GypsyCamp - Ardent(Ric Wooldridge) ARDENT

Bart no sooner had touched the crusty sand than they were in his hair. He, being raised from a pup by Ace and hopping from planet to planet, knew better than to be the first one out of the shuttle. If it hadn't been for Kate, he thought he would have been eaten alive. The offending beasts looked sort of like ants wearing heavy armor, at first glance. But on further inspection you could see small crab-like pincers on which they walked, and with which they could cling and bite. That was enough of Ardent for Bart.

The normal routine of setting up the guardian anchors that controlled the shields was accomplished in short order, with no complications. Aside from Bart's little mishap, that is. The base was quickly organized so that their catches could be accommodated without prolonged and possibly dangerous delay.

Ardent was a desert planet which sported very little plant life and the animal life in residence was reptilian, armored and hungry. Every moving creature was omnivorous, and any one of them may fall victim to any of the others. It was a good place to keep your eyes open. It was not a good place for day-dreamers like Bart.

Night had fallen. Ardent, being a planet with no moons, remained unlit by anything but the tiny pinpoints that were sparkling from many light-years away. While it was evening everyone settled around the entry of the shuttle, discussing their plans for the next day.

For this trip, only Ace, Pax, Kate, and Barney had come. They had an order for some huge, scaly spiders and a couple of Sand Dragons. They wouldn't be easy to find as, like most of the wildlife here, they lived beneath the sand under camouflaged hatches, much like Earth's trapdoor spider. In fact, they had to be very careful in inspecting their base site so as to be sure that there was no such trap door inside the guardian they had posted.

All were at their ease, enjoying the night under the dim lights that were in use so as not to attract too many spectators. The temperature had just dropped to a point where they could remove their reflective desert ware. A very pleasant evening.

"This place may not have much going for it, but those sparse flower patches are really quite beautiful," commented Kate.

Yeah, but the rest of this dust ball is pretty much as ugly as the beasts that live on it," Barney replied with his easy drawl. "Did you take a good look at the nasty little things that rousted Bart? I don't believe that I'll ever complain about something as petty as ants on a picnic again."

Bringing the subject back around to the positive, Ace concurred with Kate. "But the flowers are nice. They all seem to be shaped the same. I was thinking of bringing some to Sally. She was really put out because we didn't take her along with us on this trip."

“Too bad there are none inside the shield. I would like to have a closer look, but it will have to wait til tomorrow," Kate said, as she stretched lazily.

"I won't volunteer to pick them for you," Pax said, entering into the conversation as he exited the shuttle to join the rest. "I saw worse things than those bugs hanging around outside, waiting for just a nibble of some romantic with a brain stuck in neutral."

As they were speaking, a slight breeze began to come up. It was truly welcomed by all. Barney stood up and stretched, and, as he did so, there was the distinct sound of someone breaking wind.

"That's crude!" Kate bristled. "Couldn't you have walked a little way off to do that?"

"What are you talking about," asked Barney, genuinely puzzled. "I didn't do anything. It must have been one of these other gas bags."

Kate, a look of disgust on her face, was about to take exception to the obviously untrue denial when a strong gust of wind blew across the camp accompanied by a virtual choir of flatulence.

Pax looked at Kate. Kate looked at Ace. Ace scanned the faces of the other three as he timidly sniffed. Thank goodness, nothing.
All Barney said was, "Wow!

"I think that came from those pretty flowers we were just admiring," Pax murmured as he looked off into the darkness.

"I think Sally would enjoy a bouquet of these," Barney said with a mischievous grin.

"What are they?" asked Kate, a look of extreme distaste on her otherwise lovely countenance.

Ace went to the computer and punched up the exploration record from Nebula Enterprises. "Hurdies Trumpet", Ace read aloud. "Named for the metallic musical instrument that it resembles, and the peculiar sounds created by passing air currents. Species found only on Ardent, thus far. Hurdies Trumpet is one of the few species of flora capable of condensing it's own water from Ardent's night air, in spite of the very low humidity. It's high protein value makes it a high possibility for exportment, although, because of its peculiar behavior, it seems unlikely to become a common garden variety."

