I Fell In Love With My Best Friend’s Crush!(iftekhar ahmed khan) It is 5:30 in the morning and the rustling sound of the overflowing tank took me out of my nap. For the past three hours, i had been trying hard to sleep but it is the pretty face of her that's making me insomniac. Two days back i had my computer lab exam. that night i had burnt the mid-night oil, preparing hard for the exams and i knew that i was going to rupture the paper. I went to the school and was having last minute preparation with my friends, when suddenly i saw her coming from the stairs, all my friends pointed her to me. I knew that she would surely come to me to clear some of her doubts as she generally used to do before most of the exams, but she didn't even glance at me. WTF! i was totally flabbergasted. She just walked through the corridor and stood near the examination hall. i followed her trying hard to grab her attention, without even making her notice that. Even inside the examination hall, i tried some of the tricks like standing close to her, talking to her lab partners, but all of these attempts remainrd futile.

In this past six months this was rather the most unexpected behaviour of hers. I couldn't make anything out of this, there must be something wrong, somebody might have manipulated her mind against me. These were some of the whims that aimed at my brain. The girl who used to love being with me is now making me go crazy for her...what an irony!

The next morning when i woke up, i heard the message ringing tone of my cell phone. i picked up the cell and saw her message wishing me good morning. it was then followed by another six-seven messages from her and all of them giving the common message of love. I was indeed too much shocked, actually it was after a long time that she messaged me, we generally used to talk in the school. It has been rightly said by oscar wilde "women are to be loved, not to be understood".

The seeds of her love were sowed in my heart about six months ago, but i kept befooling myself. I made my brain have negative notions about her, the reason for it being my best friend. It was the month of june, i was having a chat with my friend on FACEBOOK, suddenly he asked me "do you love roshni?" By that time i didn't have any infatuation whatsoever for her, although she was the closest to me in the class. she used to share all the most important secrets of her life, which she told me that she hadn't shared with anyone else. she used to call me up and talk for hours and i only pretended to listen to her carefully without even remembering what she told me a minute ago. Replying to this question set the trap of my life. i replied with a no, and then he told me that he was having some genuine feeling for her and he thinks that he is in love with her. At that time i was very happy for him. As of now i wasn't his biggest threat on the highway of love. Actually, at that time that girl was in a relationship, but it was the ardent desire of my friend jay to get her, fading all these facts for him.

After two months there was an incident that redefined my life. I could remember that it was a sunday evening when i received a STD call, it was roshni on line. as soon as i said HELLO, i could hear the shrieking sound of her, i said "what happened? why are you crying?" She narrated me the total scenario of her break-up with her boyfriend. Actually she went to delhi to meet her boyfriend, but was shocked to learn the rather furious approach of his and at last he broked up with her. It was the first time that my love for her started to creep in my heart. I couldn't make out whether it was pity for her or rather some genuine feeling that dismounted my bosom. I informed jay of her break-up and guided him that it is the impeccable time for him to come close to her. I knew that she wouldn't be accepting jay as her boyfriend. She had some huge criterion set up for her dream guy, but i seriously wanted jay to at least give it a shot. Jay was trying hard to get close to her, having conversations with her on phone or via message.

It was our summer holidays, so we couldn't talk in the school, but we compensated it by exchanging our feelings on the phone. I loved her voice and used to listen to each of her words carefully. I was a totally changed person, the guy who used to scorn her words, now loves her blandishments. Surely women had the power to transform and fascinate a man. I could feel that she was futile in completely deleting the past memories she shared with her previous boyfriend. This brought me under a sense of dilemma. I couldn't judge whether to lament over it or to applaud her morality. This could certainly act as a fence between our love, but contradictory to my belief, this acted as catalyst, it has enhanced the trust and respect i had for her. I tried my best to tie our hearts by my soothing words. I wanted to be the first one to kiss her tears. She also responded to my feelings by replying to me via messages displaying "you are the closest to my heart, and i always feel better talking to you." This has further ignited the fire in our hearts.

In all these days, there was also an alteration in me and this time it was not good. I had become a selfish guy. I had purposely started the conversation with roshini so that i could bring jay close to her, but it seems that i was making my own needs met by this. In the mean time jay was also having conversations with her, and was shocked to learn that me and roshini had come much closer than he could anticipate.

