The Secret of the Secret, part 1 - John(Martha Spring) Part 1 - John

A single thought was on his mind taking all the room he had for thoughts and probably some more because he couldn't breath or move. What had he done? His heart was beating too fast for someone who wasn't running. What had he done? He felt like his tie was about to strangle him. His shacking hands were clutching the papers. He was sitting behind a big desk looking straight ahead but seeing nothing. His chair moved under him and since he was sitting on its very edge, he fell down letting go of the papers that landed all around him. What had he done?

For the last two years, he was a very happy man or at least he thought he was. Before that, he was working very hard so his dreams would come true. He had only two big dreams in his life and these two dreams were like a guiding light for him showing the direction, helping him overcome all the challenges the life was throwing at him. His father always taught him that in order to have a complete life a man's got to have money and a son to inherit it. Both of his parents came from families of immigrants who run away from Europe right before the war, which made him the second generation born in America. His father had always been his role model, a hard working man who was a reliable provider and protector through all his life. At the age of twenty John clearly realized what exactly his dreams were and dedicated his live to getting what he wanted until one day he finally got it all - a bank account with one million dollars in it and a son to inherit it.

He found himself a fiancée a year ago, shortly after his first dream came true. And his second dream came true only a month ago - his son was born. On the day his son was born he thought he got to experience what living in Paradise felt like. On that day he thought he could be absolutely sure he was going to die a happy man, and that was such a nice thought. But now, he saw how far from the truth all those thoughts were.

He was the happiest father on Earth for a week. But then, combing his hair in the corridor in front of a mirror before entering the baby's room, he heard a conversation between his fiancée and someone on the phone. What he heard changed everything. The conversation suggested that he might not be the father of his baby. That some other man was involved. That it just might  have happened that his young beautiful fiancée cheated on him. That all this time she was lying about her love for him. That he was fooled.

He didn't want to believe any of this at first. He loved his fiancée and completely trusted her. He even told her the combination for his safe that he had in the house and the secret number of his Swiss bank account where he moved all his money shortly after their boy was born. But the thought of his fiancée having an affair behind his back and giving birth to the baby that was a result of that shameful relationship wouldn't go away. It was waking him up at night and it was not letting him concentrate on anything else. With this one single thought on his mind he managed to get by for a couple of weeks, but then it became absolutely unbearable. He didn't want to live life full of distrust and dishonesty. His desire to know the truth grew stronger and his pride of being a father grew weaker with every passing day, until one morning he woke up with a strong desire to stop the suffering and to find out the truth no matter what it might be. 

Asking his fiancée whether or not she had a lover was not on the list of his preferences. A question like that might destroy any relationship no matter what the answer was going to be. He didn't want to look like a fool especially if his fiancée's lover existed only in his imagination and nowhere else. He was not that young boy anymore with a hot heart and a short temper, who never, even for a second, thought that he could be wrong in his conclusions. On the contrary, those years of short tempered behavior were so far behind that they were long forgotten.

It took a while for him to find a suitable mate, the mother of his son, the woman he loved and was about to marry. For a couple of years he was searching for the one who would take care of him like his mother did, who would always treasure his opinion higher than her own, who would always look at him with admiration, who would be always there for him no matter what, always forgiving, never judging. He lost his own mother to cancer when he was a teenager and in his memories she was nothing short of an angel. That was what a woman should have been like to be the mother of his son. Also, this was not all he wanted his wife to be. There was a couple more things. He wanted her to be thankful and appreciative for everything he was about to do for her. She would have to stay home with the kid like his mother did. At the same time he wanted his wife to be highly educated, not like his mother was who stopped her education the second the high school door closed behind her. But no woman he knew was like the one he searched for. For some time he even considered his maid as a good candidate since she was taking such a good care of his house and his dinners, but the girl lacked in education and was not smart enough to get any. It could just be that his mother was one of a kind, or maybe he was searching in the wrong place, in the wrong culture, in the wrong country. After losing any hope to find himself a bride close to home, he turned his attention to the Internet. 

At first, the idea of marring someone from a foreign place looked a little scary to him. How was he going to be able to understand her, growing in a different culture? How were they going to communicate? Would she be able to learn enough English to participate at least in a simple conversation? After reading lots of successful stories published on the Internet by international dating sites, he started to feel at ease. After all, it seemed to work well for so many other couples. Why not for him? Plus, he imagined how much she was going to appreciate him for saving her from the terrible suffering she was experiencing in her third world country. Poor her! He was going to save her!

 But now, after so many sleepless nights all he wanted was to know the truth. There had to be a way to find out if he was the father of the baby without directly questioning his fiancée. After searching on the Internet he came to the conclusion that the simplest and the easiest way to find out the truth about his son was a DNA paternity test that could be performed by Testing Laboratories by mail and would take only one week. All he needed to do was to collect samples of his and his son's DNA by rolling the cotton swabs on the inside of the cheeks, put the swabs in the envelopes, and send them to the Laboratory. The task turned out to be quite simple and soon he was well on his way toward knowing the truth, the answer to the question that was spoiling his life.