Having read this much of the report, Ace said, "Its not something that we're likely to find at the corner flower shop, is it? What do you think, Kate? Do you think Sally would really like such an exotic floral arrangement?"

"You are out of your MIND! I can't BELIEVE you're even CONSIDERING such a thing!" was her explosive retort as she removed herself from the presence of such uncouth maleness.

Barney, on the other hand, was nearly incapacitated with laughter. Listening to such floral music appealed to his much warped sense of humor. He'd see about a little harvesting, before they lifted from Ardent's surface.


Ace and Pax were moving rapidly over the parched surface of the desert planet as they looked for a likely place to set their traps. The trapdoors would be almost completely imperceptible, but they knew that they could be found in areas edged with slight ground cover.

Ace piloted the sled as Pax watched the terrain and the indicators that showed movement, sound, and thermal activity. The sled kept them relatively comfortable as they moved across the vast arid wastes. The vegetation looked scraggly, for the most part. The only color evidenced the repellent sounding trumpets, which they studiously ignored.
They found several likely spots, then went back to base in order to load the appropriate gear that was deemed necessary to make the catch. For this trip, all four of them would go out to set the traps. They needed to capture their prey unharmed, but the creatures that they were after were under no such restriction as far as they were concerned. So the members of Gypsy Camp would stand guard over each other constantly while outside the guardian's perimeter.

The Sand Dragon that they sought to capture was extremely quick and just as hungry as the rest of Ardent's inhabitants. Hopefully it would wait to be trapped before it was introduced to the team, but they wouldn't count on that.

"I wish that you would carry something a little more substantial than that little slingshot of yours," Barney nagged at Pax.

"With a woman that shoots as well as Kate, I don't need to carry anything more substantial," was Pax's return, as he concentrated on his surroundings. “Besides, all I want to do is scare off the villains. I didn't get into this trade to be a mighty hunter. I want to catch the creatures, not kill them."

"You don't know what you're talking about, anyway, Barn," Kate injected. "Pax couldn't hit the floor with any kind of fire arm. I've never seen him miss with his wrist rocket."

"I've never seen him use it, either. I only know what he's told me. Talk's cheap," Barney groused with a comic display of grouchiness.

"Actually, I haven't either, come to think of it. But I trust him," she said to Barney. But then in a small whisper she asked Pax, "You really can use it, can't you?"

"Trust me. I've scared off everything that I've had to use it on," he said. Then, "Watch!" Quickly Pax snapped up his arm, drawing back and pulling the sling tight to his cheek in a fluid motion, and, without delay, loosed his missile. The projectile beheaded a Hurdies Trumpet as clean as you please. "See. No sweat. Now stop worrying," Pax beamed at his wife. "Anyway, you're all going to be watching out for me while I'm setting the traps. With you guarding me from the sled nobody will be dependent on little Bertha, here," he said, patting his sling pouch where he had just secured the relatively innocuous weapon.

As they got to work again, Ace came up behind Pax and tapped him on the shoulder and whispered, "You weren't aiming at yon posy, were you." It wasn't a question.

"No. But I sure scared the rock I was aiming at," Pax said with a grimace. Ace chuckled quietly as he belted on his own pistols, one a tranq gun, and the other an old fashioned forty-five.

Actually, Pax didn't miss by that much. He wasn't such a bad shot and he proved it later that day by using his sling to knock on the trap door that they had encompassed with a gadget that Bud had thought up. It had no real name, yet, but Bud called it a pulsating neutralizer. What it did was send an electrical current into the victims legs which caused their muscles to clamp and unclamp, in great spasms that incapacitated the creature until it could be contained. Barney wasn't sure that it would work on a giant spider, but he was sure that it would tangle the legs of one of those lightning fast lizards. The last thing any of them wanted was to be on the ground with a hungry dragon loose. Barney had voiced his opinion, and now they would all see.

