N/A

N/A(Gwyn Ryne) 1.

Adlen sat down on the edge of her bathtub, and ran the industrial razor blade across her forearm slowly, watching a trail of her deep red blood ooze out of the wound, following the blade in a perfect line. The sight of it sickened her, but she could not stop it, it was the only way – it felt so good to her. This pain was better than all the emotions going through her head. It helped her escape from chaos, momentarily anyway.

She sighed, crawled into the bathtub hanging her arm over the edge and began to weep silently. The blood dripped from her arm to the floor, sliding smoothly down the side of the bathtub, her tears joining in, creating a thin pink, swirling substance in a perfect line on the floor, a larger twin of the slash on her arm. Adlen asked herself the simple questions through her tears and choked sobs. “What is wrong with me, why am I not good enough?” When she realized only she could answer those impossible questions, her crying grew hysterical.

She wasn’t worried about being heard. Her drunken father was passed out on the living room floor. Of course, he wouldn’t have cared even if he were sober. She was nothing but a punching bag to him, someone to complain about to all his drunken buddies, and someone to slap around when he came home so intoxicated that he could barely stand.
Adlen’s mother died when her daughter was only ten. She had committed suicide because she couldn’t stand the abuse any longer. Adlen had found her mother with her wrists slit open in their running bathtub that was turning red with blood. She had found her mother dead, with the words “I’m sorry, baby girl” written on the palm of her left hand.
Since then, over the six following years, the abuse from her father had only gotten worse. At first she just rebelled with her style and attitude, and when she realized her father hadn’t noticed or cared at all, she turned to the way her mother died. Cutting. Though her mother’s was purposeful, Adlen had no intentions of death, she just wanted the pain.

The cutting started six months after her mother died. Adlen’s wrists, arms, and chest were scarred over so badly, that it looked as though her skin had been that way when she was born. Words, symbols, and plain lines were all engraved on her, overlapping others due to lack of space. When she began running out of room she tried cutting on her thigh but found that the wounds did not heal as well because her pants rubbed across them every time she took a step, and they became infected easier. So now she stuck to her arms and chest, where she could easily slip on a bandage and a coat to cover them.

When the blood finally clotted on her arm, she had no tears left and was already cleaning up the splotch of blood that had dripped into one puddle down the side of the tub, making a line between the floor and the bathtub edge. She wiped it up with a wad of toilet paper and put her razor blade back into her wallet. She washed her hands, and last – put a plain gauze bandage over her new cut, and slipped an elbow length fingerless glove up her arm. Adlen left the bathroom as if nothing had happened.

Her father was lying on the floor, still out cold as she had expected. She stopped, picked up her wrist and felt for a pulse. When she found one she dropped his arm carelessly and stepped over him on her way to the kitchen. Adlen opened the nearly empty refrigerator and began looking for something worthy of dinner, and debating on whether or not to make food for her father. She would just stick it in the microwave for when he woke up. That is, if he didn’t wake up and just head back to the bar...
She grabbed the brick of cheese and sliced her off a chunk, eying the knife blade as if concentrating on the reflection of herself that she saw staring back at her. She placed the cheese back into the fridge, dropped the knife in the sink, picked up her cheese and went to her room, locking her door behind her as she entered, a normal thing for her… protection from a belligerent father, and the outside world.

Her walls were collaged with posters and magazines; pages starring her favorite bands names and faces. This room was the only refuge she had. Adlen curled up on her bed ate the cheese and started sifting through the pages in her notebook, trying to find a blank page to write her thoughts down on.

Adlen wrote two pages of her poetry, and then began subconsciously quoting her favorite bands lyrics. When she realized this, she took the pages and crumpled them, throwing them at her bedroom door with maximum anger in control. She had been suffering from writers block for the last few weeks, and it was irritating her. Nothing she wrote seemed good enough anymore.

She heard yelling from the kitchen then watched as her wall shook and something shattered on the other side of it. She frantically looked at her door to insure it was locked. Just then her father howled her name, this was her cue. She hurried to her bedroom window, opened it, and silently popped her screen out. Adlen packed her backpack with her sketchpad, and black spiral notebook, her wallet and all the money in her shoebox (the one hidden under her bed… the one her father didn’t know of). She crawled out of her widow, closing it behind her, leaving behind muffled yells and the banging on her bedroom door. Her father was furious.

