosphorescent glow when it pleases. It is about eighty feet long, and four feet in diameter, weighing somewhere around nine thousand pounds. Ace wants something to put it in."
"Long way to go for a giant glow worm. Stuffy's probably got us workin' for nothin', if I know C.W.. Ones heartless and the others brainless. Ace should get rid of old Stuffy Joe. He's nothin' but a sleazy, slimy, hollow headed social climbing Philistine," Bud mumbled as he stomped off to the robotic design rack.
Boris stood there with a quiet grin on his face. Just one more thing to irritate Bud, but then Bud wouldn't be happy if he couldn't gripe about something. So far, it was a good day. Only eight o'clock in the morning and he'd already managed to get Bud's adrenaline pumping. There was work to do and there was an adventure brewing. Yep! Things looked like they were going to shape up just fine.
Bart was watching the whole show. On close examination, humans were pretty ridiculous. There are times when they are good to have around, especially when there is an itch beneath the collar, but on the whole they were terribly noisy. He didn't know what all the fuss was about, and he really didn't care. It was warm and dry, there was plenty of food, and there was no undesirable livestock, (like those multi-legged bug things that had made them so miserable in the last place they had visited). If they'd just keep quiet things would be just perfect.

Kate Thomas was dishing out the noise liberally. "You Idiot! You big mouthed, shallow-minded imbecile! You're the one I want to see wrestle down that big snake! Nine thousand pounds, and two thousand volts, and you volunteer my husband! I told Ace you were....."
"That's enough, Kate," Ace interjected calmly. "Joe was just trying to help..."
"No, that is not enough! If one of you gets hurt, I'll feed this stuffed shirt to that slimy monster! That big mouthed snob isn't even on the payroll. And now your going to honor his promise to C.W., that cold blooded, tight fisted, pirate! Idiots!!" With that last, red faced with her eyes ablaze, she stormed from the office, slowing only to peg Joe on the end of his long pointy nose with an economically short jab of her petite fist.
"Stuffy Joe" Benson went over with a crash as if he'd been struck by a giant instead of a one hundred and eighteen pound brunette that stood at five feet and a fraction tall. The reaction of the others in the office was not in the least bit sympathetic.
"She's right, Ace," Barney said with a grin that threatened to split his entire head. "Old Stuffy's got no business making dangerous promises in our behalf. He should be fed to that snake."
"You paid me for the last find I set you up for," Stuffy protested through the handkerchief held gingerly to his beak, as he untangled himself and slowly rose to his feet again. It wasn't bad enough that he acted like he was the center of the entire world, but he looked like a butler and whined with a nasal quality that made it difficult not to plug the source of the irritating noise pollution with an office chair. "Stuffy" Joe had straight black hair that was greased to his head. He always dressed in a three piece suit and walked like Mr. Peanut, with an abnormally straight back on spindly legs.
"We gave you a finder's fee for introducing us to a new broker. We arranged the expedition and made contracts for capturing and delivering the specimens ourselves, without your help. That's the way we arranged it, again, without your help." Although he still spoke calmly, it was as close to anger that Barney had ever seen Ace. "You've made agreements in our name. We could back out, as you have no authority to make such agreements, but it would probably be bad for our reputation, and C.W. would see that it got around. Now, go away Joe. We need to get down to business, and you're in the way."
"Sure, mister Baxter. I'm still going to get paid for getting you the job, aren't I, sir?" Stuffy sniveled.
"We'll see. Now, you'd better leave before Kate comes back," Ace said, still sounding deceptively calm. Actually, he was tired. The job on Ardent, last week, had been no picnic, and they all needed rest. Well, there would be no time to rest now.
After Joe had left the room, Ace said, "Get Willy, Pax, Tom, and Roxy. We'll see what Bud's got rigged for our squirmy little friend."