Pax had hit the trapdoor about six times when the hatch flew open and a big crawly, eight legged bundle of ugly pounced out like a nightmare looking for lunch. It also collapsed in a tangle of legs the instant it touched the trap. It rolled over onto it's back with it's legs curling and extending every few seconds.

"Great! It worked!" Pax shouted as he bounced over the side of the sled with a pole to maneuver the giant arachnid into the nearby container. In the very instant he jumped, Kate and Ace shouted a warning in an oddly harmonious chorus, "DON'T!" "WATCH OUT!"

Barney didn't wait to yell, but began firing at the blur that was racing at Pax's back. Barney may have been a clown, and he might irritate people occasionally with his practical jokes, but there was nothing wrong with his eyes and reflexes. Four rapid shots and the twelve foot long Sand Dragon dropped not two inches from Pax's feet.

Slowly Pax turned around and looked at the big lizard, noting the three inch, saw-like teeth that filled it's gaping mouth. He calmly pulled out his trusty wrist rocket, fitted a projectile into the cradle and shot the already dead dragon in the head. Then he looked up and smiled at the others and in a calm, rational voice, he announced his immediate need of the use of the restroom.

Of course, Barney was the only one to appreciate the humor of either the gesture, or the statement. The others, Kate and Ace, informed him of what a stupid, unprofessional stunt he had just pulled, jumping out of the sled without looking for danger first.

"Of all the imbecilic, MORONIC STUNTS! This is absolute PROOF that you have nothing but SAND BETWEEN YOUR EARS!! You'd THINK that after YEARS of doing the SAME JOB you would KNOW better!"

Everyone could tell that Kate was just getting warmed up, but the only one that was enjoying it was, you guessed it, Barney. "Yeah! You tell him, Kate! He should know better!"

"Shut UP, Barney! I DON'T need to waste my breath on any of YOUR nonsense. I've enough trouble dealing with this PEA BRAINED clown without having to pay attention to your ASSININE REMARKS!!"

"Hey! What'd I do wrong? I'm the one who shot that muggly other, over there, thus saving our clumsy hero's little pink behind," Barney reasoned with wide eyed innocence.

Kate quickly brought the barrel of her rifle up under Barney's nose and grated, "Shut Up, Barney!"

"Yes ma'am," Barney replied meekly, though his eyes still twinkled. He seemed to believe that he was never really in any danger. Pax and Ace, however, were not so sure.

As they loaded the big spider, Kate kept a steady eye on the surrounding terrain, all the while commenting on the stupidities, immaturity's, and generally self-centered attitude displayed by her husband. Ace made a few comments along the same line of thought, which Pax endured philosophically as he knew that it was the last he would hear of the matter from him. Kate was another story. Any peace to be had on this planet had just evaporated for him until Kate was over the scare that she had just experienced in his behalf.

Pax knew that Kate loved him very much, which made her fear for him even more intense. He wished at times like these, though, that her terms of endearment were just a tad bit quieter.

Kate had more or less gained control of her emotions, bringing her narrative to more of a rolling boil, mutters with an occasional spatter to be heard, usually deadly and poisonous.

As the others climbed aboard the sled, Pax stood over the dead Sand Dragon and looked it over closely. Like Ace and Barney, his fears quickly turned to the excitement of the moment, so as he examined the creature as a young boy might. With excitement and fascination. Kate, of course, noticed this and logically and methodically began orating on his ancestry, dating back to a time where, she theorized, the close inter-marriage in his family tree had bred all the brains out of his particular branch.

Pax, hearing the volume of Kate's murmuring rise, sighed. Then, again, he drew his weapon and popped the dead Sand Dragon in the head. "Trouble maker," he muttered, and then he too boarded the sled to return to Gypsy Camp.

As it turned out, the giant trapdoor spiders were easy to find and even easier to capture. Bud's gadget worked like a dream. Barney took to calling it a tangle foot. They filled their quota with no further incidents, and in quick time. The spiders turned out to be the scavengers of this heat scorched world, and they could be found feeding during the heat of the day. They merely found a carcass and staked it out, with the tangle foot traps arrayed around it.