It was the previous night, before our school was to reopen, at mid-night time i got a call from jay .He seemed furious and replied to each of my words with a negative approach, in an attempt to mend his diction. I congratulated him that roshini is no more in a relationship and asked what is he doing to impress her. Then came the most embarrassing moment of my life, he replied, "HAI TUM TO BAHUT KHOOSH HOGA (HI, DUDE, I THINK SHE LOVES YOU"). I resented his statement,b ut at the same time wished that he proves to be correct. That night was the worst night for me. It's really difficult to make your brain sleep with a guilty heart. His statement echoed in my ears, adding to my discomfort. In all these nineteen years of my life it had been been the rarest of situation that troubled me a lot, and this definately brought the biggest torment in my life and made me think, "how could i fall in love with my best friend's crush!?".

The next day when the school restarted, much to my disbelief, jay was not even glancing at me and the approach of roshini aggrieved the situation. but i tried to make the situation tranquil by sitting beside him. He tried hard enough to snub me as much as he could, but neglecting this cold-shoulder approach of his, i started a conversation with him. I at no cost wanted to lose such a close friend of mine, but regretably this turned out to be a bad idea to conciliate our friendship. Roshini was sitting two rows ahead of us, usually we had two columns each separate for the boys and the girls, but fortunately or unfortunately that day she was sitting in the boys column. She looked at me and smiled, then glanced at me continously for around five minutes as if she was scrutinising my charm and started blinking her eyelids, as a sign to portray that i was looking good. jay watched this whole episode sitting beside me. Every man dreams that his beauty is applauded by his lady, but i would have been the first guy on earth who was feeling uncomfortable with this.

I was caught between the devil and the deep sea. On one side it was the unconditional acquiring love i was having for roshini and on the other side it was the old and close friendship i shared with jay. It's thoroughly impossible to please each and every person on this earth. What should i do now? Should i go and confess my love for roshini to jay or forfeit my love for friendship? A huge thought process was going in my mind.

Roshini was not the first love of my life. two years ago i loved a girl named maya, she was gorgeous, gratifying and had a pleasant personality. but, unfortunately, in our country loving each other is not the sole criterion for being in a relationship. Love is sometimes overruled by customs like caste considerations and to have an inter-caste marriage is like a battle won. You can never get happiness so easily. It always has to be wrapped with some sorrow. You will have to fight for everything and that's why it is called life. Since that time i had pledged that i wouldn't love any girl again. But mr. fate had something else in store for me.

Love is an unpredictable accident, it happens at a time when you wouldn't have anticipated it in the worst of your dreams and it makes you fall for a person with whom you might not share anything in common, or at most there may be something common between both of you. People in this world follow the principle of Magnetic Induction, just like two opposite poles of a magnet due to induction start attracting each other. similarly at first you have a fight with a person having opposite thoughts and then you start liking that person. I and roshini were two entities with diametrically opposite thoughts. We sometimes used to debate on many political and social issues, and the debate ended without any concrete result and with one of the debaters abruptely putting down the call. I always wanted my partner to have three major lineaments - she should be intellectual, she should dress gratifyingly, yet should not run after fashion, and she should be progressive, yet shouldn't hesitate to lend a hand to her mother in the kitchen. Roshini didn't satisfy any of the criterion, except the first one, and she was a very stern and adament girl and at times it would become very difficult to change her mind even if you gave her concert justification. I Was five' and seven five" at full stretch and she was well short of around six inches to me. But the failure of roshini on all this touchstone didn't matter to me because i had started to like her, or rather she made me fall for her.