"Uh, Ace? Do we have to take Roxy? I mean, I know that she's smart and real nice scenery, but we have to spend half the time ducking or helping her up." Barney's discomfort was obvious as he voiced his concern. He liked Roxanne, and she was really great in her field of expertise. But, in his opinion, she was just too dangerous to have around, no matter how cuddly she looked.
"Yeah, Roxanne too. Silar II is newly opened up for exploration and I'd like the hedge all bets and, maybe, turn this into a money making operation in spite of the fact that we're working for C.W.. It's a cinch we won't unless we keep our eyes open for something extra," Ace explained. "So, round 'em up."
Bart took it all in. They sure know how to mess up a perfectly good day, although he sort of enjoyed the part where doctor darling popped his greasiness on the nose. He'd always wanted to bite old Stuffy, but Bart was sure that all he would get was a bad taste in his mouth for his trouble.
"Hey boss, this is totally uncool, ya know. We're all just, like, getting it together after the Ardent gig, and its big dumb bugs." That was Willy Martin, with whom Bart agreed completely. Those stupid, crab looking ant things on Ardent would get tangled and twisted into his hair and settle down to lunch. Bart twitched at just the thought.
"Yeah, well, I would have liked a little time for some sun and surf myself, but we've got a customer and a deadline, after which, our profits start declining rapidly," Ace replied.
"I heard you didn't cork the stuffed shirt quick enough. That's what I heard," grumbled Bud.
"I heard the same thing, in the long, emphatically punctuated version. You definitely didn't come off the hero, boss. You've got Kate so mad that she's even telling it to the stuffed monkey in the med. display," Pax Thomas said, as he walked into the office. "Just because I'm married to her doesn't make me safe when she's fired up and packing sharp things."
Under his breath, but clearly audible, Bud said, "Woman's meaner than a winged panther. Probably got bigger teeth."
Pax just smiled. He loved the volatile little brunette. She was strong willed, loyal, and smart. Most assuredly, she was never dull. Her personality could, and did make her the most interesting person Pax had ever known. Who cared if her presence could be measured on the Richter scale.
Just then, Roxanne Dias enter the office. And, right on her heels, Tom Martin, Willy's older brother, though you couldn't tell by appearances. Willy was medium height, about five eight, with long blonde hair that he was perpetually flipping from his eyes with a twitch of his head. He was a great tracker, but he looked like a beach bum. (This was interesting, because there hadn't been a surf worshiper in close to two thousand years.) Tom, on the other hand, looked like something out of an old Clint Eastwood movie. You know, the ones you've seen in the historical museums. He looked like a cowboy. He talked like a cowboy. But he would have been petrified of fright to actually ride on a horse, let alone rope a steer. He was a hard worker, though. And he was always ready to lend a hand where it was needed. Tom worked in the quarantine compound, while observing and classifying exotic species. With his shaggy black hair and three days growth on his unshaved face, he looked intimidating. He was a good friend and great to have around if you weren't looking for trouble, as things always stayed quiet around him.
Barney was right about Roxy. Athletic looking, but cursed with a wandering mind, Roxanne was very tall. A full five feet, eleven inches tall, with straight black hair that reached down to her waist, and a far away look in her eye. Extremely intelligent, but when her mind was focused on something nothing else existed and she became completely oblivious to her surroundings. She tripped over everything. It was truly amazing that she remained so beautiful, when you considered all the crash landings she had lived through.
Before everything dissolved, Ace decided to get things rolling. "Here's the scoop. We're heading for Silar II to bring back one Choquer Worm. The original mapping party called it Marians Nightmare. Full grown it is approximately eighty feet in length and weights near four and a half tons. As if that's not enough, it's skin gives off a phosphorescent glow and it packs a respectable two thousand volt wallop that renders it's victims into a paralytic state, making it easier to ingest. There are no pictures of this creature, but Marian Levy described it in detail. It seems that she was pursued into a plasteel culvert and trapped for three days, until the mapping party returned and cut the hungry thing into tiny enough pieces to distract it from it's single minded goal of dining on Ms. Levy."