Adlen didn’t know where she was going to stay for the night if she had to stay out. She never knew, so she just wandered aimlessly away from her house the back way, and went to the now-empty skate park. It was late on a Wednesday night, and she didn’t technically have a curfew. She found a dry swing, dropped her bag on the ground and took out her wallet, removing the shimmering silver blade with anticipation. She sat there for a moment, just staring at it. She carefully held it between her teeth for a second while she took off her coat and fingerless gloves, shivering slightly at the chill in the air. Adlen took the blade from its holding place and searched slowly for a bare patch or unscarred skin. She gave up her dark stricken quest and just put the blade to her upper arm.
Adlen breathed in deep and was just about to pierce flesh when she heard a voice behind her say “that isn’t going to help, in the end”. The voice startled her and made her drop the blade in the sand, just between her size nine converse laced feet. The source of the voice was finally known when a girl about seventeen, with hair as dark as the midnight sky, came around in front of her and picked up the blade cautiously. “Just what I intended to happen” said the girl.

Adlen, in a persistent tone chattered nervously, “What? Who are you?” The girl backed away a few steps, holding the razor between her thumb and forefinger above her head as if insuring Adlen that she wouldn’t harm her, and spoke softly: “my name is Evan, and I meant, just wanted you to drop the razor… so you wouldn’t hurt yourself.

Adlen looked at her with an odd expression. “Why would it matter to you anyway? You don’t even k-know me…” Adlen asked her with a stammer in her voice. Evan shrugged her shoulders and replied in an excessively calm tone, “well, why waste such a pretty girl when all she needs is someone to talk to?”


2.

By then, they were both staring at their shoes nervously. Evan sat down in the sand about four feet in front of Adlen’s swing and said nothing. She sat the razor blade down beside her aloft the sand and began sifting the cold sand particles through her fingers.

To Adlen she looked like a small child in a sandbox. Adlen knew better than to talk to random people, but she had the perfect opportunity to hurt her if she wanted too. Adlen hadn’t known she was even around until she spoke out to her. Adlen then told her name to the girl.
“Adlen, like Addie?” she asked.

“Yeah,” she replied, “I know we just met and all, but you can tell me anything you need to. I can keep quiet.” That’s when the conversation began. With a simple statement from a girl to a girl, a message conveyed to Adlen from Evan. She split everything.

She told her about her father, for who he was, about her mother and how she died, and about the cutting. She exploded, let everything out and began to cry. Adlen tried to keep her tears hidden from Evan, but the sniffling made it obvious enough. Evan stood up slowly and walked over to Adlen, who was still sitting on her swing. She stood next to her and gently started rubbing her back with her left palm. Adlen stood up quickly and hugged Evan with no warning. She wrapped her arms around the girl’s neck and cried, her tears soaking Evan’s jacket in spots. She returned the hug, her arms around Adlen’s waist, and muttered into her ear,
“It’ll be fine, don’t be upset, Hun." Adlen just cried harder, not knowing what to do, where to go. She was confused, and there was no way of getting around that simple subject.

They stood in that embrace for a while, unmoving, silent, except for Adlen’s occasional sigh or sniffle covered by the fabric of Evan’s coat. Then Evan adjusted her footing so she could better support Adlen. Adlen loosened her grip around Evan’s neck and apologized for the unexpected hug. She just smiled and said softly,
“There’s no reason to say sorry, Hun, you’ve done nothing wrong.” Adlen smiled shyly for a brief moment, and then looked down, laying her head back on Evan’s shoulder and hugging her tighter than before. Evan hugged back and chuckled slightly at her own amazement.

Just then a car pulled into the parking lots slowly, its headlights on bright. Evan looked at it, fearful, and stuttered trying to warn Adlen. Adlen looked back and said one word to her, just one;
“Run.”

They ran into the bushes across the field as fast as they could, branches breaking and creaking. The car continued to circle the parking lot for a few seconds, and then it shut off, in the parking space closest to them. Adlen recognized the car as her father's, watched him step out of the car and stumble when his boots hit the cold ground. He was drunk, and Adlen was scared. Evan looked at the man with a disgusted expression on her face, and asked Adlen the question she hoped had the answer of no,
“Is that your dad?” Adlen's answer was only silence, but she already knew the answer was yes, despite her hopes.

Adlen's father mumbled and grunted as he held onto the car door for stability, with a whiskey bottle in his free hand. He took a long swig from the bottle and howled,
“Adlen Skye! Get your worthless as over here and come home with daddy.”
A single tear fell down her cheek. Her father didn't know where they were yet, but unless they moved he would soon find them. Adlen was scared. Especially since the one person she thought she could trust, Evan, would probably think she was too much to handle, now knowing what she had told her was true.

