The Things Cancer Can Not Do(Gabrielle) The Things Cancer Cannot Do
By Gabby


January 1

Another day listening to my parents argue. Will they ever get over it? It feels as if, since I got diagnosed with my Leukemia, they have started fighting nonstop. I don’t want them to fight anymore. Maybe if I was dead and this devious cancer killed me then they would stop fighting and go back to living their old life where they were happy with my brother. Will they miss me?

January 3

So today I started my chemo. Oh how it hurts. To make matters worse I have to come home and listen to them fight. Today my brother Tony said that it is my fault that our family is falling apart. I told him I knew and I was just hoping that this cancer would kill me soon. Little did we know mom was listening from outside the door and Tony got in major trouble! I really feel bad for him. I don’t know what else to do, I mean, I hate it that I’m the reason my family is falling apart. I bet Tony won’t miss me getting him in trouble when I’m gone.

January 5

Okay so I’m not feeling well at all today, these treatments are making me sick to my stomach. So today I found out that I am going to have to stay in the hospital for about a month. Don’t worry, I will write to you every day. Tony is making fun of me lately because I write in this journal but I really don’t care. I mean, I have no one else to talk to. So I write me feelings inside here so that my head won’t explode.

Well, I can’t seem to keep my food down anymore. It’s getting worse. I think I will go to bed. Will there be sleep in heaven?

January 7

Today I checked into Cancer Treatments for Kids Center. Mom cried before she left and dad just kissed my forehead and said “be strong son”. My brother didn’t want to come. He said he had more important things to do. Will he ever love me? What is it going to take for him to see that I love him so much and wish I wasn’t sick. Well it’s time for my treatment. Dr. More is here. I wonder if it will hurt.

January 9

Dr. More says I can go home in about a month. It’s a long time, but mom comes to visit me every day. I don’t think dad loves me anymore because he hasn’t even come to see me. Sometimes I don’t want mom to be here because I feel like I’m taking away from her time with Tony I don’t want to see her watch me suffer. I know mom loves me and she wants all this to go away but it’s not that easy. I will just stay strong and ask God for strength. I hope my treatments will be over soon!!


January 24

So this morning I woke up and mom was here again… she was happy and that’s just not normal ever since, you know, this happened. So I asked what was up. Well, you wouldn’t believe it, the cancer is gone!!! I must rest a lot though because I could get a relapse at any time. When I got home today Anna was here. She said she has missed me since I’ve been gone. I missed her too. After all, she is my best friend and always will be. She brought me a present, it’s SO cool. Well I’m exhausted and it’s time for bed, good night.

February 1

So I’ve been feeling good lately. I have even returned to school. Today when I got home Coach Chris called, he said that we have a basketball game this Saturday and he was wondering if I wanted to play. It took a lot of convincing but mom finally agreed. I am so excited, only 4 more days. Well I have a lot of homework. Wow, can’t wait till the big game, I sure miss basketball!!!!

February 7

So I’m back in the hospital, the game was awesome, but I guess I did too much. I won the game for the team, but as I was running off to mom and dad I just suddenly fell to the ground. When I woke up I was back here. The Doctors are doing tests to see what is wrong with me. I am really scared though. Mom is crying and I don’t know what to do or say to calm her down. Dad and Tony are even here. Tony says he is worried. I never thought I would hear him say that. Something really bad must be wrong for Tony to be worried, he’s one of the strongest guys I know.

February 10

So the test results came back today. I have had a relapse. Mom is going crazy and she says that she knew it was a bad idea for me to play in the basketball game. I know everything will be ok though, they are letting me go home today. Tony is here with me I asked him why he hated me so much. He replied by saying “Tommy, I don’t hate you I just hate the fact you're sick, and I hate that it’s you and not me and I don’t want to see you sick anymore. Please don’t ever think I hate you”. So this made me feel so much better. Well it’s been a long day and I’m going to bed. I really do miss Anna. I hope to see her soon.

