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- Story Listed as: Fiction For Adults
- Theme: Horror
- Subject: Horror / Scary
- Published: 01/17/2020
The Tea Lady
Born 1964, F, from Gordon, ACT, AustraliaMrs Petty had always been just Mrs Petty to everyone. It was doubtful there was anyone left who even knew her first name, but they all agreed that she was the salt of the earth. Mandatory retirement at age sixty-five didn’t slow her down one bit; if anything, she was busier than ever!
She volunteered three days a week at the local Lend-A-Hand, sorting donations for sale. And so what if the occasional trinket didn’t quite make it to the shelves? Surely the Good Lord would agree she deserved a little something for her time!
The other two days of the week, she ran her own business as a tea lady for the very firm she was retired from. When she left, the small firm presented her with a lovely card, and a $450 gift voucher for the local shopping mall. Mrs Petty figured that to be a lousy ten dollar donation per cheapskate. After twenty years service! And she knew for a fact that all of them spent more than five times that amount during their two hour lunches.
But Mrs Petty showed them a thing or two about business. She took that money, bought two tea urns, some lovely crockery, and all the kitchen supplies she needed. She now did the rounds of the office building with her tea cart, charging five dollars for a hot beverage and a homemade biscuit or muffin. A nice little tax-free earner to supplement her pathetic pension.
The sun was just coming up as Mrs Petty took the last tray of biscuits from the oven. Chocolate chip, today.
Earlier, she had pulled the wings, head, and legs from a dead blowfly, dipped it in some melted chocolate and put it in the fridge to set. She now took it out and carefully inserted it into one of the biscuits before it hardened. Perfect.
Mrs Petty grinned happily, and wondered who would draw the biscuit lottery today. Oh she did so hope it was that snooty Amanda Wood from HR! Thought she was better than everyone else, she did. Even if she didn’t know she was eating a chocolate blowfly, Mrs Petty would know, and it would make her happy to her core to put a little power back into her own hands.
Several hours later, Mrs Petty wheeled her trolley into the office building, filled her urns with boiling water, and set out on her deliveries.
To her disappointment, and despite subtle biscuit manoeuvring, Amanda didn’t get the “special” biscuit. That greedy Andrew Fowler from Finance swooped in and grabbed TWO biscuits! Mrs Petty charged him an extra fifty cents, and took some pleasure that his greed scored him some nasty protein.
Never mind, she had another, even better idea for Ms Snootypants!
The night before her next stint as tea lady, she carefully unpicked an Earl Grey tea bag, and added some ground up dried Oleander leaf. She figured about quarter of a leaf would be enough to make life unpleasant without actually killing the bitch.
She ground up a long dead cockroach husk and added it to the biscuit mix before popping it in the oven.
The next day, she was gratified to see Amanda take her usual Earl Grey with some cockroach biscuit.
Amanda wasn’t at work during her next round. Apparently she had come down with a tummy bug.
Mrs Petty tut-tutted and expressed her hope that Amanda would be feeling better soon.
And now for my next trick, thought Mrs Petty as she ground up two of her late husband’s Viagra pills and added them to one of the cookie doughs. Heh heh, someone’s in for a very uncomfortable afternoon!
To her absolute delight, that greedy fat Andrew Fowler got the doctored biscuit!
She smiled at the group. “Have a lovely rest of the day!” she carolled as she wheeled her trolley away.
Mrs Petty hated to repeat herself, she prided herself on her originality. But she couldn’t think of a thing to do different, so she included a fly husk in her sultana chocolate chip biscuits.
The floor was very subdued as she made her rounds.
Ian McKenna himself, the big boss, took her aside.
“Mrs Petty”, he intoned in his big boss voice. “I am very sorry to inform you that Mr Fowler died on Tuesday.”
Mrs Petty sat with a thud on the visitor’s chair.
“He died?” she whispered. “What happened?”
Ian sat in his big boss chair. “He had a massive heart attack on Tuesday. He was dead by the time he reached the hospital.”
Mrs Petty felt a warm shock flow through her body. She did this. She had killed someone. She was God!
The power shot through her body, bringing tears to her eyes. She felt faint, somebody told her to lean over, and she felt a cool damp cloth being applied to her neck.
She heard murmurs from the staff. “The poor thing, such a shock,” as she tried to control her exhilaration.
She idly wondered how hard it would be to manufacture Legionnaires' disease from potting mix.
The Tea Lady(Hazel Dow)
Mrs Petty had always been just Mrs Petty to everyone. It was doubtful there was anyone left who even knew her first name, but they all agreed that she was the salt of the earth. Mandatory retirement at age sixty-five didn’t slow her down one bit; if anything, she was busier than ever!
She volunteered three days a week at the local Lend-A-Hand, sorting donations for sale. And so what if the occasional trinket didn’t quite make it to the shelves? Surely the Good Lord would agree she deserved a little something for her time!
The other two days of the week, she ran her own business as a tea lady for the very firm she was retired from. When she left, the small firm presented her with a lovely card, and a $450 gift voucher for the local shopping mall. Mrs Petty figured that to be a lousy ten dollar donation per cheapskate. After twenty years service! And she knew for a fact that all of them spent more than five times that amount during their two hour lunches.
But Mrs Petty showed them a thing or two about business. She took that money, bought two tea urns, some lovely crockery, and all the kitchen supplies she needed. She now did the rounds of the office building with her tea cart, charging five dollars for a hot beverage and a homemade biscuit or muffin. A nice little tax-free earner to supplement her pathetic pension.
The sun was just coming up as Mrs Petty took the last tray of biscuits from the oven. Chocolate chip, today.
Earlier, she had pulled the wings, head, and legs from a dead blowfly, dipped it in some melted chocolate and put it in the fridge to set. She now took it out and carefully inserted it into one of the biscuits before it hardened. Perfect.