The Sand Dragons proved to be a whole different problem. The only one that they had actually seen was the one that Barney had killed while preserving Pax's hide. They had been on Ardent for eighteen days so they were still far ahead of the schedule that they had set for themselves in order to capture and transport twelve giant spiders and four Sand Dragons. Still, it was beginning to get discouraging as the Sand Dragon seemed to be an expert at hiding even the evidence of where it had been. In the morning they could find the portions of the kills they would leave behind, but the winds would cover any tracks and the bugs would clean up any identifiable spoor.

It was obvious that the dragons hunted at night. It was definitely responsible for the carcasses on which the spiders fed. Unlike the spiders found on Earth, the giant trap door spider of Ardent did not just drain their prey of bodily fluids. They actually consumed both flesh and fluids, but they would excise small bite size portions which made their kills easily identifiable. The Sand Dragon, on the other hand, was not as neat or mannerly in it's table habits, as it would tear large chunks in an indifferent order from it's prey, and there was evidence that it did not necessarily kill it's victim before it commenced to dine.
"We know there are several in this area," Barney was saying. "They may be fast, but they're not invisible."

"If the one that came after Pax was acting in normal fashion," Ace was thinking out loud, "it wasn't afraid of us or the sled. We weren't exactly sneaking along."

"It didn't look as if shyness would be one of it's major failings," Pax said. "It seemed to be all teeth and stomach and very little brains and personality."

"It was smart enough to try to attempt to add you to it's menu. Without your taking notice, I might add," Kate accused sourly.

Pax looked a little pained for a moment and then shrugged. "OK, let's look at that for a bit. Why did it come for me?"

Kate immediately went for the throat, "Because your were stupid enough to..."

Ace cut her off, calmly but firmly, "That's the question we need answered. What was the attraction?"

"Pax's tender backside, probably. Not exactly my idea of gourmet dining, but when you consider the local quisine," Barney shrugged with a lopsided grin. Then things stayed quiet for a few moments. Not only because they all were trying to puzzle out the odd behavior of their illusive quarry, but also because it was at that time that Bart had decided to end his self-imposed confinement. They all stopped to watch.

This was impossible to put up with! You'd think that as senior partner of the Gypsy Camp Explorers he'd receive more respect. Instead, they drag him all over who knows how many galaxies, and subject him to all manner of indignities. Bart had taken all he was going to take. He'd had enough, and he was finished with meekly accepting isolation inside the shuttle because of some nasty little bugs.

He growled at that thought as he cautiously peeked out of the cargo hatch at the rear of the shuttle. He put out one paw and quickly pulled it back in the very instant that it touched the ground outside. Again, he extended his foot cautiously, his head quickly turning this way and that. He scanned his surroundings carefully. Putting on a brave front, he snarled as he made his exit, though he only managed to bare his teeth on one side of his mouth. This is what Barney called Bart's Elvis impression, whatever that was.

But Bart was serious. He knew that the success of the expedition was on his shoulders, and he was not going to let his friends down. So he warily eased on out to into the compound. The first order of business was to explore the immediate grounds and this is what he did. Bart was a very responsible and experienced canine, as you can see.

First he checked out the perimeters. He could see a group of his former tormentors just outside the guardian. The hair stood up on his neck and back as he growled ferociously then he went on with his inspection, though he did so walking in a crouched, reversed sort of sidestep. This is why he didn't notice the giant trapdoor spiders until he had backed into one of the containers and saw a very slight movement from the corner of his eye.

Now, Bart really was a noble animal. He was well traveled and wise to the ways of many a strange planet. He had shown his bravery on numerous occasions, facing down many a raging hairy, scaled or slithering monster. S P I D E R S were different. A spider with an eight foot span of legs, waiting in silence until the moment when it's prey was within reach, with no telltale odor to give warning; well, that was just too much even for a sophisticated dog as he.

All the hair on his small body stood straight out as he gave a terrorized, "YIPE!!" Though he didn't run away, exactly, he distanced himself about ten feet from the twelve containers that were filled with the huge hairy uglies. Then he howled warnings to those in the camp to flee for their lives.