February 15

I am really not feeling good today. I think I’m dying! I’ve never felt like this before and I’m not sure if I should feel scared. Well at least I’ll be with grandma. She would know what to tell me during this hard time. Today Tony was crying. He says he hates seeing me like this and misses when we used to hang out I miss those times too. Anna came by today too. She got me into that Make A Wish thing for kids with cancer. It’s some kind of program for kids with terminal illnesses. Sounds so grown up - terminal illness. Guess that means I’m dying! I get to ask one family member to go with me to Florida for 3 days to the Make a Wish Convention. I think I’ll take Tony, after all he is my brother.

February 20

So Florida was fun!! Tony and I had a blast. We ate nothing but sweets and for a long moment there I felt as if I wasn’t sick anymore and that I had my old brother back. He wrote me this when we were there:

The day I found out that you were sick
Is definitely something I’d never pick
It made me feel sad and hurt too
But that's nothing compared to what you’re going through
I know that you're strong and can get through this
But I do and will forever miss
Seeing you at home everyday
And watching you ride your bike and play
You’re still young at only thirteen
Why has this happened, it’s not in our gene
But I know in time you will recover
And do all that stuff cuz you're my brother
I love you so much
And it hurts to touch
Because I know you’re in pain
And that it drives you insane
These memories are treasured deep in my heart
And nothing and no one can pull us apart
The things you do to make me laugh
Like listening to you play in the bath
The splashing of water and talking to your toys
Is definitely something that never annoys
Like the times when we’re watching T.V
Something funny happens and you look straight at me
I know that sometimes you find it hurts to laugh
But what you can do now is just enough
To make me feel happy and special inside
instead of being snappy and trying to hide
Whenever you need my help I’m there
And I hope you know I truly care
So keep it up, you're doing great
And although you're my brother, You're also a good mate!!

All the happiness ended when we got back home to find dad’s things moved out of the house. It broke my heart and even though Tony wasn’t showing it I know he was sad too. I really am going to miss dad. What I will do without him I don’t know. Well at least I still have mom. Will he come back if I die?


March 1

Today I realized I am not afraid to die. Mom has been going through some rough times and I hope that when I’m gone it will get better. I hope that Tony will take care of mom. Today is the worst day of my life but it's ok because I know that when my time is here I will be ready. Today I wrote a note to Anna in case you know the worst happens it read:

Dear Anna,

You know I really enjoyed having you as my best friend. I don’t think I could have made it without you. You truly are sent from above. Anna, I don’t think I could ever thank you enough for making Tony realize what’s happening to me. When I’m gone I want you to always be a good girl and not be afraid to do anything. Move on if you have to find a new best friend, but always remember I will be watching over you.

Love Tommy


March 4

Tommy is not able to write in his journal today. Instead he is watching me from up above. He is on an angels wings and enjoying every minute of it. Last night Tommy was really sick. Dad came home and we all gathered around Tommy’s bed. Tommy never took that smile off of his face, and he said that he wasn’t afraid to die. He told me that his time had come. I could feel the tears rolling down my cheek. He said, "please don’t cry, everything will be ok". I don’t think that I have met someone as strong as Tommy. My little brother will always be in my heart and I will never forget what he whispered in my ear minutes before he died.
Tommy said;
It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot corrode faith
It cannot destroy peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot suppress memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot steal eternal life
It cannot conquer the spirit
Those are the things cancer cannot do.
I love you

Written by: Tony O

What is there left to say to someone who's lost a brother and a best friend, when all the comforting phrases have been said? Because he was my best friend, the one I could turn to when no one would understand. The one who would fight in my corner regardless of whether I was right or wrong.

So who do I confide in now that he’s gone forever, and taken with him the hugs and the promises that everything will be okay, and the voice that I will never hear again. What is left to salvage now? I've no chance of seeing him one last time, memories will not bring him back. I can only take comfort in the fact that wherever Tommy is he will always be with me.
For he will always be listening and watching over me.

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