Next day after the recess, we were having the physics class. she entered the class ten minutes late. her glance fall on me and she blushed. by this time the entire class had a notion that surely something was cooking between us. I was sitting at the corner of the second last bench of the second column ,my friends sitting adjacent to me in the first column started teasing me and next to me was sitting the alleged current boyfriend of roshini, aakash. It's time that i should introduce him to you, although he doesn't play a major role in the story, but is indeed a personality to be worth mentioning. He was tall, good looking and roshini proclaims him to have a persona of rishi kapur. But if he resembles rishi kapur. then i certainly was not less than shahrukh khan, at least not in my estimation. He was a dude to conversate with,h e had a fine personality, a pious sole and baby looks on the face .but when it comes to accept him as my lover's boyfriend then certainly i couldn't swallow him below my epiclotis. But what he said next cleared the dark clouds of doubts hovering in my mind. He asked, or rather told me that, "don't you love roshini?" my breathe got struck and i suffocated as if it seems there was no air for me to breathe. I took out the water bottle from my bag and drank while thinking about his allegement. He asked me "are you fine?" I replied "ya! you see i had a girlfriend and she too had a boyfriend, and we both are not able to come out of this trauma yet". "Isn't she beautiful, and it is quite probable that she also likes you", he added.

After all this, at last i got some time to unstain my mind. After two days it was my cousin's sister's marriage and i had taken a leave from school. sorry,let me correct it, i had bunked the classes, produced a dubious medical certificate stating i was suffering from viral fever and needed a bed rest for at least a week. The schools don't permit you to have a vacation for more than three days on the cornerstone of your clan's marriage. Marriage party's are the most pertinent time when you can easily grab a pretty cheek. This is the time when the guys dress themselves in their best attires, trying to impress a girl standing nearby. this was avowedly for me too. But at that time i didn't know what had happened to me. when i was alone, the only thing i had in my mind was roshini. I dialed her number and said "hullo!" she replied "hullo! where are you? there is a loud noise coming from the background." i replied, "i am in a marriage party." she said "great! but what prompted you to call me at this late hour of the night, is everyting fine?" I replied "ya!ya!actually i was thinking about you, so i thought to give you a call, i hope i am not disturbing you." this seemed to be the most stingy line i had ever said to a girl, but believe me all those words were unceremonious. she replied "obviously not, ok enjoy the party and good night".

I was extensively outworn and was resting on the couch, at this instant it quite happens that the old memories of some beloved ones revisit your mind. I began thinking about jay. I had known jay for the past five years, but in the last three years we had been the closest buddies. All those moments we spent together revisited my mind. when we were in eleventh standard his chemistry paper was cancelled because of me. Precisely, not because of me but because of the NaCl structure. I always used to wonder how is it possible to portray a 3d structure into your 2d paper, the whole idea of 1 chloide ion surrounded by 8 sodium ions and 1 sodium ion surrounded by 8 chloride ions gives me a cephalalgia and that's why i gave my answer sheet to the imaginative head of our class, jay. but before he could complete his creativity he was caught by the invigilator. he saved me and guided the examiner with wrong information that he was instead copying from my sheet. Even in the school we spent most of the time outside the class teasing and passing comments on girls. He was also the school cricket team captain but ignoring the student outrage he always included me in the team. He has certainly done a lot for me, and i was deceiving him for a girl who is yet to do something for me. I know that even if i promulgate roshini to be my girlfriend, he will be tacit, but his silence will certainly kill me. No man can ever see his love with any other guy, especially if the guy is his best friend. I need to take a stand now. I thought about it the whole night and decided that it is virtuously correct that i should stop loving roshini.

The next day i woke up and realised that it's time to go to the school. At first, i went to the bathroom and saw my face in the mirror and said i have three pimples on the face, this seems to be so hideous. Pimples are said to be a sign of one's juvenility,b ut i wonder then why people feel so depressed after they develop such sign. In the school i tried to hide it from my friends as much as i could, trying to cover it by my hand or handkerchief. I went to the station from where i had to catch a train to my house. Suddenly from nowhere i saw Roshini coming towards me, she shouted my name and asked me to lend a hand to her, so that she could take a leap from the railway lines to the cemented platform. I gave my hand and pulled her up. "oh! my god, she had gained a lot of weight" i said to myself. The first thing that she noticed on my face was those hideous pimples and replied "you are quite grown up now, but these pimples certainly make you look more handsome". I was accompanied by three more friends and i wanted to skip the side along with them, but this would be discourteous on my part.

