Coming from an Abusive Home(marley) Coming from an abusive home with high expectations of how your new home will be. not knowing it will be just as bad as the last. you speak to your mum on the odd occasion on the phone, telling her things you think she will want to hear, hiding what's really wrong. your lip trembles as the silent tear falls down your weak cheek, as your mum asks if everything is alright, but as you're being monitored so carefully of what you say you simply and calmly say "yeah everythings ok mum im fine." thoughts run and stream through your mind in the short time you spend talking to her, things you want to say but are too scared and ashamed to say them, just wishing you could be with her but knowing you can't.

you start talking to yourself, every time you're alone you hatch little plans to escape the place that they call home, but really it feels like a prison with barricades and bars.

then you get your conscience talking to you.

your mind starts screaming death. a voice tells you to kill yourself, your hand reaches for a knife or a blade, you slowly then start slashing and slicing. tears stream from your puffy eye's. the tears then fall like rain drops in to the gashes on your arms. the same words come back to your mind then the same voice appears over and over again. it tells you things you hate, it speaks to you like a person, it shouts and yells "you're ugly, useless, you're stupid, you're a liar, every one hates you" it says. "you know what you have to do to get away." it then keeps repeating itself "get away, get away" until you stand in front of the mirror and start to choke yourself with your own bare hands. tears fall but you feel no pain. there soon will be silence. your face turns a dark shade of purple, "BANG,BANG,BANG" someone is wanting to use the bathroom, but you can't release the tight grip you have over your throat, "thud" you hear voices talking and shouting. you hear him get angry.

they're shouting because you're laying on the cold bathroom floor with berely any life left in your body. you're on the brink of never living another day, yet for some reason you recover to live another day of abuse and pain. you think, why am i suffering? but you have to carry on for the sake of maybe one day living a happy life.

the evil voice goes yet you turn to jotting things down things that hurt. you think of ways to escape, then eventually you do. you run and run and don't stop until they find you. you think you're free. they find you, all you can do is scream. then in the blink of an eye you're being thrown up against the wall. the ordeals over yet you have to go back. you start taking any tablets you can find like there's no tomorrow. you don't stop. you go weak at the knees and start going dizzy, yet they don't care. they give you more abuse, then eventually you get carted off to the closest mental hospital available. they force feed you this black nasty drink and send you on your way back to the place you hate the most... home.

you go home, yet no sympathy, just more abuse. you think they would realise how much pain they were causing, but they don't. they carry on and carry on. your hair starts to fall out and you're constantly un happy. you go to school and hide your pain with a simple laugh. until eventually you crack and run away for good.

this has been my life since i can remember, i ran and ran, too afraid. not many people know what it's like living in fear all the time, being abused day in day out. i have attempted suicide on more than one occasion. no body knows and if they did no body would care. i still pray to god and ask why.

i am left with battle scars from my fight. i battled alone. my head is messed up and i know i am never going to be rite. see, i would give anything to be normal just for one day. i would even give my life.

there are things i want to say but i am too ashamed to say them. i stand in disbelief and think the worst. i bottle all my fears and emotions up and hide, hide what really happened. what really happend in those 6 years. i want to shout it out but if i try it's like god silences me.

i'm on the mend now, looking forward to my new home. i'm still haunted by my bad memories, but that's what you get coming from a broken home and being put in different care homes. everything got taken from me in those 6 years: my personality, my friends, my real self, but most of all my happiness. don't let this happen to you. speak up. be brave. i wish i had been. there is one last thing i would like to say and that is, god i want to be something one day. so when's this nightmare going to end?"

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