I LOVE HIM(Merah) I LOVE HIM

There is a girl who loves her best friend twice as much as herself. She always thought that it was just a simple-friendly love, that it was not for a romantic thing. But as the days passed, she realized that her feeling for him was more than a friend. When she was about to tell him, he was nowhere to be found. He left without saying a goodbye to a dear friend and it made her crazy thinking, where the hell did he go? She felt an unbearable pain inside her soul. She felt emptiness and loneliness while watching the shore where they used to play and emoted when encountering problems. She suddenly missed his beautiful and touching voice, but she could no longer feel his presence. He left her a thousand pains, a broken heart.

At that time, she used to skip lunches coz she'd only miss Aedren, and when she went home she remembered Aedren, smiling at her while waiting inside her house. she missed the times when Aedren slept in her house, like he used to when they were young...She missed it all, his teases, smile, immaturity yet sweetness...how could she move on? where did he go? and why did he leave?

10 years later, she's already 25 with a stable job and a loyal boyfriend...she's happy in her life and plans to marry her boyfriend when unexpectedly, out of nowhere, Aedren appeared. her heart goes wild and she doesn't know what to do, she wants t kiss and hug him and tell him straightly her true feelings, because she still loves him no matter how many years had passed, but her pride and aching heart wants to confront him and let him suffer.

10 pm when she gets home together with her boyfriend, she's shocked to see Aedren waiting in her house talking with her mom. there she saw his smile again. But memories are rushing through her, she's angry seeing Aedren in a happy situation, still smiling, as if all is normal. When Aedren saw her, he smiled as if he really missed her and called her "Aya"! with a happy voice. but she's not able to smile back. she doesn't know how to react. Should she smile back? or should she tell him face to face that she hates him so bad and how she wishes she'll never see him again. when Aedren was about to walk towards her and was about to hug her, he saw the guy, holding Aya's hand...again she heard him call her again with a low, shocked and sad voice..."Aya." She can't say anything and became mute. she just wants to stare at Aedren's face, especially his eyes...those sparkling cute eyes, which lies can't hide. And what is this this that she saw?...Sadness?...and tears? or probably she's just imagining things that don't and won't exist?

Aya's eyes become red. she can't allow herself to cry in front of her mom and boyfriend...not in Aedren's front...she's strong...strong enough to let go...And she heard Aedren say, "Ahm...A-aya...who i-is he?" with a cracking voice, but she doesn't care how he'll react if he finds out about her husband-to-be. who is he in her life anyway? he is a useless alien jerk...a heartless fool.

Her mother interrupted an said "He is Symon, Aya's boyfriend, and we wlll be happy to invite you in their wedding next month, I'm sure Aya is glad too, in inviting her one and only best friend at her most memorable moment, right, Aya?" her mother smiled at her. she just give Aedren and her mom a pretentious smile... "Well, I guess she's really happy, I can see it beyond her eyes. Symon, I'm Aedren, Aya's long-time friend. Congrats, you've got her choosy taste. I guess you are a real- kind man, you deserve to be with her. actually, she's a real crying baby always... and I'm hoping you'll take care and love her the way - I do..."
...Aedren smiled while saying those words. he's always been like that, smile is his medicine...Is he really happy to see me with another man? how could he say those words...he took care of me? for 10 years he tossed me aside...he did not remember to call or inform me. I'm just a useless-worthless person that he met. I'm not even in the lists of persons important to his life. I've got to avoid him. I've finally decided to let him go and go on with the life that i chose. these are questions and thoughts in her mind. "Gotta go hon, mom, Aedren, it's already past 11 pm and i still have work tomorrow" says her boyfriend. She kissed Symon on the cheek and said goodnight. she saw Aedren's eyes turning away...she doesn't understand his gestures...and her heart keeps on beating, faster and faster, especially when her mom went to the master's bedroom and all that's left is Aedren and her. she ignore his presence and decides to walk towards her room, stepping her trembling feet on the stairs when she hears him call her name... "Aya...wait..I'm s-sorry..." she just nods her head and climbs the stairs. she does not bother to see Aedren's facial expression and walks directly to her room...there, she let those tears come out without hesitation. 'All this time all he can say is sorry...how could he not know what i feel? he is really a bastard...what he thinks about is himself! starting tomorrow, I promise to forget and ignore him...that's the least I can do...for myself.' she finally falls asleep while still crying.

She woke up w/a heavy head, thinking that seeing Aedren was just a dream, but eye bags can't hide the truth. she got them from crying. that person is not worth her attention, or could never be the reason for her to be miserable like the old days. she finally made-up herself and went to the dining room and sees her mom and the maid busy preparing and serving the dishes on the table..."Good Morning mom, why are you cooking several dishes mom? is there any guest? and what is this?...fruit jam?" something's coming out from her memories...she used to eat fruit jam, it's always been her favorite, often Aedren made a home-made jam for her and she liked it, she felt special...but now everything has changed...she's not the childish Aya he used to know, that he
can joke with, and be caught in his crazy tricks and lies....She started eating her breakfast while her mom was in the living room, chatting w/a friend on the phone. Once in a while, she glances at the jam...she wants to taste it. at last, she can no longer resist her craving for it. she opens and tastes it, then she made a jam sandwich...the taste was so familiar...she's enjoying tasting it when suddenly a voice is echoing all over the house... "has the taste changed? is it still that good?" She's caught in the act...does it mean that the jam she's now eating comes from Aedren? She hates this thing happening to her. What is Aedren trying to do? She immediately stands up and tries to avoid him, but he's already got her hand...she feels his warm and gentle hand and she stares at Aedren's smiling face. she can't stop looking at him and feels like there's a thousand words behind those eyes... "Aya...please...don't turn your back at me...you can't turn your back at me..." upon hearing those words, she feels weak. he's really good in making words, in making promises. she didn't realize that she's now being embraced by Aedren, she heard the throb of Aedren's heart. Has Ardren's heart changed?...she wants to know what's in his heart, still hoping there is a part of her in his heart...that's all she has, 'hopes'...crazy hopes... She must end her feelings for Aedren here. she doesn’t want to hope again and doesn’t want to hurt her boyfriend. she won’t let Symon be hurt and be miserable like her. She’s the only one who knows her feeings for Aedren, her mom doen’t even know a thing. could it be that she’s afraid that Aedren will soon find out her feelings towards him? Afraid to be a second time fool again? No, she’s just doing the right thing, she can’t let herself cry again, she’s now strong...even strong to let go of the most precious thing in her life, more precious than the stars....