Mrs Petty grinned happily, and wondered who would draw the biscuit lottery today. Oh she did so hope it was that snooty Amanda Wood from HR! Thought she was better than everyone else, she did. Even if she didn’t know she was eating a chocolate blowfly, Mrs Petty would know, and it would make her happy to her core to put a little power back into her own hands.
Several hours later, Mrs Petty wheeled her trolley into the office building, filled her urns with boiling water, and set out on her deliveries.
To her disappointment, and despite subtle biscuit manoeuvring, Amanda didn’t get the “special” biscuit. That greedy Andrew Fowler from Finance swooped in and grabbed TWO biscuits! Mrs Petty charged him an extra fifty cents, and took some pleasure that his greed scored him some nasty protein.
Never mind, she had another, even better idea for Ms Snootypants!
The night before her next stint as tea lady, she carefully unpicked an Earl Grey tea bag, and added some ground up dried Oleander leaf. She figured about quarter of a leaf would be enough to make life unpleasant without actually killing the bitch.
She ground up a long dead cockroach husk and added it to the biscuit mix before popping it in the oven.
The next day, she was gratified to see Amanda take her usual Earl Grey with some cockroach biscuit.
Amanda wasn’t at work during her next round. Apparently she had come down with a tummy bug.
Mrs Petty tut-tutted and expressed her hope that Amanda would be feeling better soon.
And now for my next trick, thought Mrs Petty as she ground up two of her late husband’s Viagra pills and added them to one of the cookie doughs. Heh heh, someone’s in for a very uncomfortable afternoon!
To her absolute delight, that greedy fat Andrew Fowler got the doctored biscuit!
She smiled at the group. “Have a lovely rest of the day!” she carolled as she wheeled her trolley away.
Mrs Petty hated to repeat herself, she prided herself on her originality. But she couldn’t think of a thing to do different, so she included a fly husk in her sultana chocolate chip biscuits.
The floor was very subdued as she made her rounds.
Ian McKenna himself, the big boss, took her aside.
“Mrs Petty”, he intoned in his big boss voice. “I am very sorry to inform you that Mr Fowler died on Tuesday.”
Mrs Petty sat with a thud on the visitor’s chair.
“He died?” she whispered. “What happened?”
Ian sat in his big boss chair. “He had a massive heart attack on Tuesday. He was dead by the time he reached the hospital.”
Mrs Petty felt a warm shock flow through her body. She did this. She had killed someone. She was God!
The power shot through her body, bringing tears to her eyes. She felt faint, somebody told her to lean over, and she felt a cool damp cloth being applied to her neck.
She heard murmurs from the staff. “The poor thing, such a shock,” as she tried to control her exhilaration.
She idly wondered how hard it would be to manufacture Legionnaires' disease from potting mix.
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Help Us Understand What's Happening
Shelly Garrod
11/23/2022Your ingenuity is amazing. This was a fantastic funny yet eerie story. I loved it.
Blessings Shelly
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Hazel Dow
12/22/2020Thanks :-) There were a few more things Mrs Petty could have done to her biscuits, but I didn't think of them until after the story was posted. Rats.
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Kevin Hughes
03/21/2020Doggone it Hazel,
I WAS a tea drinker. But I do have to thank you for one thing- and that is a glimpse into the mindset of petty people - just one click away from madness. In my Graduate classes, I took one (that I did not finish) about how the mind of a mass murder works. It was loosely based on the book: "The Mind Hunter". Much of that psychology has been debunked by now...but your story gave a clear example of that switch being thrown.
When I was in the Army, I learned that the EOD (Explosive Ordinance Specialists) had to be warned of getting a "God complex" by figuring if they could disarm a bomb, they were God. I didn't get it...now, because of Tea and Biscuits...I do.
No more Earl Gray. Just PG Tips (when I can get them...In the USA they are expensive) and English Breakfast Tea. No biscuits please.
Great Job,
Smiles, Kevin
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Hazel Dow
12/22/2020Thanks Kevin :-) I'll hopefully come up with a few more things to spoil for you over the Christmas/New Year break
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Jane Lockyer Willis
03/18/2020A fantastic tale. A mix of humour and horror. So well written. Thank you. Jane
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
Hazel Dow
03/18/2020We used to have a tea lady do the rounds at my old work. Dodgy old thing, I based our Ms Petty on her lol.
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Help Us Understand What's Happening
JD
03/15/2020Happy Short Story STAR of the Week, Hazel! Thank you again for all the outstandingly creepy tales you've shared on Storystar! :-)
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
JD
03/19/2020I think we'll all look forward to your life being less crazy, Hazel. May you and yours be safe and Well.
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Hazel Dow
03/16/2020Thanks Jd! I hope to be penning more stories soon when my life's a little less crazy :-D
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Jason James Parker
01/18/2020This story is a lot of fun. A very satisfying tale of revenge and wicked cunning. I really love how your mind works, Hazel Dow.
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Kevin Hughes
03/21/2020I am afraid the two of you will meet up someday...and Stephen King will be the host. Sheesh.
Smiles, KEvin
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Hazel Dow
01/19/2020Haha thanks. There was some other stuff she was going to do with biscuits, but I thought it may have been a little TOO gross!
Help Us Understand What's Happening
Doug McCutcheon
01/18/2020As usual, you continue to come up with new, original ideas. Thanks for a great story!
ReplyHelp Us Understand What's Happening
Help Us Understand What's Happening
JD
01/17/2020Oh dear!
My my what a nasty conniving petty little thing she truly is.
Can't help but wonder how many others harbor similar revenge fantasies for their corporate associates! Perhaps they'll get some vicariously cathartic satisfaction from your story, Hazel! Well done! :-)
COMMENTS (13)