Wouldn't you know it? Those stupid humans just sat there and roared with laughter, leaving Bart to deal with these huge nightmares, all by himself. The more he howled and warned, the more they went on with their moronic behavior. Leave it to humans to act more stupid than a domesticated turkey! This cursed dirtball was infested with killer bugs and they just want to hang around and play with them! "Laugh it up!" he thought, "I hope they wake up with one of these things in their sleeping bags!"

It was Ace who finally came over and tried to calm him down. But Bart was in no mood to be calmed. He just went around behind Ace and continued to hysterically bark and howl. Ace bent over and tried to pet him down, but Bart just backed away from him.

Soon Kate came over to help, out of her merciful, animal loving heart, and Bart allowed her to pacify him, though he still looked a little wild. Kate was the one who really cared. After all, it was her that rescued him from those killer, crabby, ant things. Let the others have their laugh, but he'd protect her. They'd see! Old Bart took care of those who took care of him. The others could just sleep with the bugs!
Kate led him away to where they were sitting earlier, and Bart positioned himself at her feet. There was no way he was going to hang around with those other three laughing loons! For a while afterward, Bart would intermittently let out a small "woof!", that was meant to warn Kate of a shift in movement among the arachnid containers, or a growl toward his supposed friends, letting them know just how displeased he was with them. That just set them off again. Idiots!

Bart's little escapade was just enough to focus their attention away from their problems for a while. It was Barney's turn to prepare supper and he decided on an old fashioned bar-b-que. While he was preparing the meal, Ace and Pax put away the notes and reports that they had been discussing, and secured things for the night. Kate stayed by Bart, in her best veterinarian bedside manner.

Eating bar-b-qued ribs beside the campfire was just the thing to take the edge off of the day's frustrations. Even Bart relaxed, as he chewed his share of ribs. Unless, of course, he looked in the direction of those hairy uglies. Supper conversation was more positive and even Kate lightened up on Pax, just a little.

"I've been thinking," began Ace.

"Don't hurt yourself," warned Barney. "That's not real healthy on a full stomach."

Bart looked up at Barney, then at Ace, "Woof!" he said in his most insulting backstage whisper. (I know, but Bart could do it.)

"See," chuckled Barney, "even Bart says so."

Bart looked directly up into Barney's eyes and gave a slightly disappointed sounding growl that said, "You aren't smart enough to wipe the bar-b-que sauce from your cheek, let alone understand what I said."

"It seems that Bart holds you in the same high esteem as he does Ace," Pax said, getting into the act.

Bart just snorted and turned his back on all three of them. Then, as an afterthought, he turned and licked Kate gently on the back of the hand. Then he again looked back over his shoulder and snorted at the threesome once more. Then he simply turned the cold shoulder to them. That brought a smug smile to Kate's lips.

"Seriously," Ace tried, again, to steer things back to business. "We found the last eleven of the spiders while they were away from their nests, feeding. Maybe the Sand Dragon just stakes out a nest. Then, when they hear it open they attack."

"We've tried knocking on doors, and that didn't bring up anything, after the first spider," Pax countered.

"We're missing something," Ace frowned. "I just know we're missing something."

Kate took her attention away from Bart long enough to say, "So, lets go back to the first site and have a close look around. Bring some guardian anchors and stake out a safe spot so that we can dig around the hatch. I'm sure we'll find something."

Pax stood up at that moment, with nervous energy, and let out a large sigh of frustration. Then, in mock anger, he shouted what they were all feeling.

"GREAT! That's just GREAT! Just what I wanted to do....."
Suddenly a gray-brown streak of armor tried to penetrate the guardian barrier at the point closest to Pax.

Spiders may make him a little jittery, but Bart was certainly not afraid of a three foot lizard. Bart was up and, with a speed that resembled teleportation, imposed himself between his friend and the snarling Sand Dragon. Growling, unafraid, he stood his ground as the small predator struggled to break through the guardian in a repeated effort to get at Pax.