"First up is Bud." Ace nodded in his direction and asked, "What have we got to catch, contain, and transport our prospective pet?"
"I couldn't think of a thing until you told that cute little story; "the dish in the plasteel tube," sneered Bud. "Would've relieved me of a lot of time fretting if you'da told me that early on. OK. We tube it, freeze it, (hope it'll go dormant in the cold), shuttle it up and deliver it. No sweat."
"That's, like, easy for you to say, dude. I brain I can track it. I mean, like, it's got to leave a monster rut behind it, fer sure. Nine thousand pounds," Willy rolled his eyes and shook head. "Like, that's totally chub."
"That's only four and a half tons," Tom said, knowing that it would needle Willy. "Piece of cake, partner."
"Like, what do you know. Hick! While I'm slipping and sliding down it's slimy trail, you'll be playing with your pots and pans and the rest of your play doctor paraphernalia. Just pull that ten gallon lid over your pin head and chill out. Dig?"
You could always count on Willy and Tom to go out of their way to yank each other's joystick. They acted like they couldn't stand each other, but after a while it was obvious to all that the constant flow of insults and other verbal abuse was a form of brotherly affection. Sometimes it was entertaining, but most of the time it just plain got in the way.
"OK, OK. Enough of that, you guys." Trying to keep this bunch calm and under control took all of Ace's attention or it quickly dissolved into good humored, Ace hoped, insult slinging nonsense that sucked everyone in.
"Ms. Levy's description was definitely that of a snake, but who knows. It never gets cooler than eighty-five degrees Fahrenheit on Silar II, what with three suns constantly bathing that rotary sauna. You'd think that it would get even hotter under that constant light, no matter how hazy. Pax, you get with Bud and go over the gimmicks. Roxy, dig up what you can on this sweat-hole, and give us an idea what else we may need to bag. That's all that is going to keep this trip out of the red."
Ace looked thoughtful for a moment, and then said, "I hate to say it, but Kate is right. Somebody is liable to get hurt. Would you see if you can talk her into coming along?"
Pax chuckled and said, "You know that she won't let me go near some kind of monster without taking her along to tell me what a fool I'm being. She'll come."
"At least it will be quiet around here," muttered Bud, as he turned to go to the shop. And, of course, he ran right smack into Boris, who's presence had gone unnoticed. Again. "Ace! Take this brain-dead spook with you! The moron never listens, always in the way, always sneaking up on people." He didn't stop to see if anyone was listening, but went on down the hall to the shop, Boris trailing along behind him.
"I really do understand Bud," Roxanne said. "Boris is spooky. Kind of cute, but still spooky." Barney's face clouded up as he looked after Boris, then he smiled again and winked at Roxy.
"Willy, find out what you can about this snake. Check with Rox, and rig the sleds with what we'll need. Who knows what we'll wind up chasing. Tom, give him a hand with the sleds first, then work with Bud and Boris." With that, Ace ran out of instruction, so everyone broke up to carry out their assigned tasks.

Bart had lost interest in these things long ago. Now, if Ace would leave him in peace, he'd get down to some serious napping. It looked as if it was going to get far more exciting than he wished. Again.







SPACE TRAVEL & WATER PISTOLS

Schedule time for passage through the stellar canal always took a week to arrange. Still, the week wouldn't seem long because it would be a very busy time. First they would have to outfit the gravity sleds for use in jungle terrain and climates. Of course, the ship computer would make adjustments for any differences in the planet's gravitation. That was the prime function of the gravity sled.
The sled was designed to mirror the gravitational pull of any planet, allowing it to hover at any given distance from the surface at any elevation. Each sled was capable of carrying four passengers, plus a dead load capacity of twenty-five hundred pounds. It's shape was that of a large, pneumatic style, dive boat with a long rectangular plate that pivots centrally beneath it's undercarriage. This panel, called the gravity mirror, allowed the sled to move in opposition to the reflected force. The ability to manipulate gravity in this fashion made the sled ideal for the work engaged in by Gypsy Camp, it being solar powered and gravity propelled, moved in silence.