The train arrived at the platform with a high decibel noise causing the platform and the people standing on the platform to shatter. I guided rohini to the train, and finding a vacant seat asked her to sit, while i prefered standing nearby her. My other friends were deliberately standing on the other side of the compartment, thus not disturbing us to carry our romantic conversation. She started the conversation by asking about maya, and i replied that i am no longer in touch with her. "have you been able to forget her completely?" she asked. I said "it's quite hard to forget your first love. what about your boyfriend, do you still love him?" she replied, "i have totally forgotten him, and am looking forward to exploring my life". I wonder how easy it is for a girl to forgot everything and move on in life. This can primarily be the reason they proclaim themselves to be much more mature than man.

The train minified the speed and after a few minutes came to a halt. "oh!my destination has come, i have to leave" i said. she looked at me with anxiety and asked "can't you accompany me to the next station?". Her anxious looks got hold of my glance, she looked perfectly gorgeous with strands of hair falling on her shoulder, thus adding to her charm. It's so difficult to say no to such a charming girl, but i had to stand by the decision i took the last night. I replied "sorry! actually, today i had to be at my home early for some urgent work", i bid her farewell and before stepping out of the train, suddenly turned to have a look of her and saw that she was meditating about something, perhaps i knew what it was, but i don't want to give it a thought. One of my friends who was watching the entire scene from the other side of the compartment told me "she loves you, seriously she does." i replied "how can you be so sure?" he responded by saying, "her looks says it all". I said, "I think you should be a face-reader just like the palm readers sitting like hookers on the street", and laughed. He said "i don't know why you have been ignorning all those gestures of love from her for the past few months". I replied "do you know ankit, everyone wants to know each and every thing about their partner, but when you know some dark hidden secrets of your partner, life becomes a curse and you wish it had been a secret." He gazed at me with baffled look and replied "i can't understand what you are saying". i said "i also don't understand what the hell is happening in my life, but can i request you something? whenever you find me getting close to roshini, give me a slap, please i urge you". He replied "as you wish, it's your life". We caught the metro and grabbed a sit, and with the smooth ride of the train i was totally lost in some past memories.

It was around two months ago from now, when i and roshini were having colloquial on the phon. we were discussing about our likes, dislikes and future plans. She told me that she always likes to live her life on her own terms, do whatever she likes and enjoy it to the fullest. I interupted "what do you mean by enjoying life to the fullest?" she replied "like going to pubs having vodkas, and all that". Then i explicated her that there must be some discipline in one’s life, and going to pubs and consuming alcohols in no way can make you felicitous, progressive or modern. Whenever i used to accentuate her mistake, she would become all jittery and flip the topic. Now the center of our discussion was the past days she spent with her boyfriend, when i was all aghast to have the most shocking discovery of her life. She narrated me the total scenerio how she had deceived her parents to meet her boyfriend, when he had first came to kolkata, and how they spent the day knowing about each other. Listening to all this i must say that she is quite good at deceiving others, perhaps the best. She ended her conversation by saying "and you know that there are some secrets in one's life that one cannot share with anyone." her last sentence gave me a setback, i felt the train stopping with a jerk, and my eyes opened to see the digital board which flashed "The Station Is Esplanade!" I jumped to the door and before the magnetic door could close obstructed it with my bag and got out of the train.

In the following days many irrelevant instances occured, but i am not going to include it here, chiefly because when you are writing a story the details shouldn't deviate the minds of the reader from the central theme. After a few days, i entered the class and sat at the last bench in the boys column, probably because of two reasons, one to trammel my ears from monotonous Hindi lecture and secondly, to avoid the glance of roshini. Roshini usually sat at the first bench in the girls column with her friend shania, and i sitting at the farest distance from her, might forbid her anxious looks at me. Shania entered the class and started looking around, as if questing for me, she looked at me and smiled and at the same time tugged Roshini with her elbow. They both looked at me and smiled together but roshini's looks remained fixed at me for a few seconds, before i admonished her that the teacher is looking at her.