As soon as she realized and weighed things, she forcefully pushed Aedren away and made an angry face. she sees his smile become dry. when she’s about to leave him again, she hears his hard voice saying “I have told you twice that you can’t turn your back at me!" as she hears those words, she feels like all her nerves and blood are coming to her brain. what is his right to command her? She wants to shout at Aedren’s face and tell him to leave, but she does not have the chance to open her mouth because Aedren lifts her unto his shoulders. "let me go! You bastard!“ but it seems like he is deaf and forces her to get in his car. he locks the passenger’s seat and joins Aya, while Aya get’s wild. she begins shouting. “Aya!“ says Aedren’s calm voice, but she suddenly slaps his face. the sound of what she's done to Aedren contributes to the silence between them. she suddenly trembles, afraid of what Aedren is going to do. she can't breathe the moment she sees Aedren's serious - no emotion face, and then she heard the engine start to break the silence, and Aedren drives the car with a maximum speed and no specific direction. 'What's in his idiot mind right now? where is he planning to take me?! God, I'm leaning on you, please do save me from this abnormal man! she closes her eyes and prays while her body can't stop shaking. she hears her phone ring...she looks at Aedren, he doesn't bother to turn his head. she checks the phone inside her pant's pocket. it's Symon calling...she rejects the call and texts him, 'I'm still in the house. I'm sorry, I can't go to work because I'm not feeling well, but don't worry, we will have our dinner tomorrow..love you.' this is what she texted to her boyfriend.

2 hours have passed and she feels sleepy and a few minutes later she finally falls asleep...She's walking in the aisle, she sees the flowers, the people, and the man, waiting from a distance, with a bright smile. It's definitely Symon, but as she gets nearer and nearer, she clearly sees the figure and face of the man..."Aedren?! what are you doing here? why are you in the position of Symon? where is he? she asks him harshly, and then he smiles again and says, "You know what Aya? you can now stop pretending, because I know, and you know, that you have loved me ever since childhood and that you can't live without me...and you are asking where Symon is? I am the one who is in charge to take care of you for our whole lives, so come here and stop ignoring me." Then he pulls her and kisses her so softly, as if he patiently waited years to have this moment. then tears roll down from her cheeks and she says, "You're a jerk...why are you doing this to me? is this another word you'll only break? this is too much, if you're trying to play with me again and again...I quit! you deserve to be on your own world...and me...with Symon." then tears continued rushing from her face.

..Aedren turns his head to face Aya.."Oh! damn! she's fallen asleep." he had the chance to look and stare at her face...the face he has been longing to see again. she's still cute like before...and now even prettier with a white complexion...and lovable figure...who can ignore her? Even he was mesmerized by her beauty the first time he saw her again after all those years... "Oh, God knows how much I've missed this girl, how much I have thought of her every day of my life and how much I regret leaving her behind. If only heaven will let me go back to the past...I will give her the lifetime security and love that I want to show her. she doesn't know how much it hurts seeing her with another man, she doesn't know how much I tried to smile just to hide my true feelings. I want the world to know that she's mine and no one can take her away from me. I don't know how tell her where I went 10 years ago and that I did not intend to hurt her...I was just doing what was the best for both of us. If only she knew...that I have been dying to see her. I want to hold her tight and I wish that I will finally have her...especially now that the time is running out...will she still accept me if I confess to her? but I am afraid of the consequences. what is she rejects me? I know by now that there is already someone in her heart and I just belong to her past and I am unworthy of her love. I'm not sure if there is a single place for me in her heart right now. I can feel that she hates seeing me and we can't go back to where we started....why is it so hard to say, I LOVE YOU, AYA, more than anyone else in this world. If only you'll be mine...If only you give me a chance.

And now, he's free in exploring Aya's face...when suddenly she murmurs something, probably she's dreaming...he hears her shouting and asking him in a harsh manner, as if she's not happy to see him. then, she cries like a baby. He feels like arrows captured his heart, he doesn't want to accept what she's now saying..."You're a jerk...why are you doing this to me? is this another word you'll only break? If you're trying to play with me again and again...I quit! you deserve to be on your world...and me...with Symon..." Then unstoppable tears are now covering her face...is she so affected by his presence? the truth hurts...there's nothing left to him...even though she's just sleeping, he knows that the words she said are what is inside her heart. he wants to cry and now, is actually crying...then he looks at heaven...It is heavy like what he feels now...then rain drops... "Heaven...just take me back...I don't want Aya to suffer, I want her to be happy where she is now...I wish her the best... I was wrong in coming back to her world...I was wrong wrong in hoping that I can change everything. I just made a mess...And I just...made her cry...so please, take me back." then he looked at Aya...then embraced her tightly...then kissed her on the check and said, "I love you...I will always will. Please be happy now...I am letting you go...goodbye..."

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