After the gravity sleds are outfitted they are loaded, three to a shuttle. The shuttles then become the command base for the exploratory and zoological expeditions. The shuttles could pass for large cigar boxes but for the two dorsal fins and the aerodynamic curve to it's bow. Fusion powered, it is able to convert any mass into the necessary energy to attain to escape velocity and return from planetside to the awaiting Star Sled that stays in a parking orbit under normal circumstances. The Star Sled was capable of atmospheric entry, also being able to utilize gravity manipulation. This last would enable a peaceful grounding without unnecessarily disturbing the local wildlife population. The Gypsy Camp Explorers made a practice of equipping their Star Sled with three shuttles, so as to be able to fully utilize each shuttle's facilities as a planet-bound base, leaving the Star Sled to act as a communications satellite.
The Star Sled, also powered through matter conversion, is an inter-planetary vehicle with the ability to attain to light speed, but is not used for inter-galactic travel. The reason for this is that it was impractical to spend entire generations in order to travel to the nearest stars, as was the practice before the advent of FTL travel. The Star Sleds were designed to be comfortable, even plush, but no one in their right mind wanted to spend ten years in the shortest inter-galactic jump. That was the purpose of the Stellar Canal.
The Stellar Canal is an enormous mechanism designed for folding space/time allowing instantaneous travel, making inter-galactic travel necessary for the initial contact of the desired locale. The canal is set in various locations throughout the galaxy and maintained by independent contractors, the most notable being Nebula Enterprises. These canals are anchored in space, usually close to a moon or stable asteroid which may be used as a commercial base of operations.
The initial contacts are made by Faran Cruisers, which are designed for inter-galactic travel at FTL speeds that approach instantaneity. They are able to make a trip of one thousand light-years in approximately thirty-six hours, plus acceleration and deceleration time, to and from light speed, adding another forty-eight hours at each end of the journey. So far, the Faran Cruiser is used mostly for inter-galactic exploration and annexation of habitable territories, which puts our merry bunch of critter catchers in close contact with this other space-happy group of thrill seekers. Each knew the other's joy and awe at living among the magnificent miracles evidenced among the stars and the marvelous wonders of the myriad's of inhabited planets. They also knew about the impossibility of explaining any of it to the billions of planet-bound groundhogs that went about their lives in their own tiny cubicles, never entertaining the thought of leaving the planet of their birth as anything more than a daydream.
Sally Martin, no relation to Willy and Tom, spent her morning setting up orders for the coming expedition, haggling with Nebula Enterprises for a departure slot, arranging for the delivery of the plasteel culvert that Bud wanted for his snake trap, and zapping Bart with a squirt gun every time he poked his nose into her reception office. She was tired of dog hair. She was tired of listening to dog grumbles, as Bart lounged and rolled on the sofa. Most of all, she was tired of dog smell.
Bart, on the other hand, was getting a little tired of this game. As senior partner in this business venture, he felt that he had certain inalienable rights. It was obvious to Bart that Sally had her eye on Ace, even though it wasn't obvious to Ace. But he didn't hold that against her. Ace was his pet, but he didn't try to govern his social affairs. But for this human to treat him in such an undignified manner, well, Ace was going to have to do something about her. Not only did she not show the proper respect to one of his station, but she was always squirting some kind of smelly stuff on himself and his sofa. Bart liked the smell of humans, but that stuff made it impossible to smell anything at all. Yeah, he'd have to have a talk with Ace about her.

Seeing Bart's expression as he huffed off down the hallway toward Ace's office brought a little smile to Sally's face. Then she frowned slightly. "It's a sad thing when the highlight of the morning is teasing a scruffy mutt," she thought to herself.