Ace and Barney raced for the sled as Pax stood his ground with Bart. In seconds, Ace had a tranq gun out and fired. The dart glanced off the dragon's tail as it thrashed from the unpleasantness of the guardian's current, still trying stubbornly to get through.

Barney, taking a little longer, dragged out a tanglefoot and stepped through the guardian, as he was wearing the proper neutralizer that protected him from the shield's effects. Then, kicking the anchors into place as rapidly as he could, he managed to dive back through the guardian before he began to hoot and roll around on the ground as he slapped at his legs.

As Kate leaped to Barney's aid, Ace noted that the Sand Dragon took no note of Barney. None at all. it continued in it's attempts to get at Pax, who continued to allow himself to be used as bait. That struck Ace as peculiar behavior and caused him to have a strange thought. Walking calmly over to the spot where Barney had set the tanglefoot, at the edge of the perimeter, Ace began to yell at the top of his voice, "GREAT!" "GREAT!" "GREAT!" "GREAT!"

The results were instantaneous. The Sand Dragon turned and charged directly at Ace, with Bart racing in parallel to the grotesque monster. The dragon ran straight into the trap and collapsed. As it helplessly jerked with the pulsating current, it screamed repeatedly, "BREET!" "BREET!" "BREET!" "BREET!" To Ace's surprise, two more Sand Dragons raced to attack the one already fallen in the trap, with the result that they too were ensnared. They too fell, adding a chorus to the strange call of the first beast.

All Pax said was, "Wow!"

Kate finished getting all the flesh cleaving ants off of Barney and exterminated them just in time to see the bizarre manner in which Ace called to the Sand Dragon, which caused the small stampede into the trap.
Now Kate was laughing, "How many times have I told you to watch what you say in front of strangers?"

Barney staggered over, wearing only his boxer shorts, his mouth hanging open with a goofy look and his pants in his hand, as he dragged them behind him across the dirt by one leg.

Pax just shook his head as he hurried to get the pole to manipulate their accidental catch into their containers. Kate turned and pushed Barney's mouth shut and said, "You'd better help with the containers." Then she walked over to Bart and gave him an affectionate roughing around the head and ears in reward for his bravery.

After that, Bart strutted back and forth growling and boasting. He hoped his humans were taking note of how he had held off these presumptuous lizards, and how they had collapsed in fear at the mere thought of facing such a formidable foe as he. Bart, fearless and mighty fighter and hunter. Again, he had assured the success of their venture.

They were transporting four adults, that measured from nine to twelve feet in length, and two dragonlings, (as Kate called them), each approximately three feet in length.

Bart would still have nothing to do with the giant spiders. In fact, when they began loading them through the cargo hatch, he took up whining in a sort of chant as he paced back and forth by the shuttle entry. His protest was ignored by all.

Soon the shuttle was packed and they were ready to pull up the guardian anchors. At that time, Ace noticed hat Barney had extended the boundary of the guardian out to the sparsely scattered patch of flowers that had been outside the camp. Moments later he came back with a bouquet of flowers, all identical in form but gloriously multi-colored. He waved them in Ace's direction in a manner that caused them to voice their disgusting little ditty, and said, "You said that you wanted to get Sally some of these. I figured that you had forgotten, so, here."

I really don't think that she'd appreciate them for very long," Ace replied with a grin. "I think it's probably wiser to forget about them." Dropping the bouquet of Hurdies Trumpets there, he retrieved an anchor.

"Aw, com'on, where's your sense of adventure?" Barney laughed.

"Right where it usually is. I'd rather face a dozen of these crawlies than to offend Sally with these obnoxious things," Ace said in reply.
They finished loading and securing the anchors, and then boarded the shuttles themselves. Barney said nothing of the seeds that he had harvested and stashed, warm and dry, in his belt pouch. "You never know," he said to himself. "They might come in handy."

(THE AMAZING, COLOSSAL, UNBELIEVABLE, UNEXPLAINABLE, AND TOTALLY IMPROBABLE ADVENTURES OF THE WORLD FAMOUS GYPSY CAMP EXPLORERS AND THEIR DOG, BART, continues)

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