The next day the period we had was the computer lab. most of the time i came late in the class ,and easily got a seat as you know it's quite impossible to have all the students present simultanously. a minimum of five seats always remain vacant. but that day much to my disbelief there was no vacant seat and i asked the teacher for allocating me a seat. The only solution he could look for was sharing a seat with roshini. I begrudged the judgement, but he told me that it was a token of punishment awarded to me for coming late. I resented and said "it's not about sharing the seat, but it's about with whom you are......", and paused because roshini was sitting nearby. Roshini welcomed the judgement with an open heart as if it was her eternal desire. She asked me to grab a chair lying nearby and sit. From there i could see jay sitting in the row just ahead of us. He looked back at me and without any expression turned around, i knew the reason. The teacher has told us to write a C program. Roshini had already completed half the program and i asked her to compile the code. With the oldest and slowest RAM on our system it took a few minutes to compile. i looked at her and said "oh! my god 21 errors", probably each of the lines in the code has an error. I snatched the keyboard and corrected all the errors. Although i was not good at confronting girls, but quite good at programming. She told me "you are a genius, how did you correct all the errors". I replied "i don't have the time to explain it to you, let me complete the coding. after the class i want to go home and i am getting late". She protested and took the keyboard and i also did the same. "oouch!! be careful, you have just scratched my hands with your nails" she cried. It was a cut of a size of a mosquito bite but emphasized to be gigantic. these girls will always win over you by their tantrams. I touched her wound and said "i am extremely sorry, i didn't intend to do it", and rubbed it with my hands. at this moment i could feel her breathe in my ears. we were sitting at an inch distance. she wispered in my ears, "what are you doing, the entire class is watching us". again the same tantrams, girls are always unbelievable. i pushed her hand and said "i don't give a damn". saying this i took the keyboard and started concentrating on the code and within next ten minutes it was completed. I took my notebook and went out of the class.

The Next day we were having the english class. The favourite class of mine, as in this class the students get to speak their heart out and the teacher only listens to them most of the time. Some of the students were asked to share the most memorable moment of their life with the class, if they had any. Most of the students explained the moment when they first fell in love as the most memorable one. The entire class seemed to be bloosming with the fragrance of love and in the class roshini was sitting in the last row. but that day, the front row was empty. she occupied that seat and sat just adjacent to jay, but in a straight line to me, and during the entire class i looked at her from the end of my eyes socket and found that she was glancing at me only. Then the teacher gave a speech on the neccesity of ethical values in one's life. suddenly the teacher asked roshini whether she fathomed his speech completely or not?and she replied that she didn't understood the last part only. but i presume that she hadn't understood the entire speech, because she spent the entire class looking at me. After the class she asked me to escort her to her home. This time i was with jay discussing a project with him. jay asked me to leave if i wanted, but i protested and told roshini "i have some work left and i am having a discussion on it with jay, so i am extremely sorry". she was sad and replied "it's ok", and left.

After that i was on my way to home with ankit when he looked at my baffled face and asked "what is wrong with you?" i explained him the entire situation and said that i am confused whether to confess to roshini or not because i know that she has some flaws in her character, but i think i can mend her with my love. Ankit again asked me "do you think that is she worth going against your friend?" and i replied "i don't know, but i don't want to curse myself the whole life that i didn't confess to her otherwise she would have been with me".

From the following day we were having our durga puja holidays and after that we were having the exams. It was after we had finished our last exam which was the computer lab exam i had started writing this story, and i too had decided to confront roshini, finding an impeccable time.

On One of the days when the school reopened, i saw her in the corridor standing by supporting her body on the fence. by this time i had totally decided that i am going to accept her with all her flaws and will mend them with my love. that day she had come much before when the class commences and as on the next day we were going to have a cultural feast and i being the prefect had come much early that day too to make the necessary arrangements. I saw her standing with one part of her face shining when the sun beams fall on her. she was so fair that all the red vessels on her face became visible and enhanced her beauty. I stepped toward her and took her hands in mine. her hands were as delicate as a five year old baby, and it should be so as she was my baby. she looked in my eyes and asked, "what are you doing?" i ordered her to be silent by putting my index finger on her lips. her eyes became wider as she looked in my eyes and she blushed and thus the kajal she had put in her eyes became more prominent. i put a hand behind her wrist and tightened her in my arms. now i could feel the sweet aroma of her body and said "i will love you till the last breath of my life." and she replied "i will stand by you in your moments of happiness and distress and would never do anything against your wish". as she said this small tear drops rolled down her checks, and i rubbed her checks with my hand and kissed her forehead and embraced her in my arms without even noticing that we were standing in our school's corridor. Seriously love is so blind and senseless. I realised love for the right person at the right time but perhaps at the wrong place.

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