As if just to prove her wrong, Evan grabbed hold of Adlen's hand and squeezed it to get her attention. Evan tugged her as silently as possible out onto the road. The two of them ran up the sand-hill across the street and sat at the very top under the cover of the brush. Both of them were breathing hard because of the short sprint and the fear that gripped them.
Adlen would not believe her father would do that, he had never tried to track her down before. She let the thought escape her mind, and began trying to make a plan for what to do at the moment. Adlen didn't know what to do next, would her father keep looking for her?

When a few minutes passed, Evan broke the silence.
“So, that's your father then.” Adlen just looked down and nodded her head. Evan's heart skipped a beat. She knew what Adlen must think, and she was going to prove her wrong. Evan scooted closer to her and grazed Adlen's knee with her own. She looked up, startled, and said
“What do I do next?” Evan shrugged her shoulders at this, replying
“I'm not sure, what do you want to do?” Adlen shrugged, and said quietly,
“I think I'll just sit here.” There was nothing but silence for around ten minutes, and then Adlen muttered something to herself, hoping Evan wouldn't hear. But she did. Evan knew just what she wanted. Adlen wanted to cut. She was complaining about it, she was irritated by the fact that she couldn't self-mutilate. Evan was truly worried about her.
Adlen stood up quickly with a puzzled look on her face and said after a moment, with a slight tone of worry,
“My bag!” Evan looked at her funny for a moment, and then her expression mirrored Adlen's. They had left her backpack in the park. If her father found it he would know they were there. If he found it, her money would be gone. Adlen had over three hundred dollars saved up, she hadn't even told Evan exactly how much she had, just saying she had a bit of cash in her bag.

Evan suggested they take a walk back. Adlen was afraid. She was scared that her father would take her home. The two of them started tracing their steps back to the park. Every creak in the bushes, every car passing by sent a shiver of panic and fear through Adlen and a wave of courage and defense through Evan. She'd never let Adlen get hurt.


3.

The park was as empty as it was when they first arrived. Adlen's bag was gone. Not just her money, her entire bag. Adlen slumped down on her knees and whimpered. She dreaded the thought of going home, her father was in a drunken stupor and she didn't know what would happen if she did return.
Evan kneeled down next to Adlen, her hand in the small of Adlen's back, and sighed. They were both trying to decide what to do next. The two had been doing a lot of that tonight, thinking. Adlen and Evan stood up simultaneously and bumped into each other. They apologized in unison. Adlen looked at the ground and cleared her throat, smiling slightly.
She took her spot on the swing while Evan still looked for her bag, hoping it would be there. No such luck. Adlen's guess was that her father had taken it, and she knew she was right.

Adlen had no clothes or money- and her notebook was gone now as well. Who knows what would happen to her after her father read it.
Evan came up and massaged Adlen’s shoulders from behind, trying her best to comfort her. She knew what was on Adlen’s mind before she even spoke, they sat in silence, Evan with her hands still resting on Adlen’s shoulders, and Adlen looking down at the sand again.

The two of them sat that way for quite awhile. Evan didn’t know what to do and neither did Adlen, the two of them decided to walk back to Adlen’s house, devising a plan on the way. They would go the back way, check her room and gather up some more things. Evan would watch out for Adlen’s father while Adlen packed. When they were done they would exit through her bedroom window and go elsewhere.

When they arrived at her house, Adlen’s father was ranting. He was angry. He was in the kitchen, throwing dishes and screaming about his “ungrateful daughter and dead wife”. Adlen’s eyes welled up and she tried to avoid crying.

She and Evan snuck into her room through the ripped screen and Evan leaned against her door while Adlen searched for something to put her clothes in. Evan listened to Adlen’s father yell and throw things; she didn’t care unless “daddy” started trying to open the bedroom door. Adlen cursed and began shoving her clothes into a pillow case she had just stripped from her bed set. She didn’t care, she just wanted to leave. She plowed through her stuff as fast and quiet as she could, trying to find anything she might need.

When rummaging through her jewelry drawer Adlen pricked her finger on an earring wire and yelped. Quickly realizing just how loud she was she pushed her pillowcase out the window and motioned for Evan to go. Her father was coming towards the door yelling her name. He knew she was there, but not Evan. Evan blocked the doorway with Adlen’s tiny TV and grabbed her arm, practically pushing her out the window and into the dark night from which they came. As soon as Evan had jumped out the window Adlen’s drunken father plowed through the door smashing the TV and making a gaping hole in the wall.