Then she thought about Ace and smiled again. She had all her gear stowed in the shuttle. While Ace went snake hunting, she'd keep an eye on him. She wasn't chasing after Ace, as she considered him already caught. This was a fact that Ace didn't know yet, but she would let him know how he felt when the time came. She did, however, like to go along on these safaris. Most were beautiful places, and she did like the others of the team very much. When they were out in the wild, she could even tolerate Bart, as long as he was downwind. But, most of all, she liked to show Ace just how much he needed her to keep him out of trouble.
Sally, a natural blonde standing at five feet four inches, weighed approximately one hundred and twenty pounds, and she was proud of every solid inch of her healthy self. Always dressed in a denim jacket and jeans, moccasins, and her tied back with a blue ribbon, Sally didn't look the secretary type. She was very good at her job, and fit in well with the rest of the team. She was absolutely fearless. Whether she faced a two hundred pound space jockey or a winged panther with cubs, even money said she'd deal with either without even a flinch. The trip to Silar II looked to be especially interesting to her, as she had never been on a jungle planet before. The only thing she didn't like was that they couldn't take the horses along, as the terrain and dense foliage would not only hinder their use, but they could well end up an easy meal for some unseen or unknown horse eating monster. But she didn't have time for such daydreaming just now.
The next item on the punch list for the trip was getting the necessary toiletries, and picking up supplies for the feeding of both humans and animals. With a touch of remorse over her morning's activity with Bart, she thought that maybe she would get him a little something in the way of a peace offering. That was silly, of course, as dogs don't know the difference. Still, the thought made her feel better.
Just as she was preparing to leave, Roxanne came into the reception area. Actually, she ricocheted through the door on the spin. "What's the racked in the shop? It sounds like a rhinoceros bouncing off the wall in there," she said as she again faced Sally.
"I don't know. Its probably Boris and Bud, at each other again. Hey, would you like to make a quick turnip run with me? I've got quite a list and I could use a hand."
"Sure, no problem. I've got my end all sewn up. Silar II has a long list of salable specimens, ranging from ugly monsters to cute critters. And they're all in the high dollar neighborhood, I might add. Ace'll be pleased, if we can keep him from being eaten that is."
And, with that change of subject, the girls were off on a safari of their own.

The first stop for Bart was Ace's office. His disposition grew even worse when he found that Ace wasn't in. Humans were so undependable!
Ace always knew where he could find Bart. That is, on his sofa. (If a certain human creature would just leave him alone.) He was either there, or at his dish out by the horse's corral. He never went anywhere without at least inviting Ace to go along. Why couldn't Ace return such a simple courtesy?
The next stop was the shop. Bart naturally became more wary, as it was necessary in this part of his domain. In this place, there were sparks that came out of nowhere that caught in his fur. Sometimes certain machines suddenly came alive and actually threatened to run into him, roll on him, or otherwise cause him to lose his dignity. There were hundreds of tiny irritations, like oil or solvent that tasted terrible when he tried to clean his feet. Or brilliant, blinding, flashes that sometimes emitted from Bud, as he held some kind of stick, causing Bart to see spots for an uncomfortable period of time. The worst, though, were those tiny prisons that suddenly appeared around him. Bart always suspected that Bud and Boris had something to do with that last bit of torment, because they were the only ones who ever released him. It was never anyone else. Then there was the sudden loud noises that were cause by those two,,,, "Ahhh!!!"
While Bart was congratulating himself for his own wise caution and his ability to avoid calamity, Boris dropped from the cargo lift to appear suddenly before Bart's nose. This startled him, to say the least. But Bart was no coward, having faced many strange and dangerous creatures in many galaxies. he jumped backward only a few feet, thereby avoiding any danger, then he immediately jumped to the attack.
Bart, being an animal with a finely honed sense of justice, had put up with all that he was able. If it had been a stranger that had so embarrassed him, he would have let it go with a firm reprimand. But it was BORIS! Boris did this all the time! BORIS. MUST. PAY!!!
