Snow Tears(James Calton) SNOW TEARS

The illumination from the clock seemed to light up the entire room. The display read “eleven thirty two”. Emily couldn’t sleep; she hadn’t been able to sleep since it happened.

Emily had been on her own for almost a year. March 23rd was the date her world hit rock bottom or so she thought at the time. “The only consolation I can give you is that he wouldn’t have suffered, death was instant” the police liaison officer had said. Her husband died after a shop fascia collapsed crushing him instantly. Ironically it was this incident that caused her to find out she was pregnant. When the policewoman told her the news, she fainted, hitting her head on the way down. It was later in hospital, after the results of a scan, that the doctors told her news that should have been the start of a fantastic new life with her husband. It was in that split second she was so overjoyed at that she almost forgot that her husband wasn’t there. Then with a realization so sudden it felt like a slap in the face it dawned on her, she was alone.

The baby had been seven weeks premature, but was born with no complications, it just looked as though he wanted to come out early, and after an initial stay in the ICU everything looked fantastic. Then three weeks ago, something happened that Emily couldn’t understand. She woke up one morning in her hospital bed; she had a smile on her face for the first time since her husband had died. Turning over to look at her son she was shocked to see he wasn’t there. Getting off her bed she staggered through the ward trying to find him. The longer she looked the more the panic set in. She saw two nurses walking towards her and the fact that one of them was close to tears she knew something was wrong. Her head was swimming, her legs turned to lead and she hit the floor.

Emily lay face down on her bed, desperately trying to block out the light from the clock. She wanted to sleep, she needed to sleep. The physical exhaustion that had overwhelmed her since she lost her precious boy had been immense. Every time she cried it felt like the earth was sapping every ounce of energy she had left, she couldn’t go on much longer. After an hour of desperately fighting the anguish of insomnia she gave up. Rising out of her bed she slowly dressed, since she lost her husband she didn’t bother with night clothes any more, she just took her clothes off and left them where they lay. “Auto pilot” her father had said, “the girl is on auto pilot”. She was, Emily remembered this one thing, it was the only thing that pierced the cocoon she had wrapped her self in. She was in that same conscious state as she picked up her car keys and headed for the front door. Attempting to make as little noise as possible she closed and locked the front door. She felt a small smile appear across her face as she saw the scene that beheld her. The world had turned white, there was a layer of snow at least six inches thick and it covered everything. Emily stood for a moment, spellbound by the way the entire world seemed to have frozen into a silent wasteland.

She didn’t deliberately head for the cemetery; she had almost zoned out, and found with slight surprise that her subconscious or possibly her car had driven her to the end of a gravel lane that would lead her to where her family had been laid to rest. As she pulled the car in to the lane she felt a memory of her childhood try and claw its way through the sadness and tragedy that had enveloped her subconscious. The idea of being the first one to leave an impression in freshly laid snow. She glanced in her rear view mirror feeling mildly satisfied with the deep crunch of the tires as she carefully made her way down.

It was a small church she and her husband had found quite by accident. After they were married they would often get in the car on a weekend and just drive. When they came to a road they didn’t know, they would investigate and see where it led. That is exactly what happened with this one. Emily was thinking about how the both of them fell in love with it the second the car pulled up. The church itself couldn’t be more than twenty feet long, with a stain glass window at one end that covered the entire back wall. The bell tower overlooked the lane where Emily had parked and to her reckoning it was as tall as the church was long. The graveyard was hidden round the back of the main building.

There were eighteen graves in total. They were scattered all over the place, almost as though someone had taken the grave stones and dropped them from a great height, then having people buried where they landed. Emily Stepped out of the car, but as her foot hit the fresh canvas of snow she stopped. Staring at her foot she started to cry. The soft crunch of the snow brought back an avalanche of memories that overwhelmed her. After thirty seconds she gained at least part control. Steadying herself she locked the car. With a thousand memories attacking her from every direction she almost floated absently towards the graveside.

The spot she picked for her husband was in the far corner nestled under a small pear tree. As if coming out of a trance Emily realized she was standing at the side of the grave. Without thinking she reached out a hand and brushed clear the face of the cold marble revealing the two names hidden underneath. As the snow fell from the stone it covered the roses at its base. Emily picked them up in wonder; they glistened in the moonlight, the frost and snow glazing giving them a morbidly delicate glacial appearance.

After placing them carefully back at the foot of the gravestone she knelt in the snow barely registering the cold. She stayed there for a while wondering, thinking of everything and nothing. She had never felt so calm in her entire life. Just as she started to think she could lay there with them and sleep forever, she felt a warm hand brush her shoulder. Nervously she started to turn to face her new companion, worried as to who it was.

Turning, so slowly that the world seemed to keep pace, she gazed upon the ethereal face of a ghostly figure, but far from being scared she had the most strangely comforting feeling growing inside her. Almost hovering in front of her was the outline of a man. She felt his presence the second her eyes hit him, it was strong but frail, he seemed solid yet transparent. There appeared to be warm glowing aura that emanated from him, it was so strong it lit the entire graveyard with light reflecting through the icicles that had formed on the pear tree causing it to fracture in to a thousand smaller shafts. The graveyard had completely transformed, it now took on a magical facade, hiding the death and pain that lay below.

The figure placed one hand on his knee and handed the other to Emily. Without hesitating, she took it. Gliding to her feet she was led by the hand into the dark, feeling perfectly at ease knowing things would be OK. As they crossed the frozen grass she turned her head and took one last longing look back. There, lying perfectly still along the side of the grave, she saw the shape of a woman. She turned back to her new companion with a question in her tear stained eyes, but the heavenly smile on his face filled her with confidence and the realization of what was happening. A gentle smile stretched across her lips, calm and fearless they carried on through the dark. She watched a tear tremble from her cheek and serenely drift towards the ground as a snowflake. She followed it all the way down until it gently perched itself on her eyelash, she thought with a smile “doesn’t she look happy”.

---