Evan pushed Adlen onto the ground and covered her mouth. Evan hoped to god Adlen’s dad didn’t like out the window. He continued yelling, and screaming. He kicked her now mutilated TV and ripped some things off the wall then walked out of the room. The two of them had been extremely close to being caught, many times this night. So many close calls. The two of them just laid there for a moment, waiting for their hearts to stop racing. Evan and Adlen both knew she shouldn’t come back here anymore, but she had to. Adlen worried about where she would go, who she would stay with and if her father would track her down or not. Evan wondered other things. She thought of how it was like to live as Adlen, and how she had not realized the things they had in common. After all, it’s not too hard to spot a cutter, even before you see the scars.
Not a moment later Adlen’s intoxicated supposed to be father got into his old pickup truck and left the house, mumbling audible threats and cussing wildly. The two of them were silent until they knew for sure he was gone. Then Evan spoke, saying in a low tone,
“Well, he’s gone. Do you want to check out the house for anything?”
She replied with a quiet “I don’t know…”

Evan scooted next to her and they both leaned on the wall, sitting on the ground outside her bedroom window. Adlen moved even closer to Evan and wrapped her arms around one of one of Evan’s, and rested her head on Evan’s upper arm. She was trying her hardest not to cry. Even though they talked for the first time, only hours ago she trusted Evan. Evan helped her get away from her father and has stayed with her this entire time. Adlen sighed and her tears stopped trying to run from her eyes.
She looked up at Evan and said “okay”.

She wondered if her father had left her bag there in the house. Maybe if she was lucky, but she doubted that. She was tired of this house and she never wanted to go into it again, but she needed her money. They entered her house through her bedroom window for the second time in the last ten minutes. They stopped and stared at just how much damage had been done. It was dark so it was hard to tell. Adlen sighed and left the room, wandering into her nearby living room, then kitchen.

Everything was trashed, a lamp had been smashed against her bedroom wall, which explained the crash from before she left, and the refrigerator was left open. One of the chairs had been pulverized into pieces. She shook her head and sighed. It hadn’t been this bad since right after her mother dies. She knew it didn’t matter if her father knew she had stopped by home or not, so she looked around and grabbed a small bottle of juice out of the fridge and offered one to Evan who gratefully accepted. They both knew not to turn on any lights in case her father drove by. So they worked by the light of the refrigerator. Leaving it open like it was when they arrived. The two of them searched the house, going through every drawer, cabinet and possible stash spot.

Nothing. They found nothing. After an hour they sat on the floor in her bedroom with her door open so they could hear if her father came home after a few minutes of pure silence Adlen said
“He must have taken it to the bar, three hundred dollars is nothing to him”. Evan looked at the ceiling. She didn’t know what to tell Adlen. Her money was gone and she couldn’t do anything about it. They both knew that. Adlen sighed and flopped back onto the floor. Evan looked around and picked up a crumpled piece of paper off the ground. Adlen paid no attention to her; after all it was only garbage. Evan flattened out the paper with her knee and started reading the scrawled penmanship on the page aloud.

“Writing another lipstick letter, painting our script. You’re the artist. Red for the love, white for the lies, black the clichés, I'll see it in your eyes. Brush in some red, sketch in some blue, picture perfect, me and you. Don't forget th-”
Evan laughed at the lyrics written on the paper. Adlen and Evan said the name of the band whose lyrics those were simultaneously
“Asking Alexandria”

Evan laughed at the mere thought of Adlen’s perfection. Evan sighed and wondered how she could think that after knowing her for only a few hours. She swore herself to be psychotic and shook off the thoughts.

Adlen clumsily got off the floor, slowly standing up. She kicked her already broken TV and headed out the window, forgetting her pillowcase of things. Only telling Evan to follow when she was walking away from the house. Evan got up quickly and almost fell getting through the window. She tripped and scrambled back to her feet, running to catch up to Adlen. When she reached her, Adlen said nothing, just kept walking, but Evan could tell she was upset. Adlen was too busy problem solving to deal with waiting for Evan.

Evan tried to catch her breath, slowly but surely it came back. She began mumbling to herself then stopped. She didn’t want to upset Adlen any farther. Adlen stopped, took one look back at her house and stormed off away from it.


4.