Boris was smart, and Boris was fast. Today, that proved to be a good thing. Bart's teeth were snapping just inches from the baggy part of his coveralls. Boris jumped over the stack of small animal traps, most of which had been tested on Bart. He bounced from the wall and his shoes began laying rubber as he made for the shop's office door. He had just passed the side entrance into the shop when Bud entered, carrying an open tub of sealant gel which promptly flew into the air as he tripped over Bart. Bart barely noticed the collision, but the gel was another matter. Yuck!
Bud tried to regain his footing by grabbing at the stack of traps. Having failed that, he tumbled over the traps into the vat of bluing compound that they used to protect the traps and make them less visible. Neither Bart nor Boris noticed Bud's problems.
Boris was shut into the office while Bart was trying to shake loose the sticky gel that was covering him from nose to tail. Furious beyond reason, Bart leapt at the office door as if to crash it down. But, he being a small dog, merely rolled off to the floor where he barked and growled insanely.
Catching sight of a huge stuffed bird of some kind, one that Barney had set up to display. In a rage that had to be vented, Bart attacked the completely passive and inoffensive avian with dramatic results. In mere seconds the air was full of feathers and stuffing, and the display was no more. It was then that Bart realized that he had another problem. Too late, Bart realized that he was still covered with the sticky gel, and now with great feathers and fuzz.
With the demise of the giant condor, Bart's rage subsided. It was sad to say, but this was not the end of the day's endless list of indignities. Just as he turned to resume his quest for Ace outside, by the corral, he was suddenly imprisoned in a netted cage, the kind of which he was already too familiar.
Bud carried him out to the corral. Dropped him, cage and all, unceremoniously to the ground and, with a steady growling rumble, stomped off on his own quest for something to get the bluing stains out of his own hide.
In the pits of despair, Bart felt that it couldn't possibly get worse. His fur was greased and matted to his skin. He was covered with feathers, fuzz, and some kind of powdery stuff that made him sneeze. The sun was drying out the mixture and was causing his skin to pull tight. He was in a cage too small to stand up in, the sun was hot and he was thirsty.
Ages later, Roxanne came out and hooked up a hose, dragged out a tub full of water and commenced to scrub him down. Where, in the name of the first canine, was Ace when he needed him?
An hour and a half later, Bart wearily dragged himself into the reception office and onto HIS sofa, daring anyone to interfere. Then Sally entered the office and walked over to him and patted his head in an irritating manner and gave him a new chew toy. She said, "There, don't you feel better after a nice bath?" Then, mercifully, she left him in peace to resume working at her desk. A short time after that, Ace came and spoke a moment with Sally. Bart didn't notice, as he was napping. The Ace came to the sofa and shook Bart awake. "Hey, boy! Want to take a walk?"
Bart opening just one eye, growled shortly, deeply disgusted, "Stupid Humans!" Then he closed his eyes and ignored the existence of all.
As Bart began to doze, he was thinking of all of the trouble he'd had in raising Ace. Always running off to some planet unfit for dogs. Now everyone was in a big fat hurry to go to Silar II. Of course, Bart would go along, but he didn't have to like it. It was just an unspoken truth; Bart went everywhere Ace went. That was his big responsibility in raising him. Bart only hoped that Silar II was nothing like Ardent. That was a nightmare to which he hoped he'd never return.
Ardent held not one single good memory. It was full of dog eating bugs, giant crawly spiders and enormous lightning fast lizards. No self-respecting border collie would ever be caught hanging around there! But Bart had to watch out for Ace. And Bart had always been dependable and had always taken his responsibility seriously. As much as he hated Ardent, he would go back there again if Ace did so.
Bart decided that he didn't want to go to sleep with such thoughts on his mind. He growled in a grumpy low octave as he decided to take an easy snoop around Gypsy Camp.

(If it looks like you enjoyed the introduction to my one and only book that I wrote in the early 1980's, I'll publish all of Ace and Bart's adventures in order. Thanks for reading my stories)