A week slowly passed in waiting for the desired envelope with the answer before it was finally found in the mail that his maid puts on the table in his office every afternoon. In the last couple of days there was a little disorder in the house since his maid announced she was quitting her job and going to college. That surprised him a lot. But none of that mattered now, the envelope was right here, in his hands. For so long he questioned his paternity and waited for the answer that it became a part of his life. He hated that but at the same time he got used to that kind of life enough to secretly wish that the answer would never be known. But here it was. 

For a while he was just looking at it thinking about how his life was going to change the second he opened it and read the answer. He felt scared and a little lost. Scared, because he didn't know what to do if the worst he imagined turned out to be true. A little lost, because he couldn't imagine living alone without his fiancée and his son. Although, if it turned out to be true and the baby wasn't his that would mean he had never had a son or a good loving girlfriend whom he was about to marry. It all would turn out to be just a product of his imagination, it would mean that all this time he was deceived. With that thought in mind he opened the envelope and saw the words "... is excluded as the biological father." His hands started to shake so much that it took a lot of effort to read the rest of the paper that explained that he could not be the father of the boy because the analysis showed that he and the boy did not share a paternity relationship.

What had he done? What happened? He found himself sitting on the floor under his table with paternity test result papers lying all around him. He stood up, walked to the fireplace, and for a while stood there looking how the logs were burning in the fire. Something inside him was  burning too. His live was getting destroyed. 

He found her interviewing yet another girl for the opening maid position in his house. He grabbed his fiancée's hand and pulled her into the baby's room. There in the quietest place in the house, where the baby was sleeping, he told her he knew there was another man in her life. She went silent for a while. He found himself holding for the thin string of hope that he might be wrong. She called him crazy, saying that he was delusional, that there was no other man, never since their big date in Paris ten months ago. She was denying everything but he didn't believe her. She did cheat on him. He was sure of that. She started to cry. His heart felt broken. He moved closer to her, tried to put his hands around her. She moved away from him. And then she asked him the last question he would ever hear from her. She asked how he knew, who told him. So, she did cheat on him! Her question just confirmed it. He felt like his head was burning. He lost his mind. For some time he was screaming incoherent sounds running from one corner of the room into another tearing the cloths he was wearing in little pieces. She was silent. Then he stopped, his eyes were burning, he wanted to cry but there were no tears. He couldn't stand her presence anymore. He told her to get out of his house and his life forever and take her baby with her.

He was back in his office sitting on his chair looking at the fire. He heard his ex- fiancé shouting something at his maid in the corridor. The maid sounded very surprised, but what she was surprised about was not something that interested him right now. Right now he just wanted to be left alone. Just sit here and look at the fire. A glance at his watch made him realize that an hour has passed without him noticing. He stood up from his chair and went into an empty corridor. His bedroom was empty too. His ex-fiancé was not to be found anywhere and there was no baby in the cradle.

He looked all around the house but found no one except the maid who was crying in the kitchen. Already knowing what the answer was going to be, his hands cold and shaking, he asked her where his fiancée and son were. She answered with a very long speech which he didn't hear because he ran out of the kitchen the moment he heard words "...she left you..." He ran out of the house in hopes to find her somewhere nearby. But he didn't find her on the street. He went back in the house and called her cellphone in hopes she answered it and was surprised hearing how it rang in their living room. He ran to the living room but found it as empty as before and only a little cellphone on the sofa was singing her favorite song " ... please forgive me but I'm still loving you ..."

 Did she really leave him? Where would she go? Did she take any money? He always kept a couple of thousand dollars in his safe in case of an emergency. He ran to his bedroom and entered the closet, moved the hanging clothes out of the way and opened the safe that was hidden there. It was empty. The only thing left was his parents' wedding rings. He sat down on the floor with both of his hands on his head. So, she really left him! And she took the baby with her. And she took all the cash and all the gold and diamond jewelry he bought her. It was all gone with her.

With everything she took she could afford to have a decent life for a while, taking care of the baby without having to go to work. For some time he was sitting on the floor thinking if he should call her friends. Her relatives? She didn't have any relatives in America, he knew that for sure. He was the one who brought her to America from one of the poorest countries on Earth, taught her English, gave her everything she needed or at least everything she asked for. He thought she loved him. How could he be so mistaken? Why did she cheat on him? He thought they were perfect together right until the moment he heard that conversation she had with someone on the phone. 

Time was passing but he was still there, sitting on the floor in front of his empty safe. The emptiness of the safe didn't worry him anymore. He thought about his past, about the long hours he did worked a construction contractor to save one million dollars. He remembered how proud he was buying her expensive diamonds, telling her how much money he had, where it was and passwords to access it. This last thought made him jump up and run to the phone. He called his banks and after making sure there were not any withdrawals from his accounts in the last couple of hours he changed all his account numbers and passwords. Finishing taking care of his money he smiled, put his jacket on, and went to a local bar for a drink. 

He will never try to find her. He will always be suspicious of women. Maybe, just maybe, he will find a wife and have a son with her, his real son, to whom he will be his biological father. He will always try to understand if his first fiancée ever loved him. Why did she need someone else? What did he do wrong? But, he will never know... He will always believe that he saw what he saw, and what he saw was what really happened. But he will always be mistaken thinking he knew the truth...

To be continued...

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