As the two of them walked on and on Evan suddenly crossed the street and headed towards the McDonalds across the street. Adlen looked back to see her crossing the street and ran to catch up. Evan stopped in the middle of the road and waited for her since it was clear. When she caught up with her she began walking again. When they got there they looked inside and realized the employees were stacking the chairs. Evan groaned and pulled Adlen towards the drive thru. She figured she might as well press her luck. As they walked up the driveway Adlen laughed at the whole idea. Evan heard her and chuckled too. When Evan reached the window the person working the drive-thru gave them a weird look, and confirmed to them, that they were at the wrong place. Evan looked at the guy and asked politely if she could please speak to Kate.

Adlen exhaled and slumped her shoulders. She knew Evan couldn’t have been single. A pretty blonde girl walked up to the window and took Evan’s order with no objections. Then Evan looked at Adlen and asked her what she wanted. She looked up at Evan shyly and said “I’ll have what you’re having.” The blonde girl named Kate brought them their food a few minutes later and took a couple bucks off Evan’s total. Evan smiled at her and said “thanks, love you!” she said “Yeah, sure, love you too.” And they left McDonalds, walking slowly.

Evan stopped walking and sat down crisscross in the grass by the McDonalds sign. Adlen laughed and sat down next to her, eating a handful of fries. They ate in silence. Adlen was a bit upset that Evan, such a cool girl, was taken, by a tall blonde preppy girl…
When they were finished eating they just walked around town aimlessly for a bit. They walked, and talked about nothing important at all. They passed coffee shops, and walked all the way to the waterfront park. Adlen walked down onto the docks, practically dragging Evan behind her
She walked all the way down to the end dock and sat down. An old boat was passing by them, one she had seem before while sitting down there one night, just about a month ago. The docks calmed her down, cleared her mind. She knew she was safe down there, safe from her father anyways. Evan stood behind Adlen and just looked down at her, anyone could tell they both wanted this to last. At least for awhile. Evan sat down next to Adlen a moment later and cleared her throat. Adlen said nothing to Evan. Silence, no words, only their thoughts floating through nothingness in their own minds. Evan put her arm around Adlen’s shoulders and sighed. Evan asked her a moment later where she planned on going for the night. Evan figured she’d give Adlen her cell number just in case anything happened. Adlen moved a bit closer to her and said “I have school tomorrow... well technically, today, and I can’t afford to miss anymore school if I plan on passing my junior year. So either way I’ll have to go home to catch the bus, and even if I were to stay out, my father would come find me at school. So even though I don’t want to, I still have to go home.

Evan was unsure about her going home, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it. Evan sighed and stood up. Adlen did the same. Evan turned and looked at her then sighed and asked her “can I at least walk you home?” she smiled and replied “of course.” They walked slowly back towards Adlen’s house.

They seemed to be trying to waste more time than needed. They walked slower and slower until they reached her street. Then they stopped walking altogether and stared down towards her house. Adlen groaned and looked down at her feet. Evan lightly bumped her elbow and inched forward towards her house Adlen walking right beside her. As they became closer to her house they began to see lights. Neither one of them could remember if they left any lights on or not, but that didn’t matter, she had to go home either way. She crossed her arms and breathed in deep. Evan put her arm around Adlen’s neck and they walked towards her house in silence. As they continued walking they began to realize that the blaring music they were hearing was coming from her house. Her father was home. No doubting that. Adlen looped her arm in Evan's for support and kept walking. Evan let her arm rest there and walked as close to her as possible.

Not a moment later Evan came to a complete halt and stopped Adlen from walking as well. “before we get to your house, I want to give you my number, just in case you need anything—okay?” Adlen nodded to Evan and said okay. Evan took a pen from her back pocket and took Adlen’s hand in her own, spreading it out flat. Adlen’s hands were smooth, unmarred by her cutting. Evan held up Adlen’s palm closer to her eyes so she could see and wrote ten digits on her hand, followed by her name “EVAN” printed in neat capital letters. Evan put her pen back into her pocket and told Adlen “call me WHENEVER you want or need, anytime you need an escape or just someone to talk to…” Adlen looked at her and smiled. They both began walking again their arms intertwined. Soon they reached to yard and saw that the front door was open—the screen door however was closed. Adlen gripped on to Evan’s arm more as she walked up the path towards her door. She looked inside and seen no clues to her father being there. Adlen turned to Evan and said she was sure she could just get to her room and she’d be fine. Evan looked doubtful and worried but she was trying to hide it.

TO BE CONTINUED.